Some believe that living in a city is better than living in a rural area. Do you agree or disagree?
Some believe that living in a city is better than living in a rural area. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, migrating to downtowns has emerged as a phenomenon, especially during the period of industrial development when agriculture, which was originally the main occupation of the population in rural areas, gradually changed the model from labor to using more machines. Moreover, many people believe firmly that living in downtown is a good chance to improve their life. I find myself in complete agreement with them and to support my view, several reasons regarded to quality of facilities in cites and opportunities in job seeking are outlined in this essay.
I believe the most important reason is that the quality of institutions in the city are probably better than that of countryside, because cites are often keys to the development of countries, so governments or private enterprises can allocate more financial resources to develop the infrastructures here. In fact that, citizens who live in downtown have higher chance to access and use higher-grade of facilities or public and private services like school, hospital, or transportation. For example, schools in the center areas could ensure instruments like computers, projectors or specialize devices used in laboratories and that can help learners experience technology early, gain more knowledge and understand its nature better, especially in term of chemistry or science lessons. As a result, the average knowledge base of the young generation in city may be higher and more assured in quality in comparison that in countryside.
Another point worth noting is opportunities in job seeking, many headquarter of private companies or central-level agencies are likely located in the city and if citizens have enough capacity to apply jobs in there, incomes or career advancement maybe ensured and have more chance to develop in the future. Meanwhile, the main jobs in rural areas are often factory workers or farmers, although this job does not require many input conditions, but the income is often calculated based on the number of hours worked or the number of products, so that look like temporary and may not be stable in the long run. Beside that, agricultural sector also depends greatly on weather conditions, if there is a drought or flood, farmers will likely lose a lot of productivity or even lose revenue.
To sum up, considering all arguments which relate to living in the city, I have finally arrived at the conclusion that this is a better choice because of quality of facilities and chance in job seeking, which can help populations in the central areas access.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays." -
"migrating to downtowns" -> "moving to urban centers"
Explanation: "Moving to urban centers" is a more precise and formal term than "migrating to downtowns," which is vague and informal. -
"especially during the period of industrial development" -> "particularly during the industrial development period"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase improves the flow and clarity, making it more suitable for formal writing. -
"which was originally the main occupation" -> "which was historically the primary occupation"
Explanation: "Historically" and "primary" are more precise and formal terms than "originally" and "main," enhancing the academic tone. -
"gradually changed the model from labor to using more machines" -> "gradually shifted from labor-intensive to mechanized practices"
Explanation: "Shifted from labor-intensive to mechanized practices" is a more precise and formal way to describe the change from manual labor to machine-based industries. -
"living in downtown is a good chance to improve their life" -> "residing in urban areas offers opportunities for personal improvement"
Explanation: "Residing in urban areas offers opportunities for personal improvement" is more formal and specific than the colloquial "living in downtown is a good chance to improve their life." -
"I find myself in complete agreement with them" -> "I am fully in agreement with this perspective"
Explanation: "I am fully in agreement with this perspective" is more formal and avoids the first-person pronoun "them," which is less appropriate in academic writing. -
"several reasons regarded to quality of facilities in cites" -> "several reasons related to the quality of facilities in cities"
Explanation: "Related to" is the correct preposition, and "cities" should be capitalized as it refers to proper nouns. -
"cites are often keys to the development of countries" -> "cities are often key to national development"
Explanation: "Key to national development" is a more precise and formal expression than "keys to the development of countries." -
"In fact that, citizens who live in downtown" -> "In fact, citizens residing in urban areas"
Explanation: "In fact, citizens residing in urban areas" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language. -
"higher-grade of facilities" -> "higher-grade facilities"
Explanation: "Higher-grade facilities" is grammatically correct and more formal than "higher-grade of facilities." -
"in comparison that in countryside" -> "compared to those in rural areas"
Explanation: "Compared to those in rural areas" corrects the grammatical error and uses more precise terminology. -
"many headquarter of private companies" -> "many headquarters of private companies"
Explanation: "Headquarters" should be plural to match the context, and "of" is the correct preposition. -
"incomes or career advancement maybe ensured" -> "incomes and career advancement may be ensured"
Explanation: "Incomes and career advancement may be ensured" corrects the grammatical structure and uses the correct form of "may." -
"Beside that, agricultural sector also depends greatly on weather conditions" -> "Furthermore, the agricultural sector also heavily depends on weather conditions"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Beside that," and "heavily depends" is more precise than "greatly depends." -
"if there is a drought or flood, farmers will likely lose a lot of productivity or even lose revenue" -> "in the event of droughts or floods, farmers may suffer significant productivity losses or revenue decline"
Explanation: "In the event of droughts or floods, farmers may suffer significant productivity losses or revenue decline" uses more formal language and corrects the colloquial tone.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position in favor of city living over rural living. The introduction outlines the main reasons for this stance, specifically focusing on the quality of facilities and job opportunities. Each reason is elaborated upon in the body paragraphs, providing a comprehensive response to the question. However, the essay could have benefited from acknowledging the opposing viewpoint, which would demonstrate a more balanced approach and enhance the argument’s depth.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should consider briefly mentioning the benefits of rural living, even if only to refute them. This would not only show a more nuanced understanding of the topic but also strengthen the argument by contrasting it with the opposing view.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently supporting the idea that living in a city is preferable. The use of phrases like "I find myself in complete agreement" and "I believe the most important reason" reinforces the writer’s stance. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to enhance clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should use more explicit transitional phrases between paragraphs and ideas. For instance, starting the second paragraph with a phrase like "Firstly," or "To elaborate further," could help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports its ideas well, with specific examples such as the quality of educational facilities and job opportunities in urban areas. The use of examples, like the mention of schools having better resources, effectively illustrates the points made. However, some arguments could be further developed; for instance, the discussion on job opportunities could include more specific examples of types of jobs available in cities versus rural areas.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and statistics where possible. For instance, citing specific industries that thrive in urban areas or including data on average salaries could add credibility and depth to the arguments.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages of city living. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, such as the lengthy explanation of the agricultural sector’s vulnerabilities, which could detract from the main argument. While it’s important to contrast city and rural living, excessive detail on rural disadvantages can lead to a loss of focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly support the thesis. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main argument. Additionally, limiting the discussion of rural disadvantages to a few concise points would help keep the essay on track.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating the suggestions for improvement, the writer can further enhance the clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness of their response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of living in a city over a rural area. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating the writer’s agreement with the notion that urban living is advantageous. The body paragraphs follow a logical structure, each focusing on a specific reason supporting the main argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the quality of institutions, while the second addresses job opportunities. However, while the ideas are generally well-organized, some transitions between points could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing educational facilities to job opportunities could be more explicitly linked to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing educational facilities, you could introduce the next paragraph with a sentence like, "In addition to educational advantages, urban areas also provide significant job opportunities." This would help guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the quality of facilities, while the second focuses on job opportunities. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the importance of institutional quality in urban areas.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to clearly outline the main idea. For instance, you could revise the first paragraph’s opening to say, "One of the primary advantages of living in a city is the superior quality of educational and healthcare facilities available to residents." This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "Another point worth noting," and "To sum up," which help to connect ideas and signal transitions. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "In fact that" is awkward and does not effectively serve as a cohesive device.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, you could use "Furthermore," "Additionally," or "On the other hand" to introduce contrasting points. Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are used correctly; for example, replacing "In fact that" with "In fact," or "Indeed," would improve clarity and coherence.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further improve the coherence and cohesion of their writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "migrating," "phenomenon," "infrastructures," and "opportunities." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice. For example, the word "city" is used frequently without synonyms, which could enhance the essay’s lexical variety. Additionally, phrases like "higher-grade of facilities" and "temporary" could be expressed with more sophisticated vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "city," alternatives like "urban area," "metropolis," or "town" could be utilized. Additionally, expanding vocabulary related to the topic, such as "urbanization," "employment prospects," or "educational resources," would enrich the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "cites" instead of "cities" and "higher-grade of facilities," which is awkward and not commonly used in English. The phrase "the average knowledge base of the young generation in city may be higher" lacks clarity and could be misinterpreted due to the vague term "knowledge base."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure correct spelling and use more standard phrases. For example, "higher-quality facilities" would be more appropriate than "higher-grade of facilities." Additionally, clarifying statements by providing specific examples or definitions can improve precision, such as specifying what "higher knowledge" entails.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "cites" instead of "cities," "headquarter" instead of "headquarters," and "beside" instead of "besides." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Practicing writing and reviewing commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading more English texts can help reinforce correct spelling and familiarize the writer with proper word forms.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, the use of clauses such as "because cites are often keys to the development of countries" and "if citizens have enough capacity to apply jobs in there" showcases an ability to construct sentences that convey detailed ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the use of "that" clauses and simple sentence forms, which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex structures such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of starting sentences with "Another point worth noting is," the writer could use "In addition to this," or "Furthermore," to introduce new ideas. Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several errors that detract from the overall clarity. For instance, "the quality of institutions in the city are probably better than that of countryside" should use "is" instead of "are" to agree with the singular subject "quality." Additionally, phrases like "in term of chemistry or science lessons" should be corrected to "in terms of chemistry or science lessons." Punctuation is generally used correctly, but there are some instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these rules. Moreover, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used appropriately to separate clauses will enhance readability. It may also be beneficial to read the essay aloud to identify awkward phrasing or grammatical inconsistencies.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical rules will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
Nowadays, migrating to urban centers has emerged as a phenomenon, particularly during the period of industrial development when agriculture, which was historically the primary occupation of the population in rural areas, gradually shifted from labor-intensive to mechanized practices. Moreover, many people firmly believe that living in urban areas is a good opportunity to improve their lives. I find myself in complete agreement with this perspective, and to support my view, several reasons related to the quality of facilities in cities and opportunities in job seeking are outlined in this essay.
I believe the most important reason is that the quality of institutions in the city is probably better than that of the countryside because cities are often key to the development of countries. Therefore, governments or private enterprises can allocate more financial resources to develop the infrastructure here. In fact, citizens who live in urban areas have a higher chance to access and use higher-grade facilities or public and private services like schools, hospitals, or transportation. For example, schools in central areas can ensure instruments like computers, projectors, or specialized devices used in laboratories, which can help learners experience technology early, gain more knowledge, and understand its nature better, especially in terms of chemistry or science lessons. As a result, the average knowledge base of the young generation in cities may be higher and more assured in quality compared to that in the countryside.
Another point worth noting is the opportunities in job seeking. Many headquarters of private companies or central-level agencies are likely located in the city, and if citizens have enough capacity to apply for jobs there, incomes and career advancement may be ensured, providing more chances for development in the future. Meanwhile, the main jobs in rural areas are often factory workers or farmers. Although these jobs do not require many input conditions, the income is often calculated based on the number of hours worked or the number of products, making them seem temporary and potentially unstable in the long run. Besides that, the agricultural sector also heavily depends on weather conditions; in the event of droughts or floods, farmers may suffer significant productivity losses or revenue decline.
To sum up, considering all arguments related to living in the city, I have finally arrived at the conclusion that this is a better choice because of the quality of facilities and opportunities in job seeking, which can help populations in urban areas thrive.