Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country or region. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country or region. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In the modern era, there is a part of people that feels tedious and time-consuming to preserve the tradition and culture of their country or region. On the other hand, others realise that it is essential and vital to maintain them. From my own perspective, sustaining and developing traditional values is one of the most necessary missions of citizens.
It is evident that remaining in our traditions is always remembering the origin of a person, and commemorating our previous generation. Our forebears established cultural traditions that have shaped the generation we are today. Moreover, maintaining the traditional culture assists in safeguarding cultural and historical values, ensuring the legacy is protected for the coming generation. Future generations will inherit and appreciate our valuable experiences or wealthy heritages. For example, the Vietnamese young generation today have taught about historical insights into nation-building, and emulate qualities of great leaders like Uncle HO, Nguyen Phu Trong – the late Prime Minister, and so on.
On the other side of the argument, we need to consider the obstacles and drawbacks of preserving our culture. Besides conservation-minded individuals, there are numerous citizens who forget the distinctive cultural traits of their nation. Furthermore, many people depart from their nation's land to seek better opportunities in developed countries. They have an admiration for foreign cultures and ignore their origins. For instance, many young people prefer international brands and foreign tendency products. They enjoy modern rebellious fashion styles and are unable to remember their traditional customs. In addition, many traditions are outdated and unsuitable compared to modern times today. Consequently, some of them have undergone many changes.
In conclusion, maintaining and enhancing the culture is now the crucial mission of our generation today as it plays an important role in conserving our origins and shaping ourselves. There are numerous challenging issues that we have to meet during the conservation process. I strongly believe that we are able to overcome and pass away for the coming generation.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"there is a part of people" -> "some individuals"
Explanation: "Some individuals" is more precise and formal than "there is a part of people," which is vague and informal. -
"feels tedious and time-consuming" -> "perceive as tedious and time-consuming"
Explanation: "Perceive as" is more formal and academically appropriate than "feels," which is subjective and informal. -
"realise" -> "recognize"
Explanation: "Recognize" is more commonly used in formal academic writing than "realise," which is less standard in American English. -
"one of the most necessary missions" -> "one of the most crucial responsibilities"
Explanation: "Responsibilities" is more specific and formal than "missions," which can imply a sense of military or external obligation. -
"remaining in our traditions" -> "maintaining our traditions"
Explanation: "Maintaining" is the correct verb for the context, whereas "remaining" is not typically used in this sense. -
"always remembering the origin of a person" -> "constantly recalling one’s heritage"
Explanation: "Recalling one’s heritage" is more precise and formal than "remembering the origin of a person," which is awkward and vague. -
"commemorating our previous generation" -> "honoring our ancestors"
Explanation: "Honoring our ancestors" is a more specific and formal expression than "commemorating our previous generation." -
"ensuring the legacy is protected" -> "ensuring the legacy remains protected"
Explanation: Adding "remains" clarifies the ongoing nature of the protection, enhancing the sentence’s clarity and formality. -
"the Vietnamese young generation today have taught about" -> "the Vietnamese youth today are taught about"
Explanation: "Are taught about" corrects the grammatical error and improves the flow of the sentence. -
"emulate qualities of great leaders" -> "emulate the qualities of notable leaders"
Explanation: "Notable leaders" is more specific and formal than "great leaders," which is somewhat vague and informal. -
"On the other side of the argument" -> "On the opposing side of the argument"
Explanation: "Opposing side" is more precise and formal than "other side," which is less specific. -
"conservation-minded individuals" -> "individuals committed to conservation"
Explanation: "Individuals committed to conservation" is more formal and specific than "conservation-minded individuals." -
"forget the distinctive cultural traits" -> "overlook the unique cultural characteristics"
Explanation: "Overlook" is more precise than "forget," which implies a lack of memory rather than intentional disregard. -
"depart from their nation’s land" -> "leave their homeland"
Explanation: "Leave their homeland" is a more formal and concise way to express departure from one’s country. -
"admiration for foreign cultures" -> "appreciation for foreign cultures"
Explanation: "Appreciation" is a more formal term than "admiration," which can imply a stronger emotional attachment. -
"foreign tendency products" -> "foreign fashion trends"
Explanation: "Fashion trends" is a more specific and appropriate term than "tendency products," which is unclear and awkward. -
"modern rebellious fashion styles" -> "contemporary fashion styles with a rebellious flair"
Explanation: "Contemporary fashion styles with a rebellious flair" is more descriptive and formal than "modern rebellious fashion styles." -
"are unable to remember their traditional customs" -> "fail to recall their traditional customs"
Explanation: "Fail to recall" is more formal and precise than "are unable to remember," which is somewhat informal. -
"pass away for the coming generation" -> "pass on to the next generation"
Explanation: "Pass on to the next generation" is a more conventional and formal expression than "pass away for the coming generation," which is awkward and unclear.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the importance of maintaining traditional culture. The first part discusses the significance of traditions, emphasizing their role in identity and heritage. The second part acknowledges the opposing view, highlighting the challenges and the tendency of some individuals to adopt foreign cultures. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both perspectives. For example, while the first viewpoint is well-supported with examples, the second viewpoint lacks depth in analysis and examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more equal treatment of both views. This could involve elaborating on specific reasons why some individuals may feel disinterested in traditional culture, such as globalization or the influence of social media. Additionally, providing more concrete examples or statistics could strengthen the argument.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer presents a clear position in favor of maintaining traditional culture, stating that it is a vital mission for citizens. However, the conclusion somewhat weakens this stance by using phrases like "we are able to overcome and pass away," which may confuse readers about the intended message. The position is generally consistent, but the language could be clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should ensure that the conclusion restates their opinion in a straightforward manner. Avoiding ambiguous phrases and reinforcing the main argument with a strong final statement would help clarify the writer’s stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of cultural heritage and the impact of modernization on traditional values. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the discussion on how young people prefer foreign brands is relevant but could be expanded with more context or examples. The support for the argument about the importance of traditions is stronger than for the counterargument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples of how traditional practices have positively impacted communities or discussing particular traditions that are at risk of being lost. Additionally, integrating more personal anecdotes or observations could enhance the essay’s relatability and depth.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of traditional culture and the challenges faced in preserving it. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing the drawbacks of preserving culture. The mention of "modern rebellious fashion styles" feels somewhat tangential and could distract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the central question of the importance of preserving traditional culture. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements that do not directly tie back to the topic will help keep the essay on track.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in balancing perspectives, clarifying the position, extending ideas, and maintaining focus. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views regarding the preservation of traditional culture. Each body paragraph addresses one side of the argument, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the importance of preserving traditions, while the second highlights the challenges faced in this endeavor. However, the transition between the two sides could be smoother, as the shift from the importance of tradition to the challenges feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph to signal a shift in perspective. For example, phrases like "Conversely" or "On the contrary" can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence can further clarify the main idea being discussed.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more uniformity in length and depth. The first body paragraph is more developed than the second, which may lead to an imbalance in the presentation of ideas.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced development of ideas across paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph contains a similar number of sentences and depth of analysis. For instance, the second body paragraph could include more examples or elaboration on the challenges of preserving culture to match the detail provided in the first paragraph.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand," "Moreover," and "Furthermore," which aid in connecting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "In addition" is used repetitively, which can detract from the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of relying on "In addition," you could use "Additionally," "Moreover," or "Furthermore" interchangeably. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help improve cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "traditional culture," you could use "these traditions" in subsequent references.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments in a coherent manner. By focusing on enhancing transitions, balancing paragraph development, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further improve the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "tedious," "essential," "safeguarding," and "heritages." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases like "the modern era" and "cultural traditions" are quite common and do not showcase a broader lexical range. Additionally, the repetition of certain words, such as "tradition" and "culture," suggests a lack of synonyms or alternative expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate more varied expressions and synonyms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "tradition," alternatives like "heritage," "customs," or "cultural practices" could be employed. Expanding the use of less common adjectives and adverbs would also contribute to a more diverse lexical resource.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "a part of people that feels tedious" is awkward and unclear; it would be more precise to say "some people find it tedious." Additionally, "wealthy heritages" is misleading, as "wealthy" typically refers to financial status rather than cultural significance.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. Revising phrases for clarity, such as changing "a part of people" to "some individuals" or "certain segments of society," would enhance understanding. Furthermore, ensuring that adjectives accurately reflect the nouns they modify will strengthen the overall precision of vocabulary.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with few errors. However, there are some spelling issues that detract from the overall quality, such as "emulate qualities of great leaders like Uncle HO," where "HO" should be spelled as "Ho" for consistency with standard capitalization rules. Additionally, "the Vietnamese young generation today have taught about historical insights" should use "has" instead of "have" to agree with the singular subject "generation."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on capitalization and subject-verb agreement. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors that may be overlooked during the writing process. Regular practice with spelling and grammar exercises can also contribute to improved accuracy.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "It is evident that remaining in our traditions is always remembering the origin of a person" showcases an attempt to convey nuanced ideas. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "a part of people that feels tedious and time-consuming to preserve the tradition and culture," which could be more clearly expressed. The essay also includes some repetitive structures, particularly in the conclusion, where phrases like "maintaining and enhancing the culture" could be varied for better flow.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider using more varied introductory phrases and clauses. Incorporating different types of complex sentences, such as those beginning with subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although many people find traditional customs tedious, they play a crucial role in our identity"), can enhance the essay’s sophistication. Additionally, varying the placement of adjectives and adverbs can add depth to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several instances of errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the Vietnamese young generation today have taught about historical insights" should be corrected to "the Vietnamese young generation today has been taught about historical insights" to ensure subject-verb agreement. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some missing commas that could improve readability, such as before "and so on" in the first paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences can help clarify meaning and improve the overall flow of the writing. A thorough proofreading process focusing on these aspects can significantly reduce errors and enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on refining sentence structures and addressing grammatical errors will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the modern era, some individuals perceive it as tedious and time-consuming to preserve the traditions and culture of their country or region. On the other hand, others recognize that it is essential and vital to maintain them. From my own perspective, sustaining and developing traditional values is one of the most crucial responsibilities of citizens.
It is evident that maintaining our traditions involves constantly recalling one’s heritage and honoring our ancestors. Our forebears established cultural traditions that have shaped the generation we are today. Moreover, preserving traditional culture assists in safeguarding cultural and historical values, ensuring the legacy remains protected for future generations. They will inherit and appreciate our valuable experiences and rich heritage. For example, the Vietnamese youth today are taught about historical insights into nation-building and are encouraged to emulate the qualities of great leaders like Uncle Ho, Nguyen Phu Trong, the late Prime Minister, and others.
On the opposing side of the argument, we need to consider the obstacles and drawbacks of preserving our culture. Besides individuals committed to conservation, there are numerous citizens who overlook the unique cultural characteristics of their nation. Furthermore, many people leave their homeland to seek better opportunities in developed countries. They have an appreciation for foreign cultures and often ignore their origins. For instance, many young people prefer international brands and foreign fashion trends. They enjoy contemporary fashion styles with a rebellious flair and may fail to recall their traditional customs. In addition, many traditions are perceived as outdated and unsuitable compared to modern times. Consequently, some of them have undergone significant changes.
In conclusion, maintaining and enhancing our culture is now the crucial mission of our generation, as it plays an important role in conserving our origins and shaping our identities. There are numerous challenging issues that we must address during the conservation process. I strongly believe that we can overcome these challenges and pass on our heritage to the coming generation.