Some children can learn more efficiently by watching TV. Therefore, children should watch TV regularly both in school and at home. Do you agree or disagree?

Watching TV has a positive impact on the study of the children. I completely agree that adults had better encourage kids to watch television both in school and at home.
There are some reasons why teachers ought to allow their students watch TV. Firstly, when they can watch programs which are colorful, imaginative they will interested in the lesson that day. For example, in the science lesson, leaders can show the video about the consequence of air pollution in the Earth and require students give their opinions to solve this problem. Secondly, watching TV helps kids increase brainstorm ability. Children can develop their ideas, draw inspiration and more creative whenever they speak louder what they think.
Watching TV at home is beneficial in some ways. The first reason is providing a lot of information. Children can find all of information which is associated with their hobbies: sports, musics, films and so on. For example, they can watch the English programs to improve their pronunciation, listening and speaking. The second reason is helping kids in learning soft skills. They can learn how to cook a straightforward meal, deal with some emergency issues, even children can know what they have to do when a stranger give them candies.
In conclusion, I believe that television should be widened in and out of study environment as a method of education in order to helps children develop their skills.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"had better encourage" -> "should encourage"
Explanation: "had better" is a colloquial expression better suited for informal conversation. "Should" is a more formal and appropriate alternative in academic writing.
"watch television" -> "watch TV"
Explanation: "Television" can be shortened to "TV" without losing meaning, making the phrase more concise and suitable for formal writing.
"watch programs which are colorful, imaginative they will interested" -> "watch colorful and imaginative programs, they will become interested"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and proper structure. Separating the descriptive phrase from the main clause and rearranging the sentence improves readability and coherence.
"leaders can show the video" -> "teachers can show educational videos"
Explanation: "Leaders" is a vague term in this context. "Teachers" is more specific and appropriate. Additionally, specifying "educational videos" clarifies the purpose of the content.
"increase brainstorm ability" -> "enhance their brainstorming abilities"
Explanation: "Increase brainstorm ability" is awkward phrasing. "Enhance their brainstorming abilities" is clearer and more formal.
"draw inspiration and more creative whenever they speak louder what they think" -> "draw inspiration and become more creative when expressing their thoughts aloud"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. Replacing it with a more structured and coherent sentence improves readability.
"beneficial in some ways" -> "beneficial for several reasons"
Explanation: "In some ways" is vague and overly informal for academic writing. "For several reasons" provides a clearer and more precise transition to the following arguments.
"providing a lot of information" -> "offering abundant information"
Explanation: "Providing a lot of information" can be more succinctly expressed as "offering abundant information," which maintains formality and clarity.
"associated with their hobbies: sports, musics, films" -> "related to their interests, such as sports, music, and films"
Explanation: "Associated with their hobbies" is somewhat awkward and imprecise. "Related to their interests" is a clearer and more appropriate phrase for academic writing.
"even children can know what they have to do when a stranger give them candies" -> "children can learn how to respond if approached by a stranger offering candy"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. Rewording it provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
"in and out of study environment" -> "both within and outside the educational setting"
Explanation: "In and out of study environment" is informal and unclear. "Both within and outside the educational setting" clarifies the intended meaning in a more formal manner.
"helps children develop their skills" -> "help children develop their skills"
Explanation: "Helps" should be singular to agree with the singular subject "television."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the question by expressing agreement with the idea that children should watch TV regularly for educational purposes, both in school and at home. It outlines reasons for why this could be beneficial, such as increasing interest in lessons, fostering brainstorming abilities, providing information, and enhancing soft skills.
- How to improve: The response is somewhat brief and does not fully develop the reasons. To improve, the essay should elaborate on each point, provide more specific examples, and consider potential counterarguments to strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position supporting the idea that children should watch TV regularly for educational purposes.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the position in the introduction and conclusion and ensure that all body paragraphs consistently support this stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as increasing interest in lessons, developing brainstorming abilities, providing information, and enhancing soft skills. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with examples.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more specific examples and evidence to support each idea. It should also expand on how exactly watching TV can achieve these benefits for children.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the benefits of children watching TV for educational purposes. However, it slightly deviates in discussing unrelated skills like cooking and dealing with emergencies.
- How to improve: To stay more closely on topic, the essay should focus solely on how TV can enhance educational aspects, such as learning subjects, critical thinking, and creativity.

In conclusion, while the essay does present a clear position and discusses the benefits of watching TV for educational purposes, it falls short in fully developing its arguments with specific examples and staying strictly on topic. To improve, the essay should expand on each point, provide more detailed examples, and ensure that all content directly relates to the educational benefits of children watching TV.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information, with each paragraph presenting a distinct idea supporting the argument. However, there are instances where the flow could be improved. For example, the transition between the first and second paragraphs could be smoother to better connect the reasons for allowing TV watching in school and at home.
- How to improve: To enhance logical coherence, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs. For instance, introducing the second paragraph with a phrase like "Furthermore," or "In addition," would improve the flow and help readers follow the progression of ideas more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, each addressing a separate point. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development and cohesion. For instance, the second paragraph could be expanded to provide more examples or elaborate on the idea of enhancing brainstorming abilities through TV watching.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details or examples. Additionally, aim for a balance in paragraph length to maintain consistency and readability throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "firstly," "secondly," and "in conclusion," to indicate the sequence of ideas. However, there is limited use of other cohesive devices such as pronouns, synonyms, or parallel structures.
- How to improve: Expand the variety of cohesive devices used in the essay to enhance coherence. For instance, consider using pronouns (e.g., "they," "their") to refer back to previously mentioned nouns, or employ parallel structures to maintain consistency in sentence structure. Additionally, integrating synonyms or rephrasing ideas can prevent repetition and add nuance to the essay’s language.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve greater clarity and effectiveness in conveying the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at incorporating a varied vocabulary. There is evidence of vocabulary diversity, such as "impact," "encourage," "colorful," "imaginative," "consequence," "brainstorm," "inspiration," "pronunciation," "soft skills," "stranger," among others. However, some of the vocabulary choices could be more precise or contextually fitting.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, aim to incorporate more nuanced and contextually appropriate vocabulary. Instead of using general terms like "impact," try to employ more specific terms that convey the precise effect, such as "benefit," "advantage," or "positive influence." Additionally, ensure that the vocabulary used aligns closely with the essay’s main arguments and context.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay does employ a range of vocabulary, there are instances where the choice of words could be more precise. For example, the phrase "adults had better encourage kids to watch television" could be improved by using a more accurate term than "better," such as "should," "ought to," or "are advised to." Similarly, the use of "leaders" instead of "teachers" might be less precise in the context of a classroom setting.
- How to improve: Aim to select words that precisely convey the intended meaning in each context. Review each sentence carefully to ensure that the vocabulary used accurately reflects the intended message. Consider synonyms or alternative phrases that might better capture the nuances of your ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates satisfactory spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "musics" (should be "music"), "widen" (should be "widened"), and "out of study environment" (could be improved to "within and beyond the academic environment").
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to catch and correct minor errors before submitting the essay. Additionally, pay close attention to common spelling patterns and practice actively incorporating correct spellings into your writing to improve consistency.

Overall, while the essay showcases a commendable effort in utilizing a diverse range of vocabulary and maintaining acceptable spelling accuracy, there is room for improvement in terms of precision and contextual appropriateness of vocabulary choices. By focusing on selecting more precise vocabulary and enhancing spelling accuracy, the essay can further elevate its lexical resource and overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further. For instance, incorporating complex and compound-complex sentences could enhance the complexity and sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay’s sophistication, consider incorporating complex sentence structures. This could involve using subordinate clauses to provide additional information or varying sentence length to create rhythm and emphasis. Additionally, utilizing compound-complex sentences to express more complex ideas would further demonstrate grammatical range and control.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates adequate control over grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies throughout the essay. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("adults had better encourage"), punctuation errors (missing commas in compound sentences), and awkward phrasing ("whenever they speak louder what they think").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it’s crucial to review subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence structure. Additionally, paying close attention to punctuation rules, such as comma usage in compound sentences and proper placement of punctuation marks within sentences, will enhance clarity and coherence. Proofreading the essay carefully to identify and correct these errors is recommended. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or instructors can provide valuable insights for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

Watching TV can positively impact children’s learning. I strongly believe that adults should encourage kids to watch television both at school and at home.

There are several reasons why teachers should allow their students to watch TV. Firstly, colorful and imaginative programs can pique students’ interest in the day’s lesson. For instance, during a science class, educators can show a video about the effects of air pollution on Earth and ask students to propose solutions. Secondly, TV viewing can enhance children’s brainstorming abilities. When children articulate their thoughts aloud, they can develop ideas and become more creative.

Watching TV at home also offers various benefits. Firstly, it provides a wealth of information. Children can explore topics related to their interests such as sports, music, and films. For instance, they can watch English programs to improve their pronunciation, listening, and speaking skills. Secondly, it helps children acquire soft skills. They can learn practical skills like cooking a simple meal, handling emergencies, and even how to respond if approached by a stranger offering treats.

In conclusion, I believe that television should be integrated into both educational and leisure environments to aid children’s skill development.