fbpx

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

We are living in a technology-driven world where high-tech gadgets have become an indispensable part of our lives. There are a number of reasons why children spend a large proportion of their time scrolling through their smartphones, and in my opinion, this has a detrimental impact on their health and social lives.

Social media and gaming apps are the main reasons why children are addicted to their phones. Several decades ago, when phones were equipped with only a few basic functions like calling and texting, it was rare to see children spend hours on their phones. Smartphones, nowadays, however, are packed with various addictive applications, and one of them is social media apps. Apps like TikTok and Facebook, for example, use sophisticated artificial intelligence to track user behavior, which is effective in grabbing children’s attention and keeping them hooked for long periods of time. Regarding gaming apps, once a child has started a game, it is hard to stop because each game is designed to be addictive, offering attractive prizes to encourage the player to proceed to the next level. Not many children can resist the temptation to click on the ‘continue’ button to gain a big prize that is always there waiting for them.

I believe that this trend can have an adverse effect on children’s health. The blue light of mobile phones is damaging to the eyes, causing various problems like eye irritation and poor vision. Moreover, cell phone addiction can lead to numerous health issues in the long run, such as fatigue and sleep disorders. Excessive use of phones also affects children’s social lives. They might have thousands of online friends, but only a few friends in the real world who are willing to support them in times of need. In addition, spending quality time with friends in person is one of the best ways for children to develop social skills, like communication, negotiation, and problem solving, which they have little chance to learn in their virtual worlds.

In conclusion, social media and gaming apps are the main culprits of excessive use of phones among children, and this results in various health problems and hinder children’s social development.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "high-tech gadgets" -> "advanced technological devices"
    Explanation: Replacing "high-tech gadgets" with "advanced technological devices" provides a more formal and precise term, aligning with academic style and avoiding overly casual language.

  2. "scrolling through their smartphones" -> "engaging with their smartphones"
    Explanation: Changing "scrolling through their smartphones" to "engaging with their smartphones" adds a more neutral and descriptive tone, avoiding the colloquialism of "scrolling through."

  3. "detrimental impact" -> "negative repercussions"
    Explanation: Substituting "detrimental impact" with "negative repercussions" maintains formality and introduces a more nuanced phrase, aligning better with academic language.

  4. "main reasons" -> "primary factors"
    Explanation: Replacing "main reasons" with "primary factors" enhances the sophistication of the expression, contributing to a more academic tone.

  5. "addicted to their phones" -> "engrossed in their smartphones"
    Explanation: Changing "addicted to their phones" to "engrossed in their smartphones" offers a less colloquial and more refined alternative, fitting for an academic context.

  6. "rare to see children spend hours on their phones" -> "uncommon for children to dedicate extended periods to their phones"
    Explanation: Substituting "rare to see children spend hours on their phones" with "uncommon for children to dedicate extended periods to their phones" conveys the idea more formally and precisely.

  7. "packed with various addictive applications" -> "loaded with a myriad of captivating applications"
    Explanation: Replacing "packed with various addictive applications" with "loaded with a myriad of captivating applications" maintains clarity while introducing a more sophisticated term.

  8. "grabbing children’s attention and keeping them hooked" -> "capturing children’s attention and retaining their interest"
    Explanation: Changing "grabbing children’s attention and keeping them hooked" to "capturing children’s attention and retaining their interest" offers a more refined expression without losing clarity.

  9. "hard to stop" -> "challenging to cease"
    Explanation: Substituting "hard to stop" with "challenging to cease" maintains the meaning while introducing a more formal phrase suitable for academic writing.

  10. "attractive prizes" -> "enticing rewards"
    Explanation: Replacing "attractive prizes" with "enticing rewards" enhances the formality and precision of the expression.

  11. "adverse effect" -> "negative impact"
    Explanation: Changing "adverse effect" to "negative impact" provides a more common and academically accepted term without sacrificing clarity.

  12. "numerous health issues" -> "a myriad of health issues"
    Explanation: Substituting "numerous health issues" with "a myriad of health issues" introduces a more formal and varied expression while maintaining clarity.

  13. "in the long run" -> "over the long term"
    Explanation: Replacing "in the long run" with "over the long term" contributes to a more formal and precise wording.

  14. "cell phone addiction" -> "smartphone dependency"
    Explanation: Changing "cell phone addiction" to "smartphone dependency" offers a more formal and specific term, aligning better with academic language.

  15. "real world" -> "physical realm"
    Explanation: Substituting "real world" with "physical realm" adds a touch of formality and specificity, enhancing the academic tone.

  16. "willing to support them in times of need" -> "ready to provide support in times of need"
    Explanation: Replacing "willing to support them in times of need" with "ready to provide support in times of need" maintains clarity while using a more formal phrasing.

  17. "spending quality time with friends in person" -> "engaging in face-to-face interactions with friends"
    Explanation: Changing "spending quality time with friends in person" to "engaging in face-to-face interactions with friends" provides a more elaborate and formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay fully and appropriately addresses the prompt. It explores the reasons why children spend significant time on smartphones, attributing it to social media and gaming apps. The impact on health and social lives is discussed in-depth.
    • How to improve: While the essay effectively addresses all parts of the question, a slight enhancement could involve delving into potential counterarguments briefly to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and fully developed position throughout. The stance on the detrimental impact of excessive smartphone use on children’s health and social lives is evident and consistently supported.
    • How to improve: No significant improvement is necessary in this aspect. The clarity and development of the position are strong.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas are relevant, fully extended, and well-supported. The essay provides specific examples, such as the role of social media apps and gaming apps, to explain the reasons behind children’s smartphone addiction.
    • How to improve: The essay is already strong in presenting, extending, and supporting ideas. However, for even more depth, incorporating statistical data or studies related to the impact of smartphone use on children’s health and social development could further strengthen the argument.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic, discussing the reasons for children’s smartphone usage and its negative impact on health and social development.
    • How to improve: To enhance focus, consider explicitly linking each example or point back to the central theme of smartphone usage among children. This can make the essay even more cohesive.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, a clear and consistent stance, and effective development of ideas. To improve, the writer may consider briefly addressing counterarguments, incorporating relevant data, and reinforcing the connection of each point to the central theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mostly coherent arrangement of ideas with a clear overall structure. The introduction sets the stage by acknowledging the technological era and introducing the reasons behind children’s smartphone usage. The body paragraphs delve into the impact of social media and gaming apps, providing supporting examples. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points. However, there are instances where the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing social media apps to gaming apps could be more seamless for improved logical flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the progression of ideas. For instance, introducing the gaming apps section with a transitional phrase like "Furthermore" or "In addition" would help create a more cohesive structure.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs generally effective paragraphing with mostly logical sequencing of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as the impact of social media and gaming apps on children. However, there are areas where the effectiveness of paragraphing could be strengthened. The second paragraph, discussing social media apps, is lengthy and could benefit from breaking into two paragraphs for improved readability.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking down lengthy paragraphs into smaller, focused ones to enhance clarity and make the content more digestible for the reader. This would contribute to a more organized and reader-friendly structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits flexible use of cohesive devices with some minor inaccuracies or inappropriate amounts. Cohesive devices, such as pronouns and linking words, are employed to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. However, there are instances where the use of transitional phrases could be more varied for a smoother transition between ideas.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. Instead of relying on familiar terms repeatedly, experiment with synonyms and explore different ways to express the relationships between ideas. This will contribute to a more varied and sophisticated use of cohesive devices.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, refining transitional phrases and paragraphing can elevate the logical organization and flow of ideas. Additionally, experimenting with a wider range of cohesive devices will contribute to a more nuanced and polished essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably varied vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "indispensable," "addicted," "sophisticated artificial intelligence," and "temptation." However, the vocabulary range is not consistently broad, and some expressions, such as "detrimental impact" and "adverse effect," are used repetitively. Additionally, the essay relies on common phrases like "smartphones, nowadays," which do not contribute to an expansive lexical repertoire.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, strive for greater diversity in expressions and explore nuanced vocabulary choices. Instead of frequently repeating certain phrases, experiment with synonyms or alternative wording. For example, consider using "negative repercussions" instead of "detrimental impact" to add variety.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its message clearly, there are instances where the vocabulary lacks precision. For instance, the term "addicted" is appropriately used to describe phone usage, but phrases like "big prize" and "always there waiting for them" lack precision and could be more specific. Additionally, the phrase "various health problems" could benefit from more detailed elaboration.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater specificity in vocabulary. Instead of using broad terms like "big prize," provide details on the rewards offered in gaming apps. Also, elaborate on the specific health problems resulting from phone addiction, such as specifying the types of sleep disorders or detailing the impact of blue light on eyes.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits strong spelling accuracy, with very few errors that do not detract from overall clarity. However, it’s essential to note that achieving a Band 7 requires a high level of accuracy, and there is room for improvement. For instance, the word "cell" in "cell phone addiction" is sometimes written as "cellphone," and the phrase "cell phone" is inconsistently hyphenated.
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to spelling consistency. In this case, consistently use either "cellphone" or "cell phone" throughout the essay. Consider adopting a consistent spelling style to enhance overall accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in Lexical Resource, refining vocabulary range, precision, and spelling consistency will contribute to a more robust performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, contributing to its coherence and complexity. Various structures, including compound sentences, complex sentences with dependent clauses, and conditional sentences, are skillfully employed. For instance, sentences like "There are a number of reasons why children spend a large proportion of their time scrolling through their smartphones" and "Smartphones, nowadays, however, are packed with various addictive applications" showcase diversity and complexity. These structures enhance the essay’s readability and engagement.
    • How to improve: To further elevate the essay’s structural variety, consider integrating more intricate sentence structures like inversions, passive constructions, or rhetorical devices such as parallelism. Introducing these sophisticated structures selectively and purposefully can augment the essay’s overall depth and sophistication.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a strong level of grammatical accuracy, with the majority of sentences being error-free. Minor errors are sporadically present, such as in the phrase "Excessive use of phones also affects children’s social lives," where a missing article ("the") before "Excessive" could enhance the sentence’s accuracy. However, these errors do not impede understanding and are infrequent throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance accuracy, maintain vigilance in proofreading to catch minor errors like missing articles or inconsistencies in verb tense. Additionally, paying closer attention to subject-verb agreement in complex sentences can fortify the overall grammatical precision of the essay.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates adept control over punctuation. Commendable use of punctuation marks such as commas, colons, and hyphens is observed, contributing to the essay’s coherence and readability. Instances like "Moreover, cell phone addiction can lead to numerous health issues in the long run" and "They might have thousands of online friends, but only a few friends in the real world who are willing to support them in times of need" showcase appropriate punctuation.
    • How to improve: To refine punctuation further, ensure consistent use of punctuation marks throughout the essay. Occasionally, revisiting the use of commas within complex sentences, particularly around subordinate clauses, can help fine-tune the essay’s punctuation precision.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, effectively utilizing varied structures with predominantly accurate grammar and well-controlled punctuation. To improve, focus on integrating more intricate sentence structures, maintaining vigilance for minor grammatical errors, and ensuring consistent and precise punctuation usage. These refinements will elevate the essay’s sophistication and clarity, potentially leading to an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

We currently reside in a tech-centric era where advanced technological devices have become an integral part of our daily lives. The reasons behind children dedicating significant chunks of their time to engaging with their smartphones are varied, but, in my view, this habit has adverse effects on their health and social interactions.

The proliferation of social media and gaming applications stands out as the primary factors driving children’s smartphone addiction. Back in the day, when phones were rudimentary tools used mainly for calling and texting, it was uncommon for children to dedicate extended periods to their phones. However, today’s smartphones are loaded with a myriad of captivating applications, particularly social media platforms. Apps like TikTok and Facebook, leveraging sophisticated artificial intelligence, effectively capture children’s attention and retain their interest for extended periods. Similarly, gaming apps employ enticing rewards, making it challenging to cease playing as each level promises attractive prizes, fueling the desire to continue.

I firmly believe that this inclination towards smartphones can yield negative repercussions on children’s health. The blue light emitted by these devices is detrimental to the eyes, leading to issues like eye irritation and poor vision. Furthermore, excessive smartphone usage over the long term can result in a myriad of health issues such as fatigue and sleep disorders. Beyond physical health, this dependency on smartphones impacts children’s social lives profoundly. While they might boast a considerable number of online friends, the support network in the physical realm tends to be limited, affecting their ability to connect with friends who are ready to provide support in times of need. Moreover, engaging in face-to-face interactions with friends is crucial for the development of social skills like communication, negotiation, and problem-solving, skills that often find little opportunity to flourish in virtual worlds.

To summarize, the prevalence of social media and gaming applications significantly contributes to excessive smartphone use among children, leading to various health problems and impeding their social development.

Bài viết liên quan

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

119K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

149K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

299K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

159K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

199K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

399K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

VIP

499K/th

  • Everthing in Premium

  • Hand Writing Image Recognition

  • Better Accuracy with GPT-4

  • Early Access to New features

    - Speaking Feedback

  • Customization

    We help with minor customizations to get it working just right.

  • Support Development of New Features

    • Speaking Practice
    • Classroom Management (e.g., Google Class Room)
    • Reading Practice
    • Listening Practice