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Some cities create housing for growing populations by building taller buildings while other cities have opted to build on wider areas of land. Which solution is better?

Some cities create housing for growing populations by building taller buildings while other cities have opted to build on wider areas of land.
Which solution is better?

Some cities opt for taller buildings, while others choose to expand on wider areas of land. From my perspective, building taller buildings is a more beneficial solution, as it optimizes space utilization, promotes sustainable development, and fosters vibrant urban communities.

One of the key advantages of constructing taller buildings is the efficient use of limited space in densely populated urban areas. By building vertically, cities can accommodate a larger number of residents and businesses without encroaching on valuable land resources. This allows for the preservation of green spaces and natural habitats, which are essential for maintaining ecological balance within urban environments. Furthermore, high-rise buildings can offer panoramic views and create iconic skylines, contributing to the aesthetic appeal of a city, thereby attracting tourists and boosting the local economy. The Bitexco Financial Tower, for instance, has become a prominent high-rise in the Ho Chi Minh city's skyline, attracting both tourists and businesses to its observation deck and office spaces.(Ex)

In contrast, expanding areas of land to accommodate growing populations can have detrimental effects on the environment and urban communities. The conversion of agricultural land into urban areas can have significant consequences for food production and food security. This loss of agricultural land puts additional pressure on already strained food systems, leading to increased reliance on imported food and potential food shortages. Additionally, urban sprawl resulting from land expansion can lead to increased traffic congestion, longer commutes, and higher carbon emissions due to the need for extensive transportation networks. Furthermore, expanding land can contribute to urban segregation and the fragmentation of communities. By spreading out development, social cohesion and the sense of belonging among residents may be compromised.

In conclusion, it is evident that constructing taller buildings is a more favorable solution for accommodating growing populations in a sustainable and socially cohesive manner.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Some cities opt for taller buildings, while others choose to expand on wider areas of land." -> "Some urban centers prioritize constructing taller buildings, while others opt for expanding over broader land areas."
    Explanation: Replacing "opt" with "prioritize" and "choose" with "opt for" elevates the formality of the sentence. The use of "urban centers" is more academically precise than "cities," and the restructuring enhances clarity.

  2. "From my perspective, building taller buildings is a more beneficial solution, as it optimizes space utilization, promotes sustainable development, and fosters vibrant urban communities." -> "From an analytical standpoint, constructing taller buildings emerges as a more advantageous solution, optimizing space utilization, promoting sustainable development, and fostering vibrant urban communities."
    Explanation: Replacing "my perspective" with "an analytical standpoint" adds formality. Substituting "is a more beneficial solution" with "emerges as a more advantageous solution" and rephrasing the subsequent list enhances precision and academic tone.

  3. "One of the key advantages of constructing taller buildings is the efficient use of limited space in densely populated urban areas." -> "A primary benefit of erecting taller buildings lies in efficiently utilizing limited space in densely populated urban areas."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to start with "A primary benefit" adds formality. The phrase "erecting taller buildings" is more formal than "constructing taller buildings."

  4. "By building vertically, cities can accommodate a larger number of residents and businesses without encroaching on valuable land resources." -> "Through vertical construction, urban areas can accommodate a greater number of residents and businesses without encroaching on valuable land resources."
    Explanation: Replacing "By building vertically" with "Through vertical construction" adds formality. The phrase "urban areas" is more precise than "cities," contributing to a more academic tone.

  5. "Furthermore, high-rise buildings can offer panoramic views and create iconic skylines, contributing to the aesthetic appeal of a city, thereby attracting tourists and boosting the local economy." -> "Moreover, high-rise structures can provide panoramic views and shape iconic skylines, enhancing the aesthetic allure of an urban center, consequently drawing tourists and bolstering the local economy."
    Explanation: Replacing "Furthermore" with "Moreover" adds formality. Substituting "contributing to the aesthetic appeal of a city" with "enhancing the aesthetic allure of an urban center" elevates the language, and "structures" is a more formal term than "buildings."

  6. "The Bitexco Financial Tower, for instance, has become a prominent high-rise in the Ho Chi Minh city’s skyline, attracting both tourists and businesses to its observation deck and office spaces." -> "For instance, the Bitexco Financial Tower stands out as a prominent high-rise in the skyline of Ho Chi Minh City, drawing both tourists and businesses to its observation deck and office spaces."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and replacing "has become" with "stands out as" enhances the formality. Using "Ho Chi Minh City" instead of "Ho Chi Minh city" follows proper capitalization conventions.

  7. "In contrast, expanding areas of land to accommodate growing populations can have detrimental effects on the environment and urban communities." -> "Conversely, expanding land areas to accommodate growing populations can have adverse effects on the environment and urban communities."
    Explanation: Replacing "In contrast" with "Conversely" adds formality. The phrase "expanding land areas" is more precise than "expanding areas of land."

  8. "This loss of agricultural land puts additional pressure on already strained food systems, leading to increased reliance on imported food and potential food shortages." -> "The depletion of agricultural land adds pressure to already strained food systems, resulting in heightened dependence on imported food and potential shortages."
    Explanation: Replacing "puts additional pressure on" with "adds pressure to" and rephrasing the subsequent portion enhances formality and clarity.

  9. "Furthermore, expanding land can contribute to urban segregation and the fragmentation of communities." -> "Moreover, land expansion can contribute to urban segregation and the fragmentation of communities."
    Explanation: Replacing "Furthermore" with "Moreover" adds formality without sacrificing clarity.

  10. "By spreading out development, social cohesion and the sense of belonging among residents may be compromised." -> "The dispersal of development may compromise social cohesion and residents’ sense of belonging."
    Explanation: Simplifying the sentence while maintaining clarity and replacing "By spreading out development" with "The dispersal of development" adds formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

  1. Quoted text: "Some cities opt for taller buildings, while others choose to expand on wider areas of land. From my perspective, building taller buildings is a more beneficial solution, as it optimizes space utilization, promotes sustainable development, and fosters vibrant urban communities."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction effectively presents your position on the topic, which is commendable. However, it would be advantageous to provide a concise roadmap of the main points you will discuss in the essay. This would enhance the overall structure and coherence of your argument, guiding the reader through your line of reasoning.
    • Improved example: "Some cities opt for taller buildings, while others choose to expand on wider areas of land. From my perspective, building taller buildings is a more beneficial solution due to its optimization of space utilization, promotion of sustainable development, and fostering vibrant urban communities. In this essay, I will delve into each of these aspects to demonstrate the superiority of vertical expansion over horizontal expansion."
  2. Quoted text: "In contrast, expanding areas of land to accommodate growing populations can have detrimental effects on the environment and urban communities. The conversion of agricultural land into urban areas can have significant consequences for food production and food security. This loss of agricultural land puts additional pressure on already strained food systems, leading to increased reliance on imported food and potential food shortages. Additionally, urban sprawl resulting from land expansion can lead to increased traffic congestion, longer commutes, and higher carbon emissions due to the need for extensive transportation networks. Furthermore, expanding land can contribute to urban segregation and the fragmentation of communities. By spreading out development, social cohesion and the sense of belonging among residents may be compromised."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your argument against expanding areas of land is well-developed and supported by relevant examples. However, it would strengthen your essay if you briefly acknowledged potential counterarguments or limitations to your position, demonstrating a nuanced understanding of the topic.
    • Improved example: "In contrast, expanding areas of land to accommodate growing populations can have detrimental effects on the environment and urban communities. The conversion of agricultural land into urban areas can have significant consequences for food production and food security. This loss of agricultural land puts additional pressure on already strained food systems, leading to increased reliance on imported food and potential food shortages. Additionally, urban sprawl resulting from land expansion can lead to increased traffic congestion, longer commutes, and higher carbon emissions due to the need for extensive transportation networks. Furthermore, expanding land can contribute to urban segregation and the fragmentation of communities. While these points highlight the drawbacks of horizontal expansion, it is essential to consider potential counterarguments or limitations to this perspective."

Overall, your essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a well-developed position with relevant and extended ideas. The introduction could benefit from a brief roadmap, and acknowledging counterarguments would further enhance the depth of your argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, meeting the criteria for a Band 8 score. The information is logically sequenced, and there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. The use of cohesive devices is skillfully managed, contributing to the overall flow of the text. The essay effectively employs paragraphing, with each paragraph presenting a clear central topic.

The introduction establishes a clear thesis, and subsequent paragraphs follow a logical order, providing supporting arguments and examples. Transitions between ideas are smooth, creating a cohesive narrative. The essay incorporates cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and linking words, contributing to the overall coherence of the text. The use of the example of the Bitexco Financial Tower adds depth to the discussion and enhances the overall cohesion.

Paragraphs are appropriately structured, with a clear topic sentence and supporting details. The essay effectively uses paragraphing to organize information and ideas, contributing to the reader’s understanding. There is a balance between depth of analysis and clarity of expression, resulting in a well-organized and cohesive response.

How to improve:
While the essay is well-structured and cohesive, it could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the opposing viewpoint. Adding a paragraph that briefly acknowledges the advantages of building on wider areas of land and then refuting those points would strengthen the overall argumentation. Additionally, ensuring that the conclusion summarizes the main points and reinforces the thesis would provide a more comprehensive closure to the essay. Overall, maintaining this level of coherence and cohesion with slight refinements would lead to an even stronger essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary, showcasing a sophisticated control of lexical features. The writer fluently and flexibly conveys precise meanings, employing uncommon lexical items with skill. While there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, they are minor and can be considered ‘slips.’ Spelling and word formation are generally accurate, with rare errors.

How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, strive for even more precision in word choice and collocation. Proofreading for minor slips can help refine the already strong vocabulary usage. Additionally, consider incorporating a few more advanced and contextually fitting vocabulary items to elevate the lexical richness further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammatical structures with a wide range of sentence types. The use of complex sentences contributes to the overall fluency of the essay. There are very few minor errors, such as the awkward phrase "From my perspective" at the beginning, which is more of a stylistic issue than a grammatical error. The essay effectively employs a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing a strong grasp of grammar.

How to improve: While the essay is well-written and largely error-free, consider refining the introductory phrase for smoother flow. Additionally, continue to focus on precision in language use to enhance overall clarity and coherence. Overall, a consistently high level of grammatical accuracy is maintained throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some cities choose to erect taller buildings, while others prefer to expand on wider areas of land. In my view, constructing taller buildings presents a more advantageous solution, as it efficiently uses space, supports sustainable development, and enhances lively urban communities.

One primary benefit of constructing taller buildings is the effective utilization of limited space in densely populated urban areas. By going vertical, cities can host more residents and businesses without encroaching on precious land resources. This preserves green spaces and natural habitats, crucial for maintaining ecological balance in urban environments. Moreover, high-rise buildings offer panoramic views and create distinctive skylines, adding to a city’s visual charm. A prime example is the Bitexco Financial Tower in Ho Chi Minh City, attracting both tourists and businesses to its observation deck and office spaces.

In contrast, expanding land to accommodate growing populations can harm the environment and urban communities. Converting agricultural land into urban areas can negatively impact food production and security. This loss of agricultural land strains food systems, leading to greater dependence on imported food and potential shortages. Additionally, land expansion contributes to urban sprawl, causing more traffic congestion, longer commutes, and increased carbon emissions due to extensive transportation networks. Moreover, widening land can foster urban segregation and community fragmentation, compromising social cohesion and residents’ sense of belonging.

To conclude, it is clear that constructing taller buildings is a more favorable solution for accommodating growing populations sustainably and fostering social cohesion.

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