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Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development?

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development?

In the modern life, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use, some countries choose to build specialised facilities to train their top athletes with purpose is achieve international sports. In my opinion, I believe that this is a positive development. This essay will delve into discussing the two perspectives as well as stating my support for why constructing specialised facilities can bring negative elements.
Some countries believe this is a positive because sports are big business combined with the nation’s continued passion for sports. For example, even the certain youth sports industry in the United States is worth more than $19 billion, a size rivaling the NFL. It is a testament to the excitement sports can bring to their countries. Hence, to remain competitive, they focus on implementing the latest techniques and technologies into their training routines, which in turn creates the need for top-tier athletic centers to guarantee these talented teams always perform at their highest abilities. Also building High-Quality Athletic Facilities can avoid too many people sharing the same place to practice, which will cause sports facilities to experience high levels of wear and tear due to the intense activities. Playing surfaces endure constant foot traffic and equipment use, leading to accelerated deterioration, and top-talented athletes are delayed in their practices.
Nonetheless, the statements above cannot be generalised to all circumstances. There are some individuals who do not have passion at first on sports. They need time to practice and find out what indeed they can do. Hence, if they just focus on talented athletes, they will lose theses late bloomers. Also, creating and maintaining athlete exclusive facilities may raise concerns about environmental sustainability. Sport facilities construction can contribute to carbon emissions, which are a major contributor to climate change. The construction process requires significant amounts of energy, particularly if non-renewable sources such as fossil fuels are used. In addition, the ongoing operation of sport facilities can be energy-intensive, particularly if they are used for activities such as floodlighting or air conditioning. By encouraging shared sports facilities promotes efficient land use and reduces the need for excess infrastructure
In conclusion, in my view, there are more positive elements than negative, as there are clear benefits to countries and worldwide sports fans. However, building High-Quality athletic facilities can lead to some negative effects on the environment as well as taking away the opportunity to train professionally for middle-class athletes


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In the modern life" -> "In contemporary society"
    Explanation: Replacing "In the modern life" with "In contemporary society" provides a more formal and sophisticated introduction to the essay, avoiding the use of colloquial language.

  2. "sports facilities that everyone can use" -> "sports facilities accessible to the general public"
    Explanation: Substituting "sports facilities that everyone can use" with "sports facilities accessible to the general public" enhances formality and precision in describing the accessibility of the facilities.

  3. "with purpose is achieve international sports" -> "with the purpose of achieving success in international sports"
    Explanation: Correcting the phrase "with purpose is achieve international sports" to "with the purpose of achieving success in international sports" improves clarity and aligns with formal language norms.

  4. "This essay will delve into discussing" -> "This essay will explore"
    Explanation: Replacing "This essay will delve into discussing" with "This essay will explore" maintains formality and avoids redundancy by using a more concise expression.

  5. "I believe that this is a positive development" -> "I posit that this represents a positive trend"
    Explanation: Substituting "I believe that this is a positive development" with "I posit that this represents a positive trend" introduces a more formal and assertive tone to the statement.

  6. "big business combined with the nation’s continued passion for sports" -> "a lucrative industry coupled with the nation’s enduring passion for sports"
    Explanation: Replacing "big business combined with the nation’s continued passion for sports" with "a lucrative industry coupled with the nation’s enduring passion for sports" elevates the language by using more precise and formal terms.

  7. "the certain youth sports industry" -> "certain segments of the youth sports industry"
    Explanation: Adjusting "the certain youth sports industry" to "certain segments of the youth sports industry" adds specificity and precision, adhering to academic writing standards.

  8. "It is a testament to the excitement sports can bring to their countries" -> "It attests to the enthusiasm that sports can generate within their countries"
    Explanation: Replacing "It is a testament to the excitement sports can bring to their countries" with "It attests to the enthusiasm that sports can generate within their countries" conveys the idea more formally and precisely.

  9. "which in turn creates the need for top-tier athletic centers" -> "resulting in the necessity for high-caliber athletic centers"
    Explanation: Changing "which in turn creates the need for top-tier athletic centers" to "resulting in the necessity for high-caliber athletic centers" maintains formality and introduces a more advanced vocabulary.

  10. "High-Quality Athletic Facilities" -> "High-Quality Athletic Centers"
    Explanation: Replacing "High-Quality Athletic Facilities" with "High-Quality Athletic Centers" enhances precision and consistency in describing the specialized training venues.

  11. "avoid too many people sharing the same place to practice" -> "prevent overcrowding of practice spaces"
    Explanation: Substituting "avoid too many people sharing the same place to practice" with "prevent overcrowding of practice spaces" offers a more formal and specific expression.

  12. "top-talented athletes are delayed in their practices" -> "elite athletes experience delays in their training sessions"
    Explanation: Changing "top-talented athletes are delayed in their practices" to "elite athletes experience delays in their training sessions" maintains formality and provides a more precise description.

  13. "the statements above cannot be generalised to all circumstances" -> "the aforementioned statements may not be universally applicable"
    Explanation: Replacing "the statements above cannot be generalised to all circumstances" with "the aforementioned statements may not be universally applicable" introduces a more formal and nuanced expression.

  14. "They need time to practice and find out what indeed they can do" -> "They require time to practice and discover their true capabilities"
    Explanation: Adjusting "They need time to practice and find out what indeed they can do" to "They require time to practice and discover their true capabilities" maintains formality and clarity.

  15. "they will lose theses late bloomers" -> "they will overlook these late bloomers"
    Explanation: Correcting "they will lose theses late bloomers" to "they will overlook these late bloomers" provides a more accurate and formal representation.

  16. "creating and maintaining athlete exclusive facilities" -> "establishing and maintaining exclusive facilities for athletes"
    Explanation: Replacing "creating and maintaining athlete exclusive facilities" with "establishing and maintaining exclusive facilities for athletes" improves grammatical structure and formality.

  17. "can contribute to carbon emissions" -> "may contribute to carbon emissions"
    Explanation: Changing "can contribute to carbon emissions" to "may contribute to carbon emissions" introduces a more cautious and formal expression.

  18. "which are a major contributor to climate change" -> "which constitute a significant factor in climate change"
    Explanation: Substituting "which are a major contributor to climate change" with "which constitute a significant factor in climate change" enhances formality and precision.

  19. "By encouraging shared sports facilities promotes efficient land use" -> "Encouraging shared sports facilities promotes efficient land use"
    Explanation: Correcting "By encouraging shared sports facilities promotes efficient land use" to "Encouraging shared sports facilities promotes efficient land use" removes redundancy and improves sentence structure.

  20. "there are clear benefits to countries and worldwide sports fans" -> "countries and global sports enthusiasts stand to gain significant benefits"
    Explanation: Changing "there are clear benefits to countries and worldwide sports fans" to "countries and global sports enthusiasts stand to gain significant benefits" introduces a more formal and assertive expression.

  21. "building High-Quality athletic facilities" -> "constructing high-quality athletic facilities"
    Explanation: Replacing "building High-Quality athletic facilities" with "constructing high-quality athletic facilities" maintains consistency and formality in describing the construction process.

  22. "lead to some negative effects" -> "result in adverse consequences"
    Explanation: Substituting "lead to some negative effects" with "result in adverse consequences" provides a more formal and precise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a balanced discussion of the two perspectives mentioned in the prompt, discussing the benefits of specialized facilities while acknowledging potential drawbacks. However, there is a lack of direct analysis of how well the essay addresses each part of the prompt. The response should cite specific sections supporting its analysis.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, explicitly refer to different parts of the essay where both perspectives are discussed. This will demonstrate a more thorough engagement with the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay clearly states a positive stance toward the construction of specialized facilities for top athletes. However, there is a minor inconsistency towards the end when the negative effects on the environment and middle-class athletes are mentioned. This inconsistency should be addressed for a more cohesive stance.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the essay should ensure that the stated position remains unwavering throughout. If there are nuances or counterarguments, they should be carefully integrated to avoid any ambiguity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and develops ideas reasonably well. It supports the positive perspective with relevant examples and arguments. However, the negative aspects are not explored as thoroughly. Additionally, some sentences are unclear or lack cohesion.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, provide more in-depth development of the negative perspective, addressing late bloomers and environmental concerns. Revise unclear sentences to improve overall coherence and ensure a smooth flow of ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the positive and negative aspects of building specialized sports facilities. However, there are instances where the connection between points is unclear, and the essay introduces some information about the sports industry in the United States that is not directly relevant to the prompt.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, avoid introducing extraneous information and ensure that each point made directly contributes to addressing the prompt. Clarify the relationship between ideas to create a more cohesive and logically structured essay.

In conclusion, while the essay addresses both perspectives and provides adequate support for the positive stance, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity, consistency, and depth of analysis for a more comprehensive and cohesive response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a logical organization, starting with an introduction that outlines the main perspectives, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting points. The conclusion summarizes the author’s stance. However, there are instances where the connection between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For instance, the transition from discussing the positive aspects to the negative effects could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the different sections of the essay. Ensure that each paragraph’s main idea logically follows the previous one.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument and contributes to the overall discussion. However, some paragraphs could be more tightly focused on a single point, improving clarity.
    • How to improve: Review paragraph structure to ensure that each one has a clear main idea. Avoid introducing multiple concepts within a single paragraph, and consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones to enhance readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices, including conjunctions and transitional phrases, contributing to coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the seamless integration of these devices. Some transitions between sentences and ideas are abrupt.
    • How to improve: Work on refining the use of cohesive devices by selecting appropriate transitions for smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs. This will help maintain a coherent and cohesive progression of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To enhance the score, focus on refining transitions between ideas, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main point, and using a variety of cohesive devices more seamlessly.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is a reasonable attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "passion," "rivaling," "accelerated deterioration," and "late bloomers." However, the use of vocabulary lacks consistency, and some expressions appear repetitive, like the frequent use of "athletic facilities."
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more diverse synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "athletic facilities," you could use alternatives like "sports venues," "training centers," or "sporting establishments." Aim for precision and variety in word choices.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is generally acceptable. There are instances where the meaning is clear, such as in the phrase "accelerated deterioration." However, there are also areas where vocabulary could be more precise or contextually appropriate. For instance, the use of "too many people" could be refined to "overcrowding" or "excessive occupancy."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the specific nuances of words and phrases, ensuring they align precisely with your intended meaning. Thesaurus tools may be helpful, but be cautious to use words in contexts that accurately convey your message.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "thses" instead of "these," "rivaling" instead of "rivalling," and "athletic" instead of "athletics." These errors, while not overly frequent, detract from the overall quality of the writing.
    • How to improve: Proofread your essay carefully to identify and correct spelling errors. Additionally, consider utilizing spell-check tools or seeking feedback from others to catch any overlooked mistakes. Developing a habit of proofreading will contribute to improved spelling accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in consistently using a wider range of vocabulary, ensuring precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy. These refinements will contribute to a more polished and impactful essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and some simple sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases such as "they focus on implementing the latest techniques and technologies into their training routines," showcasing a range of structures to convey ideas.
    • How to improve: While the essay exhibits a good range of structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the length of sentences for a smoother flow. This can add sophistication to the writing and enhance overall coherence.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with a few exceptions. For example, the phrase "with purpose is achieve international sports" contains a grammatical error. Additionally, there are instances of incorrect subject-verb agreement, such as "creating and maintaining athlete exclusive facilities may raise concerns."
    • How to improve: Focus on improving subject-verb agreement and review sentence structures for grammatical accuracy. Proofread the essay to catch errors in phrasing, such as the one mentioned above, and consider seeking feedback to enhance overall grammatical precision. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation, as there are places where commas could be used for improved clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and a varied vocabulary. To improve, consider refining sentence structures for increased complexity and addressing specific grammatical errors for enhanced precision. Additionally, thorough proofreading can help eliminate minor errors and ensure a polished final product.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, some countries opt to construct specialized facilities to train their top athletes instead of providing sports facilities accessible to the general public, with the purpose of achieving success in international sports. This essay will explore this phenomenon, and I posit that this represents a positive trend.

Certain countries view this as positive due to the lucrative sports industry coupled with the nation’s enduring passion for sports. For instance, the youth sports industry in the United States alone is valued at over $19 billion, rivaling the NFL in size. This attests to the enthusiasm that sports can generate within their countries. To stay competitive, nations focus on implementing the latest techniques and technologies into their training routines, necessitating high-caliber athletic centers to ensure talented teams consistently perform at their highest abilities. Constructing high-quality athletic facilities also helps prevent overcrowding of practice spaces, avoiding the wear and tear caused by intense activities, which can lead to delays in training sessions for elite athletes.

However, it’s crucial to note that the aforementioned statements may not be universally applicable. There are individuals who initially lack passion for sports and require time to practice and discover their true capabilities. If the focus remains solely on talented athletes, there is a risk of overlooking these late bloomers. Additionally, the exclusive construction and maintenance of athlete facilities may contribute to carbon emissions, a significant factor in climate change. Sport facilities construction, especially if reliant on non-renewable sources like fossil fuels, can have adverse consequences on the environment.

Encouraging shared sports facilities, on the other hand, promotes efficient land use, reducing the need for excess infrastructure. This benefits both countries and global sports enthusiasts, ensuring that the positive aspects of constructing high-quality athletic facilities are balanced with environmental considerations.

In conclusion, while there are clear benefits to countries and sports enthusiasts, it’s essential to acknowledge the potential negative effects on the environment. Balancing the construction of high-quality athletic facilities with shared spaces can maximize the positive impact while minimizing adverse consequences.

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