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Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people thinkthat having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crimes.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think
that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crimes.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many parts of the world, due to the alarming rise of crime rates, more police patrol is
proposed by some individuals to alleviate the issue. From my perspective, this notion is
reasonable although it is not the sole effective method.

For starters, it is indeed effective to position more police officers on guard due to some
immediate effects. Firstly, these security figures can serve as a strong and direct
deterrent towards those who conspire criminal schemes. Due to the fact that people
are less inclined to commit crimes when being watched, or an agent is on duty nearby, it
is less likely for the most common crimes such as thefts or robberies to occur. Another
positive impact this may bring is the instant assistance the victims may receive in a
crime scene. In an urgent situation, for example, pickpocketing victims may
contact the nearest police agents for help, thereby getting a higher chance of retrieving
the lost properties.

Nevertheless, increasing the on-site police forces could lead to consequences. Firstly,
this decision could cause more probability for corruption to occur. This is because, in
some places, most police staff are well-paid, which is sharply contrasted to ones in other
areas. Therefore, the ill-paid officers can easily be corrupted, receiving bribes from
criminals to overlook their wrong-doings. In addition, having more police could mean
increasing in government spending. As a consequence, more budget would be needed
in the name of increased tax, which might create more financial pressure for the
population.

In conclusion, having more police on shift is one way to lessen crime rates as it strongly
deters criminal intentions as well as provides on-time support for victims. However, it
is not as effective as it seems due to the negative consequences such as corruption or
increased governmental expenses.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. “proposed by some individuals” -> “recommended by certain individuals”
    Explanation: Replacing “proposed by some individuals” with “recommended by certain individuals” uses a more formal and precise term, aligning better with academic language.
  2. “From my perspective” -> “In my view”
    Explanation: “From my perspective” is slightly informal, and “In my view” is a more academically appropriate alternative that maintains a similar meaning.
  3. “it is indeed effective” -> “it can indeed be effective”
    Explanation: Adding “can” improves the sentence’s clarity by specifying that the effectiveness is not guaranteed but possible in certain situations.
  4. “security figures” -> “law enforcement personnel”
    Explanation: “Security figures” is somewhat informal. “Law enforcement personnel” is a more formal and accurate term.
  5. “conspire criminal schemes” -> “plan criminal activities”
    Explanation: “Conspire criminal schemes” is an awkward phrase. “Plan criminal activities” is more natural and clear.
  6. “being watched” -> “under surveillance”
    Explanation: “Being watched” is less formal. “Under surveillance” is a formal and precise term.
  7. “instant assistance” -> “immediate assistance”
    Explanation: “Instant assistance” is slightly informal. “Immediate assistance” is a more formal choice.
  8. “in a crime scene” -> “at the scene of a crime”
    Explanation: “In a crime scene” is less precise. “At the scene of a crime” is a more accurate description.
  9. “pickpocketing victims may contact” -> “victims of pickpocketing may reach out to”
    Explanation: “Pickpocketing victims may contact” is somewhat informal. “Victims of pickpocketing may reach out to” is a more formal and appropriate phrasing.
  10. “higher chance” -> “greater likelihood”
    Explanation: “Higher chance” is a bit informal. “Greater likelihood” is a more formal and precise expression.
  11. “on-site police forces” -> “on-duty police personnel”
    Explanation: “On-site police forces” is less formal. “On-duty police personnel” is a more appropriate term.
  12. “increase in government spending” -> “an increase in government expenditure”
    Explanation: “Increase in government spending” is slightly less formal. “An increase in government expenditure” is a more precise and formal expression.
  13. “more budget would be needed” -> “additional budgetary allocation would be required”
    Explanation: “More budget would be needed” is somewhat informal. “Additional budgetary allocation would be required” is a formal and precise phrase.
  14. “in the name of increased tax” -> “resulting in higher taxation”
    Explanation: “In the name of increased tax” is less formal. “Resulting in higher taxation” conveys the same meaning more formally.
  15. “more financial pressure for the population” -> “increased financial burden on the populace”
    Explanation: “More financial pressure for the population” is less formal. “Increased financial burden on the populace” is a more formal and precise phrasing.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: “In many parts of the world, due to the alarming rise of crime rates, more police patrol is proposed by some individuals to alleviate the issue. From my perspective, this notion is reasonable although it is not the sole effective method.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your introduction adequately presents your perspective on the role of increased police presence in addressing rising crime rates. However, to enhance clarity, consider providing a brief preview of the main points you will discuss in support of your stance. This can assist the reader in anticipating the structure of your essay.
    • Improved example: “In response to the escalating crime rates in various regions, some advocate for increased police patrolling as a solution. From my perspective, while this approach is reasonable, it should not be considered the sole effective method. In this essay, I will discuss both the positive and negative aspects of relying solely on increased police presence to address crime.”
  2. Quoted text: “Nevertheless, increasing the on-site police forces could lead to consequences. Firstly, this decision could cause more probability for corruption to occur. This is because, in some places, most police staff are well-paid, which is sharply contrasted to ones in other areas. Therefore, the ill-paid officers can easily be corrupted, receiving bribes from criminals to overlook their wrong-doings. In addition, having more police could mean increasing in government spending. As a consequence, more budget would be needed in the name of increased tax, which might create more financial pressure for the population.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: You effectively present potential drawbacks of increasing police forces, including the risk of corruption and the financial burden on the government. However, to strengthen your argument, provide specific examples or scenarios that illustrate these points. This would add depth to your analysis and make your essay more persuasive.
    • Improved example: “Nevertheless, augmenting on-site police forces raises concerns, notably regarding the potential for increased corruption. For instance, in areas where police are well-compensated, the disparity in wages between regions may incentivize poorly paid officers to accept bribes, compromising their integrity. Furthermore, the surge in police numbers could strain government finances, leading to elevated taxes and heightened financial pressure on the general population.”

Overall, your essay effectively addresses the task and presents a clear position. However, incorporating specific examples to support your points would elevate the depth of your argument and enhance the overall persuasiveness of your essay.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction provides a clear stance on the issue, and each paragraph is dedicated to supporting points. The use of cohesive devices is varied and generally appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence. There is a balance in presenting both positive and negative aspects of increasing police presence, maintaining a coherent argument. The essay uses paragraphing effectively, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the topic.

How to improve: While the essay is well-organized, pay attention to minor issues of cohesion within sentences. Some sentences could be more smoothly connected to enhance overall flow. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and avoid overusing certain terms. Continue to strengthen the link between ideas for a more seamless transition between paragraphs. Overall, a commendable effort, but fine-tuning the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary throughout, with the author employing a variety of words and expressions to convey their ideas. They use words and phrases like “alarming rise,” “immediate effects,” “deterrent,” “conspire criminal schemes,” “pickpocketing,” “retrieve,” “corruption,” “ill-paid officers,” “bribes,” “overlook their wrong-doings,” “government spending,” “budget,” and “financial pressure.” These lexical choices show a fair degree of flexibility and precision.

Additionally, the essay incorporates less common lexical items and collocations effectively, such as “sharp contrasted,” “on-site police forces,” and “increasing in government spending,” which enhances the overall lexical resource of the essay.

While there are some minor issues with word choice and word formation, such as the phrase “which is sharply contrasted to ones in other areas” (which could be improved as “which sharply contrasts with those in other areas”), these inaccuracies do not significantly impede communication. There are also rare minor errors in word formation and spelling, such as “ones” instead of “those,” and some minor punctuation errors (missing spaces after commas), but these errors are infrequent.

How to improve:

  1. Pay attention to word choice and word formation to ensure greater accuracy.
  2. Proofread the essay to correct minor spelling and punctuation errors.
  3. Maintain the same level of vocabulary richness and precision throughout the essay.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammar and punctuation, utilizing a variety of complex structures successfully. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. The writer exhibits good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few errors that do not significantly impede comprehension. The essay maintains a formal tone and effectively conveys ideas.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, consider incorporating more advanced sentence structures and ensuring consistent accuracy throughout the essay. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors can help achieve a higher band score. Ensure that the complex structures used align with the overall clarity and flow of the essay.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

In various parts of the world, the rising crime rates have prompted some individuals to suggest increasing police patrols as a solution. From my perspective, while this idea is reasonable, it is not the only effective method.

To begin with, placing more police officers on duty can indeed have immediate positive effects. Firstly, these law enforcement figures can act as a strong deterrent to those planning criminal activities. Since people are less likely to commit crimes when under observation or when a police officer is nearby, common offenses like thefts or robberies are less likely to occur. Another positive outcome is the quick assistance that victims may receive at a crime scene. In urgent situations, such as pickpocketing incidents, victims can reach out to the nearest police officers for help, increasing the chances of recovering lost belongings.

However, increasing the number of on-site police forces could lead to certain consequences. Firstly, this decision may increase the likelihood of corruption. In some areas, most police staff receive competitive salaries, which sharply contrasts with those in other regions. As a result, poorly compensated officers may be more susceptible to corruption, accepting bribes from criminals to turn a blind eye to their activities. Additionally, having more police could mean an increase in government spending. Consequently, more budget allocation would be necessary, potentially leading to higher taxes and creating additional financial pressure for the population.

In conclusion, augmenting the presence of police on duty is one approach to reducing crime rates as it serves as a strong deterrent and provides timely support for victims. However, it is not without its drawbacks, such as the potential for corruption and increased government expenses.

 

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