Some ex-prisoners commit crimes after being released from prison. What do you think is the cause? How can it be solved?

In today’s society, the issue of recidivism, where ex-convicts re-engage in criminal activities, has attracted significant public concern. Various factors contribute to this phenomenon, and I believe that the government can adopt several measures to mitigate this problem.
There are several reasons that explain why crimes tend to re-offend. Firstly, these ex-prisoners believe that they will not be caught or punished again. As a result, they continue to commit crimes. It is true for crimes that are not easily detected, such as drug dealing or trafficking. Moreover, carrying out illegal activities again because of their poor and residents’ disrespect. Due to their records, they cannot find a job to earn money. As a consequence, these criminals decided to rob people’s wealth. Furthermore, it is easy to observe the frightening feeling of inhabitants who live near these criminals, which contributes to their recidivism. For instance, a Vietnamese criminal decided to kill a neighbor due to her scorn after he was released.
It is necessary for the government to improve their law and tighten security. This includes increasing the number of police officers, providing them with better training, and giving them the tools that help them investigate crimes. For example, after experiencing a surge in gun violence in 2020, Chicago increased the number of police officers and funding for training and equipment, which resulted in a 30% decrease in homicide in 2021. Moreover, the government should be responsible for providing them job training and implementing comprehensive rehabilitation programs, which can help them get back on their feet and become productive members of society. Additionally, many ex-offenders have low levels of education and job skills, which makes it difficult for them to find legitimate employment. Job training and education programs can not only help ex-convicts learn new skills and enhance their job prospects, but also give them opportunities to build a better future for themselves.
In conclusion, the lack of employment opportunities and societal acceptance are key factors contributing to recidivism. However, by implementing effective rehabilitation programs and creating a more inclusive environment, the government can help ex-prisoners build a better future and reduce the incidence of re-offending.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s society" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and formal term than "today’s," which is somewhat informal and vague in an academic context.
"the issue of recidivism" -> "the phenomenon of recidivism"
Explanation: "Phenomenon" is a more academically appropriate term than "issue," which can imply a negative or simplistic view of the topic.
"ex-convicts re-engage" -> "former convicts reoffend"
Explanation: "Reoffend" is the correct term for committing crimes again, whereas "re-engage" is not specific to criminal activities.
"mitigate this problem" -> "address this issue"
Explanation: "Address" is a more direct and formal verb than "mitigate," which can imply reducing the severity of a problem rather than actively working to solve it.
"these ex-prisoners believe" -> "former prisoners believe"
Explanation: "Ex-prisoners" is redundant as "former" already implies the past status of imprisonment.
"they will not be caught or punished again" -> "they believe they will avoid detection or punishment"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the reasoning behind their actions and avoids the informal tone of "caught or punished."
"carrying out illegal activities again because of their poor and residents’ disrespect" -> "engaging in illegal activities again due to poverty and societal disregard"
Explanation: "Poverty" and "societal disregard" are more precise and formal terms than "poor and residents’ disrespect."
"they cannot find a job to earn money" -> "they struggle to secure employment"
Explanation: "Struggle to secure employment" is a more formal and precise way to describe difficulties in finding work.
"these criminals decided to rob people’s wealth" -> "these individuals resorted to theft"
Explanation: "Resorted to theft" is a more formal and less sensational way to describe the actions of criminals.
"frightening feeling of inhabitants" -> "fear among residents"
Explanation: "Fear among residents" is a more precise and formal expression than "frightening feeling of inhabitants."
"It is necessary for the government to improve their law" -> "It is imperative for the government to reform its laws"
Explanation: "Reform its laws" is more specific and appropriate than "improve their law," which is grammatically incorrect and vague.
"tighten security" -> "enhance security measures"
Explanation: "Enhance security measures" is a more specific and formal phrase than "tighten security."
"providing them with better training" -> "providing them with enhanced training"
Explanation: "Enhanced training" is a more precise term than "better training," which is vague and informal.
"giving them the tools that help them investigate crimes" -> "providing them with the necessary tools for crime investigation"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the purpose of the tools and uses more formal language.
"comprehensive rehabilitation programs" -> "comprehensive rehabilitation initiatives"
Explanation: "Initiatives" is a more formal term than "programs" in this context, suggesting a broader scope of action.
"ex-offenders have low levels of education and job skills" -> "ex-offenders often possess limited educational and vocational skills"
Explanation: "Limited educational and vocational skills" is a more precise and formal way to describe the challenges faced by ex-offenders.
"can not only help ex-convicts learn new skills" -> "can not only assist ex-convicts in acquiring new skills"
Explanation: "Assist in acquiring" is a more formal and precise expression than "help learn."
"give them opportunities to build a better future" -> "offer them opportunities to construct a better future"
Explanation: "Offer them opportunities to construct" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of providing possibilities for improvement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the causes of recidivism and proposing solutions. The causes mentioned, such as the belief that they won’t be caught and the lack of employment opportunities, are relevant and well-articulated. The solutions provided, including improved law enforcement and rehabilitation programs, are practical and directly related to the identified causes. However, the explanation of societal disrespect as a cause could be more clearly articulated to enhance understanding.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could benefit from a more structured approach to outlining the causes and solutions. For instance, explicitly separating the causes into distinct paragraphs and providing a more detailed explanation of societal factors could enhance clarity. Additionally, including more examples or statistics to support the claims would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the government plays a crucial role in addressing recidivism. This stance is consistently reflected throughout the essay, particularly in the discussion of solutions. However, there are moments where the connection between the causes and the proposed solutions could be more explicitly stated, particularly in the transition between paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the causes to the proposed solutions. For example, after discussing a cause, a sentence could be added to directly link it to the relevant solution, reinforcing the position that these solutions are necessary to address the identified problems.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and extends ideas well, particularly in the discussion of government responsibilities. The use of a specific example from Chicago adds credibility to the argument regarding law enforcement. However, some ideas, such as the societal disrespect faced by ex-prisoners, are mentioned but not sufficiently elaborated upon, which weakens their impact.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on all points made. For instance, expanding on how societal attitudes can be changed or providing more examples of successful rehabilitation programs would enhance the depth of the argument. Additionally, integrating more statistical evidence or case studies could provide stronger support for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes of recidivism and potential solutions. However, there are instances where the discussion of societal disrespect feels somewhat tangential and could be more directly linked to the main argument. For example, the mention of a specific violent crime could be better tied back to the broader discussion of societal acceptance and its impact on recidivism.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the main thesis. This can be achieved by revisiting the central argument in each paragraph and ensuring that all examples and explanations directly relate back to the causes and solutions of recidivism. Additionally, avoiding overly specific anecdotes that do not clearly illustrate the broader issue could help maintain topic relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the issue, with the first focusing on the causes of recidivism and the second on potential solutions. For instance, the transition from discussing the reasons for re-offending to the proposed government measures is smooth, allowing the reader to follow the argument easily. However, the explanation of the causes could be more systematically organized, as some points appear to be slightly jumbled, such as the mention of "poor and residents’ disrespect," which lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the main argument. Additionally, grouping similar ideas together can help maintain a coherent flow. For example, discussing all societal factors contributing to recidivism in one paragraph before transitioning to government solutions would strengthen the overall structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, which helps frame the discussion. However, the second paragraph could be further divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the causes of recidivism and another on the societal impacts, which would provide clearer delineation of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant details. For example, the second paragraph could be split into two: one discussing the psychological and social reasons for re-offending and another addressing the implications of these reasons on society. This would enhance clarity and allow for deeper exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "For example," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For instance, the repeated use of "Moreover" could be varied with alternatives like "Additionally" or "Furthermore" to maintain reader engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using "In addition to this" or "On the other hand" can provide variety and enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, employing reference words (like "this" or "these") to link back to previously mentioned ideas can create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By refining the logical flow, improving paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and engagement.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of recidivism and crime. Phrases such as "recidivism," "ex-convicts," and "rehabilitation programs" show an attempt to use topic-specific language. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, with terms like "crimes," "criminals," and "government" appearing multiple times without variation. For example, the phrase "ex-prisoners believe that they will not be caught" could be enhanced by using synonyms or related terms to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "crimes," alternatives like "offenses," "illegal activities," or "criminal acts" can be employed. Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs can enrich the description of situations and arguments.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "carrying out illegal activities again because of their poor and residents’ disrespect" is unclear and awkwardly constructed. It seems to suggest that ex-prisoners engage in crime due to a lack of respect from residents, but this connection is not effectively articulated. Furthermore, the term "rob people’s wealth" is somewhat vague; it would be clearer to specify "commit robbery" or "steal from others."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and the specific meanings of words. Instead of vague phrases, the writer should aim for clear, direct language that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that each term used fits the context will enhance the overall precision of vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are some minor mistakes, such as "residents’ disrespect," which could be confusing due to the possessive form used. Additionally, the phrase "decided to rob people’s wealth" could be misinterpreted, as "wealth" is not commonly used in this context.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully to catch any typographical errors or awkward constructions. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where clarity may be compromised by spelling or grammatical issues. Furthermore, practicing spelling of commonly used terms related to the topic can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases like "In today’s society" and transitional phrases such as "Moreover" and "Additionally" effectively guide the reader through the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence structures, particularly in the way reasons are introduced (e.g., "There are several reasons that explain why…"). This can make the writing feel somewhat formulaic.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that combine ideas, such as using relative clauses or conditional sentences. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "There are several reasons," the writer could vary the introduction by stating, "One significant reason for recidivism is…" or "A contributing factor to this issue is…". Additionally, using participial phrases or varying the placement of adverbial clauses can add complexity and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with most sentences being correctly structured. However, there are notable errors that detract from the overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "carrying out illegal activities again because of their poor and residents’ disrespect" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity. Additionally, the sentence "As a consequence, these criminals decided to rob people’s wealth" could be more clearly stated as "As a consequence, these ex-prisoners may resort to robbing others to obtain wealth." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which can help them get back on their feet."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on revising awkward phrases for clarity and ensuring that each sentence conveys its intended meaning without ambiguity. Regular practice with complex sentence structures and peer review can help identify and correct these issues. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for clauses and lists, can help enhance the overall readability of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are several reasons that explain why ex-prisoners tend to re-offend. Firstly, these former convicts believe that they will not be caught or punished again. As a result, they continue to commit crimes. This is especially true for crimes that are not easily detected, such as drug dealing or trafficking. Moreover, they engage in illegal activities again due to poverty and societal disregard. Due to their criminal records, they struggle to secure employment to earn money. As a consequence, these individuals resort to theft. Furthermore, it is easy to observe the fear among residents who live near these criminals, which contributes to their recidivism. For instance, a Vietnamese criminal decided to kill a neighbor due to her scorn after he was released.

It is imperative for the government to reform its laws and enhance security measures. This includes increasing the number of police officers, providing them with enhanced training, and giving them the necessary tools for crime investigation. For example, after experiencing a surge in gun violence in 2020, Chicago increased the number of police officers and funding for training and equipment, which resulted in a 30% decrease in homicides in 2021. Moreover, the government should be responsible for providing job training and implementing comprehensive rehabilitation initiatives, which can help ex-prisoners get back on their feet and become productive members of society. Additionally, many ex-offenders often possess limited educational and vocational skills, which makes it difficult for them to find legitimate employment. Job training and education programs can not only assist ex-convicts in acquiring new skills but also offer them opportunities to construct a better future.

In conclusion, the lack of employment opportunities and societal acceptance are key factors contributing to recidivism. However, by implementing effective rehabilitation programs and creating a more inclusive environment, the government can help ex-prisoners build a better future and reduce the incidence of re-offending.