Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

There has been a trend that learning foreign language at an early age at elementary school is better than kids studying at senior school. In my opinion, this situation has more advantages than disadvantages.
The first and most obvious point is studying a new language in early age having high risk cause children to have language disorders additionally that it make minor always feels exhausted because pressure early and a lot of subject school made they don't have any time to relax or have fun lead to outcome is have bad academic result. Language disorders made kids feel shy with other people make they impression disconnected with their friends or do not have many relationships
While it is true that it also has its advantages, it develops communication skill and virtue. Communicating is the best way to connect with other people made children learn compassion, exposure with empathy and consistency not only that learning foreign language help children can obtain a language certificate from there create opportunities can study abroad have access to high education in oversea moreover make children more independent one of the reason can success on their career path.
In conclusion, due to the above reasons, I strongly believe that this phenomenon is a positive development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There has been a trend that" -> "There is a trend that"
Explanation: "There has been a trend that" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "There is a trend that" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing.
"at an early age at elementary school" -> "at an early age in elementary school"
Explanation: The phrase "at an early age at elementary school" is redundant. "In elementary school" is sufficient and more concise.
"kids studying at senior school" -> "students in senior school"
Explanation: "Kids" is too informal for academic writing. "Students" is the appropriate term, and "senior school" is typically referred to as "high school" in formal contexts.
"this situation has more advantages than disadvantages" -> "this trend offers more benefits than drawbacks"
Explanation: "Advantages" and "disadvantages" are somewhat informal and vague. "Benefits" and "drawbacks" are more precise and formal.
"studying a new language in early age having high risk" -> "studying a new language at an early age poses a high risk"
Explanation: "Having high risk" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Poses a high risk" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"cause children to have language disorders additionally that it make minor always feels exhausted" -> "may cause children to develop language disorders, which can lead to feelings of exhaustion"
Explanation: "Cause" and "make" are both incorrect in this context. "May cause" and "lead to" are more precise and formal. "Minor" is also incorrectly used; "children" should be used instead.
"a lot of subject school made they don’t have any time to relax or have fun" -> "a multitude of subjects at school leaves them with no time to relax or have fun"
Explanation: "A lot of subject school" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "A multitude of subjects at school" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"lead to outcome is have bad academic result" -> "result in poor academic outcomes"
Explanation: "Outcome is have bad academic result" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Result in poor academic outcomes" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"Language disorders made kids feel shy with other people make they impression disconnected with their friends" -> "Language disorders can make children feel shy around others, leading to feelings of disconnection from their peers"
Explanation: "Made kids feel shy with other people make they impression disconnected with their friends" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version is clearer and more formal.
"do not have many relationships" -> "have limited social relationships"
Explanation: "Do not have many relationships" is informal and vague. "Have limited social relationships" is more precise and formal.
"it develops communication skill and virtue" -> "it enhances communication skills and virtues"
Explanation: "Develops communication skill and virtue" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Enhances communication skills and virtues" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"Communicating is the best way to connect with other people made children learn compassion" -> "Communicating is an effective way to connect with others, teaching children compassion"
Explanation: "Made children learn compassion" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Teaching children compassion" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"help children can obtain a language certificate from there create opportunities can study abroad" -> "help children obtain a language certificate, thereby creating opportunities to study abroad"
Explanation: "Help children can obtain" is grammatically incorrect. "Help children obtain" is grammatically correct, and the addition of "thereby" clarifies the causal relationship.
"have access to high education in oversea" -> "have access to higher education overseas"
Explanation: "High education in oversea" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Higher education overseas" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"more independent one of the reason can success on their career path" -> "more independent, which can contribute to their career success"
Explanation: "More independent one of the reason can success on their career path" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "More independent, which can contribute to their career success" is grammatically correct and clearer.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of early foreign language learning. However, it lacks a balanced exploration of both sides. The disadvantages are mentioned, but they are not adequately developed or supported with examples. The advantages are presented more robustly, but the essay fails to explicitly weigh them against the disadvantages as required by the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly outline both the advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs. Each point should be supported with relevant examples or evidence. A clear comparison of the two sides should be made, culminating in a definitive conclusion that reflects the balance of the arguments presented.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a position in favor of early language learning, but this stance is not consistently reinforced throughout the text. The initial statement suggests a clear opinion, yet the discussion of disadvantages undermines this position without sufficient counterarguments. The conclusion reiterates the positive view but lacks a strong connection to the arguments made.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that the position is clearly articulated in each paragraph. This can be achieved by starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that reflects the main argument, followed by supporting details that reinforce this stance. Additionally, addressing counterarguments more effectively will strengthen the overall position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the advantages of early language learning, such as improved communication skills andopportunities for studying abroad. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with specific examples. The discussion of disadvantages is vague and lacks depth, making it difficult for the reader to understand the implications.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each idea presented. This includes providing specific examples or scenarios that illustrate the points made. For instance, discussing how early language learning can lead to better job prospects or cultural understanding would provide more depth. Each idea should be clearly linked back to the main argument to maintain coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the issue of foreign language learning. However, some sentences are convoluted and contain grammatical errors that detract from clarity. For instance, phrases like "having high risk cause children to have language disorders" are unclear and could confuse the reader. Additionally, the flow of ideas is disrupted by awkward phrasing and run-on sentences.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should aim for simpler, more direct sentences. Each paragraph should have a clear focus, and transitions between ideas should be smooth. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and coherence will also help ensure that the essay remains on topic and is easily understood by the reader.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on developing a balanced argument, clearly presenting and supporting ideas, and maintaining clarity throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure, beginning with an introduction, followed by two main points. However, the organization of ideas is somewhat unclear. For instance, the transition from discussing disadvantages to advantages lacks a clear demarcation, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The first paragraph introduces the idea of language disorders but does not effectively connect this point to the overall argument regarding the timing of language education. The second paragraph, while discussing advantages, mixes multiple ideas without clear separation, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should clearly delineate between the disadvantages and advantages of early language learning. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help clarify the main idea. Additionally, the use of transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "In contrast") can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains paragraphs, but their structure is ineffective. The first paragraph combines multiple ideas about disadvantages without clear separation, making it challenging to identify the main point. The second paragraph, while discussing advantages, also lacks clear focus and coherence, as it jumps between ideas without adequate transitions.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The first paragraph could be dedicated solely to the disadvantages of early language learning, while the second could focus exclusively on the advantages. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence will help the reader understand the main point being discussed.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, but they are limited and often used incorrectly. For example, phrases like "additionally" and "not only that" are used, but their placement disrupts the flow of the sentence. The connections between sentences and ideas are often weak, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," "in addition," and "consequently." Practicing the placement of these devices within sentences can also enhance clarity. For instance, instead of saying "additionally that it make minor always feels exhausted," a clearer construction would be, "Furthermore, this pressure can lead to exhaustion among children."

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt, it requires significant improvement in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion. Focusing on clear topic sentences, logical transitions, and a wider range of cohesive devices will greatly enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "language disorders," "communication skill," and "opportunities." However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. For instance, the phrase "learning foreign language" is used multiple times without variation, which limits the lexical range. Additionally, phrases like "high risk" and "pressure early" are somewhat vague and could be expressed more precisely.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "learning foreign language," you could use "acquiring a new language" or "studying a foreign tongue." Incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to education and psychology, such as "cognitive development" or "academic pressure," would also elevate the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices in the essay are imprecise or awkwardly phrased. For example, "having high risk cause children to have language disorders" is unclear and could be better articulated. The phrase "made they don’t have any time to relax" contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity. Additionally, "virtue" in the context of developing communication skills is not the most suitable choice.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. For instance, instead of "having high risk," you could say "poses a significant risk." Clarifying phrases like "made they don’t have any time" to "which may leave them with little time" would improve precision. Always ensure that the vocabulary fits the context and enhances the clarity of your argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "senior school" (should be "secondary school"), "minor" (which seems to be a misuse in this context), and "oversea" (should be "overseas"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice writing and proofreading your essays. Utilize tools like spell checkers and grammar checkers, but also manually review your work for common errors. Additionally, consider creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly. Reading more academic texts can also help reinforce correct spelling and usage in context.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision, and enhancing spelling accuracy—you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria for IELTS Task 2 essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For example, phrases like "learning foreign language at an early age" and "studying a new language in early age having high risk" are repetitive and do not showcase varied grammatical forms. The use of conjunctions is minimal, leading to a monotonous flow.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of structures, consider incorporating complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses. For instance, instead of saying "it develops communication skill and virtue," you could say, "While it develops communication skills and virtues, it also presents challenges that need to be addressed." Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can add variety. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in creating more complex structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "learning foreign language" should be "learning a foreign language," and "in early age" should be "at an early age." There are also run-on sentences, such as "additionally that it make minor always feels exhausted because pressure early and a lot of subject school made they don’t have any time to relax or have fun lead to outcome is have bad academic result," which lacks proper punctuation and clarity. The use of commas is inconsistent, leading to confusion in sentence structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement (e.g., "it makes minors feel exhausted" instead of "it make minor always feels exhausted"). Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on articles, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure, can be beneficial. Additionally, revising the essay for punctuation, such as using commas to separate clauses and ensuring each sentence is complete, will enhance clarity. Reading essays or articles can also help in understanding proper punctuation usage.

By addressing these areas, the essay can significantly improve its grammatical range and accuracy, potentially raising the band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

There has been a trend that learning a foreign language at an early age in elementary school is better than children studying at senior school. In my opinion, this situation offers more benefits than drawbacks.

The first and most obvious point is that studying a new language at an early age poses a high risk, as it may cause children to develop language disorders. Additionally, this pressure can lead to feelings of exhaustion because the multitude of subjects at school leaves them with no time to relax or have fun, which can result in poor academic outcomes. Language disorders can make children feel shy around others, leading to feelings of disconnection from their peers and limiting their social relationships.

While it is true that there are disadvantages, it is important to acknowledge the advantages as well. Learning a foreign language enhances communication skills and virtues. Communicating is an effective way to connect with others, teaching children compassion and exposing them to empathy. Furthermore, studying a foreign language can help children obtain a language certificate, thereby creating opportunities to study abroad and have access to higher education overseas. This experience can make children more independent, which can contribute to their career success.

In conclusion, due to the above reasons, I strongly believe that this trend is a positive development.