some government improve the living standards via economic development, others believe that many social values will be lost. do advantage of economic development outweigh disadvantage?

Although several nations enhance the living conditions via financial development, many skeptics assume that some social values might disappear gradually. The writer advocates that the benefits of the economic growth including job prospects along with better healthcare system outweigh the drawback of local cuisines becoming unpopular.
It is crucial to understand that if the financial sector witnesses an increase, there will be more well-paid jobs for local residents. To explain in more detail, a thriving economy always requires cooperation among numerous nations. Indeed, the government encourages the international corporations that recruit a huge amount of local employees to set up their branches in these countries. As a result, these companies offer a higher salary compared to the local business, leading to more opportunities to seek a good career. Consider China as a prime example, where there has been a big number of international companies building factories and the average income per person of this nation always reaches a peak for a decade.
Higher quality healthcare system is considered as another advantageous factor of economic prosperity. This is because the companies having a big profit have to pay more taxes for the government, then these funds are allocated to improve the healthcare facilities and research in order to modernize treatments. For this reason, the citizens are treated by modern and effective therapies, resulting in an increase in life expectations.
However, rapid progress in the economy can lead to the extinction of many local dishes. Due to the fact that international transactions require both import and export, each nation has to balance them. Therefore, if the countries depend totally on exporting to boost the economy, they must import goods from other ones, especially foods. Consequently, the influx of foreign foods makes people consume them and avoid the local ones. This point may be valid, but the government can export their traditional cuisines all over the world as well as popularize their characteristics.
In conclusion, the disadvantage of losing local tastes is outweighed by the advantages of job opportunities and better health conditions. Hence, it has been shown that the government should develop the economy with the purpose of improving the living conditions.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Although several nations enhance the living conditions via financial development" -> "While many nations improve living conditions through economic development"
Explanation: The suggested improvement maintains the original meaning but enhances clarity and formality by replacing "enhance" with "improve" and restructuring the sentence for better flow.
"many skeptics assume that some social values might disappear gradually" -> "many skeptics suggest that certain social values may gradually erode"
Explanation: "Assume" is replaced with "suggest" for a more cautious and academic tone. "Disappear" is replaced with "erode" for a more nuanced and formal description of the process.
"The writer advocates that the benefits of the economic growth including job prospects along with better healthcare system outweigh the drawback of local cuisines becoming unpopular." -> "The author argues that the benefits of economic growth, such as increased job prospects and an improved healthcare system, outweigh the drawback of declining popularity of local cuisines."
Explanation: The improvement separates the list of benefits more clearly with the phrase "such as" and rephrases "outweigh the drawback" for clarity and formality.
"To explain in more detail, a thriving economy always requires cooperation among numerous nations." -> "Furthermore, a thriving economy necessitates collaboration among multiple nations."
Explanation: The replacement enhances formality and clarity by using "furthermore" to transition and "necessitates" instead of "requires" for a more formal tone.
"Indeed, the government encourages the international corporations that recruit a huge amount of local employees to set up their branches in these countries." -> "Indeed, governments often incentivize international corporations that employ a significant number of local workers to establish branches within their borders."
Explanation: "A huge amount" is replaced with "a significant number" for a more precise and formal description. "These countries" is replaced with "within their borders" for clarity.
"As a result, these companies offer a higher salary compared to the local business, leading to more opportunities to seek a good career." -> "Consequently, these companies offer higher salaries compared to local businesses, creating more opportunities for career advancement."
Explanation: "Higher salary" is replaced with "higher salaries" for grammatical accuracy. "Leading to more opportunities to seek a good career" is rephrased for clarity and formality.
"Consider China as a prime example, where there has been a big number of international companies building factories and the average income per person of this nation always reaches a peak for a decade." -> "Consider China as a prime example, where a large number of international companies have built factories, resulting in consistently high per capita income over the past decade."
Explanation: The improvement simplifies the sentence structure and improves clarity by separating the ideas and using "over the past decade" for a clearer timeframe.
"Higher quality healthcare system is considered as another advantageous factor of economic prosperity." -> "A higher quality healthcare system is another beneficial outcome of economic prosperity."
Explanation: The improvement rephrases the sentence for clarity and formality, avoiding redundancy.
"For this reason, the citizens are treated by modern and effective therapies, resulting in an increase in life expectations." -> "Consequently, citizens receive modern and effective treatments, leading to an increase in life expectancy."
Explanation: "Treated by" is replaced with "receive" for clarity and precision. "Life expectations" is changed to "life expectancy" for grammatical correctness and conciseness.
"Due to the fact that international transactions require both import and export, each nation has to balance them." -> "Because international transactions involve both imports and exports, each nation must strive for a balance."
Explanation: The improvement simplifies the sentence structure and enhances clarity by removing unnecessary wording.
"Consequently, the influx of foreign foods makes people consume them and avoid the local ones." -> "As a result, the influx of foreign foods leads people to consume them while neglecting local cuisine."
Explanation: The improvement enhances clarity and formal tone by rephrasing and clarifying the relationship between foreign and local cuisines.
"This point may be valid, but the government can export their traditional cuisines all over the world as well as popularize their characteristics." -> "While valid, the government can promote and export traditional cuisines globally, thereby enhancing their popularity."
Explanation: The improvement rephrases the sentence for clarity and formality, avoiding ambiguity and unnecessary repetition.
"In conclusion, the disadvantage of losing local tastes is outweighed by the advantages of job opportunities and better health conditions." -> "In conclusion, the benefits of job opportunities and improved health conditions outweigh the disadvantage of losing local culinary traditions."
Explanation: The improvement maintains the original meaning while enhancing clarity and conciseness.
"Hence, it has been shown that the government should develop the economy with the purpose of improving the living conditions." -> "Thus, it is evident that governments should prioritize economic development to enhance living standards."
Explanation: The improvement enhances formality and clarity by replacing "has been shown" with "is evident" and restructuring the sentence for better flow.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt by discussing the advantages of economic development (job prospects and improved healthcare) and acknowledging the potential drawback of losing local cuisines.
- How to improve: To enhance completeness, ensure that each aspect of the prompt receives balanced attention. Provide more elaboration on the potential loss of social values beyond just cuisine, such as cultural identity or community cohesion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, supporting the idea that the benefits of economic development outweigh the disadvantage of losing local cuisines.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, explicitly state the position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, use transition words or phrases to signal shifts between different points in the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas with relevant examples and explanations. It discusses job prospects and healthcare as benefits of economic growth and provides reasoning for the potential loss of local cuisines.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay, consider incorporating more diverse examples and providing deeper analysis of the implications of economic development on social values beyond the surface level.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of economic development as related to living standards and social values.
- How to improve: Ensure that all examples and explanations directly relate to the central theme of economic development and its impact on living standards and social values. Avoid tangential discussions that do not contribute to the main argument.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages of economic development while acknowledging potential drawbacks. To improve, it could provide more comprehensive analysis of the potential loss of social values and ensure that all parts of the prompt receive balanced attention and support.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting clear introductory and concluding paragraphs and maintaining a coherent progression of ideas throughout the body paragraphs. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument: job prospects, healthcare benefits, and the potential loss of local cuisines. However, the essay could benefit from stronger transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall flow and coherence. For instance, smoother transitions between discussing job opportunities and healthcare benefits could strengthen the connection between these points and provide a more seamless progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider utilizing transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, phrases like "In addition," or "Furthermore," can help signal the relationship between different points. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to the overall argument and supports the thesis statement effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph addresses a specific topic related to the advantages of economic development or the potential drawbacks, such as job prospects, healthcare benefits, and the impact on local cuisines. However, some paragraphs could be more tightly focused on a single idea, and transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to improve coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure and effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Then, provide supporting evidence and examples to develop that idea cohesively within the paragraph. Additionally, consider revising transition sentences between paragraphs to create stronger connections between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transitional words and phrases like "although," "however," "for instance," and "in conclusion," which help signal shifts in argument or introduce examples. Additionally, pronouns and demonstrative adjectives are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned concepts and maintain cohesion within paragraphs.
- How to improve: To further enhance the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of transitions and connectors to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, pay attention to the consistency of pronoun usage to ensure clarity and coherence throughout the essay. Varying sentence structures and using parallelism can also contribute to improved cohesion and readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, encompassing various aspects of economic development and its societal implications. For instance, terms such as "financial development," "thriving economy," "international corporations," "modernize treatments," and "extinction of many local dishes" are effectively utilized to convey the writer’s ideas. These lexical choices contribute to the clarity and depth of the essay’s argumentation.
- How to improve: While the essay generally employs a diverse vocabulary, there is room for further enhancement by incorporating nuanced terminology or phrasing. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "financial development" or "economic growth," consider employing synonyms like "economic prosperity," "financial advancement," or "socioeconomic progress" to enrich the lexical variety and demonstrate a deeper grasp of language proficiency.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise use of vocabulary, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For example, terms such as "thriving economy," "higher quality healthcare system," and "extinction of many local dishes" are used accurately to articulate specific concepts related to economic development and its consequences. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "local cuisines becoming unpopular" could be refined to specify the aspect of cultural erosion or culinary homogenization resulting from globalization.
- How to improve: To further enhance precision in vocabulary usage, consider utilizing more specific terms or phrases that accurately capture the intended nuances. For instance, instead of using broad terms like "job prospects," "better healthcare system," or "local cuisines," strive to employ more descriptive language that vividly delineates the multifaceted aspects of economic development and its societal impacts.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors detracting from overall readability and comprehension. Spelling errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede the communication of ideas. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling inaccuracies, such as "advantages" misspelled as "advantageous" and "countries" misspelled as "country’s."
- How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading meticulously before submission, utilizing spell-check tools, and actively expanding familiarity with commonly misspelled words. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of frequently misspelled words for reference can facilitate ongoing improvement in spelling proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is effective use of subordination and coordination to convey ideas clearly. For instance, the essay employs complex sentences like, "To explain in more detail, a thriving economy always requires cooperation among numerous nations," which enhances the coherence and complexity of the argument. Additionally, varied sentence beginnings and lengths contribute to overall readability and engagement.
- How to improve: While the essay already employs a diverse range of structures, further enhancing complexity by incorporating advanced grammatical constructions such as reduced relative clauses, conditional sentences, and inversion can elevate the sophistication of expression. For instance, incorporating sentences like, "Should nations prioritize local cuisines over economic growth, the consequences may extend beyond culinary traditions," can add depth to the analysis.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy with minimal errors. The sentences are well-structured, and there is consistent use of appropriate verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. Punctuation is generally used correctly to enhance clarity and readability. However, there are a few instances where minor grammatical errors occur, such as "it is crucial to understand that if the financial sector witnesses an increase…" where the use of the present simple tense "witnesses" could be replaced with the present perfect "has witnessed" for smoother flow.
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, attention to verb tense consistency throughout the essay is advisable. Additionally, reviewing the use of articles (e.g., "the government encourages the international corporations" could be revised to "the government encourages international corporations") and prepositions (e.g., "the influx of foreign foods makes people consume them" could be revised to "the influx of foreign foods leads people to consume them") can help refine precision in expression. Finally, careful proofreading for minor punctuation errors such as missing commas or misplaced apostrophes will contribute to overall polished writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a commendable variety of sentence structures. By refining grammatical accuracy and incorporating more complex structures, the essay can further elevate its effectiveness and coherence, thereby enhancing the overall quality of expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

While many nations improve living conditions through economic development, many skeptics suggest that certain social values may gradually erode. The author argues that the benefits of economic growth, such as increased job prospects and an improved healthcare system, outweigh the drawback of declining popularity of local cuisines.

It is crucial to understand that if the financial sector witnesses an increase, there will be more well-paid jobs for local residents. To explain in more detail, a thriving economy always requires cooperation among numerous nations. Indeed, governments often incentivize international corporations that employ a significant number of local workers to establish branches within their borders. Consequently, these companies offer higher salaries compared to local businesses, creating more opportunities for career advancement. Consider China as a prime example, where a large number of international companies have built factories, resulting in consistently high per capita income over the past decade.

A higher quality healthcare system is another beneficial outcome of economic prosperity. Consequently, citizens receive modern and effective treatments, leading to an increase in life expectancy. Because international transactions involve both imports and exports, each nation must strive for a balance. As a result, the influx of foreign foods leads people to consume them while neglecting local cuisine. While valid, the government can promote and export traditional cuisines globally, thereby enhancing their popularity.

In conclusion, the benefits of job opportunities and improved health conditions outweigh the disadvantage of losing local culinary traditions. Thus, it is evident that governments should prioritize economic development to enhance living standards.