Some governments put large amounts of money into space exploration programs. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

There is a dispute as to whether investing money in universe investigation. The writer of this essay argues the benefits of technological innovation and climate forecasting outweigh the drawback of debris generation.

The most advantageous factor of space exploration is that it can bring the advancement in technology in various fields. In other words, space investigation has contributed to numerous inventions such as satellite television and telescope. This also assists humans in investigating new materials on other planets. As a result, the living of people can be improved. For example, according to NASA, the US has spent billions of dollar on finding anti-object substances which has contributed to inventing the greatest inventions in the world.

Another point must be considered is weather forecasting. This is because thanks to satellites, people can forecast the weather in their countries which lead the daily life of people to become more convenient. Take Switzerland as a contextual example, where the government had an enormous spending on space exploration through satellites which mitigated the percentage of people who being flooded up to 80%.

Conversely, some people say that universe research may generate debris which poses a threat to human life. This belief is based on in the process of cultivating other planets, the machine must have left some small debrises which are accelerated in the universe with a high velocity. As a result, human and animals would be extinct if these small asteroids fell into the Earth. This point may be true, but with the high-tech machines and the professional, these circumstances can be solved radically.

To sum up, the potential; threat of debris is outweighed by the technological advancement and climate forecasting.Thus it is beneficial for all countries to invest the great amount of money into space resarching.

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Errors and Improvements:

"investing money in universe investigation" -> "investing funds in space exploration"
Explanation: The phrase "universe investigation" is informal and less precise. Replacing it with "space exploration" maintains formality and clarity in academic writing.
"advancement in technology in various fields" -> "advancement of technology across diverse fields"
Explanation: Using "in" twice in close proximity is repetitive. Replacing it with "of" improves the sentence structure. Additionally, the phrase "in various fields" is less formal than "across diverse fields."
"This also assists humans in investigating new materials on other planets." -> "This also facilitates the exploration of new materials on other planets."
Explanation: The word "assists" is more casual, and "facilitates" is a more formal and suitable alternative in an academic context. It enhances the formality and precision of the sentence.
"For example, according to NASA, the US has spent billions of dollar on finding anti-object substances which has contributed to inventing the greatest inventions in the world." -> "For example, according to NASA, the US has invested billions of dollars in researching antimatter substances, contributing to groundbreaking inventions globally."
Explanation: The phrase "finding anti-object substances" is unclear and informal. Replacing it with "researching antimatter substances" improves precision. Additionally, "the greatest inventions in the world" is overly emphatic; using "groundbreaking inventions globally" maintains a more measured tone.
"Another point must be considered is weather forecasting." -> "Another crucial aspect to consider is weather forecasting."
Explanation: "Must be considered" is less formal; replacing it with "crucial aspect to consider" enhances formality and clarity in academic writing.
"Take Switzerland as a contextual example, where the government had an enormous spending on space exploration through satellites which mitigated the percentage of people who being flooded up to 80%." -> "Take Switzerland as an illustrative example, where the government made substantial investments in space exploration through satellites, resulting in an 80% reduction in the number of people affected by flooding."
Explanation: "Enormous spending" is less formal, and "illustrative example" is a more suitable phrase. Additionally, the phrase "who being flooded" is grammatically incorrect; replacing it with "affected by flooding" corrects the grammar and maintains formality.
"Conversely, some people say that universe research may generate debris which poses a threat to human life." -> "Conversely, some argue that space research may generate debris, posing a threat to human life."
Explanation: "Some people say" is informal; replacing it with "some argue" is more academic. Additionally, rephrasing the latter part of the sentence improves clarity and conciseness.
"In the process of cultivating other planets, the machine must have left some small debrises which are accelerated in the universe with a high velocity." -> "During the process of exploring other planets, machines may have left small debris, accelerated in the universe at high velocity."
Explanation: "Cultivating other planets" is informal and unclear. Replacing it with "exploring other planets" enhances precision. Additionally, "debrises" is incorrect; changing it to "debris" corrects the grammar.
"This point may be true, but with the high-tech machines and the professional, these circumstances can be solved radically." -> "While this point may be valid, the use of advanced technology and professional expertise can effectively address these circumstances."
Explanation: The phrase "but with the high-tech machines and the professional" is informal. Replacing it with "the use of advanced technology and professional expertise" enhances formality and clarity. Additionally, "solved radically" is less formal; replacing it with "effectively address" maintains academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the prompt. It discusses the benefits of space exploration, focusing on technological innovation and climate forecasting, and acknowledges the potential drawback of debris generation.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, the essay could provide a more detailed exploration of the disadvantages of space exploration, such as potential ethical concerns or financial implications.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by arguing that the benefits of technological innovation and climate forecasting outweigh the disadvantages of debris generation.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity, the essay could explicitly state the author’s stance in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports its ideas reasonably well. It provides examples of technological advancements and climate forecasting benefits related to space exploration.
- How to improve: To enhance development, the essay could delve deeper into specific examples, providing more details and explanations to enrich the content.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of space exploration. However, there are moments of vagueness, such as the reference to "anti-object substances," which may divert slightly.
- How to improve: Maintaining precision in language and ensuring all examples directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages of space exploration will help in staying focused.

Overall Feedback:
The essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments supporting the benefits of space exploration. The language is generally clear, and ideas are well-expressed. To improve, focus on offering more comprehensive coverage of both advantages and disadvantages, reinforcing the clarity of the author’s position, providing more detailed examples, and maintaining precision in language to enhance focus.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. There is a clear introduction stating the writer’s position, followed by two main body paragraphs supporting the benefits of space exploration. However, the conclusion could be more distinct in summarizing the main points. Additionally, the transition between the paragraphs, especially from the first to the second body paragraph, could be smoother. The lack of a clear counter-argument and refutation might affect the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding a stronger transition sentence at the end of the introduction to guide the reader into the first body paragraph. Ensure a more explicit connection between paragraphs, perhaps by repeating key terms or using transitional phrases. Also, introduce a counter-argument in the body paragraphs, addressing potential drawbacks, and refute it to strengthen the overall argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but there’s room for improvement. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the argument, yet the second body paragraph contains information about weather forecasting and Switzerland, which might be better placed in separate paragraphs. Additionally, the concluding paragraph lacks a clear summary and feels abrupt.
- How to improve: Refine paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it cohesively. Consider breaking the second body paragraph into two, allowing for a smoother transition between the points related to technology and weather forecasting. The conclusion should restate the thesis and summarize key points from the body paragraphs for a more comprehensive closure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs basic cohesive devices, such as transition words ("conversely," "thus," "for example") and pronouns. However, there’s limited variety, and some connections between ideas are abrupt. For instance, the transition from discussing technological advancements to weather forecasting could be more seamless.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a range of linking words (e.g., furthermore, however, in addition). Ensure that transitions between ideas are smoother, providing a clearer connection for the reader. Pay attention to the coherence within sentences, ensuring each one logically follows from the previous.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. While some words and phrases are used effectively to convey ideas, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. For instance, the repetition of terms like "space exploration" and "advancement in technology" could be replaced with more varied expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating synonyms and alternative phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "space exploration," explore phrases like "cosmic investigation" or "celestial exploration" to add variety. Additionally, introduce more specific terms related to the technological advancements discussed.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. While some terms, like "satellite television" and "telescope," are specific, there are instances where the language could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "anti-object substances" lacks clarity and could benefit from a more precise description.
- How to improve: Strive for clarity and specificity in vocabulary. Instead of ambiguous terms like "anti-object substances," provide a clear and specific description of the innovations. Also, consider refining phrases to convey ideas more precisely, avoiding vague expressions that may hinder comprehension.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors such as "resarching" instead of "researching" and "debrises" instead of "debris." While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, improving spelling accuracy would enhance the overall presentation.
- How to improve: Proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct spelling errors. Utilize spelling and grammar tools available in word processing software to identify and rectify any overlooked mistakes. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or using language learning platforms to reinforce correct spelling practices.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary and spelling, there is room for improvement in diversifying vocabulary, using more precise terms, and enhancing spelling accuracy. By incorporating these suggestions, the essay can achieve a higher band score for Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It includes simple and compound sentences, but there is a lack of complex structures such as subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings. The writer tends to rely on basic sentence structures, limiting the sophistication of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and overall writing quality, consider incorporating complex sentence structures. Introduce subordinate clauses, participial phrases, and varied sentence beginnings to create a more diverse and engaging essay. For example, instead of consistently using simple sentences, try combining ideas using subordinating conjunctions.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its ideas clearly, there are notable instances of grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("the living of people can be improved") and usage of semicolons. Additionally, there are typographical errors like "resarching" instead of "researching."
- How to improve: Carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct grammatical errors, paying close attention to subject-verb agreement and punctuation usage. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-check tools to enhance accuracy. Specifically, revise the sentence structures that lead to confusion or errors, and ensure proper punctuation to maintain clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates competence in expressing ideas, there is room for improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. Diversifying sentence structures and addressing specific grammatical errors will contribute to a more polished and refined piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is an ongoing debate about whether investing funds in space exploration is worthwhile. This essay contends that the advantages of technological innovation and climate forecasting outweigh the potential drawback of debris generation.

One of the most significant benefits of space exploration is its contribution to the advancement of technology across diverse fields. In simpler terms, space investigation has led to the development of various inventions, such as satellite television and telescopes. Additionally, it facilitates the exploration of new materials on other planets, thereby improving people’s lives. For instance, as reported by NASA, the United States has dedicated billions of dollars to researching antimatter substances, resulting in groundbreaking inventions globally.

Another crucial aspect to consider is weather forecasting. Take Switzerland as an illustrative example, where the government made substantial investments in space exploration through satellites. This initiative led to an 80% reduction in the number of people affected by flooding, showcasing how space exploration directly benefits everyday life by enhancing weather prediction capabilities.

Conversely, some argue that space research may generate debris, posing a potential threat to human life. This concern is rooted in the possibility that machines exploring other planets may leave small debris, accelerated in the universe at high velocity. While this point may be valid, the use of advanced technology and professional expertise can effectively address these circumstances, ensuring that potential threats are mitigated.

In conclusion, despite concerns about debris generation, the benefits of technological advancement and climate forecasting outweigh the potential drawbacks of space exploration. Therefore, it is advantageous for all countries to continue investing substantial amounts of money in space research.