“Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance”. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some companies believe that appearance plays an inevitable role in the development of the business; by contrast, others believe in the caliber of the employees and how beneficial they are to the company. From my point of view, the quality of work and smart appearance are both crucial for staff members.
On the one hand, it is true that formal attire has an impact on an organization. The first impression plays an important role in attracting customers' attention customers and creating a memorable image of the business in their minds. In places where staff must interact with customers, such as hospitals, banks, shopping malls, etc., wearing a smart and attractive outfit can enhance the customer experience. Thus, they are easily influenced and make decisions more quickly. For example, at Dien May Xanh stores, employees are prescribed uniforms for both men and women with blue T-shirts. This creates an impression on customers and increases brand recognition.
On the other hand, the issue employers today are concerned about is not the appearance but the quality of their work. They think that appearance takes up a lot of time and distracts other members because it takes them a long time to choose outfits and puts fashion style first rather than work. In addition, they are more results-oriented, so they are not influenced by the appearance of their employees but crave innovation, good communication skills, and problem-solving abilities in their employees.For example, Google is a multinational technology company that gives its staff the freedom to wear what they prefer while at work.
In conclusion, whether emphasizing clothing will make a good impression on others or focusing on quality of work over appearance depends on the organization's perspective. In my opinion, choosing a polite dressing style or the quality of work is both necessary and beneficial to the company. Therefore, it is essential to balance the two aspects above to achieve the best results.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"plays an inevitable role" -> "plays a significant role"
Explanation: "Inevitable" suggests something unavoidable, while "significant" emphasizes importance without implying inevitability, which better aligns with the idea being conveyed here.
"From my point of view" -> "In my view"
Explanation: "From my point of view" is slightly informal; "In my view" maintains the same meaning but sounds more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"smart appearance" -> "professional appearance"
Explanation: "Smart appearance" can be interpreted in various ways and may not convey the intended level of professionalism. "Professional appearance" is clearer and more specific in the context of the essay.
"The first impression plays an important role in attracting customers’ attention customers" -> "First impressions play a crucial role in attracting customers’ attention"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and removing the repetition of "customers" improves readability and maintains the formal tone.
"creating a memorable image of the business in their minds" -> "establishing a memorable image of the business"
Explanation: "Creating a memorable image of the business in their minds" is slightly redundant. "Establishing a memorable image of the business" communicates the same idea more succinctly.
"Thus, they are easily influenced and make decisions more quickly" -> "As a result, customers are more easily influenced and make quicker decisions"
Explanation: Adding clarity and formality by specifying who is influenced and emphasizing the cause-and-effect relationship between appearance and decision-making.
"For example, at Dien May Xanh stores, employees are prescribed uniforms for both men and women with blue T-shirts" -> "For instance, at Dien May Xanh stores, employees are required to wear uniforms consisting of blue T-shirts for both men and women"
Explanation: Adding clarity by specifying the type of uniform and restructuring the sentence for better flow and formality.
"the issue employers today are concerned about is not the appearance but the quality of their work" -> "Employers today are more concerned about the quality of work rather than appearance"
Explanation: Simplifying and restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.
"takes up a lot of time and distracts other members because it takes them a long time to choose outfits and puts fashion style first rather than work" -> "consumes considerable time and distracts others, as employees prioritize fashion over work"
Explanation: Streamlining the sentence for clarity and formal tone, avoiding repetition, and enhancing readability.
"crave innovation, good communication skills, and problem-solving abilities in their employees" -> "value innovation, effective communication skills, and strong problem-solving abilities in their employees"
Explanation: Using "value" instead of "crave" maintains a professional tone, and "effective" enhances clarity and specificity regarding communication skills.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives outlined in the prompt. It discusses the importance of appearance for some organizations while highlighting the priority of work quality for others. The introduction presents the writer’s opinion, stating that both aspects are crucial.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, provide more specific examples or scenarios where appearance or work quality directly impact organizational success. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion reinforces the idea of balancing both aspects rather than just restating the introduction.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear stance throughout the essay, asserting that both appearance and work quality are essential. Each paragraph consistently supports this position, with examples provided for both perspectives.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, ensuring that each paragraph reinforces this stance explicitly can strengthen the clarity further. Reiterating the central argument in the topic sentences of each paragraph can aid in this clarification.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and elaborates on ideas effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to discussing a different aspect of the topic. Examples such as Dien May Xanh and Google are used to illustrate the contrasting approaches to employee appearance.
- How to improve: To further enhance idea development, delve deeper into the implications of each perspective. For instance, elaborate on how appearance impacts customer perception or delve into specific ways in which work quality contributes to organizational success.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the two opposing views on employee appearance versus work quality. However, there are minor instances where the connection to the prompt could be strengthened, such as in the discussion of Google’s approach.
- How to improve: To ensure complete relevance, tie each example or argument explicitly back to the prompt. In the case of Google, explicitly connect its policy on attire to the broader discussion of prioritizing work quality over appearance.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a balanced discussion of the importance of employee appearance versus work quality. To enhance coherence and depth, further development of ideas and stronger connections to the prompt can be beneficial.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph discusses a different perspective (smart appearance vs. quality of work) and provides supporting examples. However, there is a slight imbalance in the depth of discussion between the two perspectives, with more emphasis on the importance of appearance initially.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that the depth of discussion between opposing views is more evenly distributed. In this essay, dedicating equal attention to both perspectives would create a more balanced argument and improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Transition phrases are used to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs.
- How to improve: While the essay’s paragraphing is generally effective, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to strengthen the overall coherence. Using more explicit transition words or phrases could improve the flow between ideas and enhance cohesion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences. These include pronouns (e.g., "they," "it"), conjunctions (e.g., "but," "thus"), and transitional phrases (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion"). These cohesive devices help maintain coherence and guide the reader through the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively uses cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases to further enhance coherence. Introducing more diverse connectors can add nuance to the relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas into coherent paragraphs and using cohesive devices to connect them. To further improve, aim for a more balanced discussion between opposing perspectives and refine transitions for smoother coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "caliber," "influence," "prescribed," "innovation," and "results-oriented." Additionally, it employs diverse lexical choices like "development of the business," "enhance the customer experience," and "brand recognition." These selections effectively convey the writer’s ideas with clarity and depth.
- How to improve: To further enrich the vocabulary, consider integrating specialized terminology relevant to the discussion of organizational dynamics and employee management. For instance, instead of repeating "quality of work," explore synonyms such as "workmanship," "craftsmanship," or "proficiency" to add nuance and precision to the argument.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, phrases like "first impression," "brand recognition," and "polite dressing style" are aptly chosen to articulate specific concepts. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as the repetition of "quality of work" without variation.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive for greater diversity in word choice. Instead of repeatedly using "quality of work," explore synonyms like "work excellence," "performance standards," or "professional output." This not only avoids redundancy but also adds sophistication to the expression of ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors observed. For instance, words like "caliber," "perspective," and "communication" are spelled correctly throughout the text. However, there are occasional instances of minor misspellings, such as "influence" misspelled as "influance."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to identify and rectify errors before submission. Additionally, practicing spelling exercises and expanding familiarity with commonly misspelled words can contribute to improved spelling proficiency over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It incorporates simple, compound, and complex sentences effectively throughout the text. For instance, the essay opens with a complex sentence: "Some companies believe that appearance plays an inevitable role in the development of the business; by contrast, others believe in the caliber of the employees and how beneficial they are to the company." This structure sets up the discussion clearly and efficiently. Additionally, the essay employs conditional sentences ("In places where staff must interact with customers…"), exemplification ("For example, at Dien May Xanh stores…"), and contrasting clauses ("On the other hand, the issue employers today are concerned about…") to support the arguments effectively.
- How to improve: To further enhance the richness of sentence structures, consider integrating more varied sentence types such as rhetorical questions, parallelism, or inversion for added rhetorical effect. Additionally, aim for more intricate syntactical arrangements to elevate the sophistication of the writing. For example, incorporating periodic sentences or using appositive phrases can add depth and nuance to the essay’s structure.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy with few notable errors. Instances of subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage are handled proficiently throughout the essay. For example, the essay correctly uses the present tense in discussing general truths ("The first impression plays an important role…") and maintains subject-verb agreement ("They think that appearance takes up a lot of time…"). Furthermore, punctuation marks are appropriately employed to guide the reader through the text, aiding clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits strong grammatical accuracy overall, attention to minor errors such as punctuation inconsistencies or occasional awkward phrasing can further refine the writing. Carefully review sentence structures to ensure parallelism and clarity, particularly in complex sentences. Additionally, consider utilizing more advanced grammatical structures, such as reduced relative clauses or inversion, to add sophistication to the writing style. Finally, pay close attention to comma usage, ensuring consistency and precision in marking pauses and separating clauses.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, effectively utilizing a diverse range of sentence structures to convey ideas cohesively and accurately. Continued focus on refining grammar and punctuation skills, alongside the incorporation of more intricate syntactical arrangements, will further elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some organizations emphasize the significance of their employees’ appearance in the workplace, while others prioritize the quality of their work. From my perspective, both smart dressing and work proficiency hold importance for staff members.

On one hand, it is evident that formal attire contributes to the organization’s image. First impressions play a crucial role in attracting customers and establishing a memorable image of the business. For instance, in customer-facing environments like hospitals, banks, and shopping malls, a professional appearance enhances the customer experience. As a result, customers are more easily influenced and make quicker decisions. For example, at Dien May Xanh stores, employees are required to wear uniforms, such as blue T-shirts for both men and women, which aids in brand recognition and leaves a positive impression on customers.

On the other hand, some employers prioritize work quality over appearance. They argue that focusing on appearance consumes considerable time and distracts employees, shifting their focus from work to fashion. Employers today value innovation, effective communication skills, and strong problem-solving abilities in their employees over their appearance. For instance, Google, a multinational technology company, allows its staff the freedom to choose their attire, focusing more on results and employee capabilities rather than appearance.

In conclusion, whether an organization emphasizes dressing smartly or values work quality depends on its perspective. In my view, both aspects are necessary for the success of the company. Therefore, it is essential to strike a balance between a professional appearance and the quality of work to achieve optimal results.