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Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to bring up children? What consequences could this way pose to on children as they get older?

Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to bring up children? What consequences could this way pose to on children as they get older?

It is undoubtedly apparent that several parents are now inordinately permissive and inclined to succumb to their offspring’s temptation. I hold the conviction that this is not a decent child-rearing approach, and it can exert a plethora of adverse long-term consequences on children themselves.
There are myriad rationales why this parental style is not granted for education. Firstly, youngsters who are overindulgent in unmerited aspirations are likely to be so self-centered that they would beg their parents for stuff they long to possess or do what they yearn for daily. If those children did not achieve their goals, they would immediately exhibit disobedience and rebellion. Secondly, having been motivated by parents’ undeserved dynamics, juniors might adopt jealous habits. Manifestly, children’s sense of dissatisfaction is notably attributed to the circumstance where they are not permitted to own personal possessions or fulfill their activities as their peers.
The children of lenient parents are probably to grow up encountering an absence of responsibility and socialization. The first demerit is that they might become irresponsible who exert little consistent effort and perseverance in doing things. One prime effect could be seen when these children do not seamlessly fulfill the missions they are tasked with due to their lack of duty and meticulousness. Another tangible downside this parental upbringing has on children could be soft skill limitations. This impact can be observable, for instance, in rich kids who are fully grown up in lucrative families who are going to access universities. Due to their experiences in extravagant high schools, those kids typically find it strenuous to either acclimatize to mediocre campuses or get on well with their counterparts who have undergone their younger years in impoverished families.
In conclusion, a parental approach involving excessively pleasing and no frontier of children’s actions should not be recommended owning to its detrimental contribution to their adulthood pertinent to ways of exhibiting undertaking and interpersonal skills.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "inordinately permissive" -> "excessively permissive"
    Explanation: Replacing "inordinately permissive" with "excessively permissive" maintains formality while using a more precise term, contributing to a more academically appropriate expression of parental behavior.

  2. "succumb to their offspring’s temptation" -> "yield to their children’s enticement"
    Explanation: "Succumb" is a bit strong and informal; replacing it with "yield" provides a more neutral tone. Additionally, "offspring’s temptation" is replaced with "children’s enticement" for clarity and formality.

  3. "I hold the conviction that" -> "I am of the opinion that"
    Explanation: "I hold the conviction that" is somewhat informal; substituting it with "I am of the opinion that" imparts a more academic tone to the statement.

  4. "a plethora of adverse long-term consequences" -> "numerous detrimental long-term effects"
    Explanation: While "a plethora of adverse long-term consequences" is not incorrect, the alternative "numerous detrimental long-term effects" is more concise and aligns better with academic style.

  5. "rationales" -> "reasons"
    Explanation: "Rationales" is slightly formal and less common; replacing it with "reasons" maintains formality while improving readability.

  6. "overindulgent in unmerited aspirations" -> "excessively indulgent in unwarranted ambitions"
    Explanation: The replacement offers a more formal and precise expression, maintaining the original meaning while enhancing the academic tone.

  7. "self-centered" -> "egocentric"
    Explanation: "Self-centered" is appropriate but substituting it with "egocentric" adds a more formal touch, aligning with academic language.

  8. "beg their parents for stuff" -> "plead with their parents for possessions"
    Explanation: "Beg for stuff" is informal; using "plead for possessions" conveys the same idea in a more formal manner.

  9. "yearn for daily" -> "desire on a daily basis"
    Explanation: Replacing "yearn for daily" with "desire on a daily basis" enhances formality without sacrificing clarity.

  10. "jealous habits" -> "envious tendencies"
    Explanation: "Jealous habits" is somewhat colloquial; substituting it with "envious tendencies" maintains formality.

  11. "children’s sense of dissatisfaction is notably attributed" -> "children’s dissatisfaction can be notably attributed"
    Explanation: The revised version provides a more structured and academically appropriate expression.

  12. "fulfill the missions" -> "fulfill their tasks"
    Explanation: "Fulfill the missions" is less formal; using "fulfill their tasks" maintains formality and clarity.

  13. "soft skill limitations" -> "limitations in interpersonal skills"
    Explanation: While "soft skill limitations" is acceptable, the alternative "limitations in interpersonal skills" is more specific and formal.

  14. "strenuous to either acclimatize" -> "challenging to acclimatize"
    Explanation: "Strenuous to either acclimatize" is a bit informal; replacing it with "challenging to acclimatize" maintains formality.

  15. "get on well with" -> "establish rapport with"
    Explanation: "Get on well with" is conversational; using "establish rapport with" is more formal and appropriate in an academic context.

  16. "undergone their younger years" -> "experienced their formative years"
    Explanation: "Undergone their younger years" is less formal; substituting it with "experienced their formative years" enhances formality.

  17. "parental approach involving excessively pleasing" -> "parenting approach characterized by excessive indulgence"
    Explanation: The revised version provides a more comprehensive and formal description of the parental approach.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the negative consequences of permissive parenting on children, both in terms of their immediate behavior and long-term development.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers the required elements, it could benefit from offering more specific examples or scenarios to illustrate its points. Providing concrete instances would strengthen the analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that permissive parenting is not a suitable approach. The stance is consistently presented, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This would reinforce the essay’s central argument for the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with reasonable development, elaborating on the consequences of permissive parenting. It cites examples, such as children exhibiting disobedience and rebellion, and discusses the impact on their future responsibilities and socialization.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay could delve deeper into the analysis of specific consequences. For instance, expanding on the soft skill limitations and providing real-life examples would add depth to the discussion.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the consequences of permissive parenting. However, there are moments where the focus could be tighter, such as the transition between discussing immediate behavior and long-term effects.
    • How to improve: To enhance focus, the essay could maintain a more seamless transition between ideas. Additionally, a more explicit connection between short-term disobedience and long-term soft skill limitations would strengthen the overall coherence.

Overall Comments:
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, effectively addressing the negative consequences of permissive parenting. To improve, consider incorporating more specific examples, explicitly stating and reiterating the position, and ensuring a smoother transition between ideas. This would elevate the essay’s overall coherence and depth of analysis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, progressing in a logical sequence. However, there are instances where the connection between sentences could be smoother, impacting the overall coherence. For example, the transition from discussing the negative consequences of permissive parenting to the conclusion could be refined for a more seamless flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use clear linking words or phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s progression. Additionally, consider reinforcing the connection between the body paragraphs and the thesis statement in the introduction for a more cohesive structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, each focusing on a specific point and contributing to the overall argument. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph structure. Some paragraphs could be more varied in length and complexity, creating a more dynamic and engaging rhythm.
    • How to improve: Aim for a balance between shorter and longer paragraphs to maintain reader interest. Vary sentence structures within paragraphs to avoid monotony. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and develops its ideas coherently. This will contribute to a more polished and impactful essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs, contributing to overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity of cohesive devices. The essay relies on certain words and phrases repetitively (e.g., "firstly," "secondly"), which may affect the essay’s overall fluency.
    • How to improve: Broaden the range of cohesive devices used. Instead of relying solely on numerical transitions, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "however," or "consequently." This will enhance the essay’s coherence and demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used judiciously to avoid over-repetition.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion. To further elevate the score, focus on refining the transitions between paragraphs, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary throughout the essay, with phrases like "inordinately permissive," "undeserved dynamics," and "manifestly." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further, especially in certain areas where repetition occurs.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more synonyms and exploring different ways to express ideas. Avoid overusing certain words, such as "children," and opt for alternative terms or expressions where possible. For instance, you may replace "undeserved dynamics" with a more straightforward phrase for clarity.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision. However, there are instances where word choices could be more precise. For example, the phrase "overindulgent in unmerited aspirations" could be clarified for a more precise meaning. Additionally, there is a slight tendency to use complex language that might hinder overall clarity.
    • How to improve: Aim for clarity in expression, opting for straightforward language where complexity may obscure meaning. Review specific phrases and consider whether simpler alternatives could convey the same idea more effectively. For instance, replace "overindulgent in unmerited aspirations" with a simpler phrase like "excessively indulging in unrealistic desires."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where errors, such as "absence" instead of "absent," are present. These minor spelling issues do not significantly detract from comprehension, but addressing them would enhance the overall polish of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully, paying close attention to commonly misspelled words. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools to catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, take the time to review and correct any typographical mistakes, ensuring a higher degree of precision in written expression.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in lexical resource, but refining vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy can contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the structures further. For example, the frequent use of conditional sentences can be balanced with more variety in sentence types, such as simple or compound sentences, to enhance overall fluency.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating different sentence structures. Introduce a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to add variety and sophistication to your writing. This can be achieved by paying attention to sentence structure during the editing process.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement and sentence structure can be refined. For instance, in the sentence "Firstly, youngsters who are overindulgent in unmerited aspirations are likely to be so self-centered," consider revising to improve the flow and clarity of the sentence. Additionally, there are a few instances where the choice of words could be more precise for grammatical accuracy.
    • How to improve: Focus on improving subject-verb agreement and refining sentence structures for clarity. During the revision process, pay close attention to word choice to ensure precision and accuracy. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to identify and rectify potential errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, earning a Band Score of 6. To further enhance your score, continue diversifying your sentence structures and refining grammar, particularly focusing on subject-verb agreement and word choice. Regularly reviewing and editing your writing will contribute to improved grammatical precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that some parents are excessively permissive, yielding to their children’s enticements. I am of the opinion that this is not a favorable approach to raising children, as it can lead to numerous detrimental long-term effects.

There are several reasons why this parenting style is not conducive to proper upbringing. Firstly, children who are excessively indulged in unwarranted ambitions tend to be egocentric, pleading with their parents for possessions or desiring activities on a daily basis. If these desires are not fulfilled, they may exhibit disobedience and rebellion. Secondly, children raised with overly permissive parents may develop envious tendencies, as their dissatisfaction can be notably attributed to not being allowed personal possessions or the fulfillment of activities like their peers.

Children brought up by lenient parents are likely to face challenges in responsibility and socialization as they grow older. One significant drawback is the potential lack of responsibility, as they may become irresponsible and lack consistency and perseverance in their endeavors. This lack of diligence could be evident when they struggle to fulfill their tasks due to a lack of duty and meticulousness. Another tangible downside of this parenting approach is the limitation in interpersonal skills. For instance, affluent children who have experienced their formative years in prosperous families may find it challenging to acclimatize to less privileged environments or establish rapport with peers who have grown up in less affluent circumstances.

In conclusion, a parenting approach characterized by excessive indulgence and a lack of boundaries in children’s actions should not be recommended due to its detrimental impact on their adulthood, particularly in terms of demonstrating responsibility and interpersonal skills.

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