Some parents think the best way to minimise bullying at school is the parents’ responsibility. Others think otherwise, suggesting that the best way to mitigate it is of the schools’. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some parents think the best way to minimise bullying at school is the parents' responsibility. Others think otherwise, suggesting that the best way to mitigate it is of the schools’. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Bullying in school has long been a conundrum and the corollaries of leaving this problem unsolved are nefarious. Hence, some people maintain that parents should take the mantle of proposing the optimal solutions to lessen the inexorably increasing cases of bullying, however, others think that schools should be the ones to do this. This speech aims to discuss both sides before presenting my viewpoint in favor of a balanced approach.
On the one hand, school supporters maintain that schools should be a contributory factor in the deterrent to physical, verbal and other kinds of attacks on students. Thanks to the fact that students spend a considerable amount of time at school, educational institutions can grab this opportunity to exercise suitable punishments for students’ moral degradation. This is manifested most pronouncedly in the comprehensive list of rules and regulations schools have created for students to abide by, therefore they also have to make sure that students have complied with the rules they make. As a result, unless students stay committed to those rules and regulations, they may at best face constructive criticism, receive indefinite detention, or face expulsion from school at worst. Moreover, schools are putting ceaseless effort into promoting virtues such as empathy, kindness and respect, thereby forming a harmonious environment among students. The ripple effects of this are overwhelmingly positive and concurrently far-reaching, with a decrease in bullying cases and a concomitant increase in the happiness levels of learners.
On the other hand, it is strongly argued that apart from schools, parents should also be held accountable for their offspring’s domineering behaviour. First of all, since schools have time and budget constraints, schools are incapable of building a firm moral foundation for children, which helps emasculate bullying. To elaborate, the time spent providing formal education is of paramount importance in comparison to the time devoted to facilitating healthy behavioural development. Meanwhile, parental proximity and lifelong engagement uniquely position them to bear the brunt of solving this problem. The everyday interactions, from resolving conflicts to imparting cultural and ethical values, significantly contribute to a child's moral compass, which navigates them through the landscape of aggressive behaviours such as bullying. Hence, parents should be responsible for finding ways to preclude bullying, given their inherent closeness to their offspring compared to educators, and their seemingly greater wealth of experience in the upbringing process.
On a personal note, I think that a collaborative effort in nurturing between teachers and parents is the prerequisite for the prevention of ongoing browbeating among students. Stringent regulations of schools incorporating parental guidance can help create a salubrious environment. Therefore, children can enjoy positive learning experiences and friendly competition and collaboration with their peers.
In conclusion, the responsibility of attenuating bullying behaviors should be equally divided on the shoulders of schools and forebears.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "long been a conundrum" -> "long been a perplexing issue"
    Explanation: Replacing "conundrum" with "perplexing issue" maintains the sense of complexity while using a more formal and suitable term for academic writing.

  2. "corollaries" -> "consequences"
    Explanation: While "corollaries" is technically correct, "consequences" is a more commonly used term in academic contexts and is clearer to readers.

  3. "take the mantle of proposing" -> "take responsibility for proposing"
    Explanation: "Take the mantle of proposing" is a bit figurative and less direct. "Take responsibility for proposing" is clearer and more formal.

  4. "inexorably increasing cases" -> "steadily increasing instances"
    Explanation: "Inexorably increasing" might be too strong; "steadily increasing instances" maintains the meaning without the overly intense tone.

  5. "contributory factor" -> "contributing factor"
    Explanation: "Contributory" is less commonly used than "contributing" in academic writing and might sound slightly awkward.

  6. "grab this opportunity" -> "seize this opportunity"
    Explanation: "Seize" is a more formal and precise term compared to "grab" in academic writing.

  7. "manifested most pronouncedly" -> "most notably manifested"
    Explanation: "Manifested most pronouncedly" is a bit convoluted. "Most notably manifested" is clearer and more direct.

  8. "comprehensive list of rules and regulations" -> "extensive list of rules and regulations"
    Explanation: "Comprehensive" is slightly informal in this context; "extensive" maintains the meaning while sounding more formal.

  9. "stay committed to those rules" -> "adhere to those rules"
    Explanation: "Adhere to" is a more formal way to express staying committed to rules in an academic context.

  10. "constructive criticism" -> "disciplinary action"
    Explanation: While "constructive criticism" is valuable, in this context, "disciplinary action" aligns better with the consequence of not following rules.

  11. "receive indefinite detention" -> "face indefinite detention"
    Explanation: The change clarifies the consequence more directly, maintaining a formal tone.

  12. "ceaseless effort" -> "continuous effort"
    Explanation: "Continuous effort" sounds more formal and avoids the slightly informal tone of "ceaseless."

  13. "forming a harmonious environment among students" -> "fostering a harmonious environment among students"
    Explanation: "Fostering" is more commonly used in academic contexts to denote the development of an environment.

  14. "ripple effects" -> "consequences"
    Explanation: "Consequences" is more precise and commonly used in academic discussions.

  15. "domineering behaviour" -> "aggressive behavior"
    Explanation: "Aggressive behavior" is a more direct and formal term compared to "domineering behavior."

  16. "incapable of building a firm moral foundation" -> "unable to establish a strong moral foundation"
    Explanation: The change offers a clearer and more direct phrasing for academic writing.

  17. "emasculate bullying" -> "reduce bullying"
    Explanation: "Emasculate" might be seen as overly strong or inappropriate in this context; "reduce" is more neutral and appropriate.

  18. "bear the brunt" -> "take the lead"
    Explanation: "Bear the brunt" might sound a bit informal; "take the lead" maintains the meaning while sounding more formal.

  19. "preclude bullying" -> "prevent bullying"
    Explanation: "Prevent" is a clearer and more direct term than "preclude" in this context.

  20. "nurturing between teachers and parents is the prerequisite" -> "collaboration between teachers and parents is essential"
    Explanation: "Prerequisite" is a bit formal; "essential" maintains the meaning while sounding slightly less technical.

  21. "Stringent regulations of schools" -> "Stringent school policies"
    Explanation: This change condenses the expression while retaining the intended meaning in a more concise way.

  22. "create a salubrious environment" -> "establish a healthy environment"
    Explanation: "Establish a healthy environment" is a clearer and more direct phrase compared to "create a salubrious environment."

  23. "browbeating among students" -> "bullying among students"
    Explanation: "Browbeating" might not be as commonly understood; "bullying" is a more direct and recognized term.

  24. "forebears" -> "parents"
    Explanation: "Forebears" generally refers to ancestors; "parents" is a more precise term for the context of this discussion.

These alterations enhance the essay’s formal and academic tone while maintaining clarity and precision in conveying the intended message.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Certainly! Let’s break down the essay based on the checklist provided for the Task Response criteria with a final band score of 8.

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives: the role of parents and schools in minimizing bullying. It discusses how schools enforce rules and promote virtues while also emphasizing the importance of parental influence in shaping a child’s behavior.
    • How to improve: To enhance, consider delving deeper into specific examples where collaboration between parents and schools can be more effective.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and balanced stance throughout. It initially presents both views but eventually settles on the opinion that a collaborative effort between parents and schools is crucial.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the connection between the collaborative effort and the effectiveness it could have in mitigating bullying.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently but could benefit from stronger development and support. For instance, while discussing the role of parents, elaborating on specific strategies or examples would enhance the argument’s depth.
    • How to improve: Add concrete examples or studies that illustrate how parental involvement or collaborative efforts have successfully reduced bullying incidents.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic, addressing the roles of parents and schools in combating bullying. However, there are moments where the connection to the main topic could be clearer.
    • How to improve: Ensure all points and arguments directly relate to the central theme of parental and school responsibility in preventing bullying.

For improvement, consider fleshing out examples that demonstrate the effectiveness of collaborative efforts between parents and schools in reducing bullying incidents. Additionally, strengthening the connection between these collaborative efforts and their direct impact on minimizing bullying could further enhance the essay’s depth and clarity. Also, strive for a more direct link between each point discussed and its relevance to the main topic.

Overall, the essay presents a well-structured argument but would benefit from more explicit connections between ideas and a deeper exploration of supportive examples or evidence to bolster the points made.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at organizing information logically. It starts by introducing the two opposing views and proceeds to discuss them in separate paragraphs. Each paragraph presents coherent arguments supported by examples and reasoning. However, there are moments where the flow could be smoother. Transitions between ideas occasionally feel abrupt, disrupting the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, work on smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases more consistently to guide the reader through the progression of ideas. Additionally, ensure each paragraph maintains a clear focus on a single aspect of the argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, each attempting to address different facets of the argument. However, some paragraphs tend to combine multiple points, making the structure slightly convoluted. The essay lacks consistent topic sentences to guide the reader through each paragraph’s main idea.
    • How to improve: Focus on one main idea per paragraph and begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates that idea. This will provide a roadmap for the reader and improve the essay’s overall readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices are sporadically used throughout the essay. While some transition words and phrases are present, their usage lacks consistency and variety. This affects the overall flow and coherence, making the connections between ideas less clear at times.
    • How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices consistently. Use transitional words/phrases (e.g., ‘furthermore,’ ‘however,’ ‘consequently’) to establish connections between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure these devices are used purposefully to reinforce the logical progression of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents coherent arguments. To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on maintaining a clear structure with well-defined paragraphs, employ a wider variety of cohesive devices consistently, and work on smoother transitions between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with the use of words such as "conundrum," "corollaries," "nefarious," "deterrent," and "emasculate." However, the range could be further expanded to include more sophisticated and varied vocabulary to enhance the overall lexical richness.
    • How to improve: To improve this aspect, consider incorporating more nuanced and contextually appropriate vocabulary. For instance, instead of using common phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," experiment with alternative expressions like "from one perspective" and "alternatively."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary in a precise manner, effectively conveying the intended meaning. However, there are instances where word choices could be more precise. For example, the use of "conundrum" might be too strong for the context, and the phrase "moral degradation" could be replaced with a more specific term.
    • How to improve: Strive for more precision by selecting words that accurately capture the intended nuance. In the mentioned instances, consider replacing "conundrum" with "issue" or "challenge," and "moral degradation" with a more specific term like "ethical decline" or "misconduct."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances where typos or errors can be found. For instance, "forebears" should be spelled as "forebears," and there is a missing space in "browbeating." While these errors do not severely impact understanding, addressing them would enhance the overall polish of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to carefully proofread the essay before submission. Additionally, using spell-check tools can help catch and rectify minor spelling errors. Developing a habit of reviewing written work attentively will contribute to consistently accurate spelling.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of lexical resource, but there is room for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Expanding the range of vocabulary with more sophisticated terms, ensuring precision in word choices, and maintaining consistent spelling accuracy will contribute to further elevating the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to vary sentence lengths and structures, incorporating complex sentences alongside simpler ones. For instance, the essay employs both compound and complex sentences: "Bullying in school has long been a conundrum…" (complex), and "On the other hand, it is strongly argued…" (compound).
    • How to improve: To enhance variety, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures where appropriate. Introduce conditional sentences, relative clauses, or rhetorical questions to add nuance and sophistication.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of minor grammatical errors, such as the phrase "thanks to the fact that students spend a considerable amount of time at school" where a more concise expression would be beneficial.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to conciseness and clarity. In this instance, rephrase for clarity, e.g., "Given students’ substantial time at school…"
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally accurate, with correct use of commas, periods, and apostrophes. However, there are a few instances where commas are overused, such as in the sentence "The everyday interactions, from resolving conflicts to imparting cultural and ethical values, significantly contribute to a child’s moral compass, which navigates them through the landscape of aggressive behaviours such as bullying."
    • How to improve: Review the use of commas, ensuring they are employed judiciously. In the mentioned sentence, consider breaking it into two for improved clarity: "The everyday interactions, from resolving conflicts to imparting cultural and ethical values, significantly contribute to a child’s moral compass. This compass navigates them through the landscape of aggressive behaviors such as bullying."

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures with room for improvement in sentence variety and minor adjustments for conciseness. Attention to detail in grammar and punctuation will further enhance the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Bullying in schools remains a significant issue, and the repercussions of ignoring this problem are severe. Some argue that parents should propose solutions to reduce the escalating cases of bullying, while others believe schools should take responsibility. This discussion will explore both perspectives before presenting my viewpoint, advocating for a balanced approach.

Supporters of school intervention argue that educational institutions play a crucial role in deterring various forms of student attacks. Considering the substantial time students spend at school, institutions have the opportunity to impose suitable consequences for moral misconduct. This is notably seen in the extensive rules and regulations students must adhere to. Consequently, failure to comply may lead to constructive criticism, detention, or even expulsion. Additionally, schools continuously strive to foster a positive environment among students by promoting virtues like empathy and kindness. This effort results in a decrease in bullying instances and a boost in overall happiness among learners.

Conversely, it’s strongly advocated that parents also bear responsibility for their children’s behavior. Schools, limited by time and resources, may struggle to instill a strong moral foundation in students, essential for combating bullying. In contrast, parental proximity and continuous engagement uniquely position them to influence their children’s behavior. Everyday interactions, resolving conflicts, and imparting cultural values significantly contribute to a child’s moral compass, guiding them away from aggressive behaviors like bullying. Therefore, parents, with their inherent closeness and life experience, play a pivotal role in preventing bullying.

From my perspective, a collaborative effort between teachers and parents is crucial to curbing bullying among students. Implementing stringent school regulations while incorporating parental guidance creates a healthy environment. This ensures that children enjoy positive learning experiences, fostering friendly competition and collaboration among peers.

In conclusion, both schools and parents should share the responsibility of reducing bullying behaviors. A combined effort will create a conducive environment for students to learn and interact positively.

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