Some people are born to be leaders, while others believe leadership can be learnt.
Some people are born to be leaders, while others believe leadership can be learnt.
In today's society, the question about the role and significance of leadership has become the subject of debate. Many individuals assume that some people are born with a sense of leadership, conversely, others think that leadership can be obtained in life. From my perspective, I accede to the ladder statement.
Having leadership is no exception to any talent, as many people have had it since they were in their mother's womb. Talented in leading others is a type of strengths in life. On the grounds that a talented leader can lead the group to accomplish tasks successfully. Many people has unfolded their ability in leading in workplace or school without any difficulties, giving them chances to show their value among everyone. For example, many children in Vietnam have a strong sense of leadership in school games and activities, showing their potential to other peers. Moreover, young employees can be promoted to higher positions in the workplace due to their capabities to lead their co-workers to deal with projects with less mistakes. Therefore, the belief of people are born to be leaders is more strengthened among society.
Conversely, leadership can be acquired in social life and in the workplace. Witnessing many setbacks in life and during the working period can create many experience for people, as it provides value information and knowledge for the leaders to avoid mistakes. For instance, many boses in Vietnam has shared their past memories in an interview in 2002, that they had learnt from their and others mistakes to be wiser and more conscious. In addition, reading lower leveled employee's emotions is another strong skill that a superior must have. This is because a good leader is person that can mix many different opinions mutually and find the best solution to the problems. Therefore, choosing wise words to talk employees to make them do not feel like they are the fifth wheel and their opinions are useful is best way to gain respect and trust from them.
All things considered, although the statement that leadership is associated with some people naturally, I am still strongly convinced that people can learn how to be a excellent leader, as experiencing difficulties can make people wiser and understand their subordinates' emotions and thoughts
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
- "the question about" -> "the inquiry regarding"
Explanation: "the question about" is somewhat informal and vague. "the inquiry regarding" offers a more formal and precise alternative, suitable for academic writing. - "Many individuals assume" -> "Many scholars contend"
Explanation: "assume" suggests a degree of uncertainty or speculation, while "contend" conveys a stronger assertion commonly found in academic discourse. - "some people are born with a sense of leadership" -> "certain individuals inherently possess leadership qualities"
Explanation: "are born with a sense of leadership" is slightly informal. "inherently possess leadership qualities" provides a more formal and precise expression. - "conversely" -> "on the contrary"
Explanation: "conversely" may seem a bit abrupt in this context. "on the contrary" smoothly transitions to the opposing viewpoint in a more formal manner. - "Having leadership is no exception to any talent" -> "Possessing leadership skills is akin to any other talent"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. "Possessing leadership skills" is more direct, and "akin to any other talent" enhances clarity and formal tone. - "Talented in leading others" -> "Proficient in guiding others"
Explanation: "Talented in leading others" is colloquial. "Proficient in guiding others" is a more formal and precise alternative. - "Many people has unfolded their ability" -> "Many individuals have demonstrated their ability"
Explanation: "has unfolded their ability" is grammatically incorrect. "have demonstrated their ability" is grammatically accurate and more formal. - "capabities" -> "capabilities"
Explanation: "capabities" is a misspelling. "capabilities" is the correct spelling and aligns with academic style. - "giving them chances to show their value among everyone" -> "providing them opportunities to demonstrate their value to others"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks clarity. "providing them opportunities" is clearer, and "to demonstrate their value to others" enhances precision and formality. - "the belief of people are born to be leaders" -> "the belief that individuals are born to be leaders"
Explanation: "the belief of people are born to be leaders" is grammatically incorrect. "the belief that individuals are born to be leaders" is grammatically accurate and more formal. - "Witnessing many setbacks in life and during the working period can create many experience for people" -> "Encountering numerous setbacks in life and in the workplace can cultivate valuable experiences"
Explanation: "can create many experience for people" is awkward and lacks clarity. "can cultivate valuable experiences" is clearer and more formal. - "many boses in Vietnam has shared" -> "many executives in Vietnam have shared"
Explanation: "boses" is a colloquial term. "executives" is a more formal and precise alternative. - "their past memories" -> "their past experiences"
Explanation: "past memories" is redundant and less formal. "past experiences" is more concise and suitable for academic writing. - "to be wiser and more conscious" -> "to enhance their wisdom and awareness"
Explanation: "to be wiser and more conscious" is somewhat informal. "to enhance their wisdom and awareness" offers a more formal expression. - "reading lower leveled employee’s emotions" -> "discerning the emotions of subordinate employees"
Explanation: "lower leveled employee’s emotions" is awkward. "discerning the emotions of subordinate employees" is clearer and more formal. - "a superior must have" -> "a leader must possess"
Explanation: "a superior must have" is somewhat informal. "a leader must possess" is a more formal and precise alternative. - "mix many different opinions mutually" -> "integrate diverse opinions harmoniously"
Explanation: "mix many different opinions mutually" is unclear. "integrate diverse opinions harmoniously" is clearer and more formal. - "make them do not feel like they are the fifth wheel" -> "ensure they do not feel marginalized"
Explanation: "make them do not feel like" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "ensure they do not feel marginalized" is grammatically accurate and formal. - "All things considered" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "All things considered" is less formal. "In conclusion" is a more standard phrase to signal the end of the essay and provide a summary statement.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives presented in the prompt. It acknowledges the belief that some individuals are born with innate leadership qualities and counters it with the argument that leadership can also be acquired through life experiences. Each viewpoint is discussed, with examples provided to support the author’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, consider delving deeper into the implications of each perspective. Provide more nuanced analysis regarding how nature versus nurture influences leadership development. Additionally, ensure that the examples directly relate to the main argument and are effectively integrated into the essay structure.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that leadership can be learned, which is evident from the thesis statement to the concluding remarks. The author consistently supports this stance by presenting arguments and examples to illustrate the importance of life experiences in shaping leadership skills.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the position by explicitly stating it in the introduction and reiterating it throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph reinforces this central idea, avoiding any ambiguity or contradictory statements that may confuse the reader.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding innate leadership abilities versus learned leadership skills. However, some points lack development and require further elaboration to fully support the author’s claims. For instance, while examples are provided to illustrate each perspective, they could be expanded upon to provide deeper insights.
- How to improve: Extend the discussion of each idea by providing more detailed explanations and additional examples. Strengthen the coherence and cohesion of the essay by connecting ideas logically and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the question of whether leadership is inherent or acquired. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, such as when discussing unrelated concepts like avoiding mistakes and understanding subordinates’ emotions. These tangents detract from the clarity and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Maintain a tighter focus on the main topic by avoiding tangential discussions. Ensure that each point directly contributes to answering the prompt and advancing the central argument. Tighten the organization and structure of the essay to eliminate any unnecessary diversions from the topic.
Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in extending and supporting ideas, as well as maintaining focus on the topic throughout the essay. By providing more thorough analysis, relevant examples, and ensuring coherence, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. It begins with an introduction that presents the topic and the writer’s perspective clearly. The subsequent body paragraphs effectively present arguments supporting the belief that leadership can be learned, followed by a conclusion summarizing the author’s stance. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition between paragraphs could be more seamless, ensuring a clearer progression of thoughts.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow and structure of the essay, consider using transition words and phrases more consistently to connect ideas between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point, with supporting evidence and examples provided cohesively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to organize ideas, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are areas where paragraphing could be improved for better coherence. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, leading to a lack of clarity and cohesion. Additionally, the structure within paragraphs could be strengthened to provide a more organized presentation of information.
- How to improve: Aim for greater clarity and coherence by ensuring each paragraph centers on a single main idea. Begin paragraphs with topic sentences that introduce the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and coherence.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transitional phrases like "Moreover," and "Therefore," which help to link arguments and provide a smooth progression of ideas. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of cohesive devices used. While some transitions are effective, others could be more varied and sophisticated to enhance coherence further.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of transition words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "On the contrary." Additionally, consider using pronouns, repetition, and parallel structure to reinforce connections between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that cohesive devices are used judiciously to maintain clarity and coherence without overloading the text.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, incorporating a variety of terms to discuss the concept of leadership and its acquisition. For instance, phrases such as "unfolded their ability," "capabities," and "setbacks in life" showcase a diverse lexical range.
- How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary usage, consider incorporating more nuanced synonyms and idiomatic expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "leadership," explore alternatives like "guidance," "mentorship," or "stewardship" where appropriate.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "many people has unfolded their ability" could be more effectively conveyed as "many individuals have demonstrated their leadership prowess." Additionally, phrases like "lower leveled employee’s emotions" could be refined to "subordinate emotions" for clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Utilize a thesaurus to explore synonyms and choose terms that capture the nuances of the ideas being expressed.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay, with only minor errors observed. However, there are a few instances where mistakes occur, such as "boses" instead of "bosses" and "capabities" instead of "capabilities."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing spell check tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors before submission. Additionally, practicing spelling through vocabulary exercises can help reinforce correct spelling patterns.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. Examples include simple declarative sentences ("Having leadership is no exception to any talent"), compound sentences ("Many people have unfolded their ability in leading in workplace or school without any difficulties, giving them chances to show their value among everyone"), and complex sentences with dependent clauses ("Witnessing many setbacks in life and during the working period can create many experiences for people, as it provides valuable information and knowledge for the leaders to avoid mistakes"). These varied structures contribute to the coherence and depth of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively utilizes different sentence structures, further enhancing complexity by incorporating a wider range of complex structures such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, or parallel structures can elevate the sophistication of expression. Introducing rhetorical devices like parallelism or antithesis can also add stylistic flair and engage the reader more effectively.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies throughout the essay. For example, there is a missing article in the phrase "many people has unfolded their ability," where "has" should be replaced with "have." Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors such as missing commas before introductory phrases ("Witnessing many setbacks in life and during the working period can create many experiences for people"). These errors do not significantly impede comprehension but indicate areas for improvement.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, careful proofreading is essential to catch and correct errors such as subject-verb agreement issues and punctuation inconsistencies. Reviewing grammar rules related to articles, verb tense consistency, and punctuation guidelines for complex sentences can help strengthen the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools can provide valuable insights for error correction.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary society, the inquiry regarding the role and significance of leadership has sparked considerable debate. Some individuals contend that leadership is an innate trait, while others argue that it can be acquired through life experiences. From my perspective, I concur with the latter viewpoint.
Possessing leadership skills is akin to any other talent, as many individuals exhibit it from a very young age. Being adept at guiding others is a valuable strength in life. A talented leader can effectively steer a group towards successful task completion. Numerous individuals effortlessly showcase their leadership prowess in various settings, such as the workplace or school, thereby asserting their value among their peers. For instance, many children in Vietnam display strong leadership abilities during school games and activities, thereby demonstrating their potential to their peers. Furthermore, young employees who demonstrate effective leadership skills often ascend to higher positions within the workplace, as they can lead their coworkers in project execution with minimal errors. Consequently, the belief that some individuals are inherently born to be leaders is widely entrenched in society.
Conversely, leadership can be cultivated through social experiences and professional endeavors. Encountering numerous challenges in life and the workplace can furnish individuals with invaluable experiences, equipping them with valuable insights and knowledge to avoid mistakes. For example, many executives in Vietnam have recounted in interviews how they learned from their own and others’ mistakes, subsequently becoming wiser and more discerning. Additionally, the ability to empathize with subordinate emotions is a crucial skill for any leader. A proficient leader is adept at reconciling diverse opinions and discerning optimal solutions to problems. Hence, employing tactful communication to ensure that employees feel valued and respected is paramount in fostering trust and cooperation.
In conclusion, while some contend that leadership is an inherent trait, I remain firmly convinced that individuals can cultivate excellent leadership skills through life experiences. Enduring hardships can foster wisdom and enhance one’s ability to understand the emotions and perspectives of subordinates.
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