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Some people argue that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. An alternative view is that they can adapt to a new environment by establishing a minority community. Discuss these two views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. An alternative view is that they can adapt to a new environment by establishing a minority community. Discuss these two views and give your opinion.

Many individuals argue that there should be an adaptation for immigrants who migrate to a new culture while others oppose that the immigrants should implement their culture as a minority community in a new country. From my perspective, they isolated themselves abroad bringing more negative results than positive things they are gotten.

On the one hand, many people who migrate to another country will feel homesick and lonely, especially those who arrive alone, so meeting people who speak the same language and traditional culture will help ease their emotions and also provide an opportunity to mutually support. In particular, with immigrants settling down for a long time, it is more important to have a minority community otherwise they will forget their origin. For instance, The war against America in Vietnam ended, a group of Vietnamese people went to America to settle down and never returned. However, they still remembered their homeland, so they established a small community dedicated to Vietnamese settlers so that even their descendants would know that their roots were Vietnam.

On the other hand, minor communities can increase cultural divergence and as a consequence some can live in these countries confidentially regardless of gender, race and nation. To illustrate, some Vietnam permanent settlers in Califonia, USA even cannot speak the American language and it limited their career, then led to homelessness. Therefore, if immigrants don’t adopt the local culture, they can’t have a stable job also the opportunity to develop. This also explains why before studying abroad, international students will learn the language and find out about the culture and laws of the country in order not to shock culture, convenient in communication so they can be recruited for part-time jobs and they can care for their life and develop themselves for a better future.

In conclusion, I think that in order to survive and develop, settlers should get used to the local culture, otherwise, they will get into trouble and even their fellow countrymen cannot aid.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Many individuals argue" -> "Many scholars argue"
    Explanation: Replacing "individuals" with "scholars" specifies the type of individuals involved in the discussion, enhancing the academic tone of the statement.

  2. "there should be an adaptation" -> "there should be an adaptation process"
    Explanation: Adding "process" clarifies that the adaptation refers to a systematic or structured process, which is more precise and formal.

  3. "oppose that the immigrants should implement" -> "oppose the implementation of immigrant cultures"
    Explanation: Changing "implement" to "implementation" shifts the focus from the action to the process, which is more appropriate in an academic context.

  4. "they isolated themselves abroad" -> "they isolated themselves in foreign countries"
    Explanation: Adding "in foreign countries" provides a clearer and more specific location, enhancing the precision of the statement.

  5. "bringing more negative results than positive things they are gotten" -> "yielding more negative outcomes than positive benefits"
    Explanation: Replacing "results" with "outcomes" and "things they are gotten" with "benefits" uses more formal vocabulary and corrects the grammatical structure.

  6. "many people who migrate" -> "numerous individuals who migrate"
    Explanation: "Numerous" is a more formal synonym for "many," and "individuals" is preferred in academic writing over "people" for a more formal tone.

  7. "meeting people who speak the same language and traditional culture" -> "interacting with individuals who share their native language and cultural heritage"
    Explanation: "Interacting with" is more specific and formal than "meeting," and "cultural heritage" is a more precise term than "traditional culture."

  8. "minor communities" -> "minority communities"
    Explanation: "Minority" is the correct term when referring to groups of people who are not the majority in a particular context.

  9. "can increase cultural divergence" -> "may exacerbate cultural differences"
    Explanation: "Exacerbate" is a more precise term than "increase" in this context, suggesting a worsening of existing differences.

  10. "confidentially" -> "confidently"
    Explanation: "Confidentially" is incorrect; "confidently" is the correct adverb meaning with confidence or assurance.

  11. "it limited their career" -> "it limited their career opportunities"
    Explanation: Adding "opportunities" clarifies that the limitation refers to the range of career choices available.

  12. "then led to homelessness" -> "ultimately leading to homelessness"
    Explanation: "Ultimately leading to" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express causality.

  13. "don’t adopt the local culture" -> "fail to adopt the local culture"
    Explanation: "Fail to" is a more formal and precise way to express the negative outcome of not adopting the local culture.

  14. "they can’t have a stable job" -> "they may not secure stable employment"
    Explanation: "May not secure" is a more formal expression than "can’t have," and "employment" is a more formal term than "job."

  15. "they can care for their life" -> "they can manage their lives"
    Explanation: "Manage their lives" is a more precise and formal way to describe the ability to cope with life circumstances.

  16. "develop themselves for a better future" -> "develop their skills for a better future"
    Explanation: Adding "their skills" specifies what is being developed, enhancing clarity and formality.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and tone of the essay to better align with academic standards, ensuring precision, formality, and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding immigrants adopting local culture versus establishing minority communities. The first paragraph introduces the topic and presents both perspectives, while the body paragraphs elaborate on the benefits of minority communities and the drawbacks of not adopting the local culture. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both views, as the argument in favor of adopting local culture is somewhat underdeveloped compared to the discussion of minority communities.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both perspectives are given equal weight. This could involve providing more examples and elaboration on the benefits of establishing minority communities, as well as potential drawbacks of adopting local culture, such as loss of identity or cultural richness.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is clear in favor of immigrants adopting local culture, as stated in the conclusion. However, the argument is somewhat muddled by the initial phrasing in the introduction, which could lead to confusion about the writer’s stance. The use of phrases like "they isolated themselves abroad" might imply a negative connotation towards minority communities, which could detract from the clarity of the position.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and ensure that all subsequent arguments support this stance. Additionally, using more neutral language when discussing opposing views can help clarify the writer’s perspective without undermining the validity of the alternative viewpoint.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the emotional support provided by minority communities and the challenges faced by immigrants who do not adopt the local culture. However, some points lack sufficient development and supporting evidence. For instance, the example of Vietnamese immigrants is relevant but could be expanded to illustrate the broader implications of cultural isolation.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. This could include statistical data, historical context, or personal anecdotes that illustrate the impact of cultural adaptation on immigrants’ lives. Additionally, ensuring that each idea is clearly linked to the thesis will enhance the overall coherence of the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the two views regarding cultural adaptation and the implications for immigrants. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as the discussion of language barriers leading to homelessness, which could be more directly tied to the main argument about cultural adaptation.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of cultural adaptation versus minority communities. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument without deviating from the topic.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents a clear position, it would benefit from more balanced exploration of both views, clearer articulation of the writer’s stance, more developed supporting ideas, and tighter adherence to the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, which aids in understanding. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of minority communities for immigrants, while the second highlights the potential drawbacks of not adopting the local culture. However, the logical flow could be improved; some ideas feel slightly disjointed, such as the transition from discussing community support to the consequences of cultural divergence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point logically leads to the next. For example, after discussing the support provided by minority communities, a smoother transition could be made to the challenges faced by those who do not integrate into the local culture.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for coherence. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more internal structure, such as clearer topic sentences and concluding sentences that summarize the main point of each paragraph. For instance, the second body paragraph could start with a strong topic sentence that directly contrasts the first paragraph’s main idea.
    • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main argument. Additionally, include a concluding sentence that reinforces the paragraph’s main point and links it back to the overall argument. This will help to create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition between discussing the benefits of minority communities and the challenges of cultural divergence could be enhanced with additional linking phrases or words to guide the reader.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in contrast," "however," and "consequently." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can enhance cohesion within paragraphs.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument. By focusing on improving logical organization, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, with terms like "adaptation," "homesick," "mutually support," and "cultural divergence." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the use of "immigrants" and "culture," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. For instance, phrases like "minority community" and "settlers" could be interchanged with synonyms such as "migrant groups" or "expatriates" to avoid redundancy.
    • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "immigrants," consider using "newcomers," "foreigners," or "migrants." Additionally, using more specific terms related to cultural adaptation, such as "integration," "assimilation," or "cultural exchange," can enhance the overall lexical variety.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "they isolated themselves abroad bringing more negative results than positive things they are gotten" is unclear and awkwardly phrased. The term "confidentially" in "can live in these countries confidentially" is also misused, as it does not convey the intended meaning of living without the need to adapt to the local culture.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity in expression. Rephrasing vague statements like "more negative results than positive things" to "more negative consequences than benefits" would provide clearer meaning. Additionally, replacing "confidentially" with "independently" or "without integration" would better convey the intended idea. Encouraging the use of contextually appropriate phrases will help improve clarity and precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Califonia" (California) and "the war against America in Vietnam" (which could be more accurately phrased as "the Vietnam War against the United States"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse readers.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling commonly used words in academic writing can help reinforce correct spelling. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly may also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "In particular, with immigrants settling down for a long time, it is more important to have a minority community otherwise they will forget their origin." However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and similar structures, which can detract from the overall variety. For instance, the phrase "For example" is used multiple times, which can make the writing feel formulaic.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should experiment with different ways to start sentences and incorporate more varied conjunctions and transitional phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "For example," alternatives like "To illustrate," "As a case in point," or "This is evident in…" could be employed. Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences can help create a more engaging and dynamic writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "they isolated themselves abroad bringing more negative results than positive things they are gotten" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer. The use of "the war against America in Vietnam ended, a group of Vietnamese people went to America to settle down and never returned" lacks proper punctuation; a semicolon or period would be more appropriate to separate the two independent clauses. Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "some Vietnam permanent settlers in Califonia, USA even cannot speak the American language," where "Vietnam" should be "Vietnamese."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also help identify mistakes. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas and conjunctions, will enhance clarity. Revising sentences for conciseness and clarity can also improve overall readability. For example, rephrasing "they can’t have a stable job also the opportunity to develop" to "they will struggle to find stable employment and opportunities for development" would enhance clarity and grammatical accuracy.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy on the IELTS exam.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals argue that there should be an adaptation process for immigrants who migrate to a new culture, while others oppose the idea that immigrants should implement their culture as a minority community in a new country. From my perspective, they isolate themselves abroad, yielding more negative outcomes than positive benefits.

On the one hand, many people who migrate to another country will feel homesick and lonely, especially those who arrive alone. Meeting people who speak the same language and share traditional culture will help ease their emotions and also provide an opportunity for mutual support. In particular, for immigrants settling down for a long time, it is more important to have a minority community; otherwise, they may forget their origins. For instance, after the war against America in Vietnam ended, a group of Vietnamese people went to America to settle down and never returned. However, they still remembered their homeland, so they established a small community dedicated to Vietnamese settlers, ensuring that even their descendants would know that their roots were in Vietnam.

On the other hand, minority communities can increase cultural divergence, and as a consequence, some may live in these countries without fully integrating, regardless of gender, race, or nationality. To illustrate, some Vietnamese permanent settlers in California, USA, cannot even speak the American language, which limits their career opportunities and can ultimately lead to homelessness. Therefore, if immigrants fail to adopt the local culture, they may not secure stable employment or opportunities for development. This also explains why, before studying abroad, international students learn the language and find out about the culture and laws of the country to avoid cultural shock, making communication easier so they can be recruited for part-time jobs and manage their lives effectively.

In conclusion, I think that in order to survive and develop, immigrants should adapt to the local culture; otherwise, they may encounter difficulties, and even their fellow countrymen may not be able to aid them.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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