Some people argue that parents of children who break the law should be punished in some way, because they are responsible for their children’s actions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that parents of children who break the law should be punished in some way, because they are responsible for their children’s actions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a growing debate that parents should be imposed severe punishment if their offspring commit a crime. From my perspective, although parents partly contribute to these actions, I firmly believe that the youth are also influenced by other factors and need to take responsibility for their offenses.
Proponents of this opinion may point to the view that parents are the role models for their children to follow. Children are immature and mostly gain knowledge through their parents from the early days of their lives, thus their activity depends on whether parents do what is right and ethical. For instance, if parents are offenders who cheat others for money, their children would suppose it as normal and consequently commit the same crime in possible cases in the future. Moreover, in some cases, the parent's divorce and abandonment have led to psychological damage to juveniles, making them likely to seek attention from the outer world, which is always fraught with social offenses and many other crime commitments, to prove themselves.
However, the lawbreakers themselves, should be severely punished to ensure justification and fairness in society, with the level of penalty depending on the seriousness. This is because each person is a separate individual and has to take responsibility for their engagement in any activities. Therefore, if parents try to take the consequences for their offspring, they will definitely take it for granted and continue to commit other crimes, which can increase the crime rate and pose a significant threat to society. Furthermore, serious punishment also plays a crucial role in education, which can act as a way to deter the risk of other teenagers’ committing anti-social behaviors. This can be exemplified by the case of Korea, where juvenile criminals are brought to a special court and receive appropriate punishment such as non-custodial reform instead of being isolated from society like adults if the law is broken. It is obvious that adolescents’ mental capacity is not fully developed, so they are not mentally prepared to handle adult penalties, thus this method is not only a suitable form of punishment for juveniles but also does not leave severe psychological consequences later.
In conclusion, it is unjustified to entirely accuse parents of their children’s dirty deeds, as the youth criminals need to be aware of their liability for their actions. Appropriate law and punishment should be imposed on these juveniles to avoid disorders as well as build a peaceful and civilized society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"parents of children who break the law" -> "parents of children who commit crimes"
Explanation: "Commit crimes" is a more precise and formal term than "break the law," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"imposed severe punishment" -> "impose severe penalties"
Explanation: "Impose" is the correct verb form for this context, and "penalties" is a more formal term than "punishment."
"partly contribute" -> "partially contribute"
Explanation: "Partially" is the correct adverbial form to use with "contribute" in this context, enhancing the formal tone.
"suppose it as normal" -> "consider it normal"
Explanation: "Consider it normal" is a more natural and academically appropriate phrase than "suppose it as normal," which is awkward and informal.
"in possible cases in the future" -> "in the future"
Explanation: The phrase "in possible cases" is redundant and informal; simplifying it to "in the future" maintains clarity and formality.
"fraught with social offenses" -> "characterized by social offenses"
Explanation: "Characterized by" is a more precise and formal way to describe the nature of something, compared to the more colloquial "fraught with."
"crime commitments" -> "criminal activities"
Explanation: "Crime commitments" is an awkward and unclear term; "criminal activities" is the correct and formal term.
"take it for granted" -> "take responsibility for it"
Explanation: "Take it for granted" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing; "take responsibility for it" is more precise and formal.
"increase the crime rate" -> "increase crime rates"
Explanation: "Crime rates" is the correct plural form, as it refers to the frequency of crimes in general, not a single instance.
"pose a significant threat to society" -> "pose a significant threat to societal stability"
Explanation: Adding "societal stability" provides a clearer and more specific context, enhancing the academic tone.
"serious punishment also plays a crucial role in education" -> "severe punishment also serves an educational purpose"
Explanation: "Serves an educational purpose" is a more precise and formal way to describe the function of punishment in education.
"juvenile criminals" -> "juvenile offenders"
Explanation: "Offenders" is a more formal and appropriate term in legal and academic contexts than "criminals."
"non-custodial reform" -> "non-custodial rehabilitation"
Explanation: "Rehabilitation" is a more specific and formal term than "reform," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in this context.
"does not leave severe psychological consequences later" -> "does not result in severe psychological consequences later"
Explanation: "Result in" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "leave," which is less commonly used in this context.
"dirty deeds" -> "wrongdoing"
Explanation: "Wrongdoing" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "dirty deeds," which is colloquial and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the extent to which parents should be held accountable for their children’s criminal actions. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, acknowledging that while parents have some influence, children also bear responsibility for their actions. The essay covers both sides of the argument, presenting reasons for parental influence and counterarguments regarding the accountability of the youth. However, while the essay does touch on both aspects, the depth of exploration could be enhanced, particularly in discussing the nuances of parental responsibility versus individual accountability.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples or case studies that illustrate the impact of parental behavior on children’s actions and the consequences of juvenile crime. Additionally, a more thorough exploration of the societal implications of punishing parents could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that while parents have some responsibility, the primary accountability lies with the youth. This position is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the second body paragraph where the argument for individual responsibility is articulated. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be more assertive, particularly in reinforcing the writer’s stance against the notion of punishing parents.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer could use more definitive language when expressing their position. Phrases like "I firmly believe" could be reinforced with stronger transitions that re-emphasize the main argument after discussing counterpoints. Additionally, summarizing the position more explicitly in the conclusion could reinforce the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas, such as the influence of parental behavior and the need for individual accountability. Each point is generally well-supported with examples, such as the reference to juvenile courts in Korea. However, some ideas could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the discussion on psychological damage from parental divorce is a strong point but could be expanded to include more specific examples or research findings to bolster the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the extension and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence. Incorporating statistics or studies related to juvenile crime and parental influence would add depth. Additionally, exploring counterarguments more thoroughly could provide a more balanced view and enhance the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of parental responsibility in relation to juvenile crime. The writer successfully avoids going off on tangents, maintaining relevance throughout. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt, particularly in the conclusion, which could reiterate the main argument more clearly.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly ties back to the main question of the extent of parental responsibility. In the conclusion, explicitly restating the main points and how they relate to the prompt would reinforce the essay’s focus and clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By enhancing the depth of examples, reinforcing the position, and ensuring all ideas are tightly aligned with the prompt, the writer could aim for an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph effectively builds upon the previous one, with the first paragraph discussing the role of parents as role models and the second addressing the responsibility of the youth themselves. For example, the transition from discussing parental influence to the necessity of holding juveniles accountable is smooth and well-articulated. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments and reiterates the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, incorporating more transitional phrases between ideas could further improve the flow of the essay. For instance, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could be used to signal shifts in perspective more clearly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses parental influence, while the second focuses on the accountability of the youth. This separation aids readability and comprehension. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length; the first paragraph is slightly longer and more complex than the second, which could disrupt the overall flow.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer could aim for a more uniform length and complexity across paragraphs. This could involve breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones or combining shorter ones where appropriate. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is directly related to the thesis statement would strengthen the overall coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "for instance," "however," and "moreover," which help to connect ideas and provide examples. These devices enhance the clarity of the arguments presented. The use of cohesive devices contributes to the overall coherence of the essay, allowing the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning effectively.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using alternatives to "moreover" such as "in addition" or "furthermore" could add variety. Additionally, employing devices that indicate cause and effect, such as "as a result" or "consequently," could further clarify the relationships between ideas. This would not only enhance the essay’s cohesiveness but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a compelling argument. By focusing on improving the clarity of topic sentences, balancing paragraph lengths, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate the coherence and cohesion of their writing even further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "imposed severe punishment," "role models," "psychological damage," and "anti-social behaviors." These phrases effectively convey complex ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "parents" and "children" could be replaced with synonyms like "guardians" or "offspring" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. This can be achieved by brainstorming synonyms before writing or using a thesaurus to find alternative expressions that fit the context.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "psychological damage to juveniles" is somewhat vague; it could be more specific about the types of psychological effects being referenced. Additionally, the term "dirty deeds" in the conclusion is informal and may not convey the seriousness of the topic effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using more specific terms that accurately describe the concepts being discussed. For example, instead of "psychological damage," the writer could specify "emotional distress" or "behavioral issues." Furthermore, avoiding colloquial expressions in formal essays will strengthen the overall tone.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that detract from the readability. However, there are minor issues, such as "the parent’s divorce" which should be "parents’ divorce" to indicate possession correctly. Such errors can affect the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, paying particular attention to possessive forms and commonly confused words. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help catch errors that may be overlooked during the writing process.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a few areas for improvement, focusing on lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy will help elevate the score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "if parents are offenders who cheat others for money, their children would suppose it as normal" showcase the use of conditional clauses effectively. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "this can be exemplified by the case of Korea" indicates an ability to incorporate examples smoothly into the argument. However, there are instances of less varied sentence structures, such as repetitive use of "parents" and "children," which can lead to monotony in the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentence forms, such as using relative clauses (e.g., "Parents, who serve as role models, significantly influence their children’s behavior") or varying the subject of sentences to avoid repetition. Additionally, integrating more transitional phrases could improve the flow and coherence of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few errors that do not impede understanding. However, there are notable issues with punctuation, particularly with comma usage. For instance, in the phrase "However, the lawbreakers themselves, should be severely punished," the comma before "should" is unnecessary. Additionally, the phrase "the parent’s divorce and abandonment" should be "parents’ divorce and abandonment" to indicate plural possession. These errors, while minor, can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Reviewing the rules for possessive forms would also be beneficial. Regular practice with grammar exercises and proofreading the essay for common errors before submission could help in minimizing these mistakes.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted improvements in sentence variety and punctuation, the writer could achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people argue that parents of children who break the law should be punished in some way because they are responsible for their children’s actions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a growing debate that parents should face severe penalties if their offspring commit a crime. From my perspective, although parents partially contribute to these actions, I firmly believe that the youth are also influenced by other factors and need to take responsibility for their wrongdoing.

Proponents of this opinion may point to the view that parents are role models for their children to follow. Children are immature and mostly gain knowledge through their parents from the early days of their lives; thus, their behavior depends on whether parents do what is right and ethical. For instance, if parents are offenders who cheat others for money, their children may consider it normal and consequently commit the same crime in possible cases in the future. Moreover, in some cases, parental divorce and abandonment have led to psychological damage to juveniles, making them likely to seek attention from the outside world, which is always fraught with social offenses and many other criminal activities, to prove themselves.

However, the lawbreakers themselves should be severely punished to ensure justice and fairness in society, with the level of penalty depending on the seriousness of the crime. This is because each person is a separate individual and has to take responsibility for their engagement in any activities. Therefore, if parents try to take responsibility for their offspring, they will definitely take it for granted and continue to commit other crimes, which can increase crime rates and pose a significant threat to societal stability. Furthermore, severe punishment also plays a crucial role in education, which can act as a way to deter the risk of other teenagers committing anti-social behaviors. This can be exemplified by the case of Korea, where juvenile offenders are brought to a special court and receive appropriate punishment, such as non-custodial rehabilitation, instead of being isolated from society like adults if the law is broken. It is obvious that adolescents’ mental capacity is not fully developed, so they are not mentally prepared to handle adult penalties; thus, this method is not only a suitable form of punishment for juveniles but also does not result in severe psychological consequences later.

In conclusion, it is unjustified to entirely accuse parents of their children’s wrongdoing, as youth criminals need to be aware of their liability for their actions. Appropriate laws and punishments should be imposed on these juveniles to avoid disorders and build a peaceful and civilized society.