Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort. To what extent do you agree with this? How do you think space exploration will change in the future?

It is argued that outer space exploration tends to be associated with a nation’s standing in the world rather than international coordination in contemporary life. While other people hold the view that this point is true, I firmly believe that cross-national collaboration is a positive way to develop cosmic research in the future.
On the one hand, national pride has undoubtedly played a substantial role in motivating countries to invest in space exploration. By gaining numerous achievements and prizes, nations can succeed in raising their global standing in space research. For example, if a country were to successfully land astronauts on Mars, it could create opportunities to gain exclusive research methodologies that others would desire to learn and experience through paying a huge amount of money to access and discover the method that can support this country's success in this field. Moreover, the successful progress in universe research will increase their reputation and standing in space exploration of the world, so governments pour a significant amount of money to gain these benefits.
On the other hand, space research is one of the longest processes to approach closely with the dream of conquering the universe, so to eliminate wasting investigative time, a potential benefit of cross-national collaboration is avoiding duplication of efforts. This is because nations may do research on the same subjects, which requires a significant number of financial and workforce resources. Therefore, thanks to the concerted effort made by the international community, countries could share their studies as well as save their finance and effort in space discovery to develop and consolidate various remarkable fields in their country such as education, healthcare, and military. Besides, the concerted effort made by the international community makes the tie of friendship among numerous countries tighter through various activities during study time instead of fierce competition.
In conclusion, while there are some reasons that make many people focus on holding the point of space exploration on raising national honor in the global community, I believe that the international effort will contribute more advantages to the space research process in the future.

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Errors and Improvements:

"It is argued that outer space exploration tends to be associated with a nation’s standing in the world rather than international coordination in contemporary life." -> "It is argued that outer space exploration is often linked to a nation’s global standing rather than international coordination in contemporary times."
Explanation: The original sentence is a bit convoluted. The suggested improvement simplifies the expression and maintains a more straightforward academic tone.
"While other people hold the view that this point is true, I firmly believe that cross-national collaboration is a positive way to develop cosmic research in the future." -> "While some contend that the aforementioned assertion holds true, I firmly believe that cross-national collaboration is a constructive approach to advancing cosmic research in the future."
Explanation: The use of "other people" is informal; replacing it with "some" adds formality. The phrase "this point" is also replaced with "the aforementioned assertion" for clarity and precision.
"On the one hand, national pride has undoubtedly played a substantial role in motivating countries to invest in space exploration." -> "On one hand, national pride has undeniably played a significant role in motivating countries to allocate resources to space exploration."
Explanation: The phrase "On the one hand" is simplified to "On one hand" for conciseness. "Substantial" is replaced with "significant" for a more precise and formal term.
"By gaining numerous achievements and prizes, nations can succeed in raising their global standing in space research." -> "Accumulating achievements and accolades enables nations to enhance their global standing in the field of space research."
Explanation: The word "prizes" is replaced with "accolades" for a more formal term. The sentence is also rephrased for clarity and formality.
"For example, if a country were to successfully land astronauts on Mars, it could create opportunities to gain exclusive research methodologies that others would desire to learn and experience through paying a huge amount of money to access and discover the method that can support this country’s success in this field." -> "For instance, a successful mission landing astronauts on Mars could present opportunities to acquire exclusive research methodologies. Other nations may express a strong interest in learning and experiencing these methods by investing a substantial amount of resources to access and adopt the techniques contributing to the success of the country in this field."
Explanation: The original sentence is complex, and the suggested improvement simplifies the expression while maintaining formality and clarity.
"Moreover, the successful progress in universe research will increase their reputation and standing in space exploration of the world, so governments pour a significant amount of money to gain these benefits." -> "Furthermore, successful advancements in cosmic research enhance a nation’s reputation and global standing in space exploration. Governments, therefore, allocate a considerable amount of funding to secure these benefits."
Explanation: The phrase "successful progress in universe research" is replaced with "successful advancements in cosmic research" for precision. "Pour" is replaced with "allocate" for a more formal term.
"On the other hand, space research is one of the longest processes to approach closely with the dream of conquering the universe, so to eliminate wasting investigative time, a potential benefit of cross-national collaboration is avoiding duplication of efforts." -> "On the other hand, space research is a lengthy process that closely aligns with the aspiration of conquering the universe. To optimize investigative efforts and avoid redundancy, cross-national collaboration presents a potential advantage."
Explanation: The original sentence is awkward; the suggested improvement provides a smoother and more formal expression.
"This is because nations may do research on the same subjects, which requires a significant number of financial and workforce resources." -> "This is because nations may conduct research on identical subjects, demanding a substantial allocation of financial and workforce resources."
Explanation: The phrase "do research" is replaced with "conduct research" for a more formal term. The sentence is also rephrased for clarity and formality.
"Therefore, thanks to the concerted effort made by the international community, countries could share their studies as well as save their finance and effort in space discovery to develop and consolidate various remarkable fields in their country such as education, healthcare, and military." -> "Therefore, owing to the concerted effort of the international community, countries can share their studies, saving both financial resources and effort in space exploration. These resources can be redirected to developing and fortifying various critical fields in their nations, including education, healthcare, and military."
Explanation: The phrase "thanks to" is replaced with "owing to" for a more formal expression. The sentence is also rephrased for clarity and formality.
"Besides, the concerted effort made by the international community makes the tie of friendship among numerous countries tighter through various activities during study time instead of fierce competition." -> "Additionally, the collective effort of the international community fosters stronger bonds of friendship among numerous countries. This is achieved through collaborative activities, contrasting with intense competition."
Explanation: "Besides" is replaced with "Additionally" for formality. The phrase "tie of friendship" is replaced with "bonds of friendship" for a more formal term. The sentence is also rephrased for clarity and formality.
"In conclusion, while there are some reasons that make many people focus on holding the point of space exploration on raising national honor in the global community, I believe that the international effort will contribute more advantages to the space research process in the future." -> "In conclusion, while some argue that the emphasis on enhancing national prestige globally is a key aspect of space exploration, I contend that international collaboration will bring about greater advantages to the future of space research."
Explanation: The phrase "some reasons that make many people focus on holding the point" is simplified for clarity and formality. The word "believe" is replaced with "contend" for a more formal and assertive tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both components of the prompt. It acknowledges the argument that space exploration is driven by national pride and counters it by presenting a strong belief in the importance of international collaboration for the future of space research. Relevant examples and reasoning are provided to support these points.
- How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, consider explicitly stating the elements of the prompt being addressed in each section. This will ensure a clear and direct connection to all parts of the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, asserting the belief in the positive impact of cross-national collaboration on space research. Each paragraph reinforces this position with well-structured arguments and examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that aligns with the overall position. This will enhance the reader’s understanding of the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas in the essay are presented logically and extended with relevant examples. The discussion on the role of national pride in space exploration is well-supported, and the benefits of international collaboration are elaborated effectively.
- How to improve: To further enhance idea development, consider providing more depth in the explanation of how international collaboration can specifically benefit space research. Include additional examples or details to reinforce key points.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the role of national pride and the potential benefits of international collaboration in space exploration. However, there are moments where the focus becomes slightly unclear.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to the main argument. Avoid introducing tangential ideas that may distract from the central theme. Be mindful of maintaining a consistent focus on the prompt throughout.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt, effectively addressing both aspects of the question and maintaining a clear and consistent position. To enhance the overall response, it is recommended to explicitly connect each section to the specific components of the prompt and provide more depth in the discussion of international collaboration benefits. Additionally, maintaining a strict focus on the main theme will further strengthen the essay’s cohesiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the two perspectives on space exploration. The body paragraphs effectively present arguments for and against the idea that national pride drives space exploration. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the author’s stance. However, there is room for improvement in the flow within paragraphs. For instance, the second paragraph could transition more smoothly from discussing national pride to the potential benefits of international collaboration.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the transition sentences within paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph flows naturally from the preceding one, maintaining a clear connection between ideas. For instance, in the second paragraph, use a transition sentence to smoothly shift from discussing national pride to introducing the benefits of international collaboration.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs effective paragraphing, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. However, the second paragraph is dense and covers multiple ideas related to national pride and the potential benefits of international collaboration. Breaking it into two paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect, would enhance readability and improve the structure.
- How to improve: Consider splitting the second paragraph into two distinct paragraphs. The first paragraph can delve into the role of national pride, while the second focuses on the advantages of international collaboration. This will create a more organized and reader-friendly structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices reasonably well, with the use of cohesive devices such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" to signal contrasting points. Additionally, the author uses pronouns and conjunctions effectively to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. However, a greater variety of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases and synonyms, could further enhance coherence.
- How to improve: Introduce a broader range of cohesive devices to strengthen the essay’s overall coherence. Use transitional phrases like "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In conclusion" to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Additionally, consider incorporating synonyms to avoid repetitive language, providing a smoother and more varied reading experience.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is some variety, especially in terms related to space exploration, the usage lacks depth and sophistication. For instance, the repeated use of phrases such as "space exploration" could be diversified for a richer lexical resource.
- How to improve: To enhance the score in this aspect, strive for a more diverse and nuanced vocabulary. Instead of frequently relying on broad terms like "space exploration," incorporate specific terminology related to cosmic research, interstellar studies, or celestial investigations. This will not only broaden the range but also add precision to your language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay tends to use vocabulary in a generally accurate manner, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "eliminate wasting investigative time" is somewhat awkward and imprecise. A more precise expression would be beneficial.
- How to improve: Work on refining your expressions for more precise communication. In the mentioned case, consider rephrasing to something like "minimize the duplication of research efforts" to convey the idea more clearly. Pay attention to specific word choices to ensure they precisely convey the intended meaning without ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits generally correct spelling throughout. However, there are minor errors, such as missing articles ("the") or prepositions ("through various activities during study time"). These do not significantly impede understanding but can affect the overall impression of language proficiency.
- How to improve: Continue to focus on accurate spelling. Proofread your essays meticulously, paying attention to articles, prepositions, and other small grammatical details. Additionally, consider using tools like spell-check software or seeking feedback from peers to catch any overlooked errors and enhance overall spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly diverse range of sentence structures. It uses a mix of simple and complex sentences, employing varied sentence beginnings and lengths. For instance, the essay includes both complex sentences, such as "On the one hand, national pride has undoubtedly played a substantial role in motivating countries," and simpler sentences like "By gaining numerous achievements and prizes, nations can succeed in raising their global standing in space research."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound and compound-complex sentences. This can add sophistication and nuance to your writing. Additionally, try varying sentence lengths purposefully to create a more engaging rhythm.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits solid grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few instances where errors or awkward phrasing appear. For example, "This is because nations may do research on the same subjects, which requires a significant number of financial and workforce resources." The phrase "which requires" creates a slight ambiguity; rephrasing for clarity would be beneficial.
- How to improve: Pay careful attention to sentence structure to ensure clarity and precision. In the mentioned case, consider rephrasing for greater clarity, such as "This is due to the fact that nations may conduct research on the same subjects, necessitating a significant allocation of financial and workforce resources." Additionally, proofread to catch minor errors, such as missing articles ("in the global community") and ensure subject-verb agreement.

Overall, the essay effectively employs a range of structures, demonstrating a good command of grammar and punctuation. To enhance further, focus on refining sentence structures for variety and clarity, and conduct thorough proofreading to catch minor errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that outer space exploration is often linked to a nation’s global standing rather than international coordination in contemporary times. While some contend that the aforementioned assertion holds true, I firmly believe that cross-national collaboration is a constructive approach to advancing cosmic research in the future.

On one hand, national pride has undeniably played a significant role in motivating countries to allocate resources to space exploration. Accumulating achievements and accolades enable nations to enhance their global standing in the field of space research. For instance, a successful mission landing astronauts on Mars could present opportunities to acquire exclusive research methodologies. Other nations may express a strong interest in learning and experiencing these methods by investing a substantial amount of resources to access and adopt the techniques contributing to the success of the country in this field. Furthermore, successful advancements in cosmic research enhance a nation’s reputation and global standing in space exploration. Governments, therefore, allocate a considerable amount of funding to secure these benefits.

On the other hand, space research is a lengthy process that closely aligns with the aspiration of conquering the universe. To optimize investigative efforts and avoid redundancy, cross-national collaboration presents a potential advantage. This is because nations may conduct research on identical subjects, demanding a substantial allocation of financial and workforce resources. Therefore, owing to the concerted effort of the international community, countries can share their studies, saving both financial resources and effort in space exploration. These resources can be redirected to developing and fortifying various critical fields in their nations, including education, healthcare, and the military. Additionally, the collective effort of the international community fosters stronger bonds of friendship among numerous countries. This is achieved through collaborative activities, contrasting with intense competition.

In conclusion, while some argue that the emphasis on enhancing national prestige globally is a key aspect of space exploration, I contend that international collaboration will bring about greater advantages to the future of space research.