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Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The debate over whether we should delve into our family history for insights into our ancestors or focus on the present and future generations remains a contentious issue. This essay aims to illuminate both perspectives and articulate my personal viewpoint.

On the one hand, exploring one's family background holds significant advantages, contributing to the development of an individual's personality and providing insights into the lives of our forebears. It facilitates a deeper understanding of family traditions, culture that shape individuals’ current habits and personalities, and even potential hereditary diseases. Such exploration not only offers a sense of fulfillment by acknowledging and preserving each family history but the younger generations can also gain experiences and lessons from their ancestors’ success and failure. Ironically, many young people today show disinterest in learning about their family or ethnic past, sometimes distorting history and neglecting longstanding cultural values. For instance, numerous Vietnamese adolescents do not know that Quang Trung Emperor and Nguyen Hue are the same person, resulting in damaging the image of the young generation and even the poor education future.

On the other hand, some argue in favor of concentrating on the present and the future. They believe that dwelling too much on the past can hinder an individual's progress in life. Many individuals, for instance, have little knowledge about their previous generations, with parents encouraging their children to seize opportunities for personal growth. This means that instead of immersing in the past events, individuals can utilize that time on improving other essential skills. Another point to make is that people are free to make decisions and choose their own career path without being affected by their family members’ former footsteps. Consider my mother's experience; despite her family's tradition of valuing knowledge, she chose not to become a teacher but pursued her own dreams and still be successful.

In conclusion, the choice between researching family history and focusing on the present and future generations is subjective. Both perspectives have their merits, and individuals should strike a balance that aligns with their values and aspirations. Personally, I believe that a harmonious integration of past, present, and future aspects contributes to a well-rounded and enriched life.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "delve into our family history" -> "explore our family history"
    Explanation: Replacing "delve into" with "explore" maintains a formal tone while offering a more straightforward and widely accepted term in academic writing.

  2. "remains a contentious issue" -> "continues to be a debated issue"
    Explanation: Substituting "remains a contentious issue" with "continues to be a debated issue" conveys the same idea with a more formal phrasing, aligning better with academic language.

  3. "This essay aims to illuminate both perspectives" -> "This essay aims to elucidate both perspectives"
    Explanation: Replacing "illuminate" with "elucidate" enhances the formality of the sentence by using a more sophisticated term without sacrificing clarity.

  4. "On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: Changing "On the one hand" to "Firstly" provides a more structured and formal transition between paragraphs, typical in academic writing.

  5. "contributing to the development of an individual’s personality" -> "contributing to the shaping of an individual’s personality"
    Explanation: Substituting "development of" with "shaping of" adds precision and formality to the sentence without altering its meaning.

  6. "culture that shape individuals’ current habits" -> "culture that shapes individuals’ current habits"
    Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement by changing "shape" to "shapes" ensures grammatical accuracy in the sentence.

  7. "and even potential hereditary diseases" -> "and even hereditary health conditions"
    Explanation: Using "hereditary health conditions" instead of "potential hereditary diseases" maintains a formal tone while offering a more precise term.

  8. "fulfillment by acknowledging and preserving each family history" -> "fulfillment by acknowledging and preserving one’s family history"
    Explanation: Clarifying the sentence by replacing "each family history" with "one’s family history" maintains a formal and clear expression.

  9. "young people today show disinterest" -> "young people today exhibit disinterest"
    Explanation: Substituting "show" with "exhibit" adds a more formal and academic touch to the sentence.

  10. "sometimes distorting history and neglecting longstanding cultural values" -> "sometimes distorting historical facts and disregarding long-established cultural values"
    Explanation: Using "distorting historical facts" instead of "distorting history" and "disregarding long-established cultural values" instead of "neglecting longstanding cultural values" enhances precision and formality.

  11. "numerous Vietnamese adolescents" -> "many Vietnamese adolescents"
    Explanation: Replacing "numerous" with "many" maintains a formal tone while avoiding unnecessary informality.

  12. "resulting in damaging the image of the young generation and even the poor education future" -> "resulting in harming the reputation of the younger generation and compromising the quality of education in the future"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, replacing "damaging" with "harming" and "poor education future" with "quality of education in the future."

  13. "some argue in favor of" -> "some advocate for"
    Explanation: Substituting "argue in favor of" with "advocate for" maintains a formal tone and adds variety to the language.

  14. "dwelling too much on the past" -> "focusing excessively on the past"
    Explanation: Replacing "dwelling too much on" with "focusing excessively on" enhances precision and formality.

  15. "seize opportunities for personal growth" -> "pursue opportunities for personal growth"
    Explanation: Replacing "seize" with "pursue" adds a more formal and intentional tone to the sentence.

  16. "immersing in the past events" -> "immersing in past events"
    Explanation: Removing the unnecessary article "the" improves the grammatical correctness of the sentence.

  17. "individuals should strike a balance" -> "individuals should find a balance"
    Explanation: Substituting "strike" with "find" maintains formality while offering a more commonly used expression.

  18. "a harmonious integration" -> "a balanced integration"
    Explanation: Replacing "harmonious" with "balanced" maintains the meaning while using a more common and suitable term in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "This essay aims to illuminate both perspectives and articulate my personal viewpoint."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the introduction attempts to set the stage for a balanced discussion, it lacks a clear roadmap for the essay. Providing a brief outline of the main points you will cover would enhance the essay’s structure, aiding readers in following your arguments. For instance, mention that you will discuss the advantages of researching family history, the drawbacks, and then present your opinion.
    • Improved example: "This essay will first explore the benefits of delving into one’s family history, followed by potential drawbacks. Finally, I will present my own perspective on whether we should focus on the past or the present and future."
  2. Quoted text: "Ironically, many young people today show disinterest in learning about their family or ethnic past, sometimes distorting history and neglecting longstanding cultural values."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your point about the disinterest of young people is valid, but it lacks a specific example or personal experience to illustrate the issue. Enhance this by sharing a personal anecdote or a hypothetical scenario that exemplifies the consequences of neglecting family history. This would make your argument more vivid and compelling.
    • Improved example: "For instance, in my own family, the lack of interest among my younger relatives in understanding our cultural heritage led to misconceptions about our ancestors. One cousin, for instance, mistakenly believed that our family had no historical figures of note, thereby neglecting the rich tapestry of our heritage."
  3. Quoted text: "Many individuals, for instance, have little knowledge about their previous generations, with parents encouraging their children to seize opportunities for personal growth."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you present the opposing view effectively, the connection between the lack of knowledge about previous generations and the encouragement for personal growth is somewhat unclear. Elaborate on how a focus on personal growth, without delving into family history, might lead to individuals making uninformed choices. Provide a concrete example or scenario to strengthen your argument.
    • Improved example: "Many individuals today, lacking insights into their family’s past, might make career choices without understanding the talents or interests that run in their bloodline. For instance, a person unaware of their family’s artistic background might overlook their own potential as a skilled artist, opting for a more conventional career path."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and effectively presents both perspectives. Enhancing the introduction’s clarity and incorporating more specific examples to support arguments would further strengthen your response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with clear progression throughout. There is effective use of cohesive devices, contributing to overall coherence. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, and the essay maintains a balance between the two views. However, there is a slight overuse of cohesive devices in some instances, and a few sentences could be more succinct.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the use of cohesive devices to avoid overuse. Ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the overall flow of ideas. Additionally, focus on sentence economy to maintain clarity without unnecessary elaboration. This will further strengthen the essay’s cohesion and coherence, potentially pushing it towards a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary throughout, showcasing an ability to convey ideas using a variety of words and phrases. There’s an attempt to incorporate less common lexical items, contributing to the depth and sophistication of the content. The writer employs words and phrases with some awareness of style and collocation, contributing to the fluency of the essay. However, occasional errors in word choice and collocation slightly affect precision.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, focus on refining the accuracy of less common vocabulary usage. Pay closer attention to word choice and ensure that the selected words precisely convey the intended meaning in context. Additionally, strive for greater precision in collocation to elevate the sophistication and fluidity of the essay’s language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a generally strong command of grammar and punctuation. The writer effectively uses a range of sentence forms, showcasing control over language conventions. The majority of sentences are error-free, and the essay maintains a clear and coherent structure. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing, such as in the sentence, "ironically, many young people today show disinterest in learning about their family or ethnic past, sometimes distorting history and neglecting longstanding cultural values." The phrase "sometimes distorting history" may be clearer if rephrased for better coherence.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is recommended to review sentence structures for clarity and coherence. Consider refining complex sentences to ensure that ideas are expressed with precision. Additionally, thorough proofreading will help identify and rectify minor errors, contributing to an overall polished presentation.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate on whether to explore our family history for insights into our ancestors or concentrate on the present and future generations is a topic of ongoing discussion. This essay aims to shed light on both perspectives while expressing my own viewpoint.

On one hand, delving into one’s family background offers significant advantages, shaping an individual’s personality and providing insights into the lives of our forebears. It promotes a deeper understanding of family traditions and culture, influencing current habits and personalities, and may even reveal potential hereditary diseases. This exploration not only brings fulfillment by acknowledging and preserving family history but also allows younger generations to learn from their ancestors’ successes and failures. Regrettably, some young people today show disinterest in their family or ethnic past, distorting history and neglecting cultural values. For instance, numerous Vietnamese adolescents may not be aware that Quang Trung Emperor and Nguyen Hue are the same person, which can harm the image of the younger generation and impact future education.

On the other hand, some argue in favor of focusing on the present and the future, believing that dwelling too much on the past can hinder an individual’s progress. Many individuals lack knowledge about their previous generations, with parents encouraging their children to seize opportunities for personal growth. Instead of immersing in past events, individuals can use that time to improve essential skills. It is argued that people should be free to make decisions and choose their career path without being influenced by their family members’ past. Reflecting on my mother’s experience, despite her family’s tradition of valuing knowledge, she chose not to become a teacher but pursued her own dreams and achieved success.

In conclusion, the choice between researching family history and focusing on the present and future generations is subjective. Both perspectives have their merits, and individuals should find a balance that aligns with their values and aspirations. Personally, I believe that a harmonious integration of past, present, and future aspects contributes to a well-rounded and enriched life.

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