Some people argue that young people are unfit for holding significant positions in the government, while others maintain that it is beneficial for them to occupy such roles. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In contemporary times, there has been a school of thought that posits young individuals as unfit for assuming pivotal roles in the government sector, while some contend that undertaking these jobs can be advantageous for them. From my standpoint, I wholeheartedly agree endorse the notion that it is advantageous for young individuals to assume roles in the government.
On the one hand, two primary arguments underlie the belief that the young are unsuited for taking jobs associated with the Government sector. One compelling argument against young individuals assuming crucial government roles revolves around their limited experience and foresight. As these important positions wield significant influence over various fields, such as the economy, agriculture or industry. Therefore, these jobs need to be undertaken by prestigious and seasoned leaders who can harness historical lessons to inform policies, fostering stability and consistency in governance. Additionally, a long-term vision allows for strategic planning that transcends immediate concerns, ensuring sustainable development for future generations. Another factor is concerns arise from the commitment of young leaders. Specifically, despite the innovation of young people in many fields, the stability of elderly individuals in government may overshadow the young. Whereas the older generation might put efforts into one field, the young tend to pursue higher education and engage in diverse jobs, potentially affecting their efficiency in government roles and consequently, the nation’s progress. Furthermore, the relative lack of experience and exposure among young leaders could render them susceptible to being influenced or bribed to support illegal activities.
On the other hand, I am convinced that it is appropriate for the young to occupy roles in the government sector. In this day and age, the young have numerous opportunities to follow higher academic qualifications to explore their full potential. As a result, young people might be equipped with extensive knowledge that may remarkably contribute to various sectors’ progress. Secondly, offering chances for young individuals to occupy roles in the government is crucial since it serves as valuable training ground, empowering them with essential knowledge before undertaking pivotal roles in the future. Learning from experienced individuals, young aspirants can be carefully trained and develop themselves comprehensively, preparing them adequately for important roles in the years ahead.
In conclusion, some individuals suppose that young people are unfit for assuming jobs in the government because of their perceived lack of experience and long-term vision. Nevertheless, I concur with the opinion that it is meaningful for them to undertake these positions as the young can contribute considerably to their nation and gain necessary knowledge and experience through these roles.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"I wholeheartedly agree endorse" -> "I wholeheartedly endorse"
Explanation: Eliminating the redundant use of "agree" and "endorse" creates a more concise and formal expression of agreement.
"Two primary arguments underlie the belief" -> "Two primary arguments support the belief"
Explanation: Replacing "underlie" with "support" maintains formality while conveying the idea more clearly and precisely.
"wield significant influence over various fields, such as the economy, agriculture or industry" -> "exert significant influence across various domains, including the economy, agriculture, and industry"
Explanation: The suggested alternative uses more varied and specific vocabulary, enhancing the academic tone and clarity of the sentence.
"prestigious and seasoned leaders" -> "experienced and seasoned leaders"
Explanation: "Prestigious" is slightly more formal than necessary, and using "experienced" alone maintains the intended meaning while adhering to a formal style.
"transcends immediate concerns" -> "extends beyond immediate considerations"
Explanation: The alternative phrase maintains formality while offering a more precise expression of the idea.
"commitment of young leaders" -> "dedication of young leaders"
Explanation: "Commitment" can be slightly informal; using "dedication" maintains formality and provides a nuanced synonym.
"the stability of elderly individuals in government may overshadow the young" -> "the stability of older individuals in government may eclipse that of the young"
Explanation: The alternative phrase enhances formality and clarity by using "older" instead of "elderly" and by providing a more precise verb, "eclipse."
"pursue higher education and engage in diverse jobs" -> "pursue advanced education and participate in diverse professional endeavors"
Explanation: The suggested alternative uses more formal language while maintaining the intended meaning.
"render them susceptible to being influenced or bribed" -> "make them vulnerable to influence or bribery"
Explanation: The alternative phrase maintains formality while offering more precise language.
"suppose that young people are unfit" -> "argue that young people are unfit"
Explanation: The alternative phrase introduces a more assertive and formal tone.
"Nevertheless, I concur with the opinion" -> "Nevertheless, I agree with the viewpoint"
Explanation: Replacing "concur" with "agree" maintains formality while simplifying the expression for clarity.

Note: The essay is well-written, and the suggested improvements aim to enhance formality and precision without significantly altering the overall meaning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Quoted text: "In contemporary times, there has been a school of thought that posits young individuals as unfit for assuming pivotal roles in the government sector, while some contend that undertaking these jobs can be advantageous for them. From my standpoint, I wholeheartedly agree endorse the notion that it is advantageous for young individuals to assume roles in the government."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction is clear in presenting the writer’s opinion, but it lacks a concise roadmap of the main points to be discussed. To enhance clarity, consider briefly outlining the key arguments you will explore in the body paragraphs. For example, mention the two main reasons supporting your viewpoint.
- Improved example: "In contemporary times, the debate on whether young individuals should hold pivotal government roles is prevalent. While some argue against their suitability, I wholeheartedly endorse the notion that it is advantageous for young individuals to assume these roles due to their potential contributions and the valuable training ground it provides."
Quoted text: "One compelling argument against young individuals assuming crucial government roles revolves around their limited experience and foresight. As these important positions wield significant influence over various fields, such as the economy, agriculture or industry. Therefore, these jobs need to be undertaken by prestigious and seasoned leaders who can harness historical lessons to inform policies, fostering stability and consistency in governance."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The first body paragraph provides a strong argument against young individuals in government but lacks specific examples or real-world instances to illustrate the impact of limited experience. To improve, integrate concrete examples or hypothetical scenarios showcasing how seasoned leaders’ historical knowledge has positively influenced policies and governance.
- Improved example: "One compelling argument against young individuals assuming crucial government roles revolves around their limited experience and foresight. For instance, seasoned leaders with extensive historical knowledge have effectively shaped policies, fostering stability and consistency in governance. The ability to draw upon historical lessons ensures a more informed and strategic approach to addressing challenges in fields such as the economy, agriculture, or industry."
Quoted text: "Additionally, a long-term vision allows for strategic planning that transcends immediate concerns, ensuring sustainable development for future generations."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This sentence is well-developed and contributes to the overall coherence of the paragraph. No specific improvement is needed in this section.
Quoted text: "Another factor is concerns arise from the commitment of young leaders. Specifically, despite the innovation of young people in many fields, the stability of elderly individuals in government may overshadow the young. Whereas the older generation might put efforts into one field, the young tend to pursue higher education and engage in diverse jobs, potentially affecting their efficiency in government roles and consequently, the nation’s progress."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The argument here is clear, but it would benefit from a specific example or case study highlighting how the stability of elderly individuals has positively impacted government efficiency. This addition will make the point more compelling and grounded in real-world examples.
- Improved example: "Furthermore, the relative lack of experience and exposure among young leaders could render them susceptible to being influenced or bribed to support illegal activities. For instance, historical cases have shown that young leaders, lacking the stability of their older counterparts, may be more prone to external pressures, jeopardizing the nation’s progress."
Quoted text: "In this day and age, the young have numerous opportunities to follow higher academic qualifications to explore their full potential. As a result, young people might be equipped with extensive knowledge that may remarkably contribute to various sectors’ progress."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The second body paragraph presents a valid argument in favor of young individuals in government roles. However, to enhance persuasiveness, provide specific examples of how higher academic qualifications have directly contributed to the progress of various sectors. This will add depth and credibility to your argument.
- Improved example: "In this day and age, the young have numerous opportunities to follow higher academic qualifications to explore their full potential. For instance, the groundbreaking research conducted by young scholars has played a pivotal role in advancing sectors such as technology, healthcare, and environmental sustainability."
Quoted text: "Secondly, offering chances for young individuals to occupy roles in the government is crucial since it serves as valuable training ground, empowering them with essential knowledge before undertaking pivotal roles in the future. Learning from experienced individuals, young aspirants can be carefully trained and develop themselves comprehensively, preparing them adequately for important roles in the years ahead."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The conclusion presents a solid argument in favor of young individuals in government roles, emphasizing the importance of it as a training ground. However, to strengthen this point, provide a specific example or case study of a young individual who benefited significantly from early exposure in government roles and later made a substantial impact in a leadership position.
- Improved example: "Secondly, offering chances for young individuals to occupy roles in the government is crucial since it serves as valuable training ground, empowering them with essential knowledge before undertaking pivotal roles in the future. Learning from experienced individuals, young aspirants can be carefully trained. For instance, the early government exposure of leaders like [Name], who started their journey in government roles, has played a pivotal role in their comprehensive development, preparing them adequately for important leadership roles in the years ahead."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a fair understanding of the topic with well-presented arguments. However, to achieve a higher band score, consider incorporating more specific examples and real-world instances to bolster the persuasiveness of your arguments. Additionally, ensure a clear roadmap of your main points in the introduction for improved essay structure.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction sets up the opposing views effectively, and each paragraph develops a specific aspect of the argument. The writer employs a range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas. However, there is some inconsistency in the use of cohesive devices, and a few sentences lack clear connections, impacting the overall cohesion. The central topic within each paragraph is generally clear, but there are instances where the focus could be sharper. Paragraphing is generally appropriate, but there is room for improvement in ensuring a smoother flow between paragraphs.

How to improve:

Cohesive Devices: Pay closer attention to the consistent use of cohesive devices. Ensure that each sentence flows seamlessly into the next to enhance overall coherence.
Clarity of Central Topic: Strengthen the clarity of the central topic within each paragraph. Ensure that every paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument without losing coherence.
Transition Between Paragraphs: Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of ideas.

Note: The essay demonstrates a strong foundation in coherence and cohesion but falls slightly short of a Band 8 due to minor inconsistencies.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, utilizing a wide range of words fluently and flexibly throughout the text. The candidate skillfully incorporates uncommon lexical items to convey precise meanings. Although there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, they are infrequent and can be considered minor errors. The spelling and word formation are generally accurate, with rare errors that do not significantly impact communication.

The essay effectively explores both perspectives on whether young people are suitable for government positions. It provides well-developed arguments and examples to support each viewpoint, showcasing a sophisticated use of language to express ideas clearly. The candidate’s vocabulary contributes to the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay, enhancing the reader’s understanding.

How to improve:
To further improve, the candidate should aim for even greater accuracy in word choice and collocation to minimize occasional errors. Additionally, maintaining a consistent and slightly higher level of complexity in sentence structures can elevate the lexical resource further. Careful proofreading to eliminate any remaining minor errors in spelling or word formation is recommended for perfection.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, producing frequent error-free sentences. The writer employs a variety of complex structures, showcasing a commendable range of sentence forms. The use of vocabulary is generally precise and appropriate for an academic setting. However, there are some instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing, which prevent it from achieving a Band 8.0. The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument with well-developed ideas, contributing to a coherent and cohesive piece of writing.

How to improve: To elevate the score to a Band 8.0, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures to ensure full flexibility and accuracy. Careful proofreading is essential to eliminate minor errors and enhance overall clarity. Additionally, the vocabulary could be further enriched to add sophistication to the expression. Strengthening the logical flow of ideas will contribute to a smoother and more convincing argumentation. Overall, a meticulous review of the essay for grammatical precision and stylistic refinement will enhance its quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, a debate ensues regarding the suitability of young individuals for significant government positions. Some argue that the youth aren’t well-suited for such roles, while others advocate for the benefits of their involvement. Personally, I strongly support the idea that it is advantageous for young people to assume roles in the government.

On one side of the debate, there are two main reasons why some believe that young individuals aren’t fit for government positions. Firstly, they often lack the extensive experience and foresight required for such pivotal roles. These positions wield considerable influence over crucial sectors like the economy, agriculture, and industry, demanding leaders with a wealth of experience to draw upon historical lessons for informed policy-making, ensuring stability and consistent governance. Additionally, having a long-term vision allows for strategic planning beyond immediate concerns, ensuring sustainable development for future generations. Another concern is the commitment of young leaders. While they show innovation in various fields, the stability demonstrated by older individuals in government may overshadow the potential of the younger generation. While the elderly focus on one field, young individuals tend to pursue higher education and diverse jobs, which might affect their efficiency in government roles, and consequently, the nation’s progress. Moreover, their relative lack of experience and exposure could make them vulnerable to external influences, potentially leading to support for illegal activities.

However, on the other side, I firmly believe that it’s appropriate for the young to hold government positions. In today’s era, young people have ample opportunities to pursue higher education and explore their full potential. This educational background equips them with extensive knowledge that can significantly contribute to the progress of various sectors. Furthermore, allowing young individuals to take up government roles is crucial as it provides them with valuable training. Learning from experienced individuals, young aspirants can be carefully mentored and groomed, acquiring essential knowledge and skills necessary for future pivotal roles.

To sum up, while some argue against young people assuming government jobs due to their perceived lack of experience and long-term vision, I am of the opinion that their involvement holds substantial meaning. The youth can make significant contributions to their nation and gain indispensable knowledge and experience through these roles, ultimately preparing them for crucial roles in the future.