Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Most people believe that students should learn all subjects equally instead of focusing on several extent fields which they will major in in the future. in this essay, I will express my point of view by presenting both two sides of this view.
The first aspect of this view is that there are several benefits to have a well-rounded education. Firstly, students may have opportunities to explore what subjects they really love and want to learn in order to make the right way for their future. For instance, by learning all subjects, a student who is in grade 12 knows that he is interested in Physics instead of Biology so he chooses the job related to this subject. In addition, by learning all subjects, people can improve both practical skills and academic knowledge learning skills. Therefore, people not only gain their knowledge base for their majors but also develop various skills such as flexibility solving problems or teamwork skills.
On the other hand, concentrating on several extent subjects is a great learning way as well. First, students may be major in the field they interest due to focus on the lesson related to it. This may lead to pass their dreamed university. Secondly, young people find it more interesting when they learn what they have a passion for. As a result, they will learn hard to be good at this field and have a quality academic performance. Finally, it is a motivation for them to try all their best to reach their success goals in lives. For instance, if a student has to learn a subject they do not like, they may not study hard to get a high score in this lesson.
In conclusion, although learning all subjects has a large number of advantages, I completely think that it is better to learn in several subjects that students are really interest in .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"several extent fields" -> "various academic fields"
Explanation: "Extent" is not typically used in this context. "Various academic fields" is a more appropriate and formal phrase to describe the range of subjects students may study.
"in this essay, I will express my point of view by presenting both two sides of this view" -> "This essay will articulate my perspective by examining both sides of the argument."
Explanation: The original phrase is redundant and lacks clarity. "Articulate my perspective" is more precise, and "examining both sides of the argument" is clearer than "presenting both two sides of this view."
"Firstly" -> "First and foremost"
Explanation: "Firstly" is colloquial; "First and foremost" adds formality and sophistication to the sentence.
"by learning all subjects, a student who is in grade 12 knows that he is interested in Physics instead of Biology so he chooses the job related to this subject" -> "Exposure to all subjects enables a twelfth-grade student to discern their preference for Physics over Biology, guiding their career choice towards related professions."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision and formal tone. "Exposure to all subjects" is a more formal phrase. "Discern their preference" is more precise than "knows that he is interested in." "Guiding their career choice" is a more sophisticated expression than "so he chooses the job related to this subject."
"In addition, by learning all subjects, people can improve both practical skills and academic knowledge learning skills" -> "Moreover, a comprehensive education cultivates not only academic knowledge but also practical and learning skills."
Explanation: "In addition" is informal; "Moreover" is a suitable replacement. "Cultivates" is a more formal term than "improve," and restructuring the sentence adds clarity and formality.
"concentrating on several extent subjects" -> "specializing in specific academic disciplines"
Explanation: "Concentrating on" is less formal than "specializing in." "Extent" is replaced with "specific academic disciplines" for clarity and formality.
"may be major in the field they interest" -> "may major in their field of interest"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks grammatical correctness. "Major in the field they interest" should be "major in their field of interest" for clarity and proper grammar.
"due to focus on the lesson related to it" -> "due to their focused study of relevant subjects"
Explanation: "Lesson" is too general and informal. "Focused study of relevant subjects" provides clarity and formality.
"young people find it more interesting" -> "adolescents find it more engaging"
Explanation: "Young people find it more interesting" is informal. "Adolescents find it more engaging" is a more formal and precise expression.
"it is better to learn in several subjects that students are really interest in" -> "it is preferable for students to focus on subjects aligned with their genuine interests"
Explanation: "Better" is too vague and informal. "Preferable" is more formal. "Subjects that students are really interested in" is replaced with "subjects aligned with their genuine interests" for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument, presenting arguments for the benefits of learning all subjects equally as well as the advantages of concentrating on specific subjects of interest. It acknowledges the importance of a well-rounded education while also advocating for focusing on areas of interest.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that each viewpoint is explored in greater depth. Provide more specific examples or evidence to support each argument, illustrating the consequences or benefits of each approach more vividly. Additionally, ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the essay’s structure and previews the arguments to be presented.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance advocating for concentrating on subjects of interest, as indicated in the concluding sentence: "although learning all subjects has a large number of advantages, I completely think that it is better to learn in several subjects that students are really interest in."
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the position by reinforcing it throughout the essay. Ensure that each body paragraph reinforces this stance and provides supporting arguments or evidence. Additionally, refine the introduction and conclusion to clearly state the author’s position from the outset and reiterate it in the closing remarks.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with some development but lacks depth in elaboration. Each argument is introduced but could benefit from further expansion and clarification. Examples are provided to support the points made, but they could be more detailed and varied to strengthen the argumentation.
- How to improve: Enhance the presentation of ideas by providing more thorough explanations and elaborations. Instead of simply stating advantages or disadvantages, delve deeper into each point, providing context, explanations, and real-life examples where applicable. Additionally, consider incorporating counterarguments to strengthen the overall analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the two viewpoints presented in the prompt: the importance of learning all subjects equally versus focusing on specific interests. However, there are moments of slight deviation, such as the mention of passing a dream university, which could be more directly related to the main argument.
- How to improve: Maintain a tighter focus on the main topic by ensuring that all points made directly relate to the arguments presented in the prompt. Avoid introducing tangential ideas that do not contribute to the central discussion. Instead, prioritize staying closely aligned with the prompt’s themes to strengthen coherence and relevance.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both viewpoints and presenting a clear position. To improve, focus on providing more detailed and nuanced arguments with thorough explanations and examples, while maintaining a strong connection to the central topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present both sides of the argument regarding whether teenagers should focus equally on all subjects or concentrate on their areas of interest. However, the organization of ideas lacks clarity and coherence. The introduction sets up the discussion but lacks a clear thesis statement. The body paragraphs cover the advantages of a well-rounded education and the benefits of focusing on specific subjects, but the transition between these points is somewhat abrupt. The conclusion briefly summarizes the author’s opinion without effectively tying together the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each body paragraph to introduce the main idea and maintain coherence throughout the essay. Consider using transition phrases to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs, providing a more cohesive structure to the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three paragraphs: introduction, body, and conclusion. While there is a clear attempt at paragraphing, the structure within each paragraph could be improved for better coherence. The body paragraph discusses both sides of the argument, but the points are somewhat jumbled together without clear separation.
- How to improve: Break down the body paragraph into two separate paragraphs, each focusing on one side of the argument. This will allow for a clearer presentation of ideas and facilitate better understanding for the reader. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "firstly," "on the other hand," "in conclusion"). However, the usage is somewhat repetitive and could be expanded to create a smoother flow between ideas.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used in the essay to include a variety of transitions, pronouns, and conjunctions to better connect ideas and improve overall coherence. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of these cohesive devices to ensure they are used effectively to signal shifts in ideas or relationships between sentences and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with some attempts at varied expression. Examples include "well-rounded education," "practical skills," "academic knowledge," "flexibility in solving problems," and "quality academic performance." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further to enhance precision and depth.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more nuanced and specific terms. Instead of repeating phrases like "learning all subjects," try using synonyms or related terms to add variety and richness to the language. Additionally, explore more sophisticated vocabulary related to the essay’s themes to elevate the overall lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally communicates ideas effectively, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that could be refined for clarity and accuracy. For instance, "several extent fields" could be more precisely replaced with "various academic disciplines" or "different subject areas." Similarly, "a student who is in grade 12 knows that he is interested in Physics instead of Biology" could be improved for clarity and conciseness.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to the specificity of the vocabulary used. Avoid vague or ambiguous terms and opt for precise language that clearly conveys the intended meaning. Proofreading for clarity and coherence can help identify areas where vocabulary precision can be enhanced. Consider using a thesaurus to find more precise synonyms or alternatives for commonly used words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of spelling accuracy, with most words spelled correctly. However, there are several instances of spelling errors, such as "extent" instead of "certain" or "specific," and "interest" instead of "interested." These errors, while not pervasive, can detract from the overall professionalism and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar checkers available in word processing software. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help catch and correct any spelling errors. Developing a habit of reviewing written work for spelling mistakes and actively seeking feedback on spelling from peers or instructors can also contribute to improvement over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and compound sentences, but more complex structures such as conditional sentences, passive voice, or inversion are lacking. For example, the essay primarily uses simple subject-verb-object structures with occasional use of compound sentences (e.g., "Most people believe that students should learn all subjects equally instead of focusing on several extent fields which they will major in in the future"). While the essay is generally coherent, the lack of diverse sentence structures affects its overall sophistication and clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay’s range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions. Introduce conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations ("If students focus solely on their interests, they may overlook crucial subjects."). Utilize passive voice to vary sentence structure and emphasize certain points ("It is believed by many that a well-rounded education encompasses a broad spectrum of subjects."). Additionally, experiment with inversion for stylistic variation and emphasis ("Not only do students gain knowledge in their majors, but they also develop essential skills such as problem-solving and teamwork.").
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays an adequate level of grammatical accuracy with some errors throughout the text. There are instances of subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., "there are several benefits to have a well-rounded education"), article misuse (e.g., "several extent fields"), and awkward phrasing (e.g., "make the right way for their future"). Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas in compound sentences and inconsistent capitalization (e.g., "physics" instead of "Physics"). While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall polish and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure consistency throughout the essay. Proofread for article usage to ensure appropriate inclusion or omission. Focus on refining sentence structure to avoid awkward phrasing and enhance readability. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation, particularly in compound sentences, to clarify relationships between ideas and improve overall coherence. Practice identifying and correcting these errors to develop a more precise and polished writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

Most individuals hold the belief that students should evenly distribute their focus across all subjects, rather than concentrating solely on a few specific fields they intend to specialize in later on. In this essay, I will articulate my perspective by examining both sides of this argument.

First and foremost, there are significant benefits to obtaining a comprehensive education. By exposing students to various academic fields, they have the opportunity to discern their preferences and aptitudes, thereby guiding their career choices towards related professions. For example, a twelfth-grade student who explores all subjects may discover a passion for Physics over Biology, influencing their future career decisions. Moreover, a well-rounded education not only enhances academic knowledge but also fosters practical and learning skills. Therefore, students not only build a solid foundation in their chosen majors but also develop versatile skills such as problem-solving and teamwork.

Conversely, specializing in specific academic disciplines can also be an effective learning approach. By focusing on subjects aligned with their genuine interests, students may excel in their chosen fields, increasing their chances of admission to their desired universities. Furthermore, adolescents find it more engaging to study subjects they are passionate about, leading to improved academic performance and motivation to succeed in life. For instance, when students pursue their interests, they are more likely to dedicate themselves to achieving high grades.

In conclusion, while there are undeniable advantages to learning all subjects equally, I firmly believe that it is preferable for students to focus on subjects aligned with their genuine interests. This approach not only enhances academic performance but also fosters a deeper passion for learning, ultimately leading to greater success in both academic and professional endeavors.