some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting.

The opinions are divergent on whether adolescents should give adequate attention to all subjects included in the curriculum or they only need to prioritize those that they find most useful and engaging. This essay will analyze both views, before drawing a conclusion, which favors the former.

Proponents of encouraging students to focus predominantly on their own favorite subjects might argue that it is because the more engaged the education, the better understanding and longevity of knowledge acquired. Specifically, since adolescents tend to put in extra effort and be extremely more motivated when it comes to their interest, this approach can beneficially help them to achieve better academic results throughout their educational career. A prime example of this can be witnessed in students who love science. In science classes, they have been proven to be self-motivated and always push forward to excel, leading to higher grades or even potential becoming their career paths. Furthermore, this phenomenon can help students develop their expertises in a specific field, therefore getting themselves multiple career opportunities. Pursuing and spending considerable effort on their favorite field enables teenagers to explore and deepen their passion. As such, people are fond of focusing on an exact subject in order to help themselves understand their interests, which can be the ground of their future careers.

A separate school of thought, however, believes that a well-rounded education is essential for an individual’s future development. As every curriculum has undergone several investigations and considerations from educational professionalists, no subject is regarded as invaluable and unnecessary. In order words, a collaboration of all subjects offers a broad range of knowledge that can be used in every career paths, therefore helping students develop both soft skills and critical thinking techniques. To add further credence, not every adolescents can accurately figure out their strengths and interests from a really young age. As such, exposure to all categories, both intensively and shallowly, is extremely efficient in defining youngsters’ passion and life goals.

To recapitulate, favorite subject prioritization is justifiable since it helps people get motivated and more engaging in the category they find suitable and interesting. However, I would contend that equal focus on all subjects is more essential, which provides individuals of a diversity of knowledge and also helps them creating a passion on a specific field.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"opinions are divergent" -> "views vary"
Explanation: "Opinions are divergent" is a somewhat informal expression. "Views vary" maintains the same meaning in a more formal and concise manner.
"give adequate attention" -> "devote sufficient attention"
Explanation: "Give adequate attention" is slightly informal. "Devote sufficient attention" conveys the same idea in a more formal tone.
"most useful and engaging" -> "most pertinent and engaging"
Explanation: "Useful" is somewhat vague and informal. "Pertinent" conveys a clearer meaning in academic writing, emphasizing relevance.
"This essay will analyze" -> "This essay aims to analyze"
Explanation: "Will analyze" is direct but lacks the nuance of intention. "Aims to analyze" emphasizes the purpose of the essay more formally.
"before drawing a conclusion, which favors the former" -> "before reaching a conclusion, which supports the former view"
Explanation: "Drawing a conclusion" is appropriate, but "favors the former" could be more specific. "Supports the former view" clarifies the essay’s stance in a formal manner.
"Proponents of encouraging students" -> "Advocates for encouraging students"
Explanation: "Proponents of" is slightly informal. "Advocates for" maintains formality while expressing the same idea.
"might argue that it is because" -> "may argue that this is because"
Explanation: "Might argue that it is because" is redundant. "May argue that this is because" is more concise and formal.
"extra effort and be extremely more motivated" -> "extra effort and be highly motivated"
Explanation: "Extremely more motivated" is awkward and redundant. "Highly motivated" conveys the same meaning more succinctly.
"can beneficially help them" -> "can help them significantly"
Explanation: "Beneficially help" is wordy. "Help them significantly" is clearer and more concise.
"science classes, they have been proven" -> "science classes have been shown"
Explanation: "They have been proven" is passive and somewhat informal. "Have been shown" is more direct and formal.
"or even potential becoming their career paths" -> "or even potentially becoming their career paths"
Explanation: "Potential becoming" is grammatically incorrect. "Potentially becoming" corrects this error.
"Furthermore, this phenomenon can help students" -> "Furthermore, this approach can assist students"
Explanation: "Phenomenon" is overly formal in this context. "Approach" is more appropriate. Additionally, "assist" is a more precise word choice.
"getting themselves multiple career opportunities" -> "opening up multiple career opportunities for themselves"
Explanation: "Getting themselves" is informal. Rearranging the sentence structure and using "opening up" maintains formality and clarity.
"Pursuing and spending considerable effort" -> "Devoting substantial effort"
Explanation: "Pursuing and spending considerable effort" is somewhat redundant. "Devoting substantial effort" is more concise and formal.
"expertises" -> "expertise"
Explanation: "Expertises" is incorrect in standard English. "Expertise" is the correct singular form.
"exact subject" -> "specific subject"
Explanation: "Exact subject" is slightly informal. "Specific subject" maintains formality.
"In order words" -> "In other words"
Explanation: "In order words" is incorrect. "In other words" is the correct phrase.
"educational professionalists" -> "educational professionals"
Explanation: "Educational professionalists" is not standard terminology. "Educational professionals" is the correct term.
"collaboration of all subjects" -> "integration of all subjects"
Explanation: "Collaboration of all subjects" is unclear. "Integration of all subjects" clarifies the idea of combining various subjects.
"every curriculum has undergone several investigations" -> "every curriculum has undergone thorough scrutiny"
Explanation: "Investigations" is slightly informal. "Thorough scrutiny" is a more precise and formal term.
"In order words" -> "In other words"
Explanation: "In order words" is incorrect. "In other words" is the correct phrase.
"both intensively and shallowly" -> "both in-depth and superficially"
Explanation: "Intensively and shallowly" is awkward. "In-depth and superficially" provides clearer contrast.
"adolescents can accurately figure out" -> "adolescents can accurately determine"
Explanation: "Figure out" is somewhat colloquial. "Determine" is more formal.
"defining youngsters’ passion and life goals" -> "identifying young people’s passions and life goals"
Explanation: "Defining youngsters’ passion and life goals" is somewhat informal. "Identifying young people’s passions and life goals" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the prompt, discussing the merits of focusing on favorite subjects as well as the importance of a well-rounded education.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both perspectives, it could benefit from providing more specific examples or evidence to support each argument. Additionally, further exploration of how focusing on all subjects contributes to a well-rounded education would enhance the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring equal focus on all subjects, which is evident from the introduction through to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the central stance and directly addresses the prompt. Additionally, providing a brief roadmap of the essay in the introduction can enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly and supports them with relevant arguments and examples. For instance, it discusses how focusing on favorite subjects can lead to better academic performance and career opportunities, while also acknowledging the benefits of a well-rounded education.
- How to improve: To further extend and support ideas, consider incorporating more nuanced analysis and diverse examples. Additionally, providing counterarguments and refutations can demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains focus on the topic throughout, discussing the two contrasting views on whether teenagers should focus on all subjects equally or prioritize their favorite subjects.
- How to improve: To ensure continued relevance to the topic, avoid tangential discussions or extraneous details. Maintain a clear connection between each point and the central theme of the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong level of logical organization overall. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the two contrasting views, followed by two well-developed body paragraphs discussing each perspective in detail. The conclusion succinctly restates the writer’s position. Each paragraph follows a logical progression of ideas, with clear topic sentences and supporting examples.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider ensuring that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its main idea throughout. Additionally, pay attention to transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smooth flow of ideas from one point to the next.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure the content, with clear topic sentences introducing the main idea of each paragraph. Each paragraph contains cohesive and relevant supporting details, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay generally maintains coherence within paragraphs, there are a few instances where certain points could be further developed within their respective paragraphs for greater clarity and depth. Consider expanding on supporting examples or explanations where necessary to ensure thorough coverage of each idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs. These include transitional phrases ("Furthermore," "A separate school of thought, however," "To recapitulate") and cohesive referencing ("this approach," "this phenomenon," "As such").
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are used effectively overall, there is room to further diversify their usage to enhance coherence. Consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices such as pronouns ("it," "they"), conjunctions ("although," "while"), and parallel structures to vary sentence structures and strengthen connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to maintain coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information, using paragraphs to structure the content, and employing a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas. To further enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on maintaining clear and consistent organization within paragraphs, expanding on supporting details where necessary, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices to strengthen connections between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

**Band Score for Lexical Resource**: 7
- **Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary**: 
  - **Detailed explanation**: The essay displays a good range of vocabulary, employing varied terms to discuss the topic. Phrases like "adequate attention," "prioritize," "longevity of knowledge," and "self-motivated" demonstrate a strong grasp of vocabulary. Additionally, words such as "proponents," "phenomenon," and "recapitulate" suggest a higher-level lexical choice.
  - **How to improve**: While the vocabulary range is strong, there are areas where repetitive language can be improved. For example, "favorite subjects" and "focus" are used multiple times, which could be varied to maintain interest. Consider using synonyms like "preferred subjects," "areas of interest," "concentration," or "emphasis" to enhance lexical variety.

- **Use Vocabulary Precisely**: 
  - **Detailed explanation**: The vocabulary is generally precise, with clear explanations of ideas. However, there are instances where word choice could be refined for greater clarity and accuracy. For instance, the term "proven" in "they have been proven to be self-motivated" might not be entirely appropriate without concrete evidence. Similarly, "educational professionalists" could be replaced with "education professionals" for a more accurate term.
  - **How to improve**: To improve precision, focus on selecting terms that convey the exact meaning intended. Replace ambiguous or complex terms with more straightforward ones to avoid confusion. Avoid using words like "proven" unless there is explicit evidence, and use terms like "experts," "educators," or "professionals" instead of more complex variations like "professionalists."

- **Use Correct Spelling**: 
  - **Detailed explanation**: The spelling in the essay is mostly accurate, with few noticeable errors. However, there are minor spelling issues that could be addressed. The term "expertises" should be corrected to "expertise," and "in order words" should be "in other words." These minor errors can detract from the overall quality of the essay.
  - **How to improve**: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, focusing on common spelling mistakes and word usage errors. Utilize spell-check tools to catch errors that may be overlooked during proofreading. Additionally, consider reading the essay aloud to identify any awkward phrases or misspellings. Practicing writing regularly and seeking feedback can also help improve spelling over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of varied sentence structures. It includes complex sentences ("Proponents of encouraging students to focus predominantly on their own favorite subjects might argue…"), compound sentences ("Furthermore, this phenomenon can help students develop their expertise in a specific field, therefore getting themselves multiple career opportunities."), and a mix of simple and complex sentence structures throughout. This variety enhances the overall readability and sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more conditional sentences, passive voice constructions, and inverted sentence structures where appropriate. This will add depth to your writing and showcase a higher level of grammatical complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy and punctuation. There are, however, a few instances where errors or awkward constructions occur, such as "no subject is regarded as invaluable and unnecessary" (rephrase as "no subject is considered invaluable or unnecessary") and "In order words" (should be "In other words"). Additionally, there are minor punctuation issues, like missing commas in some compound sentences ("Furthermore this phenomenon can help students develop their expertise in a specific field therefore getting themselves multiple career opportunities.").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Proofread carefully to catch punctuation errors, especially with commas in compound sentences and after introductory phrases. Consider using grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers or tutors to refine your grammar and punctuation skills.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of grammatical structures and a good level of accuracy, contributing to its overall band score of 6. With continued attention to sentence variety and grammatical precision, further improvements can be achieved. Keep practicing diverse sentence constructions and pay close attention to grammar and punctuation details to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Views vary on whether teenagers should devote sufficient attention to all subjects included in the curriculum or concentrate solely on those they find most pertinent and engaging. This essay aims to analyze both perspectives before reaching a conclusion that supports the former view.

Advocates for encouraging students to focus predominantly on their own favorite subjects may argue that this is because the more engaged the education, the better understanding and longevity of knowledge acquired. Specifically, since adolescents tend to put in extra effort and be highly motivated when it comes to their interests, this approach can help them significantly in achieving better academic results throughout their educational career. A prime example of this can be seen in students who love science. In science classes, they have been shown to be self-motivated and always push forward to excel, leading to higher grades or even potentially becoming their career paths. Furthermore, this approach can assist students in developing expertise in a specific subject, opening up multiple career opportunities for themselves. Devoting substantial effort to their favorite field enables teenagers to explore and deepen their passion, which can be the foundation of their future careers.

On the other hand, another school of thought believes that a well-rounded education is essential for an individual’s future development. As every curriculum has undergone thorough scrutiny from educational professionals, no subject is considered invaluable and unnecessary. In other words, the integration of all subjects offers a broad range of knowledge that can be useful in every career path, thereby helping students develop both soft skills and critical thinking techniques. Additionally, not every adolescent can accurately determine their strengths and interests from a young age. Therefore, exposure to all subjects, both in-depth and superficially, is crucial in identifying young people’s passions and life goals.

In conclusion, while prioritizing favorite subjects is justifiable as it helps individuals get motivated and more engaged in the subjects they find interesting, I would contend that equal focus on all subjects is more essential. This provides individuals with a diversity of knowledge and also helps them create a passion for a specific field.