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Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas others think that they should concentrate only on subjects they find interesting. Discuss both views and provide your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas others think that they should concentrate only on subjects they find interesting. Discuss both views and provide your opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

In the contemporary society, people have conflicting views about teenagers' study path. While some people suppose that students shoul solely concentrate on subjects that they find joy in, I strongly advocate that they ought to pay an equal attention on all subjects. This essay will delve into both perspectives regarding the merits of former view and highlight the benefit of maintaining concentration on all subjects to bolster my stance.

On the one hand, there are numerous rationales why people believe that youngsters should focus only on their favourite subjects. Firstly, this trend can be beneficial for students' health. Because teenagers only have to learn some subjects, the quantity of assignments and knowledge can be reduced, which provide them more leisure time. Hence, they can relax and their pressure can decline, which prevent them from suffering from various mental health such as depression and anxiety. Moreover, concentrating on certain fields can facilitate the effectiveness in studying of individuals. Since the young have a chance to study their favored areas, they can gain greater motivation and excitement during the learning period. Consequently, they can put more efforts and be hard-working when studying, which foster their ability and make it easier for them to achieve academic success.

On the other hand, I firmly hold the view that it is better for students to stay focused equally on all subjects in their curriculum. Predominantly, this phenomenon offers the young a comprehensive knowledge. Each subject provide various information from different aspects of life, so when focusing on all subjects, young people can become knowleadegable.This is essential in the era of modernization and globalization, where cross-cultural communication and cooperation are becoming crucial. Ultimately, receiving well-rounded education can help students to identify their weakness and strengths, enabling them to pursue jobs that match the ability and interests. For instance, students who perform well in mathematics and physics can suitable with technology, while individuals enjoying lagugues can develop passions with interpreters.

In conclusion, although both views certainly have validity, it seems to me that student can gain more advantages when paying fair concentration on all subjects.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "shoul solely concentrate" -> "should solely concentrate"
    Explanation: Correcting the typo "shoul" to "should" improves the grammatical accuracy of the sentence, aligning with formal language standards.

  2. "they ought to pay an equal attention" -> "they ought to pay equal attention"
    Explanation: Removing the indefinite article "an" before "equal attention" maintains the correct usage of the phrase, adhering to formal language norms.

  3. "delve into both perspectives regarding the merits of former view" -> "examine both perspectives regarding the merits of each view"
    Explanation: Substituting "delve into" with "examine" and specifying "each view" instead of "former view" enhances precision and clarity in the expression.

  4. "rationales why people believe" -> "reasons why individuals believe"
    Explanation: Replacing "rationales" with "reasons" and using "individuals" instead of "people" contributes to a more formal and refined tone.

  5. "Because teenagers only have to learn some subjects" -> "As teenagers are only required to study certain subjects"
    Explanation: Changing the sentence structure and replacing "Because" with "As" elevates the formality and clarity of the expression.

  6. "which provide them more leisure time" -> "which provides them with more leisure time"
    Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement from "provide" to "provides" ensures grammatical accuracy in the sentence.

  7. "prevent them from suffering from various mental health such as depression and anxiety" -> "prevent them from experiencing various mental health issues such as depression and anxiety"
    Explanation: Expanding and specifying "mental health issues" enhances the precision of the statement.

  8. "concentrating on certain fields can facilitate the effectiveness in studying of individuals" -> "focusing on specific fields can enhance the effectiveness of individuals’ studying"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and replacing "certain fields" with "specific fields" contributes to a more formal expression.

  9. "Since the young have a chance to study their favored areas" -> "As young individuals have the opportunity to study their preferred areas"
    Explanation: Using "As" instead of "Since" and refining "favored" to "preferred" aligns with formal writing conventions.

  10. "gaining greater motivation and excitement during the learning period" -> "cultivating greater motivation and enthusiasm during the learning process"
    Explanation: Substituting "period" with "process" and replacing "excitement" with "enthusiasm" contributes to a more sophisticated and academic tone.

  11. "Predominantly, this phenomenon offers the young a comprehensive knowledge" -> "Primarily, this practice provides young individuals with comprehensive knowledge"
    Explanation: Changing "phenomenon" to "practice" and refining the sentence structure enhances clarity and formality.

  12. "Each subject provide various information" -> "Each subject provides various information"
    Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement from "provide" to "provides" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  13. "so when focusing on all subjects, young people can become knowleadegable" -> "so, by focusing on all subjects, young people can become knowledgeable"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "knowleadegable" to "knowledgeable" and restructuring the sentence for clarity improve the overall expression.

  14. "cross-cultural communication and cooperation are becoming crucial" -> "cross-cultural communication and cooperation are increasingly crucial"
    Explanation: Replacing "becoming" with "increasingly" enhances the precision of the statement and aligns with academic language norms.

  15. "students who perform well in mathematics and physics can suitable with technology" -> "students who excel in mathematics and physics can align well with technology"
    Explanation: Substituting "suitable" with "align" improves the appropriateness of the word choice in the context of skills matching.

  16. "individuals enjoying lagugues" -> "individuals enjoying languages"
    Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "lagugues" to "languages" ensures accuracy in the sentence.

  17. "can develop passions with interpreters" -> "can develop a passion for interpretation"
    Explanation: Refining "passions with interpreters" to "a passion for interpretation" provides a more accurate and formal expression.

  18. "although both views certainly have validity" -> "while both views certainly have validity"
    Explanation: Substituting "although" with "while" enhances the coherence and formality of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay successfully addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the benefits of focusing on favorite subjects and presenting a strong stance in favor of equal attention to all subjects. Relevant examples are provided to support the arguments, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the response, consider providing more nuanced insights into the opposing viewpoint. This can be achieved by exploring potential drawbacks or limitations of concentrating equally on all subjects.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position in favor of paying equal attention to all subjects. The stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, and each paragraph contributes to reinforcing this position.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, ensure that each paragraph starts with a topic sentence clearly aligning with the overall stance. This helps readers follow the argument more easily.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, extends arguments with detailed explanations, and supports them with relevant examples. The reasoning is logical and well-developed, providing a strong foundation for the overall response.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the essay, consider incorporating more diverse examples or perspectives. This can add depth and richness to the argument, showcasing a broader understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s key points. However, there is a brief deviation in the introduction where the phrase "this essay will delve into both perspectives" could be more concise.
    • How to improve: To maintain a more focused approach, consider directly stating the main points that will be discussed without unnecessary preamble. This ensures a more concise and effective introduction.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively presents arguments, and maintains a clear stance. To improve, focus on refining the introduction for conciseness and incorporating more nuanced insights into the opposing viewpoint. Additionally, consider diversifying examples for a more comprehensive and convincing argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization. It starts with a clear introduction, followed by two distinct body paragraphs discussing each perspective. The points within each paragraph are coherent, presenting arguments and examples. However, there is a slight issue with the transition between the two perspectives; it could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
    • How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider a more seamless transition between the perspectives. Perhaps a sentence summarizing the previous perspective before introducing the opposing view would enhance the flow.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs adequately, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph contains a central idea, and the ideas progress logically from one paragraph to the next. However, there is room for improvement in the structure of the body paragraphs. Each paragraph begins with a general statement, and it would be more effective to start with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main point.
    • How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by starting each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence. This will provide a better roadmap for the reader and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas within paragraphs. However, there is a need for more variety and precision in the use of these devices. Some sentences lack smooth transitions, affecting the overall flow.
    • How to improve: Enhance the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of transition words and ensuring a seamless connection between sentences. This will contribute to a more cohesive and well-connected essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, refining the transitions between perspectives, improving paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate its overall coherence and cohesion score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied expressions and words, such as "contemporary society," "conflicting views," "rationales," "phenomenon," and "cross-cultural communication." However, there is room for improvement as some vocabulary is repetitively used, and a more nuanced selection could enhance the essay’s depth.

    • How to improve: To further enrich your vocabulary, explore synonyms and alternative phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "subjects," consider employing terms like "academic disciplines" or "fields of study." Diversify your lexical choices to enhance the overall quality and sophistication of your expression.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its ideas effectively, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "people have conflicting views" could be refined to "divergent perspectives exist." Additionally, the use of "knowleadegable" is a spelling error and hinders precise communication.

    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the specificity of your vocabulary. Instead of generic terms, opt for words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Also, proofread your essay to identify and correct spelling errors, ensuring accurate communication.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some spelling errors, such as "shoul" instead of "should," "knowleadegable" instead of "knowledgeable," and "lagugues" instead of "languages." These errors, while not pervasive, impact the overall impression of language proficiency.

    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider using spelling and grammar-check tools available in word processing software. Additionally, allocate time for careful proofreading to catch and rectify errors before finalizing your essay. Developing a habit of reviewing your work systematically will contribute to improved spelling accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the essay prompt and effectively presents arguments. To elevate your Lexical Resource score, focus on refining vocabulary precision, diversifying word choices, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying structures further. Many sentences are straightforward, and the essay could benefit from more variety in sentence lengths and types to enhance fluency and engagement.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varying sentence lengths. For example, instead of relying on simple sentences, experiment with combining ideas using subordinating conjunctions.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances of grammatical errors, such as "shoul" instead of "should" and "knowleadegable" instead of "knowledgeable." Additionally, some sentence structures are awkward, impacting the overall clarity.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread the essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that verb tenses are consistent. Also, focus on refining sentence structures for clarity. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to identify and rectify errors.

Overall, while the essay effectively communicates the writer’s perspective, improving grammatical accuracy and enhancing sentence variety will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, opinions diverge on the optimal study path for teenagers. While some argue that students should solely concentrate on subjects they find enjoyable, I strongly advocate that they ought to pay equal attention to all subjects. This essay will examine both perspectives regarding the merits of the former view and highlight the benefits of maintaining concentration on all subjects to support my stance.

On one hand, there are several reasons why individuals believe that teenagers should focus only on their favorite subjects. Firstly, this approach can be beneficial for students’ health. As teenagers are only required to study certain subjects, the amount of assignments and knowledge can be reduced, providing them with more leisure time. This, in turn, allows them to relax, reducing pressure and preventing the onset of mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Additionally, focusing on specific fields can enhance the effectiveness of individuals’ studying. Given the opportunity to study their preferred areas, young learners can cultivate greater motivation and enthusiasm during the learning process, putting in more effort and increasing their chances of academic success.

On the other hand, I firmly hold the view that it is better for students to stay focused equally on all subjects in their curriculum. Primarily, this practice provides young individuals with comprehensive knowledge. Each subject provides various information from different aspects of life, so, by focusing on all subjects, young people can become knowledgeable. This is particularly essential in the era of modernization and globalization, where cross-cultural communication and cooperation are increasingly crucial. Ultimately, a well-rounded education helps students identify their weaknesses and strengths, enabling them to pursue careers that align with their abilities and interests. For example, students excelling in mathematics and physics can align well with technology, while those enjoying languages can develop a passion for interpretation.

In conclusion, while both views certainly have validity, it seems to me that students can gain more advantages by paying fair concentration to all subjects.

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