Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. write at least 250 words.

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
write at least 250 words.

In the contemporary world, children and their right to make decisions has gained widespread attention in society. One school of thought holds that letting children choose what they want such as clothes, food, and having fun would improve their selfishness, while others assert that it is essential to have the right to make their own choices in their childhood due to its effectiveness. The following essay will analyze both viewpoints in detail by providing explanations and illustrations.
Admittedly, the argument in favor of belief that allowing children to make decisions too much is not entirely baseless. In fact, giving children freedom in every choice can foster selfishness, when children are allowed to make their own choice about what to wear, what to eat, or where to go, they may get accustomed to prioritizing their own desire without considering the negative impact on others. Moreover , as these children grow up, they may continue to focus on their personal preferences, which could lead to a society where people are less sympathetic. For example, children choosing unhealthy food may not understand the negative impact of their actions on the future, which may have health problems such as obesity, cardiovascular disease.
On the one hand,although parents have to lead and guide children to make a reasonable choice,they should teach the young generation the importance of having confidence and giving their own ideas . First and foremost, by making choices about food, clothes, children will be encouraged to be confident which will foster their self-esteem.Additionally, there is an improvement in many social skills such as communication, problem solving, critical thinking, and their mental well- being which enables them to build a higher self- discipline.
In conclusion, although there are some drawbacks that too much freedom can lead to selfishness, I strongly believe that the advantages of decision making from a young age outweigh the potential harmful impact. Children should be allowed to make choices with the guidance of their parents since teaching children to make appropriate choices early is crucial for their development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "children and their right to make decisions has" -> "children’s right to make decisions has"
   Explanation: The possessive form "children’s" is more grammatically correct and formal than the non-possessive form "children and their."

2. "letting children choose what they want such as clothes, food, and having fun" -> "allowing children to choose items such as clothing, food, and leisure activities"
   Explanation: "Allowing children to choose items such as clothing, food, and leisure activities" is more precise and formal than "letting children choose what they want such as clothes, food, and having fun," which is somewhat informal and vague.

3. "would improve their selfishness" -> "may enhance their self-centeredness"
   Explanation: "May enhance their self-centeredness" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "improve their selfishness," which can be seen as too simplistic and informal.

4. "it is essential to have the right to make their own choices" -> "it is crucial for children to have the autonomy to make their own decisions"
   Explanation: "It is crucial for children to have the autonomy to make their own decisions" uses more formal vocabulary and clarifies the context of decision-making autonomy.

5. "the argument in favor of belief that allowing children to make decisions too much is not entirely baseless" -> "the argument that excessive decision-making by children is not entirely unfounded"
   Explanation: "The argument that excessive decision-making by children is not entirely unfounded" is more concise and academically formal than the original phrase.

6. "giving children freedom in every choice" -> "granting children complete freedom in their choices"
   Explanation: "Granting children complete freedom in their choices" is more formal and precise than "giving children freedom in every choice."

7. "they may get accustomed to prioritizing their own desire" -> "they may become accustomed to prioritizing their own desires"
   Explanation: "Desires" is the plural form needed here to match the context of multiple choices.

8. "Moreover, as these children grow up, they may continue to focus on their personal preferences" -> "Moreover, as these children mature, they may continue to prioritize their personal preferences"
   Explanation: "Mature" is a more formal synonym for "grow up," and "prioritize" is more precise than "focus on."

9. "which could lead to a society where people are less sympathetic" -> "which could result in a society with less empathy"
   Explanation: "Result in a society with less empathy" is a more formal and precise expression than "lead to a society where people are less sympathetic."

10. "children choosing unhealthy food may not understand the negative impact of their actions" -> "children selecting unhealthy foods may not comprehend the adverse effects of their choices"
    Explanation: "Selecting unhealthy foods" and "comprehend the adverse effects of their choices" are more precise and formal than "choosing unhealthy food" and "understand the negative impact of their actions."

11. "there is an improvement in many social skills such as communication, problem solving, critical thinking, and their mental well- being" -> "there is an enhancement in various social skills, including communication, problem-solving, critical thinking, and mental well-being"
    Explanation: "Enhancement" and "including" are more formal and precise than "improvement" and "such as," respectively.

12. "which enables them to build a higher self- discipline" -> "which enables them to develop greater self-discipline"
    Explanation: "Develop greater self-discipline" is a more formal and precise expression than "build a higher self-discipline."

13. "although there are some drawbacks that too much freedom can lead to selfishness" -> "although there are some drawbacks associated with excessive freedom leading to selfishness"
    Explanation: "Associated with excessive freedom leading to selfishness" is more formal and precise than "that too much freedom can lead to selfishness."

14. "I strongly believe that the advantages of decision making from a young age outweigh the potential harmful impact" -> "I firmly believe that the benefits of decision-making at a young age outweigh the potential negative consequences"
    Explanation: "Firmly believe" and "negative consequences" are more formal and precise than "strongly believe" and "harmful impact," respectively.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding children’s autonomy in decision-making. The first viewpoint is presented clearly, discussing the potential for selfishness and lack of empathy as a result of unrestricted choices. The second viewpoint emphasizes the importance of decision-making for children’s confidence and social skills. However, while both perspectives are acknowledged, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of each view, as the second viewpoint is somewhat underdeveloped compared to the first.
  • How to improve: To enhance the discussion, consider dedicating equal weight to both perspectives. For instance, provide more examples or evidence supporting the benefits of decision-making in childhood, perhaps by referencing studies or expert opinions that highlight positive outcomes.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The author’s position is clear, advocating for the importance of allowing children to make choices despite the potential drawbacks. This stance is consistent throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the two viewpoints could be smoother to reinforce the author’s position more effectively.
  • How to improve: Use clearer transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, explicitly state how these concerns can be mitigated by structured guidance from parents, reinforcing the overall position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the potential for selfishness and the development of self-esteem and social skills. However, some points lack depth; for instance, the mention of health issues related to children’s food choices is not fully explored or supported with specific examples or statistics.
  • How to improve: Expand on key ideas by providing more detailed examples or case studies. For instance, when discussing the development of social skills, consider including specific scenarios where decision-making has led to positive outcomes in children’s lives.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of children’s decision-making. However, there are moments where the argument could be more tightly focused, particularly in the second viewpoint, where the discussion of social skills could be more directly tied to the main argument about decision-making.
  • How to improve: Ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether children should be allowed to make their own choices. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the prompt in each paragraph and ensuring that every example serves to illustrate the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With some adjustments to balance the discussion, enhance the depth of ideas, and maintain focus, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs feels abrupt. The first paragraph discusses the potential negative effects of allowing children to make choices, while the second shifts to the benefits without a clear linking sentence. This can confuse readers about how the two ideas relate.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, a sentence like "Conversely, it is also important to recognize the benefits of allowing children to make choices" can help guide the reader more smoothly into the next point.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct idea. However, some paragraphs could be more cohesive. The first body paragraph, while discussing the negative aspects, could be broken down further to enhance clarity. The ideas about selfishness and health consequences could be separated into two distinct points.
  • How to improve: Aim for clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that clearly states the main argument about selfishness, followed by a separate sentence that introduces the health consequences. This will help the reader follow the argument more easily.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "additionally" and "moreover," which help to connect ideas. However, there is a noticeable reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, and some sentences could be better linked. For example, the phrase "for example" is used effectively, but the essay could benefit from more varied transitions to enhance the flow.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating awider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in contrast," "on the other hand," and "furthermore." Additionally, using pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can create smoother transitions. For instance, instead of repeating "children," you could use "they" or "these children" in subsequent references to maintain coherence.

By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "selfishness," "self-esteem," and "critical thinking." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "make decisions" and "make choices," which appear multiple times without variation. This limits the overall lexical range and impacts the essay’s sophistication.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "make choices," you could use "exercise autonomy," "select," or "decide." Additionally, incorporating more varied adjectives and adverbs could enrich the descriptions and arguments presented.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "too much freedom can lead to selfishness" could be more accurately expressed as "excessive freedom may cultivate self-centered behavior." Additionally, the term "the young generation" is somewhat vague; specifying "young children" would enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that conveys your ideas more accurately. For instance, instead of "giving children freedom in every choice," you might say "granting children unrestricted freedom in all decisions." This not only clarifies your point but also demonstrates a more nuanced understanding of the topic.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits good spelling, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "too much" is used correctly, but "too much freedom" could be misinterpreted without context. Additionally, "having fun" could be more formally expressed as "engaging in leisure activities."
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your essay carefully or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practice writing frequently to reinforce correct spelling patterns. Familiarizing yourself with commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, enhancing precision, and ensuring correct spelling, you can elevate your lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "when children are allowed to make their own choice about what to wear, what to eat, or where to go, they may get accustomed to prioritizing their own desire without considering the negative impact on others" showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and elaborated upon, which can detract from the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider varying the way ideas are presented. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "children," try using introductory phrases or clauses. Additionally, incorporating more varied conjunctions and transition phrases can enhance the flow and complexity of the writing. For example, using phrases like "In light of this," or "Conversely," can help introduce contrasting ideas more effectively.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy; however, there are several punctuation errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "the argument in favor of belief that allowing children to make decisions too much is not entirely baseless" is convoluted and could be simplified for clarity. Additionally, there are missing commas, such as before "although" in "On the one hand,although parents have to lead and guide children," which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on punctuation rules, especially regarding commas in complex sentences. Regularly review common punctuation errors and practice writing sentences that incorporate these rules correctly. Furthermore, revising sentences for clarity and conciseness can improve overall readability. For example, rephrasing the convoluted sentence mentioned earlier to something like "The argument that allowing children too much freedom in decision-making can lead to selfishness has some merit" would enhance clarity and grammatical precision.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, allowing children to make their own decisions has gained widespread attention in society. One school of thought holds that permitting children to choose items such as clothing, food, and leisure activities may enhance their self-centeredness, while others assert that it is crucial for children to have the autonomy to make their own decisions due to its effectiveness. The following essay will analyze both viewpoints in detail by providing explanations and illustrations.

Admittedly, the argument that excessive decision-making by children is not entirely unfounded. In fact, granting children complete freedom in their choices can foster selfishness. When children are allowed to decide what to wear, what to eat, or where to go, they may become accustomed to prioritizing their own desires without considering the negative impact on others. Moreover, as these children mature, they may continue to focus on their personal preferences, which could result in a society with less empathy. For example, children selecting unhealthy foods may not comprehend the adverse effects of their choices, potentially leading to health problems such as obesity and cardiovascular disease.

On the other hand, although parents have to lead and guide children to make reasonable choices, they should also teach the younger generation the importance of having confidence and expressing their own ideas. First and foremost, by making choices about food and clothing, children will be encouraged to build their self-esteem. Additionally, there is an enhancement in various social skills, including communication, problem-solving, critical thinking, and mental well-being, which enables them to develop greater self-discipline.

In conclusion, although there are some drawbacks associated with excessive freedom leading to selfishness, I firmly believe that the benefits of decision-making at a young age outweigh the potential negative consequences. Children should be allowed to make choices with the guidance of their parents, as teaching them to make appropriate choices early is crucial for their development.