Some people believe that certain old buildings should be preserved more than others. to what extent do you agree or disagree

In the modern world, some argue that dated structures should be conserved carefully compared to other ones as they offer magnificent value to history and countries. From my perspective, I partly agree with the previously mentioned statement, which will be discussed in this essay.
It is quite a meaningful mission to maintain those old buildings with remarkable historical significance. First and foremost, one of the most valuable in countries’ history existing until today is the outdated building. Since we preserved it for centuries, our descendants deserve to observe it and follow ancestors’ footsteps. The old frames are extremely worth protecting to ensure citizens are acutely conscious of their history, specifically the younger generation. For example, Vietnam maintains and recalls lots of old buildings, in which teach the continued generation about their history and the process of liberation and independence.
Furthermore, redesigning those ancient buildings also helps the economic growth as much as possible. The mentioned idea can be explained by the fact that foreigners are always visiting our country annually for various purposes which comprise eye-open their mindset. These types of people are becoming strange and curious about our magnificent history in terms of weapons, strategies and brave traits. This activity allows the country to expand the finances of each country. To add to that, it opens the easier line for individuals to interact, exchange and make friends with denizens.
In conclusion, certain structures need to be maintained and preserved more than any remaining buildings due to their pivotal role in the past prolongs today. As a result, we should consecutively erect our generation by those meaningful buildings

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"dated structures" -> "historic structures"
Explanation: The term "dated" can imply outdated or obsolete, which is not the intended meaning here. "Historic" more accurately conveys the significance and historical importance of the structures being discussed.
"conserved carefully compared to other ones" -> "preserved with greater care than other structures"
Explanation: The phrase "conserved carefully compared to other ones" is awkward and unclear. "Preserved with greater care than other structures" is more direct and maintains a formal tone.
"magnificent value" -> "significant historical value"
Explanation: "Magnificent" is an adjective that typically describes something as impressive or grand, which is not the intended meaning here. "Significant historical value" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"partly agree" -> "partially agree"
Explanation: "Partly" is less formal and can be vague; "partially" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts.
"quite a meaningful mission" -> "a significant endeavor"
Explanation: "Quite a meaningful mission" is informal and vague. "A significant endeavor" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style.
"one of the most valuable in countries’ history existing until today" -> "one of the most valuable historical assets still existing today"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies that the asset is historical and still exists today, improving readability and formality.
"outdated building" -> "historic building"
Explanation: "Outdated" incorrectly implies the building is no longer useful or relevant. "Historic" correctly conveys the building’s significance and historical importance.
"extremely worth protecting" -> "highly valuable"
Explanation: "Extremely worth protecting" is redundant and informal. "Highly valuable" is concise and maintains a formal tone.
"are acutely conscious of their history" -> "are deeply aware of their history"
Explanation: "Acutely conscious" is less common and can be misinterpreted. "Deeply aware" is a more standard expression in academic writing.
"lots of old buildings" -> "numerous historic buildings"
Explanation: "Lots of" is informal and vague. "Numerous historic buildings" is more precise and formal.
"the continued generation" -> "future generations"
Explanation: "The continued generation" is unclear and awkward. "Future generations" is the correct term and is more formal.
"redesigning those ancient buildings also helps the economic growth as much as possible" -> "the restoration of these ancient buildings also contributes significantly to economic growth"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and imprecise. The revised version clarifies the action and emphasizes the contribution to economic growth.
"eye-open their mindset" -> "open their eyes to new perspectives"
Explanation: "Eye-open" is a nonstandard phrase. "Open their eyes to new perspectives" is the correct idiom and is more appropriate for formal writing.
"becoming strange and curious" -> "becoming fascinated and curious"
Explanation: "Becoming strange" is incorrect and informal. "Becoming fascinated" is the correct expression and maintains a formal tone.
"the easier line for individuals to interact, exchange and make friends with denizens" -> "facilitates easier interaction, exchange, and friendship among citizens"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and informal. The revision clarifies and formalizes the meaning, using "citizens" instead of "denizens" which is less commonly used in this context.
"consecutively erect our generation by those meaningful buildings" -> "consecutively educate our generations about these significant structures"
Explanation: "Erect" is incorrect in this context; "educate" is the correct verb. Also, "our generation" should be plural to match the context, and "significant structures" is more precise than "meaningful buildings."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of preserving old buildings, particularly those with historical significance. The writer acknowledges that they "partly agree" with the statement, which indicates an attempt to engage with the complexity of the issue. However, the essay lacks a clear delineation of which buildings should be prioritized for preservation and why. The argument could benefit from more specific examples of buildings or categories of buildings that warrant different levels of preservation.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly categorize the types of old buildings (e.g., those with cultural significance, architectural uniqueness, or historical events associated with them) and provide concrete examples. This would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic and ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a position of partial agreement, but this stance is not consistently reinforced throughout the text. The introduction mentions a partial agreement, yet the conclusion suggests a stronger endorsement of preservation without clearly articulating the conditions under which certain buildings should be prioritized over others. This inconsistency can confuse readers regarding the writer’s true stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their main argument throughout the essay. They could use transitional phrases to remind the reader of their partial agreement and clarify the conditions under which they believe some buildings should be preserved more than others.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the importance of preserving old buildings for historical education and economic growth. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat vague and lacks depth. For instance, while the mention of Vietnam’s preservation efforts is relevant, it would be more effective if the writer elaborated on specific buildings or initiatives that exemplify this point. Additionally, the economic argument is underdeveloped and could benefit from more concrete examples or statistics to substantiate the claims made.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each point made by providing specific examples, data, or case studies that illustrate the benefits of preserving old buildings. This could involve discussing particular historical sites in Vietnam or other countries that have successfully contributed to tourism and education.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the preservation of old buildings. However, some sentences are convoluted and stray slightly from the main argument. For example, the phrase "these types of people are becoming strange and curious about our magnificent history" is unclear and could distract from the main point about preservation. Additionally, the conclusion introduces the idea of "erecting our generation by those meaningful buildings," which is vague and does not directly relate to the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence clearly relates back to the main argument. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that all statements directly support the thesis will help keep the essay on topic. The conclusion should also succinctly summarize the key points made in the essay without introducing new or unclear ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from clearer organization, more specific examples, and a more consistent articulation of the writer’s position.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the preservation of old buildings, beginning with a statement of the writer’s perspective. The ideas are generally organized into distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific point related to the topic. The first paragraph discusses the historical significance of old buildings, while the second focuses on their economic benefits. However, the transition between these ideas could be smoother. For instance, the connection between the historical value and the economic aspect feels somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that would guide the reader from one point to the next.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the historical significance, you could add a sentence like, "In addition to their historical importance, these buildings also contribute significantly to the economy." This would help create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the writer attempts to support these ideas with examples. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main point of each paragraph. The conclusion also introduces some ambiguity with the phrase "due to their pivotal role in the past prolongs today," which could be clearer.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly state the main idea. For example, the first paragraph could start with, "The preservation of old buildings is essential due to their historical significance." Additionally, ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points without introducing new ideas or unclear phrases.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "for example," and "to add to that." However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and some phrases are awkwardly constructed, which can disrupt the flow. For instance, "which comprise eye-open their mindset" is unclear and could confuse readers.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "moreover," "in addition," "consequently," and "on the other hand." Additionally, ensure that all phrases are grammatically correct and clear. For example, instead of "which comprise eye-open their mindset," consider rephrasing to "which broadens their understanding of the country’s rich history."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on enhancing transitions, clarifying paragraph structures, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further improve the coherence and cohesion of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "magnificent value," "historical significance," and "economic growth." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "old buildings" and "maintained." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the richness of the language. For example, instead of repeatedly using "old buildings," alternatives like "historic structures" or "heritage sites" could be employed to add variety.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should make a conscious effort to incorporate synonyms and related terms. Keeping a thesaurus handy while drafting can help in finding alternatives. Additionally, reading more academic essays or articles can expose the writer to diverse vocabulary usage.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used effectively, there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the outdated building" is vague and could be more specific. The term "acutely conscious" is also somewhat awkward in this context; "keenly aware" would be more appropriate. Furthermore, the phrase "the continued generation" is unclear and could confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on context and clarity. Each term should be chosen based on its exact meaning and appropriateness for the context. Revising sentences to ensure that each word contributes clearly to the intended message will improve overall precision. Engaging in exercises that focus on context-based vocabulary usage can also be beneficial.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "denizens" (which is correct but may not fit the context well) and "the easier line" (which is awkwardly phrased). Additionally, "the continued generation" seems to be a misinterpretation of "the younger generation," which could lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Furthermore, practicing spelling through writing exercises and quizzes can reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence effectively uses a complex structure: "In the modern world, some argue that dated structures should be conserved carefully compared to other ones as they offer magnificent value to history and countries." However, there are instances where sentence structures become repetitive or awkward, such as "The mentioned idea can be explained by the fact that foreigners are always visiting our country annually for various purposes which comprise eye-open their mindset." This sentence could benefit from clearer phrasing and varied structure.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences that incorporate subordinate clauses and different conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "The old frames are extremely worth protecting to ensure citizens are acutely conscious of their history," the writer could say, "Protecting old frames is crucial, as it ensures that citizens, especially the younger generation, remain acutely aware of their history." Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence openings and transitions can help maintain reader interest.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "the outdated building" should be pluralized to "outdated buildings" to match the context. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion. The sentence "These types of people are becoming strange and curious about our magnificent history in terms of weapons, strategies and brave traits" lacks clarity and could be better punctuated for readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, ensuring that singular and plural forms are used correctly throughout the essay. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules regarding the use of commas in complex sentences and lists. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where punctuation may be needed for clarity. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-checking tools could provide further insights into grammatical accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation will help elevate the writing to a higher band score. Regular practice and attention to detail in these areas will contribute to more effective communication of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern world, some argue that dated structures should be conserved with greater care than others, as they offer significant historical value to countries. From my perspective, I partially agree with the previously mentioned statement, which will be discussed in this essay.

It is quite a meaningful endeavor to maintain those old buildings with remarkable historical significance. First and foremost, one of the most valuable historic structures still existing today is the outdated building. Since we have preserved it for centuries, our descendants deserve to observe it and follow their ancestors’ footsteps. The old frames are extremely worth protecting to ensure citizens are deeply aware of their history, specifically the younger generation. For example, Vietnam maintains and recalls numerous historic buildings, which teach the continued generation about their history and the process of liberation and independence.

Furthermore, the restoration of these ancient buildings also contributes significantly to economic growth. This idea can be explained by the fact that foreigners visit our country annually for various purposes, which facilitates easier interaction, exchange, and friendship among citizens. These visitors often become fascinated and curious about our magnificent history in terms of weapons, strategies, and brave traits. This activity allows the country to expand its finances.

In conclusion, certain structures need to be maintained and preserved more than other buildings due to their pivotal role in the past that continues today. As a result, we should consecutively educate our generations about these significant structures.