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Some people believe that certain old buildings should be preserved more than others. What types of old buildings should be preserved? Do you think the advantages of preserving old buildings outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that certain old buildings should be preserved more than others.
What types of old buildings should be preserved?
Do you think the advantages of preserving old buildings outweigh the disadvantages?

In modern days, some ancient buildings, symbolizing the significant cultural heritage and benefiting the local community, should be allocated greater resources than others. From my perspective, highlighting the importance of preserving such old buildings can be more advantageous.

There are some types of signature old buildings that require major resources to maintain. Chief among these is that the buildings with iconic heritage offer unique charm attaching to local tradition. For example, Hoi An's architecture is a blend of ancient Vietnamese, Chinese and European style, being distinctive from other regions in the world.
Furthermore, they are also an impressive financial source for local residents in the tourism industry since they attract a large number of visitors from around the globe due to its unique aesthetic. Therefore, greater attention should be put on certain ancient buildings which are culturally representative and a plentiful source of tourism.

The demerits of preserving old buildings pale in comparison with the merits. It is apparent that the government would splurge a large amount of financial resources on maintaining those buildings since the implementation must require meticulous expertises and rare materials. However, this money is likely worth the expenditure because it is not only the structure it preserved, but involves the sense of spirit and culture of local tradition. Moreover, those old buildings also contribute a large proportion of total income due to its vital role in attracting tourists. As a result, a strike balance between necessarily guaranteeing those building aesthetics and appropriate government’s budget.

In conclusion, it is essential to set a greater goal in preserving many old buildings having indelible marks on cultural heritage and enhancing the tourism industry. Although this practice may be costly in some certain aspects, it is worth implementing due to aforementioned benefits.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In modern days" -> "In contemporary times"
    Explanation: Replacing "In modern days" with "In contemporary times" adds formality and sophistication to the opening phrase, aligning it better with academic style.

  2. "some ancient buildings, symbolizing the significant cultural heritage and benefiting the local community" -> "certain historic structures, representing invaluable cultural heritage and contributing to the local community"
    Explanation: Substituting "some ancient buildings" with "certain historic structures" and rephrasing the description enhances precision and formality. The revised phrase provides a more nuanced and sophisticated portrayal of the buildings’ cultural significance.

  3. "From my perspective" -> "In my view"
    Explanation: The shift from "From my perspective" to "In my view" maintains the personal aspect while adopting a more formal expression commonly found in academic writing.

  4. "Chief among these is that the buildings with iconic heritage" -> "Foremost among these are buildings with iconic cultural heritage"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, the improved version emphasizes the importance of buildings with iconic cultural heritage more effectively.

  5. "they are also an impressive financial source" -> "they also constitute a substantial economic asset"
    Explanation: Substituting "impressive financial source" with "substantial economic asset" elevates the language, providing a more sophisticated description of the buildings’ economic contributions.

  6. "due to its unique aesthetic" -> "owing to their distinctive aesthetics"
    Explanation: Changing "due to its unique aesthetic" to "owing to their distinctive aesthetics" improves precision by correctly matching the plural form "aesthetics" with the plural antecedent "buildings."

  7. "The demerits of preserving old buildings" -> "However, the drawbacks of preserving historical structures"
    Explanation: Replacing "The demerits of preserving old buildings" with "However, the drawbacks of preserving historical structures" introduces a more formal transition while maintaining clarity and precision.

  8. "it is not only the structure it preserved" -> "it involves not only the preservation of the structure"
    Explanation: Altering "it is not only the structure it preserved" to "it involves not only the preservation of the structure" improves grammatical accuracy and enhances clarity by specifying the subject of preservation.

  9. "those old buildings also contribute a large proportion of total income" -> "these historic structures also constitute a significant portion of overall income"
    Explanation: Substituting "those old buildings" with "these historic structures" and rephrasing the contribution enhances precision and maintains a formal tone.

  10. "a strike balance between necessarily guaranteeing those building aesthetics" -> "striking a balance between ensuring the aesthetics of these buildings"
    Explanation: Adjusting "a strike balance between necessarily guaranteeing those building aesthetics" to "striking a balance between ensuring the aesthetics of these buildings" improves grammatical structure and maintains formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "In modern days, some ancient buildings, symbolizing the significant cultural heritage and benefiting the local community, should be allocated greater resources than others. From my perspective, highlighting the importance of preserving such old buildings can be more advantageous."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction successfully states your position on the topic, which is a positive aspect. However, it lacks a brief preview of the main points you will discuss in the essay. Including a concise roadmap of your arguments in the introduction can enhance the overall structure and coherence of your essay.
    • Improved example: "In contemporary times, allocating more resources to preserve certain ancient buildings becomes imperative as they symbolize rich cultural heritage and contribute significantly to the local community. In this essay, I will delve into specific types of old buildings that warrant greater attention, elucidating their cultural importance and economic benefits."
  2. Quoted text: "There are some types of signature old buildings that require major resources to maintain. Chief among these is that the buildings with iconic heritage offer unique charm attaching to local tradition. For example, Hoi An’s architecture is a blend of ancient Vietnamese, Chinese and European style, being distinctive from other regions in the world."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The paragraph effectively supports the argument by providing an example of Hoi An’s architecture. However, to strengthen your response, consider expanding on why this blend of architectural styles is unique and how it specifically contributes to preserving cultural heritage. This would add depth to your analysis.
    • Improved example: "There are specific types of signature old buildings that demand significant resources for maintenance. One notable example is Hoi An’s architecture, a harmonious blend of ancient Vietnamese, Chinese, and European styles. This unique combination not only distinguishes it from other regions globally but also serves as a testament to the interconnected cultural history of these civilizations, emphasizing the need for its preservation."
  3. Quoted text: "Furthermore, they are also an impressive financial source for local residents in the tourism industry since they attract a large number of visitors from around the globe due to its unique aesthetic. Therefore, greater attention should be put on certain ancient buildings which are culturally representative and a plentiful source of tourism."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The paragraph effectively presents the economic benefits of preserving old buildings. However, to improve, provide a more detailed explanation of how these buildings contribute to the tourism industry. Specify the unique attractions that draw visitors and elaborate on the economic advantages for local residents.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, these ancient buildings serve as a significant financial source for local residents in the tourism industry. The unique aesthetic appeal of these structures attracts a large number of visitors globally. For instance, tourists are drawn to the intricate architectural details and historical significance, contributing substantially to the local economy through increased tourism revenue and job opportunities."

Overall, while your essay addresses the task adequately, enhancing the depth of analysis and providing more detailed examples would elevate your response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas with clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, although there is a slight tendency toward overuse. The central topic within each paragraph is generally clear. Paragraphing is mostly logical, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: While the essay generally meets the criteria for Band 7, there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices. Some devices are slightly overused, which can be refined for a more balanced approach. Additionally, ensuring consistent and precise referencing within and between sentences will further enhance coherence. Keep up the good work!

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and the writer shows awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and spelling, such as "expertises" instead of "expertise" and "splurge" which may be considered less formal. Despite these errors, the essay effectively conveys ideas and maintains a clear message.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should focus on refining word choices and ensuring accuracy in spelling. Additionally, incorporating a more diverse range of vocabulary, particularly in areas where there may be repetition, would contribute to a higher band score. Consider using formal synonyms for certain words to elevate the overall sophistication of the language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation throughout. There is a variety of sentence structures used, including complex structures, showcasing a good level of flexibility. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as in the phrase "those building aesthetics," where it should be "those building’s aesthetics." These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede understanding. The essay also effectively uses vocabulary and language appropriate for an academic context.

How to improve:
To enhance grammatical accuracy further, the writer should pay attention to possessive forms and ensure consistent and accurate usage. Additionally, while the essay displays a commendable range of structures, the writer can strive for even greater complexity in sentence formation, introducing more intricate constructions to elevate the overall grammatical range. Regular proofreading to catch and rectify minor errors would be beneficial.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, some ancient structures, embodying significant cultural heritage and bringing benefits to the local community, should receive more attention and resources compared to others. From my perspective, underscoring the importance of preserving such old buildings can be more advantageous.

Certain types of iconic old buildings demand substantial resources for upkeep. Foremost among these are structures with a unique charm deeply rooted in local traditions. Take, for instance, the architecture of Hoi An, which seamlessly blends ancient Vietnamese, Chinese, and European styles, setting it apart from other regions globally.

Moreover, these buildings serve as a significant financial resource for local residents in the tourism industry, attracting a large number of visitors worldwide due to their distinctive aesthetic. Therefore, it is imperative to prioritize the preservation of ancient buildings that are culturally representative and serve as a thriving source of tourism.

The drawbacks of preserving old buildings are outweighed by the merits. It is evident that the government would allocate a substantial amount of financial resources to maintain these buildings, given that the process demands meticulous expertise and rare materials. However, this expenditure is justified because it not only preserves the structure but also safeguards the spirit and culture of local traditions. Furthermore, these old buildings contribute significantly to the total income by playing a vital role in attracting tourists. Thus, achieving a balance between preserving the aesthetic appeal of these buildings and managing the government’s budget is crucial.

In conclusion, it is imperative to establish a greater goal in preserving many old buildings that leave an indelible mark on cultural heritage and contribute to the tourism industry. While this practice may incur certain costs, the benefits mentioned above make it a worthwhile endeavor.

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