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Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many subscribe to the view that young students should be prohibited from accessing their electronic devices in class, whereas others are of the opinion that they should be able to freely use their handheld gadgets at school. In my view, I concur with the latter notion and will discuss several compelling reasons in this essay.
On the one hand, there are good grounds why people believe that a ban on phones should be implemented during the school day. The main argument is that message or application notifications could well reduce students' concentration. In turn, this would have deleterious implications on not only their academic results but also cognitive development. Another contributing factor is that young learners might use their phones to capture potentially embarrassing moments of their instructors or their peers during the class. Without the complete context yet owing to the increased ability to manipulate media files to anyone's heart content, videos and pictures taken without the consent of parties involved may lead to serious and unpredictable consequences. To demonstrate, a teacher's kind disciplining of a student may be edited and later turn into evidence that entails in the end of his or her career.
On the other hand, I believe otherwise. One justification behind this can be that instructors can take advantage of students' phone use to make their lessons much more interactive and increase learner engagement. A good illustration of this would be the employment of websites such as Baamboozle or Blooket, which are free of charge yet can render any topic much livelier. An additional rationale for this is that students can use their phones to proactively expand their knowledge of what is taught to them instead of solely relying on teachers. This might benefit children from minority groups even more, as most syllabi would cater to those from the more dominant demographics.
From what has been discussed above, it would be much more sensible to allow young learners to retain their access to personal devices. However, for the full effects of such a decision to be achieved, there should be strict regulations in place to curtail the possible harmful impacts of phone use in class.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Many subscribe to the view" -> "Many adhere to the belief"
    Explanation: Replacing "subscribe to the view" with "adhere to the belief" provides a more formal expression, aligning with academic style, and avoids the informal tone associated with "subscribe."

  2. "whereas others are of the opinion" -> "while others contend"
    Explanation: Substituting "are of the opinion" with "contend" enhances the formality of the sentence, employing a stronger verb and contributing to a more academic tone.

  3. "In my view, I concur with the latter notion" -> "I align with the latter perspective"
    Explanation: The phrase "In my view, I concur" can be refined to "I align with," presenting a more concise and formal expression.

  4. "good grounds why people believe" -> "valid reasons for this perspective"
    Explanation: Replacing "good grounds why people believe" with "valid reasons for this perspective" employs more precise and formal language, enhancing the academic quality of the statement.

  5. "deleterious implications on not only" -> "adverse effects on both"
    Explanation: Substituting "deleterious implications on not only" with "adverse effects on both" maintains formality while offering a more succinct and clear expression.

  6. "increased ability to manipulate media files to anyone’s heart content" -> "enhanced capability to manipulate media files at will"
    Explanation: The phrase "to anyone’s heart content" is replaced with "at will" for a more formal and concise representation, maintaining the intended meaning.

  7. "may lead to serious and unpredictable consequences" -> "could result in significant and unforeseen repercussions"
    Explanation: Substituting "may lead to" with "could result in" and "serious and unpredictable consequences" with "significant and unforeseen repercussions" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  8. "to demonstrate, a teacher’s kind disciplining" -> "for instance, a teacher’s benevolent disciplinary actions"
    Explanation: The phrase "to demonstrate" is replaced with "for instance," and "kind disciplining" is refined to "benevolent disciplinary actions," enhancing formality and precision.

  9. "One justification behind this can be" -> "One rationale for this is"
    Explanation: Substituting "One justification behind this can be" with "One rationale for this is" provides a more formal and direct expression.

  10. "websites such as Baamboozle or Blooket" -> "online platforms like Baamboozle or Blooket"
    Explanation: The term "websites" is replaced with "online platforms," offering a more precise and formal description.

  11. "yet can render any topic much livelier" -> "and can significantly enhance the vibrancy of any subject"
    Explanation: Substituting "yet can render" with "and can significantly enhance" provides a more formal and elaborate expression.

  12. "instead of solely relying on teachers" -> "rather than exclusively depending on educators"
    Explanation: Replacing "instead of solely relying on" with "rather than exclusively depending on" contributes to a more formal and precise phrasing.

  13. "most syllabi would cater to those from the more dominant demographics" -> "most curricula tend to cater to individuals from dominant demographics"
    Explanation: Substituting "syllabi" with "curricula" and refining the latter part of the sentence enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

  14. "From what has been discussed above" -> "In conclusion"
    Explanation: The phrase "From what has been discussed above" is replaced with "In conclusion" for a more standard and formal transition to the conclusion.

  15. "it would be much more sensible" -> "it would be more prudent"
    Explanation: Substituting "much more sensible" with "more prudent" provides a more refined and formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the perspective of those in favor of banning phones and presenting the opposing view. Each part of the prompt is acknowledged and examined, providing a well-rounded response.
    • How to improve: The essay could enhance its analysis by delving deeper into the implications of each perspective, exploring potential counterarguments, or providing more nuanced insights.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance in favor of allowing students to use their phones. The position is explicitly stated, and supporting arguments are well-developed throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To strengthen clarity, consider explicitly addressing potential counterarguments and providing concise rebuttals to showcase a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas with relevant examples. The arguments are well-elaborated, and specific instances, such as the use of educational websites, are provided to strengthen the points made.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the essay, consider incorporating additional examples or real-world scenarios to bolster the presented ideas. This will add depth and variety to the supporting evidence.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, addressing the issue of phone use during the school day. However, there is a brief mention of "minority groups" that could be more explicitly connected to the main argument.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all points made are directly tied to the central theme of phone use in schools. If introducing additional elements, provide a clear link to the main topic to avoid potential confusion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt, maintains a clear position, presents well-developed ideas, and mostly stays on topic. To improve, consider deepening the analysis, addressing potential counterarguments, incorporating additional examples, and ensuring seamless transitions between ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization of information. The introduction clearly states the author’s opinion and the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, presenting ideas in a cohesive manner. The progression of ideas is mostly clear, contributing to overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining transitions between paragraphs. For instance, ensure that the last sentence of each paragraph serves as a smooth segue into the next point. This will create a more seamless connection between ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphs are appropriately used, each addressing a specific subtopic related to the essay prompt. However, there is room for improvement in terms of paragraph structure. Some paragraphs could be more focused, with a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
    • How to improve: Revise paragraph structure by starting each with a concise topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Ensure that supporting sentences directly relate to and reinforce the topic sentence. This will enhance the effectiveness and clarity of each paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "Another contributing factor," "However"). These contribute to the overall coherence of the essay by guiding the reader through the argument.
    • How to improve: While the use of cohesive devices is commendable, strive for more diversity and subtlety. Consider incorporating a range of cohesive devices beyond transitional phrases, such as pronouns, parallel structure, and synonyms. This will add sophistication to the essay’s cohesion.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To enhance these aspects further, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs, strengthening paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. These improvements will contribute to a more polished and seamlessly organized essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. There is evidence of varied word choices and expressions, enhancing the overall lexical diversity. For instance, phrases like "deleterious implications," "render any topic much livelier," and "strict regulations" showcase a rich vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To further elevate the vocabulary, consider integrating more nuanced synonyms or expressions in certain instances. For example, instead of using "good grounds," opt for a phrase like "valid reasons" for a more sophisticated tone.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, but there are instances where a more exact word choice could enhance clarity. For example, the phrase "deleterious implications" might be clarified for a broader audience by using "negative consequences" or a similar term.
    • How to improve: Be vigilant in selecting words to ensure they align precisely with the intended meaning. It might be helpful to revise sentences to ensure the most accurate and easily understandable terminology is used.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally at an acceptable level throughout the essay. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "heart content," which should be corrected to "heart’s content."
    • How to improve: Continue proofreading carefully to catch and correct any minor spelling errors. Additionally, consider utilizing spelling and grammar tools to enhance overall accuracy.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary with a good range and precision. By paying attention to specific word choices and addressing minor spelling issues, the lexical resource can be further refined to elevate the overall quality of expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly diverse range of sentence structures, incorporating various sentence types (simple, compound, complex) and some sophisticated language features (e.g., conditional sentences, passive voice). However, there’s room for improvement in the utilization of more complex structures like relative clauses, participial phrases, or inversion to further enhance variety and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To augment the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex constructions. For instance, introduce relative clauses (e.g., "students who are actively engaged"), participial phrases (e.g., "capturing potentially embarrassing moments"), or inverted sentences (e.g., "Only by implementing strict regulations can the adverse impacts be minimized"). These structures can add depth and complexity to your writing.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays generally accurate grammar usage throughout, but there are instances of minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ("could well reduce," "message or application notifications could well reduce," should be "could well reduce" and "notifications could well reduce") and article usage ("increase learner engagement" should be "increase the learner engagement").
    • How to improve: To refine grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreements and article usage. Review sentences carefully to ensure consistency in tense and structure. Additionally, consider revising and proofreading the essay to identify and rectify these minor errors.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used adequately, but there are areas that could benefit from improvement. There’s a need for greater consistency in comma usage, especially with introductory phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "From what has been discussed above"). Additionally, some sentences could be enhanced by using punctuation for better clarity and flow.
    • How to improve: Practice using commas consistently, particularly when introducing clauses or phrases at the beginning of sentences. Revise sentences to ensure proper punctuation, aiding readability and conveying your ideas more effectively. Utilize punctuation marks like dashes, colons, or semicolons where appropriate to enhance the coherence and structure of your sentences.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and sentence structures. To improve and attain a higher band score, focus on incorporating a wider variety of complex sentence structures, refining grammatical accuracy, and enhancing punctuation consistency for greater precision and clarity in your writing. Regular practice and meticulous proofreading will assist in achieving these objectives.

Bài sửa mẫu

While many adhere to the belief that young students should be prohibited from accessing their electronic devices in class, others argue that they should be allowed to freely use their handheld gadgets at school. I align with the latter perspective and will discuss several valid reasons for this viewpoint in this essay.

On one hand, there are valid reasons for the belief that a ban on phones during the school day is necessary. The main argument is that message or application notifications could reduce students’ concentration, negatively affecting both their academic results and cognitive development. Another concern is that students might use their phones to capture potentially embarrassing moments of their instructors or peers during class. Given the enhanced capability to manipulate media files at will, videos and pictures taken without consent may lead to significant and unforeseen repercussions. For instance, a teacher’s benevolent disciplinary actions may be edited and later used as evidence that could end their career.

On the other hand, I align with the belief that students should be allowed to use their phones during the school day. One rationale for this is that instructors can leverage students’ phone use to make lessons more interactive, enhancing learner engagement. Online platforms like Baamboozle or Blooket, for instance, can significantly enhance the vibrancy of any subject and are free of charge. Another justification is that students can use their phones to proactively expand their knowledge of the topics taught, rather than exclusively depending on educators. This approach might be particularly beneficial for students from minority groups, as most curricula tend to cater to individuals from dominant demographics.

In conclusion, it would be more prudent to allow young learners to retain their access to personal devices. However, for the full effects of such a decision to be achieved, there should be strict regulations in place to curtail the possible harmful impacts of phone use in class.

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