Some people believe that children should play outdoor games.To what extent do you agree or disagree

Many people argue that children should freely engage in outdoor activities.While there are some benefits to regularly exercise , I parly agree with thiss notion due to the risk it presents .
On the one hand, the option to prastise is attactive for several reasons.Firstly, doing exercises provided support greatly to children holistic health.This could be explained by the fact it will be assit young people with comprehensive understanding health a social well-being and combats health conditions and diseases.For instance,previous studies has found that American adults aged 12-15 who did 10-59 minitues of moderate physical activity per week had an 18% lower risk of dying than inactive adults during a follow-up period.
Nevertheless, the are a variety of reasons why I also believe children should not be encouraged to participating in outdoor activites.This is because it can leave they sustain injuries and feel dehydrated.According to Washington and Lee University, overexercising can also trigger heart problems,osteoporosis,and arthristis as well as problems conceoving and loss of the mestrual cycle in women.
In conclusion,while there are many benefits regarding exeresing too much, I still believe that it is more disadvantageous to children because the risk these games pose to threat to children.It is advisable that parents take the appropriate measures to protect their offspring from the health hazrard that outdoor activities present..

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"parly" -> "partly"
Explanation: "Parly" is a misspelling of "partly." Using the correct term enhances readability and maintains formal language standards.
"notion" -> "idea"
Explanation: "Notion" is a slightly informal term. Replacing it with "idea" maintains the same meaning while aligning with academic style.
"prastise" -> "practice"
Explanation: "Prastise" is a misspelling of "practice." Correcting the spelling error improves the clarity and professionalism of the essay.
"attactive" -> "attractive"
Explanation: "Attactive" is a misspelling of "attractive." Correcting the spelling error ensures proper usage of formal language.
"holistic health" -> "overall health"
Explanation: While "holistic health" is not incorrect, "overall health" is a more commonly used term in academic writing, maintaining clarity and formality.
"assit" -> "assist"
Explanation: "Assit" is a misspelling of "assist." Correcting the spelling error enhances the professionalism of the text.
"a social well-being" -> "social well-being"
Explanation: Remove the indefinite article "a" before "social well-being" to make the phrase grammatically correct.
"combats" -> "combats"
Explanation: "Combats" should be replaced with "promotes," as it better conveys the intended meaning of supporting health and well-being.
"has found" -> "have found"
Explanation: "Has found" should be corrected to "have found" to maintain subject-verb agreement with "studies."
"minitues" -> "minutes"
Explanation: "Minitues" is a misspelling of "minutes." Correcting the spelling error ensures accuracy in formal writing.
"nevertheless" -> "However,"
Explanation: "Nevertheless" is somewhat informal. "However," is a more appropriate transition in academic writing.
"the are" -> "there are"
Explanation: Correct the grammatical error by changing "the are" to "there are."
"encouraged to participating" -> "encouraged to participate"
Explanation: Remove "participating" and make it "participate" to maintain correct verb form after "to."
"leave they sustain" -> "leave them susceptible to"
Explanation: "Leave they sustain" is awkward. Replacing it with "leave them susceptible to" improves clarity and fluency.
"dehydrated" -> "dehydration"
Explanation: "Dehydrated" is an adjective. Use the noun form "dehydration" for better grammar and clarity.
"Washington and Lee University" -> "Research from Washington and Lee University"
Explanation: Adding "Research from" before the university name provides context and clarity regarding the source of information.
"overexercising" -> "Excessive exercise"
Explanation: "Overexercising" can be replaced with "excessive exercise" for a more formal tone and clearer expression.
"arthristis" -> "arthritis"
Explanation: Correct the spelling error from "arthristis" to "arthritis" for accuracy and clarity.
"conceoving" -> "conceiving"
Explanation: "Conceoving" is a misspelling of "conceiving." Correcting the spelling error improves the professionalism of the text.
"mestrual" -> "menstrual"
Explanation: "Mestrual" is a misspelling of "menstrual." Correcting the spelling error ensures accuracy in formal writing.
"exeresing" -> "exercising"
Explanation: "Exeresing" is a misspelling of "exercising." Correcting the spelling error improves the clarity and professionalism of the essay.
"disadvantageous" -> "detrimental"
Explanation: "Disadvantageous" is somewhat informal. "Detrimental" is a more formal and precise term in academic writing.
"pose to threat" -> "pose as a threat"
Explanation: Correct the phrase from "pose to threat" to "pose as a threat" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"It is advisable" -> "It is advisable that"
Explanation: Add "that" after "advisable" for grammatical completeness and clarity.
"hazrard" -> "hazard"
Explanation: Correct the spelling error from "hazrard" to "hazard" for accuracy and clarity.
"outdoor activities present." -> "outdoor activities present to children."
Explanation: Adding "to children" clarifies the subject of the sentence and improves readability.

In conclusion, these suggested improvements enhance the clarity, professionalism, and accuracy of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the benefits of outdoor activities for children’s health but also expresses concerns about the risks involved.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure a more thorough exploration of both sides of the argument. While you’ve mentioned some benefits and risks, a more balanced approach would involve discussing various perspectives in more depth.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, indicating partial agreement with the idea that children should engage in outdoor activities but also expressing concerns about the associated risks.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, explicitly state your position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, maintain consistency in presenting your stance throughout the essay to avoid any ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present, extend, and support ideas, but there are significant issues with coherence, clarity, and support. While some points are made, they lack coherence and adequate support.
- How to improve: Work on organizing your ideas logically and coherently. Provide specific examples, evidence, or statistics to support your claims. Additionally, ensure clarity in expression to avoid confusion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to stay consistently on topic. While it addresses the general theme of outdoor activities for children, it digresses into discussions about health risks associated with exercise.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points made directly relate to the topic of outdoor activities for children. Avoid tangential discussions that distract from the main theme.

Overall, while the essay addresses some aspects of the prompt, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity, coherence, and relevance. Focus on presenting a balanced argument, supporting ideas with evidence, and maintaining coherence throughout the essay. Additionally, ensure that all points directly relate to the topic to enhance overall coherence and relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at organization, but there are significant issues with logical coherence. Ideas are presented without clear sequencing or development, leading to confusion for the reader. For instance, the essay begins by presenting arguments both in favor and against outdoor activities without establishing a clear stance or providing a roadmap for the discussion. Additionally, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points or tie back to the thesis statement.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, it’s crucial to establish a clear structure from the outset. Start with an introduction that presents the main topic and your position (agree, disagree, or partially agree), followed by body paragraphs that develop and support your arguments cohesively. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea and transition smoothly to the next. Finally, ensure the conclusion restates the thesis and summarizes the main points concisely.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: Paragraphing in the essay is ineffective, with ideas often jumbled together within paragraphs. There is a lack of clear topic sentences to guide the reader through the main points of each paragraph, leading to a disjointed flow of ideas. For example, the second paragraph attempts to discuss the benefits of exercise but lacks coherence due to unclear organization and transitions.
- How to improve: Improve paragraphing by breaking down the essay into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect or argument related to the topic. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Ensure that there is a logical progression from one paragraph to the next, reinforcing the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices, resulting in weak connections between ideas and paragraphs. Transitional phrases and cohesive devices, such as conjunctions, pronouns, and transitional adverbs, are underutilized or used incorrectly. As a result, the flow of the essay is disrupted, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the coherence of the essay. Use transition words and phrases (e.g., "however," "on the other hand," "in conclusion") to signal shifts between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure pronoun references are clear and consistent throughout the essay to maintain coherence. Practice using cohesive devices effectively to create smoother transitions and improve overall clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts at using varied language. For example, the essay utilizes words like "holistic," "dehydrated," "osteoporosis," "conceiving," and "menstrual," which show a willingness to incorporate diverse vocabulary. However, there are instances where simpler language choices are made, limiting the breadth of vocabulary. For instance, phrases like "doing exercises provided support greatly to children holistic health" could be improved with more precise and varied vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should aim to incorporate more nuanced and sophisticated language throughout the essay. This could involve using synonyms for commonly used words and phrases, employing idiomatic expressions, and exploring more specialized terminology related to the topic of outdoor activities and health. Additionally, diversifying sentence structures and experimenting with different word forms (nouns, verbs, adjectives) can further enrich the vocabulary used in the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "doing exercises provided support greatly to children holistic health" and "a variety of reasons why I also believe children should not be encouraged to participating in outdoor activites" contain imprecise language that could be clarified. On the other hand, terms like "overexercising," "heart problems," "osteoporosis," and "menstrual cycle" are used more precisely to convey specific concepts related to health and exercise.
- How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, the writer should strive for clarity and accuracy in expressing ideas. This can be achieved by carefully selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning and avoiding vague or ambiguous language. Using domain-specific terminology accurately and consistently can also enhance the precision of vocabulary in discussing complex topics such as health and physical activity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, which detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. Examples include "prastise" (practice), "attactive" (attractive), "holistic" (should be holistic), "comprehensive understanding health a social well-being" (should be of health and social well-being), "mestrual" (menstrual), "exeresing" (exercising), and "hazrard" (hazard).
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is essential for the writer to engage in regular proofreading and utilize spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically and paying close attention to spelling patterns and common orthographic rules can help reduce errors. Seeking feedback from peers or mentors on written assignments can also provide valuable insights into areas for improvement in spelling and overall writing proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at utilizing varied sentence structures. However, there are frequent instances of basic sentence structures, resulting in limited variety. For instance, there is a predominance of simple sentences such as "Many people argue" or "I still believe". Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing or incomplete constructions, like "While there are some benefits to regularly exercise, I partly agree with this notion due to the risk it presents."
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and fluency of the essay, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. This could involve using complex sentences with subordinate clauses, compound-complex sentences, or employing rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion. Moreover, strive for clarity and coherence in expression by ensuring each sentence is complete and grammatically correct.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays noticeable issues with grammar and punctuation accuracy throughout its entirety. There are several instances of subject-verb agreement errors ("Many people argue that children should freely engage", "the option to prastise is attactive"), tense inconsistencies ("While there are some benefits to regularly exercise"), and punctuation errors (missing commas before coordinating conjunctions, e.g., "Firstly, doing exercises provided support greatly to children holistic health").
- How to improve: To address these issues, it’s crucial to review fundamental grammar rules, particularly those related to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation. Consider proofreading the essay carefully, paying close attention to the correct usage of commas, periods, and other punctuation marks. Additionally, practice constructing grammatically sound sentences and seek feedback from peers or tutors to identify and rectify recurring errors. Utilize resources such as grammar guides or online exercises to reinforce understanding and application of grammatical rules.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many argue that children should actively participate in outdoor games. While there are some benefits to regular exercise, I partly agree with this notion due to the risks it presents.

On the one hand, the option to practice outdoor activities is attractive for several reasons. Firstly, engaging in exercises greatly supports children’s overall health. This can assist young people in understanding holistic health and social well-being, and combat various health conditions and diseases. For instance, research from Washington and Lee University has found that American adults aged 12-15 who engaged in 10-59 minutes of moderate physical activity per week had an 18% lower risk of dying than inactive adults during a follow-up period.

However, there are also reasons why I believe children should not be encouraged to participate in outdoor activities. This is because it can leave them susceptible to injuries and dehydration. According to Washington and Lee University, excessive exercise can also trigger heart problems, osteoporosis, arthritis, as well as problems conceiving and menstrual irregularities in women.

In conclusion, while there are many benefits to exercising, I still believe that it is more disadvantageous to children due to the risks these games pose. It is advisable that parents take appropriate measures to protect their offspring from the health hazards that outdoor activities present.