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Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Opinions vary on whether children should study a variety of subjects or focus on their preferred ones. Personally, while both approaches have distinct advantages, I advocate the viewpoint that children should specialize in subjects of their interest. This essay will explore both perspectives and articulate my personal stance.
On one hand, proponents of studying diverse subjects may argue that it fosters a broad knowledge base among students. By engaging with multiple subjects, students are exposed to different areas of knowledge, allowing them to discover connections between fields. As a result, they can gain a comprehensive understanding of the subjects. For instance, through the study of history and geography, students discern that a country's geographical features profoundly influence its economic development. Specifically, the United States, with its vast network of navigable rivers, benefits economically through water transportation.
On the other hand, opponents of studying only the subjects students are talented at or interested in may contend that this approach promotes deep learning. If students concentrate on specific subjects, they may focus on their potential and maximize their strengths. Consequently, they become experts in their respective fields or subjects.
While both specializing in specific interests and pursuing a broad spectrum of subjects have merits, I maintain the perspective that children should exclusively study subjects of personal enjoyment. This is because students can save a significant amount of time and effort, particularly when preparing for exams.
In conclusion, focusing on all subjects at school can enhance broad learning, while only studying subjects that children are good at or find interesting can promote deep learning. Both approaches have their pros, but I personally support the second perspective since it saves time and effort for children when studying.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Opinions vary" -> "There is a diversity of opinions"
    Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "There is a diversity of opinions" maintains a formal tone and introduces a more sophisticated expression.

  2. "advocate the viewpoint" -> "espouse the perspective"
    Explanation: "Advocate the viewpoint" is a bit repetitive. Using "espouse the perspective" adds variety and elevates the language without sacrificing clarity.

  3. "On one hand" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: "On one hand" is a common phrase but may be considered somewhat informal. "Firstly" is a more formal transition that aligns better with academic writing.

  4. "may argue" -> "assert"
    Explanation: "May argue" is less assertive. Replacing it with "assert" strengthens the language and conveys a sense of confidence in the argument.

  5. "discovered connections" -> "uncovered correlations"
    Explanation: "Discovered connections" is clear but using "uncovered correlations" adds a touch of sophistication to the language, making the writing more nuanced.

  6. "discern" -> "ascertain"
    Explanation: While "discern" is not incorrect, "ascertain" provides a slightly more formal and precise alternative, enhancing the overall tone.

  7. "deep learning" -> "in-depth learning"
    Explanation: "Deep learning" can be associated with machine learning, and using "in-depth learning" clarifies the context in an academic setting.

  8. "maximize their strengths" -> "optimize their strengths"
    Explanation: "Maximize" is commonly used, but "optimize" is a more refined term that fits well in academic discourse.

  9. "perspective that children should exclusively study" -> "stance that children should solely focus"
    Explanation: "Perspective that children should exclusively study" is a bit wordy. "Stance that children should solely focus" is concise and maintains formality.

  10. "save a significant amount of time and effort" -> "conserve considerable time and effort"
    Explanation: "Save" is straightforward, but "conserve" adds a layer of formality and precision, aligning better with academic language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Opinions vary on whether children should study a variety of subjects or focus on their preferred ones. Personally, while both approaches have distinct advantages, I advocate the viewpoint that children should specialize in subjects of their interest. This essay will explore both perspectives and articulate my personal stance."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your introduction effectively presents the topic and your stance. However, consider incorporating a brief roadmap outlining the main points you will discuss. This will enhance the overall clarity of your essay structure, guiding the reader through your argument.
    • Improved example: "Opinions vary on whether children should study a variety of subjects or focus on their preferred ones. Personally, while both approaches have distinct advantages, I advocate the viewpoint that children should specialize in subjects of their interest. In this essay, I will first discuss the benefits of studying diverse subjects, followed by the advantages of focusing on specific interests, and finally, I will elaborate on why I support the latter perspective."
  2. Quoted text: "On one hand, proponents of studying diverse subjects may argue that it fosters a broad knowledge base among students. By engaging with multiple subjects, students are exposed to different areas of knowledge, allowing them to discover connections between fields. As a result, they can gain a comprehensive understanding of the subjects."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: You provide a clear argument supporting the idea of studying diverse subjects. However, to enhance your response, consider providing a specific example or personal experience that illustrates the benefits of a broad knowledge base. This would add depth to your argument and make it more convincing.
    • Improved example: "On one hand, proponents of studying diverse subjects may argue that it fosters a broad knowledge base among students. For instance, during my school years, delving into subjects like science and literature simultaneously allowed me to understand the interplay between technological advancements and societal changes, providing a comprehensive perspective that proved invaluable in later life."
  3. Quoted text: "While both specializing in specific interests and pursuing a broad spectrum of subjects have merits, I maintain the perspective that children should exclusively study subjects of personal enjoyment. This is because students can save a significant amount of time and effort, particularly when preparing for exams."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your conclusion succinctly reiterates your stance. However, to strengthen it further, consider briefly summarizing the main points from your body paragraphs. This would reinforce your argument and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, while both specializing in specific interests and pursuing a broad spectrum of subjects have merits, I maintain the perspective that children should exclusively study subjects of personal enjoyment. This approach not only enhances their learning experience but also allows them to save a significant amount of time and effort, particularly when preparing for exams. By prioritizing subjects they find interesting, students can achieve a balance between academic success and personal fulfillment."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organization of ideas with a logical progression throughout. It effectively presents both viewpoints, discussing the advantages of studying diverse subjects and specializing in preferred ones. The use of cohesive devices helps maintain coherence, although there’s some occasional overuse or underuse. Paragraphing is generally sufficient, and the central topic of each paragraph is clear.
How to improve: To improve cohesion, ensure consistent and balanced use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Work on refining the use of transitions between ideas for smoother connectivity. Consider refining paragraph structure to ensure more precise topic sentences that directly relate to the essay’s main argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision in expression. There’s an attempt to use less common vocabulary, showing some awareness of style and collocation. The writer uses a mix of general and specific vocabulary, integrating phrases and expressions effectively throughout the essay. However, there are occasional errors in word choice, causing minor inaccuracies and slightly affecting the overall coherence and sophistication of the language. These errors do not severely impede communication but are noticeable.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource further and aim for a higher band score, strive to incorporate more sophisticated and precise vocabulary consistently. Focus on refining word choice and collocation to minimize occasional inaccuracies. Carefully proofread the essay to rectify any errors in word usage, ensuring a more polished and refined language that elevates the overall quality of expression. Additionally, expanding the range of less common vocabulary while maintaining accuracy and coherence will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences. There is a good attempt at using complex structures to convey ideas. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing a commendable control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as the unnecessary repetition of the phrase "time and effort" in the concluding paragraph. These errors, while noticeable, do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should carefully review the essay for repetitive phrases and minor errors. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of complex sentence structures and ensuring precision in word choice can further elevate the essay’s overall linguistic quality. Proofreading for minor errors is crucial to maintain the high level of grammatical accuracy expected at Band 7.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions differ regarding whether children should engage in a variety of subjects or concentrate on their preferred ones. Personally, while both approaches offer distinct advantages, I support the viewpoint that children should specialize in subjects of their interest. This essay will explore both perspectives and articulate my personal stance.

On one hand, proponents of studying diverse subjects may argue that it fosters a broad knowledge base among students. By engaging with multiple subjects, students are exposed to different areas of knowledge, allowing them to discover connections between fields. As a result, they can gain a comprehensive understanding of the subjects. For instance, through the study of history and geography, students discern that a country’s geographical features profoundly influence its economic development. Specifically, the United States, with its vast network of navigable rivers, benefits economically through water transportation.

On the other hand, opponents of studying only the subjects students are talented at or interested in may contend that this approach promotes deep learning. If students concentrate on specific subjects, they may focus on their potential and maximize their strengths. Consequently, they become experts in their respective fields or subjects.

While both specializing in specific interests and pursuing a broad spectrum of subjects have merits, I maintain the perspective that children should exclusively study subjects of personal enjoyment. This is because students can save a significant amount of time and effort, particularly when preparing for exams.

In conclusion, focusing on all subjects at school can enhance broad learning, while only studying subjects that children are good at or find interesting can promote deep learning. Both approaches have their pros, but I personally support the second perspective since it saves time and effort for children when studying.

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