Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, there has been a prevailing notion that individuals have a privilege to pursue education schooling at university levels without being charged for any fee despite limited financial aid. From my perspective, although this school of thought holds some limitations, I advocate for its advantages to take precedence.
Admittedly, it is understandable why many people subscribe to the view that abolishing tuition fees for college students is associated with certain demerits. Primarily, for governments, their engagement in waiving fees could entail a significant decline in their budget, potentially allowing for economic repercussions. This would lead to a situation where investments in other domains such as healthcare, social welfare for the elderly and technological advancements, which also play an integral role in the improvement of countries, can be alleviated. For individuals, people increasingly being equipped with bachelor’s degrees could contribute to the creation of competitive environment for working-aged youngsters. The implication of this is that an unemployment rate being enhanced owing to job opportunities being restricted to individuals who do not more professional qualifications compared to their peers.
Notwithstanding these valid arguments, I am more inclined to the view that governments should providing free-of-charge education for university students, which can bring several positive aspects. At the individual level, free-college policies could improve the likelihood of accessing to official educational programs. For example, people, who reside in far-away regions or come from ethnic minorities, can easily attend tertiary educational schools without being afraid of covering unaffordable fees. From a social viewpoint, a well-educated and highly qualified workforce could be achieved on account of the majority of population being entitled to university education without tuition, positively affects the overall working productivity. Socio-economic background, therefore, might be exceedingly ameliorated.
In conclusion, while acknowledging that tuition exemption can root in certain drawbacks, I am convinced to prioritize the benefits of wholly subsidizing college education.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"individuals have a privilege to pursue education schooling" -> "individuals have the privilege to pursue higher education"
Explanation: "Education schooling" is a redundant phrase; "higher education" is a more concise and academically appropriate term.
"From my perspective" -> Omit
Explanation: In academic writing, it’s implied that the essay reflects the author’s viewpoint. The phrase can be omitted to maintain formality.
"this school of thought holds some limitations" -> "this perspective has its constraints"
Explanation: The phrase "holds some limitations" is slightly awkward. Using "perspective" and "constraints" provides a more formal and direct expression.
"subscribe to the view" -> "adhere to the belief"
Explanation: "Subscribe" is more commonly used in casual contexts. "Adhere to the belief" fits better in formal writing.
"abolishing tuition fees" -> "eliminating tuition fees"
Explanation: "Abolishing" is not incorrect, but "eliminating" is a more direct and formal term in this context.
"entail a significant decline in their budget" -> "result in a substantial reduction in their budget"
Explanation: "Entail" is more commonly used in spoken language. "Result in a reduction" maintains formality while expressing the same idea more directly.
"alleviated" -> "diminished"
Explanation: "Alleviated" implies a lessening of negative effects, but "diminished" conveys a clearer sense of reduction or decrease.
"being enhanced owing to" -> "increasing due to"
Explanation: "Being enhanced owing to" is a bit convoluted. "Increasing due to" simplifies the expression without losing its meaning.
"official educational programs" -> "formal educational programs"
Explanation: "Official" might imply government approval rather than formality; "formal" is a more fitting term in this context.
"positively affects" -> "positively impacts"
Explanation: While "affects" is grammatically correct, "impacts" is commonly used in academic writing to describe influences or effects.
"might be exceedingly ameliorated" -> "could be significantly improved"
Explanation: "Exceedingly ameliorated" is overly complex. "Could be significantly improved" maintains clarity and formality.
"wholly subsidizing college education" -> "fully subsidizing higher education"
Explanation: "Wholly" is less commonly used in academic writing. "Fully subsidizing higher education" offers a more direct and formal phrase.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Quoted text: "Primarily, for governments, their engagement in waiving fees could entail a significant decline in their budget, potentially allowing for economic repercussions."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The point made about the potential economic repercussions of governments waiving fees is valid but lacks depth in addressing the Task Response criteria. To strengthen this argument, consider expanding on the potential consequences in more specific terms. For instance, discuss how this decline in the budget might impact critical sectors like infrastructure development, national security, or research and development. This would amplify the coherence and depth of your argument, fulfilling the criterion for well-supported ideas.
- Improved example: "Governments, upon waiving tuition fees, might experience a substantial decline in their budget allocation. This reduction could significantly impede infrastructure development, constraining the growth of vital public services such as transportation networks or healthcare facilities. For example, a decrease in funding for road construction might result in prolonged travel times and reduced accessibility to remote areas, impacting both economic growth and citizens’ well-being."
Quoted text: "This would lead to a situation where investments in other domains such as healthcare, social welfare for the elderly and technological advancements, which also play an integral role in the improvement of countries, can be alleviated."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Although the point touches on the potential diversion of funds from critical areas due to free education policies, it lacks clarity in how these areas might be specifically affected. To strengthen your response, consider elaborating on the potential consequences for healthcare, social welfare, or technological advancements. You could provide examples illustrating how reduced funding in these sectors might lead to deteriorating healthcare services, inadequate support for the elderly, or slowed technological innovation.
- Improved example: "The diversion of funds from education to other vital domains such as healthcare and technological advancements could jeopardize advancements in medical research and healthcare infrastructure. For instance, a decrease in funding for medical research might impede the development of life-saving treatments, impacting public health outcomes and leaving certain diseases uncured."
Quoted text: "At the individual level, free-college policies could improve the likelihood of accessing to official educational programs."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This argument supports the stance but lacks specificity and development. To enhance this point, elaborate on how free access to higher education might particularly benefit disadvantaged groups or remote communities. Provide examples or personal experiences illustrating how individuals from underprivileged backgrounds or distant regions can benefit significantly from such policies, ensuring a more comprehensive exploration of the advantages of free education.
- Improved example: "Free access to higher education significantly enhances opportunities, especially for individuals from marginalized communities or remote areas. For example, students from rural regions, who previously faced financial barriers, would have equal access to quality education. This fosters inclusivity and talent development across diverse socioeconomic backgrounds."
Overall, the essay responds adequately to the prompt, presenting a clear position and relevant ideas. However, to reach a higher band score, it’s crucial to delve deeper into the potential repercussions of policies and provide more detailed and diverse examples supporting your arguments. Strengthening these aspects would enhance the overall development and depth of your response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for the argument, presenting both sides of the issue. Each paragraph follows a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices, though there are instances of under-use, particularly in the transitions between ideas. The argument is developed with a balanced approach, acknowledging counterarguments before presenting the writer’s perspective. Paragraphing is generally sufficient and appropriate, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay.
How to improve:
To enhance coherence, consider using more varied and explicit transitional phrases to ensure smoother connections between ideas. Additionally, be cautious of overusing certain terms, like "education schooling," and aim for greater precision in expression. While the essay maintains a well-organized structure, refining the balance between the exploration of counterarguments and the writer’s perspective could further strengthen the overall coherence.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in expressing ideas. The writer successfully uses less common lexical items and displays awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument, presenting valid points for and against free university education.
How to improve:
To elevate the band score, the writer could benefit from refining the accuracy of word choice and addressing the occasional errors in spelling and word formation. Additionally, a more consistent demonstration of awareness in style and collocation would contribute to a more sophisticated use of vocabulary. Ensuring a balanced discussion with equal attention to counterarguments and potential drawbacks would further enhance the essay’s overall lexical resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score: 8.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a wide range of sentence structures with full flexibility and accuracy. The majority of sentences are error-free, and any errors present are minor slips that do not impede overall comprehension. The writer effectively uses complex structures and showcases good control of grammar and punctuation. The essay maintains a clear and coherent argument throughout.
How to improve: While the essay is strong in grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in lexical resource and coherence. Consider incorporating a more varied vocabulary and ensuring a smoother transition between ideas to enhance overall cohesion. Additionally, pay attention to the clarity of your thesis statement to further strengthen the essay’s structure.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent times, there has been a growing belief that individuals should have the right to pursue university education without any financial burden, with some advocating for governments to make it free for all students, regardless of their financial background. In my view, while this perspective has its limitations, the advantages it offers should be given priority.
Certainly, it is understandable why some people may have reservations about abolishing tuition fees for college students. One primary concern is that governments, by waiving fees, might face a significant decline in their budget, potentially leading to economic repercussions. This could result in reduced investments in crucial areas such as healthcare, social welfare for the elderly, and technological advancements, all of which are integral to a country’s development. Additionally, an increased number of individuals attaining bachelor’s degrees could create a competitive job market, potentially leading to higher unemployment rates for those without advanced qualifications.
Despite these valid arguments, I am more inclined to support the idea that governments should provide free university education, considering the numerous positive aspects it can bring. At the individual level, policies offering free college education could enhance access to formal educational programs. For instance, people from remote areas or ethnic minorities could attend tertiary educational institutions without the fear of unaffordable fees. From a societal perspective, a well-educated and highly qualified workforce could be achieved, positively impacting overall productivity. This, in turn, could lead to an improvement in socio-economic backgrounds.
In conclusion, while acknowledging that tuition exemption has certain drawbacks, I am convinced that the benefits of fully subsidizing college education should be prioritized.