Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that everyone should be afforded the opportunity to go to college, and ideally the tuition should be covered by the state. While I agree that a higher proportion of college-educated citizens is hugely beneficial for society, I think the possibility of making it a reality using one hundred percent state coffers is slim, if non-existent.
On the one hand, it is hard to argue against the egalitarian idea that everyone is entitled to college education. While twelve years of formal schooling may give people the basic knowledge to make sense of the world, post-secondary education creates skilled workers,who are the lifeblood of all economies. Universities are also places where individuals are encouraged to take a stance and develop their own world views, which is crucial to any democracy that wants voters with conviction and insight. The information and skills that one learns in college thus has a direct influence on their own lives as well as the kind of society that they want to create, and therefore, there should not be any barrier-least of all financial-between aspiring learners and college education.
On the other hand, as idyllic as a society where everyone is a college graduate may be, this is an almost impossible reality to bring about with state funds alone. Now, many governments struggle to manage the money for student loans and financial aids, let alone a no-holds-barred tuition exemption policy. Take the US as an example, where the recent push to forgive existing student loans may put a major dent in the national budget, which is already stretched to its limit between other non-negotiable expenditures like national defense,healthcare, and social security benefits. The cost of such a plan will necessarily be borne by taxpayers themselves, and it is difficult to imagine getting them on board, especially when graduate unemployment remains high. If an economic powerhouse like America finds universal tuition waivers a distant reality, it is doubtful that most nations can make it happen.
In conclusion, there is no denying the benefits of having more people go to college, but to
fund the entirety of this plan with state funds is a pipe dream.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some people argue" -> "Some individuals contend"
   Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often used in academic writing to denote a more structured and evidence-based argumentation.

2. "everyone should be afforded the opportunity" -> "every individual should be granted the opportunity"
   Explanation: "Every individual" is more formal and precise than "everyone," and "granted" is a more formal synonym for "afforded," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

3. "ideally the tuition should be covered by the state" -> "ideally, the state should cover the tuition"
   Explanation: The use of a comma after "ideally" improves the sentence structure, and "cover" is a more direct and formal verb choice than "be covered by," aligning better with academic style.

4. "hugely beneficial" -> "substantially beneficial"
   Explanation: "Substantially" is a more formal and precise adverb than "hugely," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.

5. "the possibility of making it a reality using one hundred percent state coffers" -> "the feasibility of implementing this policy using one hundred percent state funding"
   Explanation: "Feasibility" is more specific and academically appropriate than "possibility," and "state funding" is a more formal term than "state coffers," which can be seen as informal and outdated.

6. "it is hard to argue against" -> "it is challenging to refute"
   Explanation: "Challenging to refute" is a more precise and formal way to express the difficulty in opposing an argument, fitting better in academic discourse.

7. "twelve years of formal schooling may give people the basic knowledge to make sense of the world" -> "twelve years of formal education may provide individuals with a foundational understanding of the world"
   Explanation: "Provide individuals with a foundational understanding" is more precise and formal than "give people the basic knowledge," aligning better with academic standards.

8. "post-secondary education creates skilled workers" -> "post-secondary education fosters skilled professionals"
   Explanation: "Fosters" is a more precise verb than "creates," and "professionals" is a more formal term than "workers," enhancing the academic tone.

9. "as idyllic as a society where everyone is a college graduate may be" -> "as ideal as a society in which all individuals are college graduates may be"
   Explanation: "Ideal" is more appropriate than "idyllic," which is typically used to describe a picturesque or dreamlike scenario, not a societal ideal. "In which" is also more formal than "where" in this context.

10. "a no-holds-barred tuition exemption policy" -> "a comprehensive tuition exemption policy"
    Explanation: "Comprehensive" is a more formal and precise term than "no-holds-barred," which is colloquial and vague in this context.

11. "Take the US as an example" -> "Consider the United States as an example"
    Explanation: "Consider" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Take," and "United States" is the formal name of the country, preferred in academic writing over the colloquial "US."

12. "put a major dent in the national budget" -> "substantially impact the national budget"
    Explanation: "Substantially impact" is a more formal and precise expression than "put a major dent," which is colloquial and vague.

13. "it is difficult to imagine getting them on board" -> "it is challenging to envision securing their support"
    Explanation: "Envision securing their support" is more formal and precise than "getting them on board," which is colloquial and informal.

14. "a pipe dream" -> "a utopian ideal"
    Explanation: "A utopian ideal" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "a pipe dream," which is colloquial and dismissive.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits of universal access to university education and the challenges associated with funding it. The writer acknowledges the egalitarian perspective that everyone should have the right to education while also presenting a counterargument regarding the feasibility of such a system. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit statement of the writer’s position regarding the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt, as it currently leans more towards a discussion of challenges rather than a clear stance.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This could involve specifying whether they fully agree, partially agree, or disagree with the notion of free university education for all, thus providing a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a nuanced view, indicating agreement with the idea of universal access to education but skepticism about the feasibility of funding it entirely through state resources. While this position is articulated, it could be more consistently emphasized throughout the essay. The transition between agreeing with the benefits and discussing the challenges could be smoother to reinforce the overall stance.
  • How to improve: The writer should ensure that their position is consistently highlighted in each paragraph. This can be achieved by using topic sentences that reflect their stance and by summarizing their position in relation to each point made. Additionally, reiterating their viewpoint in the conclusion can help reinforce clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas, such as the societal benefits of a college-educated populace and the financial challenges of implementing free education. However, while some points are well-developed, others could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the discussion on the economic implications of free education could include more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could involve citing statistics about college graduates’ impact on the economy or referencing studies that highlight the financial burdens of student loan forgiveness. Additionally, expanding on the counterarguments with more depth would provide a more balanced view.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding access to university education and the associated financial implications. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of graduate unemployment, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the argument about the feasibility of free education.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made is directly related to the prompt. This can be achieved by regularly referencing the main question throughout the essay and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to answering it. Additionally, avoiding tangential discussions will help keep the essay concise and relevant.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements can be made in clarity of position, depth of support for ideas, and strict adherence to the prompt. By addressing these areas, the writer could enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The argument is effectively divided into two main perspectives: the benefits of universal access to higher education and the challenges of implementing such a policy. For instance, the first body paragraph outlines the advantages of a college-educated populace, while the second body paragraph addresses the financial impracticalities of a government-funded education system. This organization aids the reader’s understanding and allows the argument to develop in a coherent manner.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit transitional phrases between ideas and paragraphs. For example, phrases like "Furthermore," or "In contrast," could help signal shifts in argument or elaboration on points, making the connections between ideas even clearer.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs delve into the pros and cons, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the argument. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of the paragraph, which would enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence that directly states the challenges of funding higher education, which would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion," which effectively guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "as idyllic as a society where everyone is a college graduate may be" could be complemented with additional phrases that connect ideas more fluidly, such as "Despite this ideal vision," or "Nevertheless," which would enhance the overall cohesiveness of the text.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. This could include using synonyms for commonly used devices or employing more complex structures, such as "While it is true that…" or "Although some may argue that…," which would add depth and variety to the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using paragraphs and cohesive devices to guide the reader. By focusing on enhancing transitions, refining topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further elevate the clarity and cohesiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively employing terms such as "egalitarian," "lifeblood," "stretched to its limit," and "pipe dream." These choices reflect an ability to convey complex ideas clearly and accurately. The use of phrases like "no-holds-barred tuition exemption policy" and "major dent in the national budget" showcases a sophisticated understanding of the topic and the ability to articulate nuanced arguments.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions related to education and economics. For instance, instead of repeating "college" and "tuition," alternatives such as "higher education" or "educational expenses" could be used. Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions or less common terms could enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely employs vocabulary with precision, effectively communicating the writer’s arguments. However, there are instances where word choice could be improved for clarity. For example, the phrase "pipe dream" is somewhat informal and may detract from the academic tone of the essay. Additionally, the term "no-holds-barred" could be perceived as colloquial, which may not align with the formal context of an IELTS essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should aim to select vocabulary that aligns more closely with the formal academic context. Replacing "pipe dream" with "unrealistic expectation" or "impractical proposal" would maintain the intended meaning while adhering to a more formal tone. Furthermore, ensuring that all terms used are appropriate for the context will strengthen the overall argument.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, there is a missing space after the comma in "skilled workers,who are the lifeblood," which affects readability. Additionally, "healthcare" is correctly spelled, but the phrase "non-negotiable expenditures" could be hyphenated for clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy and overall presentation, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch minor typographical errors. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or reading the essay aloud can help identify areas that may need correction. Furthermore, maintaining consistent formatting, such as spacing after punctuation, will enhance the essay’s professionalism.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong lexical resource capabilities, with effective vocabulary use and a clear articulation of ideas. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, refining word choice for precision, and ensuring spelling accuracy, the writer can further elevate their performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "While I agree that a higher proportion of college-educated citizens is hugely beneficial for society, I think the possibility of making it a reality using one hundred percent state coffers is slim, if non-existent." This sentence effectively combines multiple clauses to convey a nuanced opinion. Additionally, the essay includes conditional structures, as seen in "If an economic powerhouse like America finds universal tuition waivers a distant reality, it is doubtful that most nations can make it happen." This variety contributes to the overall sophistication of the writing.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and lengths. For example, beginning some sentences with adverbial phrases or using inversion could add additional complexity. Additionally, integrating more passive voice constructions where appropriate could diversify the grammatical range even further.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "skilled workers,who are the lifeblood of all economies" contains a punctuation error due to the missing space after the comma. This oversight detracts slightly from the overall clarity. Furthermore, the phrase "between other non-negotiable expenditures like national defense,healthcare, and social security benefits" also suffers from a similar punctuation issue, as there is no space after the comma. These errors, while minor, can affect the reader’s perception of the writer’s attention to detail.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch suchminor errors. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers can help identify punctuation mistakes. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on punctuation rules—such as ensuring proper spacing after commas and periods—will enhance overall accuracy. It may also be beneficial to read the essay aloud to catch any awkward phrasing or punctuation issues that may have been overlooked during the writing process.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a Band Score of 8. With attention to minor errors and further diversification of sentence structures, the writer could aim for an even higher score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that every individual should be granted the opportunity to pursue a university education, and ideally, the state should cover the tuition for all students, regardless of their financial background. While I agree that a higher proportion of college-educated citizens is substantially beneficial for society, I believe the feasibility of implementing this policy using one hundred percent state funding is slim, if not non-existent.

On the one hand, it is challenging to refute the egalitarian notion that everyone is entitled to a college education. While twelve years of formal education may provide individuals with a foundational understanding of the world, post-secondary education fosters skilled professionals, who are essential to the functioning of all economies. Universities also serve as environments where individuals are encouraged to take a stance and develop their own worldviews, which is crucial for any democracy that seeks voters with conviction and insight. The knowledge and skills acquired in college thus have a direct influence on individuals’ lives as well as the kind of society they aspire to create. Therefore, there should not be any barriers—least of all financial—between aspiring learners and college education.

On the other hand, as ideal as a society in which all individuals are college graduates may be, this is an almost impossible reality to achieve with state funds alone. Currently, many governments struggle to manage funding for student loans and financial aid, let alone a comprehensive tuition exemption policy. Consider the United States as an example, where the recent push to forgive existing student loans may significantly impact the national budget, which is already stretched thin due to other non-negotiable expenditures like national defense, healthcare, and social security benefits. The cost of such a plan would necessarily be borne by taxpayers themselves, and it is challenging to envision securing their support, especially when graduate unemployment remains high. If an economic powerhouse like America finds universal tuition waivers a distant reality, it is doubtful that most nations can make it happen.

In conclusion, there is no denying the benefits of having more individuals pursue higher education, but to fund the entirety of this plan with state resources remains a utopian ideal.