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Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Education is regarded as the root of the development of any nation in the world. University tuition fees are always a significant obstacle for students, especially those whose families are in a challenging economic condition. Some people claim that governments should not impose tuition and make universities a free place that every student can access. While this thinking is valid to a certain extent, I believe that eliminating university fees would trigger a worse prospect for the economy and society.
There are many valid arguments for pursuing university without tuition fees, in which creating an educated and cultured populace is the main purpose. This policy will provide an opportunity for the underprivileged to access the university environment. As a result, the portion of unemployment could be lessened significantly due to the enhancement of skilled labour, which improves the productivity of the overall economic objectives of the nation. Furthermore, the reputation of domestic labourers can gain a highly rated ranking in the global leaderboard that boosts the value of that nation at a higher level.
However, the stability of the economy and society will experience a challenging period. A higher economic burden would be put on the underprivileged’s shoulders because the government would need more money to run the economy so that the tax rate on their income could grow. This increases the disparity between the wealthy and impoverished which was always a significant challenge in society. Accordingly, the poor will be poorer and the rich will be richer. It is undeniable that a nation, once in such a situation, faces considerable challenges in recovery.
In conclusion, although tuition fee can deter many students from an opportunity to access civilization knowledge, it also plays a crucial role in economic stability.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "University tuition fees are always a significant obstacle for students" -> "University tuition fees consistently pose a significant obstacle for students"
    Explanation: Replacing "are always" with "consistently" adds a nuanced and more formal tone to the statement, emphasizing the persistent nature of the obstacle.

  2. "especially those whose families are in a challenging economic condition" -> "particularly those from economically challenged backgrounds"
    Explanation: "Challenging economic condition" is replaced with "economically challenged backgrounds" for a more formal and concise expression, aligning with academic style.

  3. "Some people claim that" -> "Certain individuals argue that"
    Explanation: Substituting "Some people claim that" with "Certain individuals argue that" introduces a more authoritative and formal language, suitable for academic discourse.

  4. "eliminating university fees would trigger a worse prospect" -> "abolishing university fees would lead to a more adverse outlook"
    Explanation: The term "trigger" is replaced with "lead to" for a more formal and precise expression, and "worse prospect" is substituted with "more adverse outlook" for enhanced formality.

  5. "creating an educated and cultured populace is the main purpose" -> "fostering an educated and cultured populace is the primary objective"
    Explanation: The term "main purpose" is replaced with "primary objective" for a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic language.

  6. "This policy will provide an opportunity for the underprivileged to access the university environment" -> "This initiative will afford underprivileged individuals the opportunity to access the university environment"
    Explanation: "Policy" is replaced with "initiative" for a more precise term, and the sentence is rephrased for enhanced formality and clarity.

  7. "due to the enhancement of skilled labour" -> "owing to the augmentation of skilled labor"
    Explanation: "Enhancement" is replaced with "augmentation" for a more formal term, maintaining a sophisticated tone in discussing the improvement of skilled labor.

  8. "the productivity of the overall economic objectives of the nation" -> "the productivity aligning with the overarching economic objectives of the nation"
    Explanation: "Overall" is replaced with "aligning with the overarching" for a more formal and precise expression, adhering to academic language conventions.

  9. "Furthermore, the reputation of domestic labourers can gain a highly rated ranking" -> "Furthermore, the reputation of domestic laborers can attain a prestigious standing"
    Explanation: "Highly rated ranking" is replaced with "prestigious standing" for a more formal and refined expression, maintaining an academic tone.

  10. "the global leaderboard that boosts the value of that nation at a higher level" -> "the global arena, enhancing the nation’s standing on an international scale"
    Explanation: "Leaderboard" is replaced with "arena," and the phrase is rephrased for a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic style.

  11. "A higher economic burden would be put on the underprivileged’s shoulders" -> "The underprivileged would bear a greater economic burden"
    Explanation: "Would be put on" is replaced with "bear," and the sentence is rephrased for a more concise and formal expression.

  12. "so that the tax rate on their income could grow" -> "resulting in an increase in the tax rate on their income"
    Explanation: "Could grow" is replaced with "resulting in an increase," offering a more formal and precise expression in discussing the potential rise in the tax rate.

  13. "It is undeniable that a nation, once in such a situation, faces considerable challenges in recovery" -> "Undoubtedly, a nation grappling with such circumstances encounters substantial challenges in recovery"
    Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for enhanced formality and precision, adhering to academic language conventions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "While this thinking is valid to a certain extent, I believe that eliminating university fees would trigger a worse prospect for the economy and society."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction of the essay is clear in presenting your position, which is positive. However, it lacks a concise summary of the main points you will discuss, making it slightly challenging for readers to anticipate the structure of your argument. Consider adding a brief preview of the key ideas to enhance the clarity of your essay’s organization.
    • Improved example: "While this thinking is valid to a certain extent, I believe that eliminating university fees would trigger a worse prospect for the economy and society. In this essay, I will discuss the potential benefits of free university education, such as increased access for the underprivileged, but will also explore the potential economic challenges that may arise."
  2. Quoted text: "This policy will provide an opportunity for the underprivileged to access the university environment."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your point about providing opportunities for the underprivileged is well stated. However, it would be more persuasive if you provided a specific example or elaborated on how free university education can empower the underprivileged and contribute to societal development. Adding a concrete example or personal experience would strengthen your argument.
    • Improved example: "This policy will provide an invaluable opportunity for the underprivileged to access the university environment. For instance, students from low-income families who may have exceptional talents or aspirations would no longer face financial barriers to pursue higher education, contributing to a more diverse and skilled workforce."
  3. Quoted text: "A higher economic burden would be put on the underprivileged’s shoulders because the government would need more money to run the economy so that the tax rate on their income could grow."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your argument about the potential economic burden on the underprivileged is valid. However, it lacks depth and could benefit from further development. Consider providing additional reasons or examples to support your claim. For instance, you could elaborate on how an increased tax burden might affect the ability of individuals from lower-income backgrounds to meet their basic needs.
    • Improved example: "A higher economic burden would be placed on the underprivileged, as the government would require additional funds to sustain the economy, leading to an inevitable rise in income tax rates. This could disproportionately affect individuals with limited financial resources, hindering their ability to cover essential expenses such as housing, healthcare, and education for their families."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument, but further development and specificity in supporting ideas would elevate the Task Response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay presents a coherent structure, introducing the topic and viewpoints in a reasonably organized manner. It begins with an introduction that sets the context and presents a clear stance. Ideas are presented in two distinct paragraphs, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of free university education. There’s an attempt to logically organize information and ideas, though the progression could be more pronounced. The use of cohesive devices is evident, although some sentences lack clarity in their relationships. Paragraphing is observed but could be more logically structured.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion towards a higher band score, focus on stronger logical progression between ideas within and between paragraphs. Ensure that cohesive devices are used more consistently and effectively, maintaining clear relationships between sentences. Further refinement in paragraph structure and the development of a more balanced argumentation can also improve coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The writer effectively conveys the main arguments and ideas, utilizing a variety of vocabulary to express thoughts. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation that slightly impact the overall lexical resource. Spelling and word formation are generally accurate, with only rare minor errors.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer should focus on refining word choice and collocation. While the vocabulary is generally diverse, paying closer attention to precision in the use of uncommon lexical items can further elevate the essay. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate rare minor errors in word choice and collocation will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are instances of complex sentence forms, showcasing a variety of structures, but there are also noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay maintains communication effectively, but the errors hinder complete clarity. The use of vocabulary and the overall coherence contribute to a score of 6.0.

How to improve: To elevate the band score, focus on refining grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Pay attention to the correct usage of complex structures and ensure that they enhance, rather than obscure, the intended meaning. Work on eliminating errors that, while not severely impeding communication, detract from the overall fluency of the essay. Consider incorporating a wider range of sentence structures to achieve a more varied and sophisticated style.

Bài sửa mẫu

Education stands as the cornerstone of a nation’s progress. The issue of university tuition fees poses a substantial hurdle, especially for students facing economic challenges. While the idea of making university education free for all is appealing, I contend that completely abolishing fees may have adverse effects on the economy and society.

Advocates for free university education rightly emphasize the goal of cultivating an educated and cultured population. This approach opens doors for underprivileged students, reducing unemployment by fostering skilled labor. The resulting boost in productivity contributes to the nation’s overall economic development. Moreover, it elevates the global standing of domestic laborers, enhancing the nation’s reputation on the world stage.

However, the potential consequences for economic and social stability cannot be overlooked. Removing tuition fees would necessitate increased government spending, placing a heavier financial burden on the underprivileged. This could lead to a rise in income tax rates, exacerbating the wealth gap between the rich and the poor—a longstanding societal challenge. Such disparities, once entrenched, pose significant obstacles to a nation’s recovery.

In conclusion, while the prospect of free university education addresses the barrier many face in accessing knowledge, it also introduces complexities to economic stability. Striking a balance that ensures accessibility without jeopardizing economic equilibrium is key to fostering a thriving and equitable society.

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