Some people believe that globalisation has positive effects, such as boosting economic growth and encouraging cultural exchange, while others argue that it results in exploitation and a loss of cultural diversity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There are different views about whether globalisation brings some positive effects such as boosting economic growth, and encouraging cultural exchange or it results in exploitation and loss of cultural diversity. While some recognise the benefit of this trend, it seems to me that it has a more negative effect on the nation.
On the one hand, I agree that globalisation can foster economic growth and encourage cultural exchange. First, globalisation would help attract many investments from foreign countries and facilitate trade, allowing countries to specialise in competitive industries. Consequently, this would help increase productivity and profits to the country . Secondly, globalisation promotes cultural exchange . In fact, when one country attracts many international visitors around the world, they would have a chance to introduce their traditional values and identity. As a result, this would help local people get deeper insight into diverse cultures and traditions worldwide.
On the other hand,I strongly believe that the globalisation process has many negative effects for nations. In fact,many developed countries around the world seek cheaper labour in underprivileged areas. For instance , China and Campuchia where lack legal enforcement regarding safety and remuneration, making it easier to exploit foreign workers. Hence, leading to poor working conditions as well as detrimental to worker’s health.Furthermore, overseas students heavily exposed to Western culture tend to underestimate their local traditional values. This not only leads to erosion of cultural identity but also fading away traditional values of their countries.
In conclusion, although I consider that this trend brings several advantages, my own view is that it has a more negative effect for any nation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There are different views about whether" -> "There are varying opinions regarding whether"
Explanation: "Varying opinions regarding" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"boosting economic growth, and encouraging cultural exchange" -> "enhancing economic growth and fostering cultural exchange"
Explanation: "Enhancing" and "fostering" are more precise and formal terms than "boosting" and "encouraging," aligning better with academic language.
"it seems to me that" -> "it appears that"
Explanation: "It appears that" is a more formal and concise alternative to "it seems to me that," which is somewhat informal and subjective.
"it has a more negative effect on the nation" -> "it has a more detrimental impact on the nation"
Explanation: "Detrimental impact" is a more precise and formal term than "negative effect," which is somewhat vague and less specific.
"First, globalisation would help attract many investments" -> "First, globalization would attract numerous investments"
Explanation: "Globalization" should be spelled as one word, and "numerous" is more formal than "many," fitting better in academic writing.
"allowing countries to specialise in competitive industries" -> "enabling countries to specialize in competitive industries"
Explanation: "Enabling" is more formal than "allowing," and "specialize" should be one word in this context.
"help increase productivity and profits to the country" -> "enhance productivity and profitability for the country"
Explanation: "Enhance" and "profitability" are more precise and formal terms than "help increase" and "profits," respectively.
"promotes cultural exchange" -> "facilitates cultural exchange"
Explanation: "Facilitates" is a more precise verb than "promotes" in this context, suggesting a more direct and active role in enabling cultural exchange.
"they would have a chance to introduce their traditional values and identity" -> "they may introduce their traditional values and identity"
Explanation: "May" is more formal than "would have a chance to," and removing "would" simplifies the sentence structure while maintaining formality.
"get deeper insight into diverse cultures and traditions worldwide" -> "gain a deeper understanding of diverse cultures and traditions worldwide"
Explanation: "Gain a deeper understanding" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "get deeper insight," which is somewhat colloquial.
"I strongly believe that" -> "I firmly contend that"
Explanation: "Firmly contend" is a more formal expression than "strongly believe," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.
"many developed countries around the world seek cheaper labour" -> "many developed countries worldwide seek cheaper labor"
Explanation: "Worldwide" is more concise and formal than "around the world," and "labor" should be one word in this context.
"lack legal enforcement regarding safety and remuneration" -> "lack adequate legal enforcement regarding safety and remuneration"
Explanation: "Adequate" specifies the type of enforcement, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"overseas students heavily exposed to Western culture" -> "overseas students heavily influenced by Western culture"
Explanation: "Influenced by" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact of exposure to culture.
"tend to underestimate their local traditional values" -> "tend to undervalue their local traditional values"
Explanation: "Undervalue" is a more precise term than "underestimate" in this context, as it specifically refers to the devaluation of something.
"This not only leads to erosion of cultural identity but also fading away traditional values of their countries" -> "This not only leads to erosion of cultural identity but also the fading of traditional values in their countries"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "fading" and "in their countries" clarifies and formalizes the sentence structure, making it more suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding globalization. The first paragraph outlines the positive aspects, such as economic growth and cultural exchange, while the second paragraph discusses the negative consequences, including exploitation and loss of cultural diversity. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the opposing views, as the positive side is somewhat overshadowed by the negative perspective presented in the conclusion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides are given equal weight in terms of development and elaboration. This could involve providing more examples or evidence for the positive effects of globalization and ensuring that the conclusion reflects a balanced view of both perspectives before stating a personal opinion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that globalization has more negative effects, which is consistent throughout the response. The writer’s opinion is clearly stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the positive and negative aspects could be smoother to maintain clarity.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use transitional phrases to better connect the discussion of positive and negative effects. For example, phrases like "Despite these benefits" or "Conversely" can help signal shifts in perspective and reinforce the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to both sides of the argument, such as economic benefits and cultural exchange on one side, and exploitation and cultural erosion on the other. However, some ideas lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, the mention of "poor working conditions" could be expanded with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could include citing specific instances of globalization’s impact on local economies or cultures, or discussing studies that illustrate the effects of cultural exchange.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of globalization as outlined in the prompt. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "overseas students" could be more explicitly linked to the broader implications of cultural exchange and loss of identity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by frequently referencing the key terms in the prompt, such as "exploitation" and "cultural diversity," to reinforce the relevance of each argument to the overall discussion. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main question will help maintain a strong focus throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for both views on globalization. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic. For example, the first body paragraph outlines the positive effects of globalization, while the second body paragraph discusses the negative impacts. However, the transition between the two views could be smoother, as the shift from the positive to the negative perspective feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal the shift in perspective more clearly. For instance, phrases like "On the contrary" or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point can further improve the organization.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific viewpoint. The first paragraph discusses the positive aspects of globalization, while the second addresses the negative consequences. However, the conclusion could be more developed to encapsulate the main arguments presented in the essay, rather than simply restating the author’s opinion.
- How to improve: To strengthen the conclusion, summarize the key points made in both body paragraphs before stating your opinion. This not only reinforces the arguments but also provides a more comprehensive closure to the essay. Additionally, ensure that there is a clear distinction between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which can be achieved by using clear topic sentences and concluding statements.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "secondly," and "on the other hand," which help to guide the reader through the arguments. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be improved. For example, the phrase "In fact" is used repetitively, which can detract from the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "moreover," "furthermore," "in addition," and "however." This will not only enhance the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a greater command of cohesive devices. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments in a logical manner, there are areas for improvement in terms of transitions, paragraph development, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By addressing these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "globalisation," "economic growth," "cultural exchange," and "exploitation." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety, particularly in discussing the negative aspects of globalisation. For instance, the word "globalisation" is used multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeating "globalisation," you could use "global integration," "international interconnectedness," or "global trends." Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could enrich the text. For instance, instead of saying "many investments," you could say "substantial foreign investments."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "help local people get deeper insight into diverse cultures" could be more effectively expressed as "enable local people to gain a deeper understanding of diverse cultures." Additionally, the term "underprivileged areas" is somewhat vague; specifying "developing countries" or "low-income regions" would provide clearer meaning.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that conveys your ideas more accurately. When discussing complex concepts, ensure that the terms you choose reflect the intended meaning. For example, instead of "making it easier to exploit foreign workers," you might say "creating conditions that facilitate the exploitation of foreign workers." This not only clarifies your point but also demonstrates a higher level of lexical precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Campuchia," which should be "Cambodia," and "where lack legal enforcement" should be "where there is a lack of legal enforcement." These errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take time to review your work specifically for spelling mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools can also be beneficial, but manual checking is essential to catch errors that automated tools might miss. Additionally, familiarizing yourself with commonly misspelled words in English can help reduce mistakes in future essays.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of conditional structures ("globalisation would help attract many investments") and relative clauses ("many developed countries around the world seek cheaper labour in underprivileged areas") showcases an attempt to incorporate different grammatical forms. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied to enhance the flow and complexity of ideas. For instance, the sentence "In fact, many developed countries around the world seek cheaper labour in underprivileged areas" could be restructured for greater impact.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "In fact," try beginning with adverbial clauses or phrases that provide context or contrast, such as "Despite the potential benefits, many developed countries…" Additionally, incorporating more complex sentences with embedded clauses can enhance the sophistication of your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical and punctuation errors that affect clarity and coherence. For example, there is a missing space after the comma in "On the other hand,I strongly believe" and an unnecessary space before the period in "to the country .". Additionally, the phrase "China and Campuchia where lack legal enforcement" is grammatically incorrect; it should read "China and Campuchia, where there is a lack of legal enforcement." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch punctuation errors and ensure proper sentence structure. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of articles, as in "the globalisation process has many negative effects for nations," which could be more clearly stated as "the process of globalisation has many negative effects on nations." Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on punctuation rules, such as the correct placement of commas and periods, will help enhance clarity and readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are varying opinions regarding whether globalization brings positive effects, such as boosting economic growth and encouraging cultural exchange, or whether it results in exploitation and a loss of cultural diversity. While some recognize the benefits of this trend, it appears that it has a more detrimental impact on the nation.

On the one hand, I agree that globalization can foster economic growth and encourage cultural exchange. First, globalization would help attract numerous investments from foreign countries and facilitate trade, allowing countries to specialize in competitive industries. Consequently, this would enhance productivity and profitability for the country. Secondly, globalization promotes cultural exchange. In fact, when one country attracts many international visitors from around the world, they have a chance to introduce their traditional values and identity. As a result, this would help local people gain a deeper understanding of diverse cultures and traditions worldwide.

On the other hand, I firmly contend that the globalization process has many negative effects for nations. In fact, many developed countries worldwide seek cheaper labor in underprivileged areas. For instance, in China and Cambodia, where there is a lack of adequate legal enforcement regarding safety and remuneration, it becomes easier to exploit foreign workers. Hence, this leads to poor working conditions as well as detrimental effects on workers’ health. Furthermore, overseas students heavily influenced by Western culture tend to undervalue their local traditional values. This not only leads to the erosion of cultural identity but also the fading of traditional values in their countries.

In conclusion, although I consider that this trend brings several advantages, my own view is that it has a more negative effect on any nation.