Some people believe that investing in arts is a waste of money and that governments should spend more on other public services such as education, healthcare, and infrastructure. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People have various reasonable arguments about whether investing in arts is unnecessary or not and governments should focus on community services which are education, healthcare and infrastructure. In my point of view, I strongly disagree with the idea of reducing the amount of money spent in arts because of the economic and historical value that art could bring to countries.
On one hand, investing in the arts can improve entertaining activities of countries, which might help countries develop in a well-rounded way. Firstly, paying for the developments in the infrastructure of arts would attract more domestic and foreign tourists. For example, museums or exhibition areas can use the state budget to invest in ideas that combine modern technology such as sound and light with paintings from the past, which could appeal to audiences about the timeless beauty of the paintings and the messages that the works of art want to convey to visitors. Secondly, arts can also be used for advertising a wide range of aspects of countries. Many countries today express the beauty of nature as well as people through works of art combined with the internet. It is undeniable that the digitized beautiful scenes would touch the hearts of people who have never been to that place, evoking the desire to witness those gorgeous landscapes with their own eyes. As a result, a growing number of tourists would come to these places, which can significantly benefit the nation's finances.
In addition, not only would the finances improve, but the historical values of each work of art could also be carefully preserved with more attention from the government. This is because of the fact that art plays a crucial role through the times since it offers a window into the past and bears the mark of each era. For instance, reading wartime literary works might bring us a heroic feel, or renaissance paintings such as Mona Lisa by artist Leonardo da Vinci are still popular in today's times thanks to the careful preservation of the Italian government. Moreover, the priceless values of arts can also be added into education as a way to experience what happened in the past. History lectures are a good example, educating students through works of art may make them more interested in the subject instead of studying lessons with dry theory in books. As a consequence, the work of previous generations will always be remembered and appreciated thanks to the values that art can contain.
In conclusion, although people have different viewpoints of investing in the arts, I would argue that those sources of support are necessary in order to help the country develop besides education, healthcare, and infrastructure.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"People have various reasonable arguments" -> "Individuals present various rational arguments"
Explanation: Replacing "People have various reasonable arguments" with "Individuals present various rational arguments" refines the language by using "individuals" for a more formal tone and "rational" to emphasize the logical basis of the arguments, which is more appropriate in an academic context.
"In my point of view" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase compared to "In my point of view," which is somewhat informal and less precise.
"reducing the amount of money spent in arts" -> "reducing the allocation of funds to the arts"
Explanation: "Reducing the allocation of funds to the arts" is more precise and formal, specifying the action of budgeting, which is more suitable for an academic discussion about financial decisions.
"improve entertaining activities" -> "enhance recreational activities"
Explanation: "Enhance recreational activities" is a more precise and formal term than "improve entertaining activities," which is vague and informal.
"paying for the developments" -> "funding the development"
Explanation: "Funding the development" is a more direct and formal way to express financial support, aligning better with academic language.
"could appeal to audiences about the timeless beauty" -> "could captivate audiences in the timeless beauty"
Explanation: "Captor audiences in the timeless beauty" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the engagement and immersion of the audience in the art.
"works of art want to convey" -> "works of art aim to convey"
Explanation: "Aim to convey" is more precise and formal than "want to convey," which is less formal and slightly colloquial.
"digitized beautiful scenes" -> "digitally rendered scenes"
Explanation: "Digitally rendered scenes" is a more technical and precise term, suitable for describing the use of technology in art.
"would come to these places" -> "would visit these destinations"
Explanation: "Would visit these destinations" is more formal and specific, enhancing the academic tone.
"the historical values of each work of art" -> "the historical significance of each work of art"
Explanation: "Historical significance" is a more precise and academically accepted term than "historical values," which is less specific and can be ambiguous.
"reading wartime literary works" -> "studying wartime literary works"
Explanation: "Studying" is more formal and appropriate for an academic context than "reading," which is too casual.
"a heroic feel" -> "a sense of heroism"
Explanation: "A sense of heroism" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than "a heroic feel," which is less formal.
"renaissance paintings such as Mona Lisa" -> "Renaissance paintings, such as the Mona Lisa"
Explanation: Capitalizing "Renaissance" and using "the Mona Lisa" instead of "Mona Lisa" adds formality and specificity, aligning with academic standards.
"dry theory in books" -> "dry theoretical content in textbooks"
Explanation: "Dry theoretical content in textbooks" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone by specifying the type of educational materials.
"the work of previous generations" -> "the contributions of previous generations"
Explanation: "The contributions of previous generations" is a more precise and formal way to refer to the achievements of past generations, fitting the academic context better.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating the author’s disagreement with the notion that investing in the arts is a waste of money. The introduction outlines the debate and positions the author firmly against reducing funding for the arts. Each paragraph subsequently supports this position by discussing the economic and historical benefits of art, thus thoroughly answering the question.
- How to improve: While the essay does an excellent job addressing the prompt, it could enhance its depth by briefly acknowledging the opposing viewpoint. This would provide a more balanced perspective and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear and consistent position throughout the essay, strongly advocating for the importance of arts funding. Phrases like "I strongly disagree" and "I would argue that those sources of support are necessary" reinforce this stance. The logical flow of arguments supports the position without wavering.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the author could include transitional phrases that explicitly link back to the main argument after discussing supporting points. This would ensure that the reader is consistently reminded of the central thesis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of well-developed ideas, such as the economic benefits of tourism and the historical significance of art. Each point is supported with relevant examples, such as the use of technology in museums and the educational value of art. This demonstrates a strong ability to extend and substantiate ideas effectively.
- How to improve: While the examples are relevant and well-chosen, the essay could benefit from more diverse examples or case studies to illustrate the points made. For instance, referencing specific countries or initiatives that have successfully integrated arts funding could provide additional weight to the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the importance of arts funding in relation to public services. Each paragraph contributes to the central argument without deviating into unrelated areas, which is crucial for maintaining coherence.
- How to improve: To ensure that the essay remains tightly focused, the author should review each paragraph to confirm that all sentences directly support the main argument. This can be achieved by summarizing the main point of each paragraph in a topic sentence and ensuring that all subsequent sentences relate back to that point.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a high level of proficiency in addressing the Task Response criteria for IELTS, with clear strengths in argumentation and coherence. By incorporating the suggested improvements, the author can further enhance the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that investing in the arts is a waste of money. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. The first body paragraph discusses the economic benefits of investing in the arts, while the second focuses on the historical and educational value of art. However, the transition between the points could be smoother, as some ideas feel slightly disjointed. For example, the shift from discussing tourism to the preservation of historical values could benefit from a clearer linking sentence that ties the two ideas together.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the economic benefits of tourism, a sentence like "In addition to economic advantages, investing in the arts also plays a crucial role in preserving historical heritage" would create a more cohesive transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, and the body paragraphs are structured around specific themes. However, the first body paragraph could be further divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on tourism and the other on advertising through art. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve readability.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, aim to have each paragraph center around a single main idea. This can be achieved by introducing a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph and ensuring that all subsequent sentences support that main idea. For example, after the first sentence of the first body paragraph, you could introduce a new paragraph when shifting from discussing tourism to the role of art in advertising.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In addition," which help to organize ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "This is because of the fact that" is somewhat verbose and could be replaced with simpler phrases like "This is due to" or "This is because." Additionally, the use of pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas could be more varied to avoid repetition.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "Consequently," and "As a result." Additionally, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing to avoid repetition of key terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "arts," you could alternate with "cultural investments" or "creative sectors" to maintain reader interest and enhance cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on improving transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "investing in arts," "economic and historical value," and "digitized beautiful scenes." The use of phrases like "well-rounded way" and "timeless beauty" shows an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated, such as the repetitive use of "arts" and "countries."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "arts," you could incorporate terms like "cultural expressions," "creative industries," or "artistic endeavors." Additionally, phrases like "public services" could be expanded to "essential community services" or "critical societal needs" to add depth.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, though there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "improve entertaining activities" could be clearer; it might be more precise to say "enhance cultural engagement" or "enrich the entertainment sector." The phrase "the priceless values of arts" could also be refined to "the intrinsic value of art" for clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that directly conveys the intended meaning. When discussing the benefits of art, consider terms like "cultural heritage" or "artistic significance" instead of more generic phrases. Additionally, ensure that phrases are not overly vague; specificity will enhance the clarity of your arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no major errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as "arts can also be used for advertising a wide range of aspects of countries," where "aspects of countries" could be more clearly articulated, though this is more about clarity than spelling.
- How to improve: To ensure spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work or using spell-check tools. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing. Regularly practicing writing can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and spelling practices. By focusing on these areas, you can enhance the overall quality of your writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "which might help countries develop in a well-rounded way" and "that art could bring to countries." These structures effectively convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a tendency to rely on similar structures, such as "not only… but also" and "for example," which can detract from overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, instead of frequently starting sentences with "Secondly" or "In addition," the writer might use alternatives like "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "Another compelling reason is that…" Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could enrich the essay’s complexity and flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "the amount of money spent in arts" should be "the amount of money spent on the arts." Additionally, there are some punctuation issues, such as the missing commas in lists (e.g., "education, healthcare and infrastructure" should include a comma before "and" for clarity). The use of articles is sometimes inconsistent, as seen in "the arts" versus "arts."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to prepositions and articles. A review of common collocations in English, particularly regarding the arts, could be beneficial. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially concerning lists and clauses, would help in achieving greater clarity. Reading more academic essays could also provide insights into proper punctuation and grammatical structures.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

People have various reasonable arguments about whether investing in the arts is unnecessary or not, and governments should focus on community services such as education, healthcare, and infrastructure. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with the idea of reducing the amount of money spent on the arts because of the economic and historical value that art could bring to countries.

On one hand, investing in the arts can enhance recreational activities in countries, which might help them develop in a well-rounded way. Firstly, funding the development of arts infrastructure would attract more domestic and foreign tourists. For example, museums or exhibition areas can use the state budget to invest in ideas that combine modern technology, such as sound and light, with paintings from the past. This could captivate audiences with the timeless beauty of the paintings and the messages that the works of art aim to convey to visitors. Secondly, the arts can also be used to advertise a wide range of aspects of countries. Many countries today express the beauty of nature as well as their people through works of art combined with the internet. It is undeniable that digitally rendered beautiful scenes would touch the hearts of people who have never been to those places, evoking the desire to witness those gorgeous landscapes with their own eyes. As a result, a growing number of tourists would visit these destinations, which can significantly benefit the nation’s finances.

In addition, not only would the finances improve, but the historical significance of each work of art could also be carefully preserved with more attention from the government. This is because art plays a crucial role throughout the ages, as it offers a window into the past and bears the mark of each era. For instance, studying wartime literary works might evoke a sense of heroism, or Renaissance paintings, such as the Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci, remain popular today thanks to the careful preservation efforts of the Italian government. Moreover, the priceless values of the arts can also be integrated into education as a way to experience what happened in the past. History lectures are a good example; educating students through works of art may make them more interested in the subject instead of studying dry theoretical content in textbooks. As a consequence, the contributions of previous generations will always be remembered and appreciated thanks to the values that art can contain.

In conclusion, although people have different viewpoints on investing in the arts, I would argue that these sources of support are necessary in order to help the country develop alongside education, healthcare, and infrastructure.