Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Whether to accept fate or strive for a better outcome when people are confronted with daunting obstacles and challenges arouses public scrutiny. This essay aims to elaborate on the discourse and present a personal standpoint.
On the one hand, advocates of the former notion deem that they accept their lot on the receipt of worthy lessons. Specifically, people can distill a myriad of precious experiences when facing failures or dilemmas; moreover, they can acknowledge their personal capacities and limiting points. In this sense, people with such a mindset can avert repeating the same mistakes and focus on developing their strengths for further prospects. For example, a person recently had her money pickpocketed when she went to the supermarket. It was better to accept this undesirable incident and perceive the significance of protecting her belongings carefully than to strive to find the culprit. Furthermore, acceptance grants people a satisfied and positive attitude towards their lives. Notably, we cannot change the happenings; therefore, accepting reality is an effective way to dissipate sorrow and weariness and enjoy our lives. Some cases, such as contracting terminal diseases, are unamendable, and exerting ourselves to combat these health problems only brings agony instead of jubilation.
Shifting to the opposite end of the spectrum, proponents of the latter idea opine that people should do their best to improve the situation. It is apparent that constant efforts through millennia have brought about the evolution of humankind as well as technological revolutions to enrich our lives. Their perseverance and great stamina are the keys to opening up opportunities and reaping significant achievements. For instance, Thomas Edison invented light bulbs after failing over 10,100 times, or Walt Disney, with his persistence, was the founder of Disney, the worldwide-favorable animation channel, despite ever having been rejected by numerous publishers. Additionally, without actions to achieve their goals, individuals often succumb to a mediocre life, missing out on unparalleled chances for professional and personal growth. Therefore, people endeavoring and fighting for their ideals feel no regret after all, as they have lived life to the fullest.
In conclusion, it is indisputable that choosing to accept or try to improve bad luck has distinct plus points. From a personal perspective, the significance lies in our ability to analyze the situation and determine the most pragmatic approach. Thinking wisely is the optimal solution to every single problem.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"daunting obstacles" -> "formidable challenges"
Explanation: Replacing "daunting obstacles" with "formidable challenges" maintains a formal tone while using more precise and sophisticated language commonly found in academic discourse.
"arouses public scrutiny" -> "sparks public scrutiny"
Explanation: The phrase "arouses public scrutiny" could be enhanced by using "sparks public scrutiny," which is a more concise and academically fitting expression.
"elaborate on the discourse" -> "expound on the discourse"
Explanation: "Elaborate on the discourse" can be replaced with "expound on the discourse" to introduce a more sophisticated and academically appropriate term.
"deem that they accept their lot" -> "believe in accepting their circumstances"
Explanation: Replacing "deem that they accept their lot" with "believe in accepting their circumstances" offers a clearer and more precise expression of the concept without using overly informal language.
"a myriad of precious experiences" -> "numerous invaluable experiences"
Explanation: Changing "a myriad of precious experiences" to "numerous invaluable experiences" retains the meaning while adopting a more formal and precise vocabulary choice.
"avert repeating the same mistakes" -> "prevent the recurrence of similar mistakes"
Explanation: Substituting "avert repeating the same mistakes" with "prevent the recurrence of similar mistakes" provides a more precise and formal expression, aligning better with academic writing standards.
"pickpocketed" -> "stolen"
Explanation: Replacing "pickpocketed" with "stolen" maintains the formality of the sentence while offering a more general and academically appropriate term.
"dissipate sorrow and weariness" -> "alleviate sorrow and fatigue"
Explanation: Changing "dissipate sorrow and weariness" to "alleviate sorrow and fatigue" employs more formal vocabulary without altering the intended meaning.
"unamendable" -> "irreversible"
Explanation: "Unamendable" can be replaced with "irreversible," which is a more academically suitable term, conveying the same idea with greater precision.
"combat these health problems" -> "address these health problems"
Explanation: Using "address these health problems" instead of "combat these health problems" maintains a formal tone and is more commonly used in academic contexts.
"proponents of the latter idea opine" -> "advocates of the opposing viewpoint argue"
Explanation: Substituting "proponents of the latter idea opine" with "advocates of the opposing viewpoint argue" enhances formality and precision in the expression.
"constantly efforts" -> "persistent efforts"
Explanation: "Constantly efforts" can be improved to "persistent efforts" for a more accurate and sophisticated term while maintaining the intended meaning.
"perpetual growth" -> "continuous growth"
Explanation: Replacing "perpetual growth" with "continuous growth" provides a more academically suitable term without losing the intended meaning.
"opportunities and reaping significant achievements" -> "opportunities and attaining significant achievements"
Explanation: Altering "reaping significant achievements" to "attaining significant achievements" enhances formality and precision in the sentence.
"succumb to a mediocre life" -> "settle for a mediocre life"
Explanation: Changing "succumb to a mediocre life" to "settle for a mediocre life" maintains the formality while offering a more precise alternative.
"From a personal perspective" -> "From a personal standpoint"
Explanation: Substituting "From a personal perspective" with "From a personal standpoint" maintains a formal tone and fits better in academic writing.
"Thinking wisely is the optimal solution to every single problem." -> "Prudent thinking offers an optimal solution to various problems."
Explanation: Rewording the sentence using "Prudent thinking offers an optimal solution to various problems" makes it more formal and precise while conveying a similar meaning.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively explores both perspectives – accepting a bad situation and striving for improvement. It discusses the merits of both viewpoints and articulates a personal stance.
- How to improve: To enhance, consider providing more specific examples or scenarios that vividly illustrate the consequences or benefits of each approach. Expanding on how these contrasting views manifest in various real-life contexts would enrich the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear structure and consistently presents arguments for both viewpoints before articulating a balanced personal opinion in the conclusion.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph explicitly ties back to either accepting or improving situations. This can be done through clear topic sentences that directly align with the chosen perspective for that section.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, using historical examples and logical reasoning to support both perspectives. It extends arguments by offering reasoning and exemplification.
- How to improve: To enhance, delve deeper into the implications of each approach. Offer more nuanced explanations, perhaps exploring psychological or societal impacts of accepting or striving for change in adverse situations.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly maintains focus on discussing the merits of accepting versus improving situations. It occasionally veers into broader philosophical notions but largely stays on track.
- How to improve: To maintain a sharper focus, ensure that all examples and arguments directly tie back to the central theme. Avoid tangential discussions that might dilute the coherence of the essay.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt’s requirements by addressing both viewpoints and presenting a well-structured argument. To further elevate the response, consider incorporating more specific, real-world instances to illustrate the consequences of each perspective and maintain a consistent link between paragraphs and the chosen viewpoint. Additionally, refining the depth of analysis and avoiding slight digressions could further elevate the essay’s coherence and depth.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting both views on whether to accept a bad situation or strive for improvement. The introduction provides a clear overview, and the body paragraphs are dedicated to each perspective. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be improved. For example, the transition between the first and second paragraphs is somewhat abrupt. The essay might benefit from smoother transitions to enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases between paragraphs to guide the reader through the progression of ideas more smoothly. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph logically connects to the preceding one, maintaining a clear and cohesive flow of thought.
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and viewpoints. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument and contributes to the overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the structure of individual paragraphs. The third paragraph, for instance, introduces the idea of accepting reality but could be more cohesive in its development.
- How to improve: Work on strengthening the structure of each paragraph by ensuring that there is a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. This will contribute to a more cohesive and logically structured essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used. While some are effective, others are overused, such as the repetition of "accept" in the introduction.
- How to improve: Broaden the range of cohesive devices by incorporating synonyms and varied transition words. Avoid repetitive use of specific terms, as this can lead to a lack of variety in language. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to maintain a smooth and connected flow of ideas.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 6. Improvements can be made in the organization of ideas, paragraph structure, and the diversification of cohesive devices to elevate the overall effectiveness of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, incorporating a varied and sophisticated range of words and expressions. For instance, phrases such as "distill a myriad of precious experiences," "avert repeating the same mistakes," and "exerting ourselves to combat these health problems" showcase a rich lexical repertoire.
- How to improve: While the essay already employs an impressive range of vocabulary, consider integrating more domain-specific terminology related to the topic. For instance, when discussing personal growth, use vocabulary specific to career development and self-improvement to enhance precision.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas. Examples include the use of "mediocre life" and "perseverance and great stamina," which precisely capture the intended meanings.
- How to improve: Maintain the precision observed in the essay by consistently selecting words that accurately convey the intended nuances. Avoid potential ambiguities by ensuring that each word aligns precisely with the intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors throughout. Noteworthy is the consistent and correct usage of complex vocabulary, demonstrating a strong grasp of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: Sustain the meticulous attention to spelling accuracy displayed in the essay. Encourage continued practice and review of complex terms to ensure flawless spelling. Additionally, consider proofreading as a final step to catch any inadvertent errors that may arise.
Overall, the essay excels in lexical resource, showcasing an extensive vocabulary and precise word choice. To further enhance this aspect, focus on incorporating topic-specific terminology and maintaining the high standard of spelling accuracy already demonstrated.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. Complex sentences are effectively employed to convey ideas, such as in the opening sentence where a conditional clause is skillfully integrated. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence types, as the essay tends to rely on compound and complex structures predominantly. Introducing occasional simple sentences or using more diverse sentence patterns could enhance the overall fluency and engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating occasional simple sentences for clarity and impact. Experiment with different sentence beginnings, utilizing parallelism or inversion for added variety. This will contribute to a more dynamic and engaging writing style.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar. There are, however, a few instances where subject-verb agreement could be improved. For instance, in the sentence "Whether to accept fate or strive for a better outcome when people are confronted," the plural subject "people" requires the plural verb "are." Additionally, attention to parallelism in structures can be enhanced for greater grammatical precision.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully review subject-verb agreement in complex sentences. Ensure consistency in parallel structures, especially when presenting contrasting ideas. A meticulous proofreading focusing on these specific areas will elevate the grammatical accuracy of your essay.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used accurately throughout the essay. However, there are instances where the use of semicolons and colons could be refined. For instance, in the sentence "Their perseverance and great stamina are the keys to opening up opportunities and reaping significant achievements," a colon might be more appropriate after "keys." Additionally, consider using semicolons judiciously to connect closely related independent clauses for smoother transitions.
- How to improve: To refine punctuation skills, pay attention to the nuanced usage of semicolons and colons. Use colons to introduce a list or elaborate on a preceding statement, and employ semicolons to connect closely related independent clauses. Practicing these punctuational nuances in various contexts will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated writing style.
Bài sửa mẫu
The question of whether to embrace challenging situations or to strive for better outcomes when faced with formidable challenges sparks public scrutiny. This essay aims to expound on the discourse and present a personal standpoint.
On one hand, believers in accepting their circumstances argue that valuable lessons can be learned from failures or dilemmas. Moreover, individuals can gain insights into their personal capacities and limitations. This mindset allows people to prevent the recurrence of similar mistakes and concentrate on developing their strengths for future prospects. For example, consider a person who recently had her money stolen at the supermarket. It was wiser for her to accept this undesirable incident and understand the importance of safeguarding her belongings than to strive to find the culprit. Furthermore, acceptance fosters a positive attitude towards life, recognizing that some situations, like contracting terminal diseases, are irreversible. Exerting efforts to address these health problems often brings more agony than joy.
On the contrary, advocates of trying to improve situations argue that persistent efforts lead to continuous growth and opportunities for attaining significant achievements. Historical examples, such as Thomas Edison’s invention of the light bulb after over 10,100 failed attempts or Walt Disney’s creation of Disney despite facing numerous rejections, highlight the power of perseverance. Without proactive steps to achieve goals, individuals may settle for a mediocre life, missing out on chances for both professional and personal growth. Therefore, those who strive for their ideals often lead fulfilling lives with no regrets.
In conclusion, the debate over accepting or trying to improve bad situations has distinct merits. From a personal standpoint, the key lies in prudent thinking, offering an optimal solution to various problems. Wisely analyzing the situation allows individuals to determine the most pragmatic approach, ensuring a balanced and thoughtful response to life’s challenges.