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Some people believe that it is essential to learn a foreign language in school, while others believe that it is not necessary. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that it is essential to learn a foreign language in school, while others believe that it is not necessary. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The question of whether foreign language acquisition should be a mandatory part of school curriculum is a subject of ongoing debate. While some argue that integrating second language learning into the school system is crucial for various reasons, others believe that alternative learning methods outside of the formal education setting are equally effective. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my own considered opinion.
On the one hand, there are some reasons that explain why some people believe that studying a foreign language in school is essential. Firstly, the curriculum is guaranteed to be appropriate, official and has been tested by qualified teachers. As a result, students can acquire knowledge in a scientific way and they do not need to worry about being exposed to misinformation. Secondly, the standardized nature of school-based programs guarantees equal access to knowledge for all students, regardless of background or socioeconomic status. In addition, the comparatively low cost of school programs also enhances accessibility, increasing the overall number of students who can acquire a second language. In an increasingly globalized world, this widespread multilingualism is undeniably beneficial.
On the other hand, opponents of the previous view claim that studying a non-native language by themselves or at foreign language center is more beneficial than studying at school. First of all, it is worth considering that students can flexibly adjust their second language learning schedule to suit their plan. The schedule will not be pre-arranged as same as studying foreign language at school and that helps students avoid being overloaded with too many subjects in one day. Furthermore, for individuals with a stronger foreign language background and abilities than the rest, they would want to further develop their own abilities. Because of that, acquiring an additional language in school with basic knowledge will not be suitable for them.

In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on the necessity of learning a second languages ​​in school, I believe that it depends on each person's abilities and circumstances. While the structured and accessible nature of school-based programs makes them suitable for a large segment of the student population, self-directed learning or specialized language centers offer valuable alternatives, particularly for those with advanced language skills or specific learning needs.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "foreign language acquisition" -> "the acquisition of foreign languages"
    Explanation: Using "the acquisition of foreign languages" instead of "foreign language acquisition" provides a more formal and precise phrasing, aligning better with academic style by specifying the plural form of languages, which is more accurate in the context of multiple languages being discussed.

  2. "is a subject of ongoing debate" -> "remains a contentious issue"
    Explanation: "Remains a contentious issue" is a more formal and precise way to describe ongoing debates, emphasizing the ongoing nature of the discussion and the level of disagreement involved.

  3. "some argue" -> "some contend"
    Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal synonym for "argue," which is preferred in academic writing to maintain a higher level of formality and precision.

  4. "integrating second language learning" -> "the integration of second language learning"
    Explanation: "The integration of second language learning" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the process of incorporating language learning into the curriculum.

  5. "alternative learning methods outside of the formal education setting" -> "alternative learning methods outside the formal education setting"
    Explanation: Removing "of" after "methods" corrects a grammatical error and enhances the flow of the sentence.

  6. "has been tested by qualified teachers" -> "is taught by qualified instructors"
    Explanation: "Is taught by qualified instructors" is more specific and appropriate for describing the role of teachers in the educational process.

  7. "do not need to worry about being exposed to misinformation" -> "are not at risk of encountering misinformation"
    Explanation: "Are not at risk of encountering misinformation" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of avoiding potential inaccuracies.

  8. "the standardized nature of school-based programs" -> "the standardized nature of school programs"
    Explanation: Removing "based" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning, making it more concise and formal.

  9. "comparatively low cost" -> "relatively low cost"
    Explanation: "Relatively low cost" is a more standard and formal expression in academic writing.

  10. "studying a non-native language by themselves" -> "studying a non-native language independently"
    Explanation: "Independently" is a more formal and precise term than "by themselves," which is somewhat informal and vague.

  11. "flexibly adjust their second language learning schedule" -> "flexibly adjust their schedules for second language learning"
    Explanation: Adding "for second language learning" clarifies the context and enhances the formality of the sentence.

  12. "as same as" -> "similar to"
    Explanation: "Similar to" is the correct comparative form, replacing the informal and incorrect "as same as."

  13. "overloaded with too many subjects in one day" -> "overburdened with multiple subjects"
    Explanation: "Overburdened with multiple subjects" is a more formal and precise way to describe the academic workload.

  14. "acquiring an additional language in school with basic knowledge" -> "acquiring a basic level of proficiency in a second language in school"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the level of proficiency and provides a more precise description of the language acquisition process.

  15. "I believe that it depends on each person’s abilities and circumstances" -> "I contend that it depends on individual abilities and circumstances"
    Explanation: "I contend" is a more formal alternative to "I believe," and "individual" is a more precise term than "each person’s," aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the necessity of learning a foreign language in school. The first body paragraph discusses the advantages of school-based language programs, such as the structured curriculum and equal access for all students. The second body paragraph presents the opposing viewpoint, highlighting the flexibility and potential benefits of self-directed language learning. This balanced approach fulfills the requirement to discuss both perspectives before presenting a personal opinion.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made in both paragraphs. For instance, citing studies that show the effectiveness of school programs versus self-study could strengthen the argument. Additionally, a more explicit connection between the views and the conclusion would create a more cohesive argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges the validity of both perspectives while ultimately advocating for a nuanced view based on individual circumstances. The concluding statement effectively summarizes this stance, indicating that the necessity of learning a foreign language in school varies by individual needs.
    • How to improve: To further clarify the position, the writer could reiterate their opinion more explicitly in the body paragraphs. For example, after discussing each viewpoint, a brief statement reinforcing the writer’s perspective could enhance clarity. This would help the reader understand the author’s stance more consistently throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are relevant and logically structured. The first paragraph effectively outlines the benefits of school-based language learning, while the second paragraph presents valid counterarguments. However, some points could be elaborated further. For instance, the mention of "misinformation" could be expanded to explain how misinformation can arise in self-directed learning.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to include more detailed examples or anecdotes that illustrate the points made. For instance, discussing a specific case where a student thrived in a school language program versus one who succeeded through self-study could provide a more compelling argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of foreign language learning in schools versus alternative methods. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "individuals with a stronger foreign language background" could be more directly tied to the question of necessity in school settings.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether learning a foreign language in school is essential. This could involve framing each argument in relation to the prompt, ensuring that all discussions contribute to answering the question posed.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively engages with the prompt, meriting a high band score. By incorporating more specific examples, reinforcing the position throughout, and ensuring all points are tightly connected to the topic, the writer could further enhance the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the two opposing viewpoints. Each viewpoint is discussed in separate paragraphs, which allows for a logical progression of ideas. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively supports the argument for learning a foreign language in school, while the second body paragraph presents the counterargument. However, there could be a more explicit connection between the two viewpoints to enhance the overall flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider adding transitional phrases that explicitly link the two perspectives. For example, after discussing the benefits of school-based language programs, a sentence like "Conversely, some argue that these programs may not cater to all learners’ needs" could help bridge the gap between the two arguments.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct viewpoint. The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, framing the discussion appropriately. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of the paragraph, as the current opening could be more direct in presenting the counterargument.
    • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by beginning each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point. For instance, the second body paragraph could start with, "Opponents of mandatory foreign language education argue that alternative methods of learning are more beneficial." This would provide clearer guidance to the reader about what to expect in that paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "On the one hand," which help to organize the information. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, and some transitions between sentences could be smoother. For example, the transition between the reasons for learning a language in school and the counterargument could be more fluid.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "firstly" and "secondly," consider using alternatives like "In addition," "Moreover," or "Conversely." Additionally, using phrases like "This leads to" or "Consequently" can help clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs. By refining transitions and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further elevate the clarity and flow of their arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms like "foreign language acquisition," "mandatory," "curriculum," and "multilingualism" effectively conveying complex ideas. The use of phrases such as "ongoing debate" and "considered opinion" adds sophistication to the writing. However, there are instances of repetition, particularly with the phrase "foreign language," which appears multiple times without variation.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "foreign language," you could use "second language," "non-native language," or simply "language." This will not only diversify your vocabulary but also make the essay more engaging.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: Generally, vocabulary is used accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "acquire knowledge in a scientific way" could be interpreted as overly vague. The term "scientific" may not accurately describe the learning process in this context, which is more about structured learning rather than a scientific methodology.
    • How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary that directly relates to the context. Instead of "scientific way," consider using "structured manner" or "systematic approach." This will clarify your argument and enhance the overall quality of your writing.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors that detract from the overall understanding. Words like "curriculum," "beneficial," and "accessibility" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions.
    • How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing your essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, checking for any potential typographical errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or using spelling apps can reinforce your skills.

Overall, the essay meets the criteria for a Band 7 in Lexical Resource, showcasing a good range of vocabulary and generally precise usage. By focusing on diversifying vocabulary, enhancing precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy, you can work towards achieving an even higher score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound forms. For instance, phrases like "While some argue that integrating second language learning into the school system is crucial for various reasons" and "In an increasingly globalized world, this widespread multilingualism is undeniably beneficial" showcase effective use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings. The use of transitional phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" further enhances coherence and structure.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of structures, consider incorporating more advanced grammatical forms, such as conditional sentences or participial phrases. For example, instead of saying "students can acquire knowledge in a scientific way," you might say, "students, having been taught by qualified teachers, can acquire knowledge in a scientific way." This would add complexity and depth to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the curriculum is guaranteed to be appropriate, official and has been tested by qualified teachers" could be improved by parallel structure: "the curriculum is guaranteed to be appropriate, official, and tested by qualified teachers." Additionally, the sentence "Because of that, acquiring an additional language in school with basic knowledge will not be suitable for them" could be clearer if rephrased to avoid starting with "Because of that," which can be seen as informal in academic writing.
    • How to improve: Focus on ensuring parallelism in lists and maintaining formal tone throughout the essay. Regularly review punctuation rules, especially concerning the use of commas in complex sentences. For example, ensure that commas are used correctly before conjunctions in compound sentences. Additionally, consider revising sentences for clarity and conciseness, which can enhance overall readability.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By diversifying sentence structures further and refining grammatical precision, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

The question of whether the acquisition of foreign languages should be a mandatory part of the school curriculum remains a contentious issue. While some contend that the integration of second language learning into the school system is crucial for various reasons, others believe that alternative learning methods outside the formal education setting are equally effective. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my own considered opinion.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why some people believe that studying a foreign language in school is essential. Firstly, the curriculum is guaranteed to be appropriate, official, and has been developed by qualified instructors. As a result, students can acquire knowledge in a structured manner and are not at risk of encountering misinformation. Secondly, the standardized nature of school programs ensures equal access to knowledge for all students, regardless of their background or socioeconomic status. In addition, the relatively low cost of school programs enhances accessibility, increasing the overall number of students who can acquire a second language. In an increasingly globalized world, this widespread multilingualism is undeniably beneficial.

On the other hand, opponents of this view argue that studying a non-native language independently or at a foreign language center can be more advantageous than learning in school. First of all, it is worth considering that students can flexibly adjust their schedules for second language learning to suit their individual plans. Unlike the fixed timetable of school-based language classes, this flexibility helps students avoid being overburdened with multiple subjects in one day. Furthermore, for individuals with a stronger foreign language background and abilities than their peers, acquiring a basic level of proficiency in a second language in school may not be suitable for them. They may prefer to further develop their skills through alternative methods.

In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on the necessity of learning a second language in school, I contend that it depends on individual abilities and circumstances. While the structured and accessible nature of school-based programs makes them suitable for a large segment of the student population, self-directed learning or specialized language centers offer valuable alternatives, particularly for those with advanced language skills or specific learning needs.

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