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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

A school of thought holds that information about scientific investigation, business and the academic world should be published widely for the development of human being. While the alternative stance asserts that confidentiality is necessary for such important facts and figures. I strongly agree with the former viewpoint that vital and priceless information should not be shared without any fee.
On the one hand, proponents of sharing information tend to point out a combination of reasons. First and foremost, it raises public self-awareness about global issues that can make them easily stay away from serious situations. For instance, during pandemic breakdown, scientific research had done wonder things for community by sharing symptoms of covid-19 and the way to prevent the infection of this virus, furthermore, scientists also updated the progress of their research on the treatment of covid-19. Another compelling reason is that free access to information can facilitate their performance in working and studying. To illustrate, if a successful businessman shares his experience in setting up and running a business effectively, younger generation can acquire and start their own business right away.
On the other hand, I firmly advocate that worthy information need to be charged. The primary reason is that paying a small fee for these types of information not only show gratitude for their contribution but also enhance responsibility of users. To explain this, set of online vocabulary had been created by dedicated authors. Hence, it would be unfair if this work shared freely. In addition, some information is too crucial to be widely spread. If the instruction about nuclear weapons were leaked, it will be terrible for the safe and security of human.
In conclusion, although people in favor of sharing academic knowledge, I think that some kinds of information should be charged due to its valuable.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "for the development of human being" -> "for the advancement of humanity"
    Explanation: Replacing "development of human being" with "advancement of humanity" sounds more formal and academically appropriate.

  2. "While the alternative stance asserts that" -> "In contrast, the opposing viewpoint contends that"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a more formal and structured transition between the two viewpoints.

  3. "I strongly agree with the former viewpoint" -> "I firmly concur with the former perspective"
    Explanation: Using "concur" instead of "agree" and "perspective" instead of "viewpoint" elevates the formality of the sentence.

  4. "raise public self-awareness" -> "enhance public awareness"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise word choice for academic writing, and it maintains a formal tone.

  5. "make them easily stay away from serious situations" -> "help them effectively mitigate critical situations"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative is more academically precise and avoids casual language.

  6. "scientific research had done wonder things for community" -> "scientific research has significantly benefited the community"
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses a more formal structure and vocabulary.

  7. "sharing symptoms of covid-19" -> "disseminating information about COVID-19 symptoms"
    Explanation: Using "disseminating" instead of "sharing" is more academically appropriate.

  8. "free access to information can facilitate their performance" -> "unrestricted access to information can enhance their performance"
    Explanation: The alternative phrase is more formal and specific.

  9. "if a successful businessman shares his experience" -> "when a successful entrepreneur shares their expertise"
    Explanation: The revised sentence avoids gender-specific language and maintains a formal tone.

  10. "worthy information need to be charged" -> "valuable information should be monetized"
    Explanation: "Monetized" is a more sophisticated term for charging for valuable information.

  11. "show gratitude for their contribution" -> "demonstrate appreciation for their contributions"
    Explanation: The alternative phrase is more formal and precise.

  12. "set of online vocabulary had been created" -> "a comprehensive online vocabulary resource has been developed"
    Explanation: The revised sentence is more formal and grammatically correct.

  13. "some information is too crucial to be widely spread" -> "certain information is too vital to be widely disseminated"
    Explanation: Using "disseminated" instead of "spread" adds formality and clarity to the sentence.

  14. "terrible for the safe and security of human" -> "catastrophic for the safety and security of humanity"
    Explanation: The alternative phrase is more formal and specifies "humanity" rather than "human."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both views – sharing information freely and the need for confidentiality – and also provides the author’s opinion. However, the explanation of the "others believe" perspective could be more developed, providing a more comprehensive exploration of the opposing viewpoint.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should dedicate more space to presenting the opposing viewpoint, providing stronger arguments in favor of confidentiality, and addressing any potential counterarguments.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of charging for valuable information throughout the text. The stance is consistently articulated in various parts of the essay, including the introduction, body paragraphs, and the conclusion.
    • How to improve: No specific improvement is needed in this aspect; the essay effectively presents and maintains its position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and extends its ideas fairly well. It provides some examples and arguments to support the viewpoint that valuable information should be charged for, such as the creation of online vocabulary and the potential dangers of leaking certain information. However, the examples could be more detailed and elaborated upon.
    • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the author should provide more specific and detailed examples, possibly including real-world instances or statistics, to bolster their arguments and make them more convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the balance between sharing information freely and keeping valuable information confidential. However, there are instances where the argument could be more focused. For example, the mention of pandemic research could be more directly related to the topic.
    • How to improve: To stay more focused on the topic, the author should ensure that every example and argument directly relates to the balance between sharing and withholding information. This will make the essay more cohesive and relevant.

Overall, the essay provides a well-structured response to the prompt with a clear stance and some supporting ideas. To improve, it should dedicate more space to presenting the opposing viewpoint, provide more detailed examples, and ensure that all arguments are directly related to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction, followed by two body paragraphs presenting opposing views, and a concluding paragraph. Each paragraph has a clear main point, and the flow of ideas within the paragraphs is generally coherent. However, there are some issues with transitions between paragraphs, which affects the overall flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, work on improving the transitions between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases or sentences that connect one idea to the next. This will help the reader follow your argument more smoothly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports that sentence with relevant details. However, the third paragraph is quite short and could be merged with the second paragraph for a more balanced structure.
    • How to improve: Consider combining the second and third paragraphs to ensure a more even distribution of content, maintaining the clarity of your arguments.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices. While some linking words and phrases are used (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"), there is room for improvement in diversifying and using them more effectively. Additionally, there is a minor issue with the coherence of ideas between sentences in some instances.
    • How to improve: Expand your repertoire of cohesive devices to include a variety of transitions such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "Additionally," and "However" to connect ideas more smoothly. Ensure that each sentence flows logically from the previous one to maintain coherence.

Overall, your essay exhibits a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. To improve your score, focus on refining the transitions between paragraphs, consider merging shorter paragraphs for balance, and diversify your use of cohesive devices for a more cohesive and logically structured essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While it does contain some varied vocabulary, there are instances where repetitive words and phrases are used, such as "information" and "covid-19." The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the essay’s topic, but more diverse and sophisticated vocabulary could enhance the depth of expression and the overall lexical resource score.
    • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or alternative expressions for frequently used words. For example, instead of repeatedly using "information," you can use terms like "data," "knowledge," or "intelligence." Challenge yourself to incorporate more complex vocabulary when discussing abstract concepts, ensuring that it aligns with the context.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some precision in vocabulary usage, but there are instances of imprecise word choices. For example, the phrase "scientific investigation" could be more precisely replaced with "scientific research" or "scientific inquiry." Additionally, the word "self-awareness" might not be the most precise choice in the context of public awareness of global issues. There is room for improvement in selecting the most fitting words for conveying ideas accurately.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully select words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Utilize specialized terminology when discussing specific subjects (e.g., use "scientific research" for scientific investigations). Consider consulting a thesaurus or academic sources to find more precise synonyms and ensure they align with the context and tone of your essay.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally acceptable, with only a few minor errors. For instance, "wonder things" should be corrected to "wonderful things," and "self-awareness" should be hyphenated as "self-awareness" for correct usage. Overall, spelling accuracy does not significantly impact comprehension, but attention to minor errors can enhance the overall presentation.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread your essay carefully before submission. Pay close attention to commonly misspelled words, and consider using spelling and grammar checking tools to identify and correct errors. Additionally, practice writing to reinforce correct spelling patterns and avoid common mistakes.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a limited range of sentence structures. The majority of sentences are simple and lack complexity. While there are some attempts at complex sentences (e.g., "While the alternative stance asserts that confidentiality is necessary for such important facts and figures"), they are not consistently used, and the overall sentence variety is limited.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using compound and complex sentences more frequently. Utilize subordinate clauses, transition words, and a mix of sentence lengths to add depth and sophistication to your writing. For instance, instead of using multiple short sentences, combine related ideas into a complex sentence to demonstrate a more advanced command of English.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical and punctuation errors that affect clarity. For instance, "I strongly agree with the former viewpoint that vital and priceless information should not be shared without any fee" should be revised to "I strongly agree with the former viewpoint that vital and priceless information should not be shared without a fee." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "First and foremost, it raises public self-awareness," where "raises" should be "raises awareness." Punctuation errors include the incorrect use of commas and missing articles (e.g., "the safe and security of human" should be "the safety and security of humans").
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread your essays to identify and correct grammatical and punctuation errors. Consider seeking the assistance of a grammar and writing handbook or a professional proofreader to improve your grasp of these aspects. Practice writing with a focus on correct grammar and punctuation usage to build stronger foundational skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of English, it would benefit from greater sentence variety and improved grammatical accuracy to achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

A perspective exists suggesting that information related to scientific research, business, and the academic sphere should be widely disseminated for the advancement of humanity. Conversely, another viewpoint argues that certain information holds such paramount importance or value that it should not be freely shared. I firmly concur with the former perspective, believing that crucial and invaluable information should not be disseminated without a fee.

On the one hand, proponents of information sharing put forth several compelling reasons to support their stance. Firstly, it serves to enhance public awareness regarding global issues, enabling individuals to protect themselves from critical situations. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, scientific research played a pivotal role by sharing information about COVID-19 symptoms and preventive measures, thereby helping the community combat the virus. Additionally, scientists kept the public informed about the progress of their research on COVID-19 treatment. Another significant benefit of freely accessible information is its capacity to boost performance in various aspects of life, including work and education. To illustrate, when a successful entrepreneur shares their expertise in establishing and efficiently running a business, it empowers the younger generation to acquire knowledge and initiate their own entrepreneurial endeavors promptly.

On the other hand, I firmly advocate that valuable information should come at a cost. The primary rationale behind this belief is that charging a nominal fee for such information not only demonstrates appreciation for the contributions of those who provide it but also fosters a sense of responsibility among users. For instance, consider the creation of a comprehensive online vocabulary resource developed by dedicated authors. It would be unfair to expect this valuable work to be shared freely, as it represents a significant effort and expertise. Furthermore, certain information is too vital to be widely disseminated without restrictions. If instructions regarding the use of nuclear weapons were to be leaked, it could have catastrophic implications for the safety and security of humanity.

In conclusion, while some individuals advocate for the free sharing of academic knowledge, I firmly believe that certain types of information should be monetized due to their inherent value.

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