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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many consider that sharing information to the fullest extent possible is scientifically, entrepreneurially, and academically beneficial, while it is also argued that spreading priceless treasures of materials without limit is unwise. Both sides will be discussed in this essay, which will also advocate the latter.
Undeniably, the revelation of practical and insightful information to the maximum extent possible can provide some certain noteworthy virtues. One of the most discernable upsides is the notably enhanced chance of human survival, especially in the face of natural catastrophes. Scientifically, doubtless, given the mounting ubiquity of events, such as earthquakes, and volcanos, the open dissemination of preventive measures against such disasters is typically conducive to providing inexperienced individuals regarding natural disasters with insightful and practical experience, which proportionally likely makes contributions of great worth to enhancing the ability to navigate and cope with calamities. As a result, this can potentially mitigate and alleviate casualties and damage.
Nevertheless, the unrestricted dissemination of priceless or sensitive information incontrovertibly culminates in acute repercussions. The overriding downside is the enhanced risk of profitable losses. Indubitably, in pursuit of maximizing profit growth, entrepreneurs are inclined to seek reliable sources of crucial secrecy from their rivals to gain competitive advantages. Thus, when businesspeople share their financially valuable data to the fullest extent possible, this can potentially render these traders highly susceptible to the acute degradation of profit due to associated rivals’ exploitation of publicly shared information. Another disadvantage is the higher risk of sparking atomic wars. Irrefutably, should all individuals be provided with sensitive research, such as the theory of nuclear energy, terrorists are liable to take advantage of revealed knowledge to likely lead to mass massacres.
In conclusion, while the unlimited dissemination of information is relatively beneficial, it seems advisable that the revelation of crucial and sensitive information to the fullest extent is manifestly detrimental.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Many consider that sharing information to the fullest extent possible is scientifically, entrepreneurially, and academically beneficial, while it is also argued that spreading priceless treasures of materials without limit is unwise."
    -> "Many argue that the comprehensive sharing of information has scientific, entrepreneurial, and academic benefits. However, it is also contended that unrestricted dissemination of valuable materials can be unwise."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains a formal tone while rephrasing to improve clarity and precision.

  2. "Both sides will be discussed in this essay, which will also advocate the latter."
    -> "This essay will explore both perspectives, ultimately advocating the latter."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative shortens the sentence and refines the language for a more concise and formal expression.

  3. "One of the most discernable upsides is the notably enhanced chance of human survival, especially in the face of natural catastrophes."
    -> "A prominent advantage is the significantly increased likelihood of human survival, particularly in the context of natural catastrophes."
    Explanation: The revised wording enhances the formality and precision of the expression.

  4. "Scientifically, doubtless, given the mounting ubiquity of events, such as earthquakes, and volcanos, the open dissemination of preventive measures against such disasters is typically conducive to providing inexperienced individuals regarding natural disasters with insightful and practical experience, which proportionally likely makes contributions of great worth to enhancing the ability to navigate and cope with calamities."
    -> "From a scientific standpoint, the increasing prevalence of events like earthquakes and volcanoes supports the argument that openly sharing preventive measures against such disasters is beneficial. This approach is likely to offer inexperienced individuals valuable insights and practical experience, thereby significantly contributing to their ability to navigate and cope with calamities."
    Explanation: The revised text maintains academic rigor while simplifying and clarifying complex phrasing.

  5. "Nevertheless, the unrestricted dissemination of priceless or sensitive information incontrovertibly culminates in acute repercussions."
    -> "However, the uncontrolled dissemination of priceless or sensitive information inevitably results in severe repercussions."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains a formal tone and improves the flow of the sentence.

  6. "The overriding downside is the enhanced risk of profitable losses."
    -> "A primary drawback is the increased risk of financial losses."
    Explanation: The revision streamlines the expression without sacrificing formality.

  7. "Indubitably, in pursuit of maximizing profit growth, entrepreneurs are inclined to seek reliable sources of crucial secrecy from their rivals to gain competitive advantages."
    -> "Certainly, in the pursuit of maximizing profit growth, entrepreneurs tend to seek critical information discreetly from their competitors to gain a competitive edge."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality while improving clarity and coherence.

  8. "Thus, when businesspeople share their financially valuable data to the fullest extent possible, this can potentially render these traders highly susceptible to the acute degradation of profit due to associated rivals’ exploitation of publicly shared information."
    -> "Therefore, when business professionals extensively share their financially valuable data, it can expose them to a heightened risk of profit erosion through rivals’ exploitation of publicly shared information."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative enhances clarity and maintains a formal tone.

  9. "Another disadvantage is the higher risk of sparking atomic wars."
    -> "Another drawback is the elevated risk of triggering nuclear conflicts."
    Explanation: The revised wording maintains a formal tone while providing a more precise expression.

  10. "Irrefutably, should all individuals be provided with sensitive research, such as the theory of nuclear energy, terrorists are liable to take advantage of revealed knowledge to likely lead to mass massacres."
    -> "Undoubtedly, if sensitive research, such as the theory of nuclear energy, is made available to all individuals, terrorists may exploit this knowledge, potentially resulting in mass casualties."
    Explanation: The revision improves precision and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Many consider that sharing information to the fullest extent possible is scientifically, entrepreneurially, and academically beneficial, while it is also argued that spreading priceless treasures of materials without limit is unwise. Both sides will be discussed in this essay, which will also advocate the latter."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction is clear in presenting both views, but it lacks a concise preview of the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. To improve, consider providing a brief roadmap of the key arguments you will present, enhancing the reader’s understanding of the essay’s structure.
    • Improved example: "Many argue for the unrestricted sharing of information in scientific, business, and academic realms, citing various benefits. However, the essay will delve into the potential drawbacks of freely disseminating valuable information, ultimately advocating for a more cautious approach. This discussion will explore both perspectives in detail."
  2. Quoted text: "The unrestricted dissemination of priceless or sensitive information incontrovertibly culminates in acute repercussions. The overriding downside is the enhanced risk of profitable losses. Indubitably, in pursuit of maximizing profit growth, entrepreneurs are inclined to seek reliable sources of crucial secrecy from their rivals to gain competitive advantages. Thus, when businesspeople share their financially valuable data to the fullest extent possible, this can potentially render these traders highly susceptible to the acute degradation of profit due to associated rivals’ exploitation of publicly shared information."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The argument is well-articulated, but it could benefit from a more specific and nuanced exploration of the risks associated with sharing sensitive business information. Provide concrete examples or scenarios to illustrate the potential consequences, adding depth to your analysis.
    • Improved example: "The unrestricted sharing of sensitive business information can lead to significant financial losses. For instance, when entrepreneurs disclose crucial trade secrets to their competitors in the pursuit of profit maximization, they become vulnerable to exploitation. Consider a scenario where a tech company openly shares its innovative algorithms, only to find a rival swiftly replicating and capitalizing on their intellectual property, resulting in a substantial decline in market share and profitability."
  3. Quoted text: "Another disadvantage is the higher risk of sparking atomic wars. Irrefutably, should all individuals be provided with sensitive research, such as the theory of nuclear energy, terrorists are liable to take advantage of revealed knowledge to likely lead to mass massacres."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the point is valid, the argument lacks depth and specificity. Elaborate on the potential consequences of sharing sensitive scientific information, providing a more nuanced analysis that considers various perspectives.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, the unrestrained sharing of critical scientific knowledge, particularly in areas like nuclear energy, heightens the risk of misuse by malicious entities. Consider the potential scenario where a nation freely shares intricate details of nuclear technology. This information could fall into the wrong hands, posing a severe threat to global security. By illustrating potential scenarios and consequences, your argument gains depth and persuasiveness."

Overall, the essay provides a clear response to the prompt, but enhancing the introduction and adding specificity to the analysis of potential drawbacks would further strengthen the argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates overall coherence and cohesion but exhibits some weaknesses. The organization of information and ideas is generally clear, with a logical progression throughout. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices, although there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within and between sentences. Paragraphing is utilized, but not always logically, as some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences or transitions.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance Paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows a logical order. Begin each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that previews the main idea.

  2. Refine Cohesion: Pay careful attention to the use of cohesive devices. While the essay uses them, there are moments of faulty or mechanical cohesion. Work on creating seamless connections between sentences and ideas to improve overall flow.

  3. Strengthen Referencing: Improve the clarity and appropriateness of referencing. Make sure that ideas are referenced and linked logically, avoiding any confusion for the reader.

  4. Balanced Argument: While presenting both sides of the argument, ensure that the essay maintains a balanced perspective. The advocacy for limiting information sharing could be more nuanced, acknowledging potential benefits while emphasizing the drawbacks.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a more polished and cohesive presentation, moving towards a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision in expressing ideas. There is evidence of using less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The essay effectively conveys the two opposing views on information sharing, offering examples and arguments to support each perspective. Additionally, the writer employs a variety of sentence structures and transitions, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, and some sentences could benefit from more concise expression.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should strive for greater precision and accuracy in word choice. Careful proofreading is essential to eliminate occasional errors in collocation and improve the overall fluency of the essay. Additionally, considering the word limit in IELTS Task 2 essays, concise expression should be prioritized without compromising clarity or depth of argument. Exploring more advanced vocabulary and demonstrating nuanced control over lexical features will contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. It incorporates some complex sentences, utilizing a variety of vocabulary and attempting to articulate nuanced ideas. However, there are issues with sentence clarity and coherence in some instances, which affects the overall flow and understanding. Grammar and punctuation errors are present, but they do not significantly impede comprehension. The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument but lacks thorough development and cohesion in presenting these viewpoints.

How to improve:
To enhance the essay’s grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining complex sentence structures while ensuring clarity and coherence. Carefully proofread to rectify grammatical and punctuation errors to improve overall readability. Strengthen the development of arguments by providing specific examples and supporting details for a more comprehensive discussion of opposing viewpoints. Aim for a consistent level of language proficiency throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate over whether complete information sharing across scientific, entrepreneurial, and academic realms is advantageous or unwise remains contentious. This essay will discuss both perspectives while leaning towards the latter viewpoint.

Undoubtedly, sharing substantial information can yield significant benefits. One notable advantage is the heightened possibility of human survival, particularly in natural disasters. Scientifically, the increasing occurrence of events like earthquakes and volcanoes supports the idea that openly sharing preventive measures against such disasters is beneficial. This approach provides inexperienced individuals with valuable insights and practical experiences, significantly enhancing their ability to navigate and cope with calamities, potentially reducing casualties and damage.

However, the uncontrolled dissemination of priceless or sensitive information inevitably leads to severe repercussions. A primary drawback is the increased risk of financial losses. Entrepreneurs, in their pursuit of profit growth, tend to seek critical information discreetly from competitors to gain a competitive edge. Thus, extensive sharing of financially valuable data exposes them to a heightened risk of profit erosion through rivals’ exploitation of publicly shared information.

Another significant concern is the elevated risk of triggering conflicts, particularly nuclear conflicts. If sensitive research, such as the theory of nuclear energy, is made available to all, terrorists might exploit this knowledge, leading to mass casualties.

In conclusion, while comprehensive information sharing has its benefits, revealing crucial and sensitive information extensively proves to be detrimental. Therefore, a cautious approach to information dissemination, especially concerning valuable or sensitive data, is advisable to mitigate potential adverse consequences.

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