Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important to be shared freely?

It is think that it is perfect to part as much information as potential in scientific research, business, and academic world. It is trust that some infomation is significant to be shared freel.I agree some extence,when I see many benefits of share the information about that, I saw many drawbacks.It true with people who think that significant to share
From my point of view share the infomation is good for many people because people in over the world can learn them,share this information for people help people learn and got knowladge about them. and then they learn it and develop their knowladge to become people they wish and develop the economic of country.Such as: the people who know that can contribute to their country about economic, scientific and technology moreover is education. They learn from the information people shared and their can tell the information from what their learn and then people who share the information become well-know
However,there is more persuasive agrument that some information is significant to shared It really challenging to share it because their opponent can know it and then they can copy the information and develop their country or their enemy company.Such as china they can copy all the information and develop their country to produce many fake goods and products in whole world And then china well-know like a copy country
To sum up I agree some extence with thier opinion that share the infomation for free.However It is trust that some infomation is significant to shared freely

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"It is think that" -> "It is believed that"
Explanation: "It is believed that" is a more formal and appropriate phrase in academic writing compared to "It is think that."
"as much information as potential" -> "as much information as possible"
Explanation: "Potential" doesn’t fit well here; "possible" is a more accurate term in this context.
"It is trust that" -> "It is trusted that"
Explanation: "Trusted" is the correct form of the verb in this context, indicating that something is relied upon or considered trustworthy.
"significant to be shared freel" -> "significant to be shared freely"
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "freely" ensures clarity and maintains the formal tone of the sentence.
"I agree some extence" -> "I agree to some extent"
Explanation: "To some extent" is a common phrase indicating partial agreement, fitting better in academic writing than "some extent" alone.
"benefits of share the information" -> "benefits of sharing information"
Explanation: Adjusting to the gerund form "sharing" makes the phrase grammatically correct and more suitable for formal writing.
"people in over the world" -> "people all over the world"
Explanation: "All over" is a more precise and idiomatic expression meaning "everywhere."
"help people learn and got knowladge about them" -> "help people learn and acquire knowledge"
Explanation: "Got knowledge" is informal; "acquire knowledge" is a more formal alternative.
"develop their knowladge" -> "develop their knowledge"
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "knowledge" ensures accuracy and maintains the formal tone of the text.
"economic of country" -> "economic state of the country"
Explanation: "Economic state" is a more precise and formal term than "economic of country."
"Such as:" -> "For example,"
Explanation: "For example," is a standard introductory phrase in academic writing, whereas "Such as:" is informal.
"However,there is more persuasive agrument" -> "However, there is a more persuasive argument"
Explanation: Adding the article "a" before "more persuasive argument" improves grammatical correctness.
"significant to shared" -> "significant to be shared"
Explanation: Adding the infinitive marker "to be" makes the phrase grammatically correct.
"their opponent can know it" -> "their opponents can access it"
Explanation: Using "opponents" instead of "opponent" is more precise, and "access it" is a more formal and accurate phrase.
"fake goods and products in whole world" -> "counterfeit goods and products worldwide"
Explanation: "Counterfeit" is a more precise term than "fake," and "worldwide" is more formal than "in whole world."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both perspectives presented in the prompt: the belief that it is good to share as much information as possible and the belief that some information is too important to be freely shared. However, the response lacks clarity and coherence in articulating these perspectives. It briefly discusses the benefits of sharing information but fails to elaborate on why some information might be considered too important to share freely.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, it’s crucial to provide a more balanced and structured analysis of both viewpoints. Ensure that each perspective is clearly defined and supported with relevant examples or reasoning. Additionally, expanding on the rationale behind why certain information might be deemed too important to share freely would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a stance on the issue by suggesting that while sharing information is generally beneficial, there are certain circumstances where it may not be advisable. However, the position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay, and the lack of clear organization contributes to confusion regarding the author’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency in position presentation, establish a clear thesis statement at the outset of the essay that clearly states the author’s stance on the issue. Then, ensure that each paragraph reinforces this position through coherent arguments and supporting evidence. Organize the essay logically to guide the reader through the author’s perspective effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes an attempt to present and support ideas but falls short in terms of coherence and development. While it briefly mentions the benefits of sharing information, the lack of elaboration and specific examples weakens the argument. Additionally, the counterargument regarding the importance of withholding certain information lacks depth and analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, provide more thorough explanations and relevant examples to substantiate arguments. Engage critically with both perspectives by considering potential counterarguments and addressing them effectively. Ensure that each idea is logically connected and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain a clear focus on the topic throughout, leading to disjointed discussion and tangential points. While it briefly touches on the importance of sharing information and the potential drawbacks of doing so, the lack of cohesion and organization detracts from the overall relevance.
- How to improve: To stay on topic effectively, maintain a clear and focused discussion that directly addresses the prompt. Avoid introducing extraneous information or unrelated examples that distract from the central argument. Keep the essay well-structured with each paragraph contributing to the overall coherence and relevance of the response.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the prompt, there are significant areas for improvement in terms of clarity, coherence, and depth of analysis. By refining the organization, providing more thorough explanations and examples, and staying focused on the topic, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic attempt at organizing information, but the logical flow is hindered by frequent grammatical errors and lack of coherence. For instance, the introduction lacks clarity due to errors in subject-verb agreement ("It is think" instead of "Some people think"). Additionally, the essay lacks a clear thesis statement, which is essential for guiding the reader through the argument. Transition phrases are sparse, making it difficult to follow the progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, it’s crucial to start with a clear thesis statement that presents the writer’s stance on the issue. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and be logically connected to the preceding and following paragraphs. Utilizing transition words and phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "On the other hand") can help signal shifts in ideas and improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they are not consistently structured or effectively utilized. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea or argument, but here, the division between paragraphs is often unclear. For instance, the transition between the second and third paragraphs is abrupt, and the lack of indentation at the beginning of paragraphs further detracts from readability.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Use indentation to visually separate paragraphs. Additionally, consider transitioning between paragraphs more smoothly by summarizing the previous point or introducing the next one.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases, are used inconsistently throughout the essay. While some attempts are made (e.g., "However," "Moreover"), they are often misused or ineffective in establishing coherence. For instance, the transition between paragraphs lacks clarity, and there’s a reliance on repetitive phrases ("Such as") without providing varied examples or transitions.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, aim for a diverse range of cohesive devices, including pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, conjunctions to connect clauses and sentences, and transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, focus on using these devices effectively to maintain coherence and clarity in the essay’s structure and flow.

In summary, while the essay attempts to address the prompt and present arguments on both sides of the issue, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score for coherence and cohesion. By incorporating clear thesis statements, organizing ideas into well-defined paragraphs, and utilizing a variety of cohesive devices effectively, the essay can enhance its coherence and improve the overall clarity and readability of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, but there are instances where more varied and precise vocabulary could enhance clarity and sophistication. For example, phrases like "perfect to part" and "significant to shared" could be improved with more precise word choices.
- How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, aim to incorporate a wider variety of synonyms and more specific terminology relevant to the topic. For instance, instead of "perfect to part," consider using "beneficial to share," and instead of "significant to shared," opt for "essential to share freely."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "perfect" instead of "beneficial," and "significant" instead of "important." Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing that could be refined for clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary precisely by selecting words that accurately convey the intended meaning. Pay attention to context and ensure that each word used aligns with the intended message. Furthermore, revise sentences to eliminate ambiguity and enhance readability.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is inconsistent, with several errors throughout the text. Examples include "infomation," "knowladge," "extence," and "agrument."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading thoroughly before submitting the essay. Additionally, practice spelling commonly misspelled words regularly to reinforce correct spelling patterns.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures, primarily consisting of simple and compound sentences. Complex and compound-complex structures are scarcely used, leading to a lack of variety and sophistication in expression. For example, the essay often relies on basic sentence patterns such as subject-verb-object construction without incorporating more complex syntactic elements.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and variety of structures, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of sentence types, including complex and compound-complex structures. This could involve using subordinate clauses, participial phrases, gerund phrases, and other syntactic devices to add depth and complexity to the essay’s expression. Additionally, varying sentence lengths and structures can contribute to a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout its text. These errors include issues with subject-verb agreement ("It is think"), verb tense consistency ("It is trust"), article usage ("some infomation"), and word form ("got knowladge"). Punctuation marks are often missing or incorrectly used, leading to fragmented sentences and confusion in meaning. For instance, the lack of punctuation in phrases such as "people learn and got knowladge about them" disrupts the clarity and coherence of the sentence structure.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should focus on reviewing fundamental grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Specifically, attention should be paid to verb forms, tense consistency, article usage, and the proper placement of punctuation marks such as commas, periods, and apostrophes. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help identify and correct such errors, ensuring clearer and more precise communication of ideas. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or instructors on grammar and punctuation usage can provide valuable insights for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is believed that sharing as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world is beneficial. However, it is also trusted that some information is too important to be freely shared. I agree to some extent, acknowledging the benefits of sharing information but also recognizing certain drawbacks.

Sharing information is advantageous as it helps people all over the world learn and acquire knowledge. This, in turn, can help individuals develop their knowledge and contribute to the economic state of the country. For example, individuals who gain knowledge through shared information can contribute to various sectors such as the economy, science, technology, and education. They can apply what they have learned to benefit their country and society.

However, there is a more persuasive argument that some information is too significant to be shared freely. This is because when information is freely available, opponents can access it and potentially use it to produce counterfeit goods and products worldwide. For instance, countries like China have been known to copy information and use it to produce counterfeit products, gaining notoriety as a “copy country.”

In conclusion, while I agree to some extent with the idea of freely sharing information, it is also true that certain information should be protected. This is to prevent its misuse by others for unethical purposes.