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Some people believe that modern technology has enhanced sociable behavior, but others think it has reduced social interactions. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that modern technology has enhanced sociable behavior, but others think it has reduced social interactions. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In today’s globalized world, the advent of modern technology has sparked a heated debate about its impact on social behavior. While some believe that technological advancements have strengthened social bonds, others are concerned that they have reduced face-to-face interactions. From my perspective, although modern technology presents some risks, its benefits in enhancing social connections outweigh these concerns.

On one hand, critics argue that modern technology has led to a decline in direct social interactions and communication. The rapid proliferation of digital tools such as instant messaging and video conferencing has, in some cases, replaced face-to-face communication. This shift can lead to social isolation, as people increasingly rely on digital platforms to interact rather than engaging in physical meetings. For instance, studies have shown that excessive use of social media among teenagers and young adults can lead to a decrease in social skills and a sense of disconnect from the physical world. This overreliance on technology may result in weakened social bonds and a reduction in meaningful interpersonal relationships.

On the other hand, proponents of modern technology argue that it has revolutionized communication, making it easier and more convenient for people to stay connected regardless of distance. Technological advancements have introduced various forms of communication, such as instant messaging, video calls, and social media, enabling real-time interactions between individuals across the globe. For example, families with members living abroad can maintain close relationships through regular video calls, while businesses can conduct meetings with partners in different time zones seamlessly. Moreover, technology has facilitated access to information and entertainment, allowing people to participate in online communities, engage in discussions, and even form new friendships.

In my opinion, while modern technology does pose some risks to traditional social interactions, the advantages it offers in terms of connectivity and convenience are significant. However, it is crucial to strike a balance between online and offline interactions to ensure that technology is used in a way that enhances, rather than diminishes, our social lives. By being mindful of how much time we spend on digital platforms and making a conscious effort to engage in face-to-face interactions, we can harness the benefits of technology while mitigating its potential drawbacks.

In conclusion, the impact of modern technology on social behavior is a complex issue. While it has the potential to reduce direct social interactions, it also offers unprecedented opportunities for global communication and connection. Ultimately, the key to leveraging technology for positive social outcomes lies in how we choose to use it—balancing digital interactions with real-world engagement to foster a more connected and socially cohesive society.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "heated debate" -> "intensive debate"
    Explanation: "Intensive" is a more precise term that conveys the depth and thoroughness of the discussion, aligning better with academic language than the more colloquial "heated."

  2. "sparked a heated debate" -> "initiated a comprehensive debate"
    Explanation: "Initiated" is a more formal verb than "sparked," and "comprehensive" emphasizes the breadth and thoroughness of the discussion, enhancing the academic tone.

  3. "strengthened social bonds" -> "enhanced social connections"
    Explanation: "Enhanced" is a more precise term in this context, suggesting improvement or increase in quality, which is more suitable for academic writing than the more general "strengthened."

  4. "On one hand" -> "On the one hand"
    Explanation: "On the one hand" is the correct idiomatic expression in formal writing, whereas "on one hand" is less formal and slightly incorrect.

  5. "critics argue" -> "some critics argue"
    Explanation: Adding "some" clarifies that not all critics hold this view, which is more accurate and formal.

  6. "has led to a decline" -> "has contributed to a decline"
    Explanation: "Contributed to" suggests a partial causality, which is more accurate and less absolute than "led to," which implies complete causality.

  7. "can lead to social isolation" -> "may contribute to social isolation"
    Explanation: "May contribute to" is a more cautious and academically appropriate phrase, indicating a possible effect rather than a definite one.

  8. "overreliance on technology" -> "overreliance on digital technology"
    Explanation: Adding "digital" specifies the type of technology, enhancing clarity and precision in the context of the essay.

  9. "weakened social bonds" -> "weakened interpersonal relationships"
    Explanation: "Interpersonal relationships" is a more specific and formal term than "social bonds," which is somewhat vague and less precise.

  10. "a reduction in meaningful interpersonal relationships" -> "a diminution in meaningful interpersonal relationships"
    Explanation: "Diminution" is a more formal and precise term than "reduction," fitting better in an academic context.

  11. "making it easier and more convenient" -> "facilitating ease and convenience"
    Explanation: "Facilitating" is a more formal verb that enhances the academic tone, and "ease and convenience" is a more formal way to express the benefits.

  12. "allowing people to participate in online communities" -> "enabling individuals to engage with online communities"
    Explanation: "Enabling" is a more formal verb than "allowing," and "engage with" is a more precise verb than "participate in," which is somewhat generic.

  13. "engage in discussions" -> "participate in discussions"
    Explanation: "Participate in discussions" is a more common and accepted phrase in academic writing, whereas "engage in discussions" can sound slightly informal.

  14. "we can harness the benefits" -> "we can capitalize on the benefits"
    Explanation: "Capitalize on" is a more formal expression that implies strategic use of advantages, which is more suitable for academic writing than "harness."

  15. "mitigating its potential drawbacks" -> "addressing its potential drawbacks"
    Explanation: "Addressing" is a more direct and formal term than "mitigating," which is typically used in the context of reducing the severity of a problem.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the impact of modern technology on social behavior. It presents the argument that technology has reduced face-to-face interactions and provides supporting evidence, such as the reliance on digital platforms leading to social isolation. Additionally, it discusses the opposing view that technology enhances connectivity, citing examples like video calls and social media. The essay concludes with the author’s opinion, aligning well with the prompt’s requirement to discuss both perspectives and provide a personal viewpoint.
    • How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, the author could include more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about both sides. For instance, referencing particular studies or surveys that quantify the effects of technology on social interactions would strengthen the argument and provide a more balanced view.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the benefits of modern technology in enhancing social connections outweigh its drawbacks. This stance is consistently articulated throughout the essay, particularly in the introduction and conclusion, where the author reiterates their opinion. However, there are moments where the discussion of negative aspects could be perceived as undermining the overall position, particularly in the body paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To maintain a more consistent position, the author could more explicitly connect the negative aspects discussed back to the overall argument. For example, after presenting the drawbacks of technology, they could emphasize how these issues are outweighed by the benefits in a more direct manner, reinforcing their stance throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas related to the impact of technology on social behavior. It extends these ideas by providing examples, such as the benefits of video calls for families and the risks of social media use among teenagers. However, some points could be further developed; for instance, the discussion on social isolation could include more depth regarding its psychological impacts or long-term consequences.
    • How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on key points with additional examples or explanations. This could involve discussing specific case studies or personal anecdotes that illustrate the effects of technology on social interactions, thereby providing a richer analysis.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of modern technology’s impact on social behavior. Each paragraph contributes to the discussion of both views and the author’s opinion. However, there are slight deviations when discussing the general benefits of technology, which could distract from the central theme of social interactions.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the impact on social behavior. They could refine their examples to tie them more closely to social interactions rather than general technological advancements, ensuring that all content is relevant to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With some enhancements in the areas of example specificity, position consistency, idea development, and topic adherence, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the debate regarding modern technology’s impact on social behavior. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific viewpoint, with the first discussing the negative implications and the second highlighting the positive aspects. The progression from one argument to the next is smooth, and the conclusion effectively synthesizes the main points while reiterating the author’s opinion. For example, the transition from discussing critics’ views to proponents’ perspectives is seamless, maintaining a coherent flow throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization further, the author could consider using more explicit transitional phrases between paragraphs to guide the reader. For instance, phrases like "Conversely" or "In addition" could be employed to clarify the relationship between contrasting ideas. Additionally, a more detailed outline in the introduction could help set clearer expectations for the reader regarding the structure of the argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs each address one side of the debate before the concluding paragraph summarizes the discussion. This clear paragraphing aids in readability and allows the reader to follow the argument easily. The use of topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph helps to establish the main idea being discussed.
    • How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the author could enhance the clarity of each paragraph by ensuring that each one begins with a strong topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis. Additionally, incorporating more examples or evidence within each paragraph could strengthen the arguments presented, providing a deeper analysis of each viewpoint.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and referencing, to connect ideas within and between sentences. Phrases like "On one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively signal contrasting viewpoints, while terms like "for instance" and "moreover" help to introduce examples and additional information. This variety in cohesive devices contributes to the overall fluency of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, the author could incorporate more advanced linking phrases and synonyms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "modern technology," the author could use synonyms like "digital advancements" or "technological innovations" to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, varying the structure of sentences and using different types of cohesive devices, such as ellipsis or substitution, could enhance the sophistication of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using paragraphs and cohesive devices to create a fluid argument. With some minor adjustments in transitional phrases, topic sentences, and the range of cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, employing a variety of terms and phrases that effectively convey the nuances of the argument. For instance, words like "globalized," "proliferation," "revolutionized," and "unprecedented" showcase a sophisticated lexical range. The use of phrases such as "social isolation" and "meaningful interpersonal relationships" further illustrates the writer’s ability to articulate complex ideas clearly.
    • How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource even further, the writer could incorporate more idiomatic expressions or less common synonyms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeating "modern technology," the writer could use alternatives like "digital innovations" or "technological advancements" in different sections to enhance variety.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. However, there are instances where the choice of words could be more precise. For example, the phrase "excessive use of social media" could be refined to "overindulgence in social media platforms," which adds a layer of specificity and nuance to the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey the exact sentiment or context intended. Engaging in exercises that involve synonyms and antonyms can help in identifying more precise vocabulary options. Additionally, reviewing the essay for any vague terms and replacing them with more specific alternatives would enhance clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors throughout the text. Words such as "communication," "interactions," and "connectivity" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong grasp of English spelling conventions.
    • How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, the writer could implement a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud or using digital tools for spell-checking. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help reinforce spelling skills.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 8. By focusing on enhancing vocabulary variety, precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further refine their writing skills for even higher proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, effectively utilizing both simple and complex forms. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as “While some believe that technological advancements have strengthened social bonds, others are concerned that they have reduced face-to-face interactions” showcases the ability to convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures, as seen in “if technology is used in a way that enhances, rather than diminishes, our social lives,” which adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the way ideas are introduced in each paragraph, which could be diversified further.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of consistently starting sentences with the subject, try beginning with adverbial clauses or phrases that set the context, such as “In light of recent studies” or “Given the rapid technological advancements.” Additionally, integrating more passive voice constructions or participial phrases could provide further complexity and variety.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with very few errors. Most sentences are well-structured and punctuated correctly. For example, the use of commas in complex sentences is generally accurate, as seen in “While modern technology does pose some risks to traditional social interactions, the advantages it offers in terms of connectivity and convenience are significant.” However, there are minor issues, such as the potential overuse of commas in some instances, which could disrupt the flow of reading. For example, the phrase “this shift can lead to social isolation, as people increasingly rely on digital platforms” could be streamlined for clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, focus on reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Practice identifying clauses and determining where commas are necessary for clarity. Additionally, reading more complex texts can help internalize correct punctuation usage. Engaging in exercises that focus on sentence variety and punctuation can also aid in refining these skills.

Overall, the essay is well-crafted, demonstrating a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. By continuing to diversify sentence structures and refining punctuation use, the writer can further enhance the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s globalized world, the advent of modern technology has initiated a comprehensive debate about its impact on social behavior. While some believe that technological advancements have strengthened social bonds, others are concerned that they have reduced face-to-face interactions. From my perspective, although modern technology presents some risks, its benefits in enhancing social connections outweigh these concerns.

On the one hand, some critics argue that modern technology has contributed to a decline in direct social interactions and communication. The rapid proliferation of digital tools such as instant messaging and video conferencing has, in some cases, replaced face-to-face communication. This shift can lead to social isolation, as people increasingly rely on digital platforms to interact rather than engaging in physical meetings. For instance, studies have shown that excessive use of social media among teenagers and young adults can lead to a decrease in social skills and a sense of disconnect from the physical world. This overreliance on digital technology may result in weakened interpersonal relationships and a diminution in meaningful interpersonal relationships.

On the other hand, proponents of modern technology argue that it has revolutionized communication, making it easier and more convenient for people to stay connected regardless of distance. Technological advancements have introduced various forms of communication, such as instant messaging, video calls, and social media, enabling real-time interactions between individuals across the globe. For example, families with members living abroad can maintain close relationships through regular video calls, while businesses can conduct meetings with partners in different time zones seamlessly. Moreover, technology has facilitated access to information and entertainment, allowing people to participate in online communities, engage in discussions, and even form new friendships.

In my opinion, while modern technology does pose some risks to traditional social interactions, the advantages it offers in terms of connectivity and convenience are significant. However, it is crucial to strike a balance between online and offline interactions to ensure that technology is used in a way that enhances, rather than diminishes, our social lives. By being mindful of how much time we spend on digital platforms and making a conscious effort to engage in face-to-face interactions, we can capitalize on the benefits of technology while addressing its potential drawbacks.

In conclusion, the impact of modern technology on social behavior is a complex issue. While it has the potential to reduce direct social interactions, it also offers unprecedented opportunities for global communication and connection. Ultimately, the key to leveraging technology for positive social outcomes lies in how we choose to use it—balancing digital interactions with real-world engagement to foster a more connected and socially cohesive society.

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