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some people believe that no one should do the same job for all their working life. Others argue that doing the same job brings advantages for individuals ,companies , and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

some people believe that no one should do the same job for all their working life. Others argue that doing the same job brings advantages for individuals ,companies , and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

some people argue that doing repetitive jobs for almost entire working life is not a wise option. However, I content that devoting to the same job would bring more benefits for individuals, companies as well as society. This essay will discuss both opinions and explain why I partly agree with the latter opinion.
To begin with, it is believed that doing the same job could not be the best option as it could hinder one from developing themselves to a full extent. Normally, one particular job only require a repetitive set of skills and knowledge. Thus doing one more jobs can help people to obtain more essential skills and become more knowledgeable in some areas. In addition, one could not find the more suitable career if they just focus on one job. In fact, many people choose their their first job according to their parent's expectations or contrary to their whishes. Therefore, in the future, it seems understandable for them to leave their current job and move to another. As a result, they cam gain more opportunities in career as well as are committed to the job they want to pursue.

However, I agree with people who claim that sticking to the same jobs could bring far more benefits. At individual level, one can become more profestional and skillful in their job after many years of dong it repetitively. As a result, they are more likely to get higher salary and receive respects and beliefs from others. With companies, they can take advantages of senior and experienced employees, remain a stable staff, and have instructions for their new employees. These companies then develop more prosperously contribute funds for many aspects of society. A economic study in Canada in 2015 shows that one of the main factors contributing to the stable development of 5 biggest companies of all Canada is senior staff., and these corporations also contribute to nearly 40% of national charity funds.

In conclusion, while changing jobs can be a great opportunity for one to develop themselves , I contend that doing the same job for all working life can bring much more benefits for individuals, companies and society


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "content" -> "argue"
    Explanation: In academic writing, "content" is informal; using "argue" better aligns with a formal tone and clearly expresses the author’s stance.

  2. "bring more benefits" -> "yield greater advantages"
    Explanation: "Bring more benefits" is a bit vague; "yield greater advantages" sounds more formal and precise in conveying the idea of advantages gained.

  3. "To begin with" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: While not incorrect, "To begin with" is a less formal transition; "Firstly" is a more academically appropriate alternative to signal the start of a discussion.

  4. "could not" -> "may not"
    Explanation: "Could not" implies impossibility, whereas "may not" acknowledges the possibility without asserting it as definite, aligning better with a nuanced academic perspective.

  5. "more essential skills" -> "additional crucial skills"
    Explanation: Using "additional crucial skills" adds specificity and formality to the phrase, emphasizing the importance of acquiring extra skills.

  6. "become more knowledgeable" -> "enhance their knowledge"
    Explanation: "Become more knowledgeable" is less precise; "enhance their knowledge" communicates the idea more directly and formally.

  7. "one could not find the more suitable career" -> "individuals may struggle to find a more suitable career"
    Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity; the suggested alteration offers a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.

  8. "contrary to their whishes" -> "in contrast to their desires"
    Explanation: "Contrary to their wishes" is slightly informal; "in contrast to their desires" maintains formality and clarity.

  9. "Therefore, in the future, it seems understandable for them to leave their current job and move to another" -> "Therefore, it’s understandable for individuals to transition to different jobs in the future."
    Explanation: Simplifying and restructuring the sentence creates a more formal and concise expression of the idea.

  10. "As a result, they cam gain more opportunities in career as well as are committed to the job they want to pursue." -> "Consequently, they can access more career opportunities while staying committed to their chosen profession."
    Explanation: Replacing "As a result" with "Consequently" and rephrasing the sentence enhances formality and clarity, avoiding repetition and providing a smoother transition.

  11. "I agree with people who claim" -> "I concur with proponents who argue"
    Explanation: "I agree with people who claim" is informal; "I concur with proponents who argue" maintains formality and specificity.

  12. "sticking to the same jobs" -> "continuously pursuing the same job"
    Explanation: "Sticking to the same jobs" is slightly informal; "continuously pursuing the same job" presents the idea in a more formal manner.

  13. "bring far more benefits" -> "yield significantly greater benefits"
    Explanation: "Bring far more benefits" lacks precision; "yield significantly greater benefits" offers a more specific and formal expression of the idea.

  14. "At individual level" -> "On an individual level"
    Explanation: Using "On an individual level" instead of "At individual level" is more grammatically fitting and aligns better with academic language.

  15. "become more profestional" -> "attain greater professionalism"
    Explanation: "Become more professional" is informal; "attain greater professionalism" sounds more formal and precise.

  16. "receive respects and beliefs from others" -> "earn respect and recognition from peers"
    Explanation: "Receive respects and beliefs from others" is unclear and informal; "earn respect and recognition from peers" offers a clearer and more formal expression.

  17. "A economic study" -> "An economic study"
    Explanation: Correcting the article from "A" to "An" maintains grammatical accuracy.

  18. "of dong it repetitively" -> "of doing it repeatedly"
    Explanation: Correcting the typo "dong" to "doing" ensures grammatical correctness.

  19. "prosperously contribute funds" -> "contribute significantly to funds"
    Explanation: "Prosperously contribute funds" is unclear; "contribute significantly to funds" is more precise and formal.

  20. "while changing jobs can be a great opportunity" -> "although changing jobs presents opportunities"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "some people argue that doing repetitive jobs for almost the entire working life is not a wise option. However, I content that devoting to the same job would bring more benefits for individuals, companies as well as society. This essay will discuss both opinions and explain why I partly agree with the latter opinion."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction is generally clear and states your position, which is positive. However, to enhance clarity and provide a roadmap for the reader, consider briefly outlining the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
    • Improved example: "While some argue against sticking to repetitive jobs throughout one’s career, I contend that the benefits for individuals, companies, and society make it a wise choice. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives, presenting reasons for my partial agreement with the latter opinion."
  2. Quoted text: "To begin with, it is believed that doing the same job could not be the best option as it could hinder one from developing themselves to a full extent. Normally, one particular job only requires a repetitive set of skills and knowledge. Thus doing one more job can help people to obtain more essential skills and become more knowledgeable in some areas."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your explanation is reasonable, but the use of "doing one more job" appears unclear. Specify whether you meant "doing one more job" or "doing more jobs." Also, consider providing a specific example or personal experience to illustrate how diverse skills can be acquired through different jobs.
    • Improved example: "To begin with, it is believed that sticking to the same job might hinder full self-development due to its repetitive nature. Normally, a specific job demands a set of repetitive skills and knowledge. However, diversifying one’s work experience can lead to the acquisition of essential skills. For instance, in my own experience, transitioning from a marketing role to a customer service role broadened my communication and problem-solving skills."
  3. Quoted text: "In addition, one could not find the more suitable career if they just focus on one job. In fact, many people choose their first job according to their parent’s expectations or contrary to their wishes. Therefore, in the future, it seems understandable for them to leave their current job and move to another. As a result, they can gain more opportunities in a career as well as are committed to the job they want to pursue."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The argument is somewhat unclear and lacks a strong example or personal experience. Clarify the link between choosing the first job based on parental expectations and the difficulty in finding a suitable career. Provide a specific example or elaborate on personal experiences to strengthen your point.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, restricting oneself to a single job may limit the exploration of more suitable career options. For instance, individuals often choose their initial jobs influenced by parental expectations. Reflecting on my own journey, I initially pursued a career in engineering due to familial expectations. However, transitioning to a field aligned with my true passion for environmental sustainability allowed me to find a more suitable and fulfilling career path."

Overall, while your essay addresses the task, improving the clarity of your examples and providing more specific instances from your own knowledge or experience would enhance the depth of your argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay showcases coherence and cohesion to a moderate extent. There’s an attempt at paragraph structuring, with some development of ideas within paragraphs. The essay tries to present contrasting views, but the coherence is inconsistent due to sentence-level issues, occasional abrupt shifts between ideas, and underdeveloped progression. The use of cohesive devices is somewhat effective, yet there are instances where sentence-to-sentence connections are not smooth. Paragraphing lacks consistent logical progression, affecting overall cohesion.

How to improve:

  1. Structural Organization: Work on clearer paragraph development, ensuring each paragraph maintains a central theme or idea, and transitions smoothly into the next.
  2. Cohesive Devices: Aim for a more varied and precise use of linking words/phrases to enhance connections between sentences and ideas.
  3. Clarity and Consistency: Ensure coherence within and between sentences; avoid abrupt shifts and ensure ideas are logically connected throughout the essay.

By refining these elements, the essay’s overall coherence and cohesion can be notably strengthened.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision, aligning with Band 7 descriptors. The writer uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. While there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, they do not significantly impede communication. The vocabulary is generally varied, and the writer attempts to convey precise meanings.

The essay effectively presents contrasting views and provides reasons to support the idea of sticking to the same job, acknowledging the potential benefits for individuals, companies, and society. The vocabulary, though not entirely sophisticated, shows competence in expressing ideas clearly.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer can work on incorporating more advanced and diverse vocabulary. This can be achieved by using synonyms for frequently used words, exploring more nuanced expressions, and incorporating idiomatic phrases where appropriate. Additionally, paying closer attention to word choice accuracy and refining word formations will contribute to an improvement in the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to a Band 6 score. There is a variety of sentence structures used throughout the essay, but errors in grammar and punctuation are noticeable. While the communication is generally clear, there are instances where the errors may cause some confusion for the reader. The essay has a coherent structure, with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the language could be more precise, and there are some awkward expressions that slightly affect the overall fluency.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: Review the essay for grammatical errors, especially in sentence structure. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and punctuation usage. A more careful proofreading could eliminate these issues.

  2. Word Choice and Expression: Work on using more precise and varied vocabulary. Some expressions are repetitive, and there are instances where word choice could be improved for clarity and coherence.

  3. Sentence Fluency: Focus on enhancing the flow of sentences. Make sure that each sentence contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. Consider using transitional words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.

  4. Complex Sentence Structure: While there is an attempt at using complex sentence structures, strive for more accuracy. Ensure that complex sentences are grammatically sound to elevate the sophistication of your writing.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score by enhancing grammatical accuracy, clarity, and overall language proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that persisting in repetitive jobs throughout one’s entire working life is not a wise choice. However, I contend that committing to the same job can bring more benefits for individuals, companies, as well as society. This essay will discuss both opinions and explain why I partly agree with the latter viewpoint.

To begin with, it is believed that sticking to the same job might not be the best option, as it could hinder one from fully developing themselves. Typically, a specific job only requires a repetitive set of skills and knowledge. Thus, engaging in multiple jobs can help individuals acquire more essential skills and become more knowledgeable in various areas. Additionally, limiting oneself to just one job may prevent them from discovering a more suitable career. Many individuals initially choose their jobs based on parental expectations or contrary to their own wishes. Consequently, it becomes understandable for them to leave their current job in the future and transition to another, gaining more career opportunities and aligning with the job they truly wish to pursue.

However, I align with those who claim that remaining in the same job can bring substantial benefits. At an individual level, one can become more professional and skillful in their job after many years of repetitively doing it. Consequently, they are more likely to secure a higher salary and garner respect and trust from others. From a company perspective, they can leverage the expertise of senior and experienced employees, maintain a stable staff, and provide guidance for new employees. These companies can then develop more prosperously and contribute funds to various aspects of society. An economic study conducted in Canada in 2015 reveals that one of the main factors contributing to the stable development of the country’s five largest companies is their senior staff. Furthermore, these corporations contribute nearly 40% of national charity funds.

In conclusion, while changing jobs can offer a great opportunity for personal development, I contend that remaining in the same job throughout one’s working life can bring many more benefits for individuals, companies, and society.

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