Some people believe that pop stars deserve to earn more money than classical music performers. Some disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In contemporary society, many people believe that pop music performers are eligible for higher earnings than their classical counterparts. In my opinion, while all music artists should be entitled to financial rewards corresponding with their efforts, favoring pop stars over classical music performers merely for their chosen genre is unreasonable.
On one hand, like other professions, music performance can be a profit-driven endeavor which is permitted by law. It is morally and legally acceptable for artists with efficient work to generate revenues from their activities, regardless of music genres. Over the past decades, while classical music has degraded in popularity to a certain extent, pop has garnered substantial public attention and preference. This trend opened up ample opportunities for performers of the latter genre to earn reputation and monetize from various music-related activities, including selling albums or merchandise, featuring in commercial endorsements and organizing concert tours. If these strategies employed by reputable pop music artists do not violate any legislations, their higher yielded income compared to classical music performers should be acknowledged.
On the other hand, it is arguable that pop music celebrities do not unequivocally deserve higher earnings than performers of the classical genre merely for their chosen kind of music. It is artists’ work and businesses that underpin their wealth accumulation and there has not been a direct causal relationship between genre of music and performers’ income levels. Indeed, money generation from music performance is primarily based on performers’ musical abilities, entrepreneurship, or levels of dedication. For example, Yenne Lee, a highly talented classical guitarist, has established herself as a talented and high-earning figure on the Internet for both her professional excellence and innovative monetization from social media. Conversely, numerous unknown music performers working with pop music still fail to gain reputation and grow rich, implying that the prominence of the music genre does not singularly grant all artists the entitlement to financial success.
In conclusion, while there are some favorable conditions for pop music stars to make more money than their classical counterparts, it would be an oversimplification to assume that the genre of music is the only determinant of music performers’ income since their earnings are more directly influenced by their professional attributes. Considering current technological advancement and the emergence of inventive entrepreneurial ideas, classical music can still financially succeed.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"eligible for higher earnings" -> "entitled to greater remuneration"
Explanation: Replacing "eligible for higher earnings" with "entitled to greater remuneration" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement. "Entitled to greater remuneration" communicates the idea of deserving higher pay in a more precise and formal manner.
"favoring pop stars" -> "preferring pop stars"
Explanation: While "favoring pop stars" is not incorrect, "preferring pop stars" aligns better with a formal tone and slightly elevates the language without changing the intended meaning. It maintains a similar context while being more appropriate in an academic setting.
"efficient work" -> "effective work"
Explanation: "Efficient work" typically refers to accomplishing tasks with minimal wasted effort or resources. In this context, "effective work" better conveys the idea of achieving successful outcomes or results, which is more fitting regarding the artists’ efforts in generating revenue.
"degraded in popularity" -> "experienced a decline in popularity"
Explanation: "Degraded" might carry a slightly negative connotation. "Experienced a decline in popularity" maintains neutrality and precision, better suited for academic writing by explicitly stating the reduction in popularity without imparting judgment.
"garnered substantial public attention and preference" -> "gained significant public attention and preference"
Explanation: "Garnered" is slightly informal. "Gained significant public attention and preference" offers a more formal and academically suitable phrasing while maintaining the meaning.
"ample opportunities" -> "abundant opportunities"
Explanation: "Abundant opportunities" is a slightly more sophisticated and formal term compared to "ample opportunities," fitting better within an academic context without altering the meaning.
"yielded income" -> "generated income"
Explanation: "Generated income" is a more commonly used and formal expression in academic writing compared to "yielded income," maintaining clarity while sounding more appropriate.
"unequivocally" -> "necessarily"
Explanation: "Unequivocally" might be too strong in this context. "Necessarily" provides a more nuanced tone, suggesting that the deserving of higher earnings is not solely due to the chosen music genre.
"entitlement to financial success" -> "guarantee of financial success"
Explanation: "Guarantee of financial success" conveys the idea that success in the music industry isn’t assured solely by the genre, offering a more formal expression compared to "entitlement to financial success."
"oversimplification" -> "an oversimplifying view"
Explanation: "An oversimplifying view" is a more formal way to express the notion of oversimplification in the context of the assumption regarding music genres and performers’ income.
"more directly influenced by" -> "largely influenced by"
Explanation: "Largely influenced by" maintains the meaning while being slightly more precise and formal than "more directly influenced by."
"advancement" -> "progress"
Explanation: While "advancement" is not incorrect, "progress" is a more commonly used term and sounds more natural in this context without losing any specificity.
"inventive entrepreneurial ideas" -> "innovative entrepreneurial concepts"
Explanation: "Innovative entrepreneurial concepts" offers a slightly more formal and specific phrasing than "inventive entrepreneurial ideas" while conveying the same meaning.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the earnings of pop stars versus classical music performers. It discusses the perspective that justifies higher earnings for pop stars while countering it with the argument that musical genre isn’t the sole determinant of financial success.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing further examples or statistical data supporting the differing financial landscapes between pop and classical music industries.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear stance throughout the essay, advocating for fair financial rewards for all musicians while emphasizing that the genre alone should not dictate earnings.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of your position by reinforcing it in the introduction and conclusion to emphasize the essay’s standpoint on this matter.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents contrasting views and supports them with examples. It uses the example of Yenne Lee to highlight how individual talent and entrepreneurship can transcend genre-based income disparities.
- How to improve: To further enrich the argument, delve into more case studies or industry-specific examples to showcase the complexities of income generation in both music genres.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on discussing the disparity in earnings between pop and classical music performers. However, it occasionally touches on broader aspects of wealth accumulation in the music industry.
- How to improve: Maintain a more concentrated focus on the specific contrast between pop and classical music earnings, ensuring each point directly contributes to this central argument without veering into broader discussions.
The essay presents a thorough discussion on the earnings of pop stars versus classical music performers, covering varied perspectives and supporting them with relevant examples. To elevate the response, consider providing additional industry-specific data or case studies to further substantiate the arguments presented. Strengthening the essay’s introduction and conclusion to explicitly highlight the stance would enhance the clarity of the essay’s position. Maintaining a more focused discussion solely on the disparity in earnings between the two music genres will refine the coherence and relevance of the arguments presented.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. The introduction provides a clear stance on the issue, followed by well-structured body paragraphs presenting arguments for and against. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph connects seamlessly with the preceding and following ones, creating a smooth progression of ideas. For instance, use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay more cohesively.
- Detailed explanation: Paragraphs are adequately used, each addressing a specific aspect of the prompt or a distinct argument. However, some paragraphs could be more concise, and a couple of them delve into multiple ideas, slightly affecting clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for more concise and focused paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and revolves around a central idea. This will improve the overall structure and make the essay more reader-friendly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and adverbs, to create a richer tapestry of connectivity. Vary sentence structures to avoid repetitive patterns and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, use pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned concepts and ensure a smoother flow of ideas.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable coherence and cohesion, with clear organizational structure and effective use of cohesive devices. To further enhance these aspects, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs, ensuring concise and focused paragraphing, and introducing a greater variety of cohesive devices. This will contribute to a more polished and seamlessly connected essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating varied terms such as "profit-driven," "legally acceptable," "revenues," and "monetize." However, there is room for improvement in introducing more nuanced and domain-specific vocabulary related to the music industry.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider integrating industry-specific terms like "royalties," "endorsement deals," or "monetization strategies." This can elevate the essay’s sophistication and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary is generally precise, but there are instances where word choices could be more specific. For example, the phrase "efficient work" is somewhat vague, and replacing it with terms like "creative output" or "artistic contributions" would add clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for precision by selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Revisit the essay to identify areas where more specific terms can replace general ones, enhancing the overall precision of expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a strong level of spelling accuracy, with no discernible errors throughout the text. This contributes positively to the overall coherence and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: Maintain this high standard by continuing to proofread meticulously. Additionally, consider employing spelling and grammar tools to catch any potential oversights and ensure flawless execution.
Overall, the essay showcases a robust command of vocabulary, demonstrating a nuanced understanding of the topic. To further elevate the lexical resource, focus on incorporating specialized terms and refining precision. Additionally, maintain the current standard of spelling accuracy to uphold the essay’s professionalism.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable range of sentence structures. It incorporates complex sentences, compound sentences, and varied syntactical structures, contributing to a smooth and engaging flow.
- How to improve: While the essay displays versatility in sentence structures, it could benefit from occasional incorporation of more complex constructions, such as conditional sentences or inverted sentences, to further enhance the depth and sophistication of expression.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy throughout. There are minimal errors, and the sentences are well-constructed, contributing to a clear and coherent presentation of ideas.
- How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy, consider paying attention to subject-verb agreement in complex sentences. Ensure that all components of a sentence align grammatically to avoid potential confusion.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally accurate, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay. Commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are appropriately used to guide the reader through the text.
- How to improve: While punctuation is handled well, consider experimenting with the use of semicolons or colons to add variety and sophistication to sentence structures. Additionally, ensure consistent use of punctuation across the essay, paying attention to details such as spacing around punctuation marks for uniformity.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, earning a Band Score of 7. To further enhance the score, continue diversifying sentence structures, refining subject-verb agreement in complex sentences, and experimenting with advanced punctuation techniques for added variety and precision.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary society, the notion that pop music performers are entitled to greater remuneration than classical musicians is a topic of debate. In my view, while it is fair for all music artists to be rewarded in line with their efforts, favoring pop stars over classical performers solely based on their genre is unjustified.
On one hand, similar to other professions, music performance can be a profit-driven pursuit sanctioned by law. It is morally and legally acceptable for artists with effective work to generate income from their endeavors, irrespective of music genres. Over the past decades, classical music has experienced a decline in popularity, while pop music has gained significant public attention and preference. This shift has created abundant opportunities for pop artists to build their reputation and generate income through various music-related activities, such as selling albums or merchandise, participating in commercial endorsements, and organizing concert tours. If these strategies comply with the law, acknowledging the higher income of reputable pop artists compared to classical musicians is warranted.
On the other hand, it is debatable whether pop music celebrities inherently deserve higher earnings than classical performers simply because of their chosen genre. The wealth accumulation of artists is rooted in their work and business acumen, with no direct causal relationship between music genre and income levels. Money generation from music performance is primarily tied to the musicians’ abilities, entrepreneurial skills, and dedication. For instance, Yenne Lee, a highly talented classical guitarist, has gained significant public attention and preference for her professional excellence and innovative entrepreneurial concepts on social media, establishing herself as a high-earning figure. Conversely, many lesser-known pop performers struggle to gain recognition and financial success, indicating that the popularity of the music genre alone does not guarantee financial success for all artists.
In conclusion, while there are favorable conditions for pop music stars to earn more than their classical counterparts, assuming that the genre of music is the sole determinant of performers’ income would be an oversimplifying view. The income of music performers is more directly influenced by their professional attributes. With the current technological advancements and the emergence of innovative entrepreneurial concepts, classical music can still achieve financial success.