Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers,
should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others
believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

These days, It is believed that professionals would work in the country that they learn and spend most of time there. However, anothers think that they can choose their country freely to contribute. This essay below could look at the discuss and my opinions about this problem.

On the one hand, There are some reasons that working in the country where they did their training are reasonable. First, they would be respected because of their dedications. For instance, doctors or teachers who are very essential to the development of the country so that people are more likely to love them. As a result, the social lives and finances are better. Second, it is the people's responsibilities to thank to country's education. Obviously, the education of the country helps them a lot to improve their knowledge and their job skills that are very important to your career. Therefore, you would be happy because the things that you did are supported to their country

On the other hand, I believe that people should be free to dedicate in a country which they want. The primary reason is that it would solve their financial problems . This is because, the wealth gap is very different from many countries. For example, the salaries of the doctors in Singapore are significant higher than that in Viet Nam so that people tend to work in Singapore to improve their lives. Another reasons is that living in a country which is suitable for their culture helps to have a better metal lives. To be specific, when you locate in a place that you are passionate about country's cuisine and its lifestyle. You would be more likely to be more successful with your job because they have a better life. 

In the conclusion, I think that people should work in a country where they want to contribute because of lots of benefits. 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "These days" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "These days."

2. "It is believed that" -> "It is widely believed that"
   Explanation: Adding "widely" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement, indicating a broader consensus.

3. "anothers think" -> "others believe"
   Explanation: "Believe" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "think," which is somewhat informal.

4. "This essay below could look at the discuss and my opinions about this problem." -> "This essay will examine the discussion and my opinions on this issue."
   Explanation: "Will examine" is more assertive and formal than "could look at," and "on this issue" is more precise than "about this problem."

5. "There are some reasons that working in the country where they did their training are reasonable." -> "There are several reasons why working in the country where they received their training is reasonable."
   Explanation: "Several reasons why" is more formal and specific than "some reasons that," and "received their training" is more precise than "did their training."

6. "they would be respected because of their dedications." -> "they would be respected for their dedication."
   Explanation: "For their dedication" is grammatically correct and more formal than "because of their dedications," which is awkward and incorrect.

7. "people are more likely to love them" -> "people tend to appreciate them"
   Explanation: "Tend to appreciate" is more formal and academically appropriate than "love," which is overly emotional for formal writing.

8. "the social lives and finances are better" -> "social and financial conditions improve"
   Explanation: "Social and financial conditions improve" is a more formal and precise way to describe the outcomes.

9. "it is the people’s responsibilities to thank to country’s education" -> "it is the responsibility of individuals to repay the country’s education"
   Explanation: "The responsibility of individuals to repay the country’s education" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning.

10. "the education of the country helps them a lot to improve their knowledge and their job skills" -> "the country’s education significantly enhances their knowledge and job skills"
    Explanation: "Significantly enhances" is more formal and precise than "helps them a lot," and "the country’s education" is grammatically correct.

11. "you would be happy because the things that you did are supported to their country" -> "they would be satisfied knowing that their efforts are contributing to their country"
    Explanation: "They would be satisfied knowing that their efforts are contributing to their country" is more formal and clearer than the original phrase.

12. "The primary reason is that it would solve their financial problems" -> "The primary reason is that it would alleviate their financial difficulties"
    Explanation: "Alleviate their financial difficulties" is more formal and precise than "solve their financial problems."

13. "the salaries of the doctors in Singapore are significant higher than that in Viet Nam" -> "the salaries of doctors in Singapore are significantly higher than those in Vietnam"
    Explanation: "Significantly higher than those in Vietnam" corrects the grammatical error and uses "those" instead of "that" for plural nouns.

14. "Another reasons is that" -> "Another reason is that"
    Explanation: "Reason" should be singular to match the singular verb "is."

15. "living in a country which is suitable for their culture helps to have a better metal lives" -> "living in a country that suits their culture enhances their mental well-being"
    Explanation: "Enhances their mental well-being" is more precise and formal than "helps to have a better metal lives," which is grammatically incorrect and awkward.

16. "You would be more likely to be more successful with your job because they have a better life." -> "They would be more likely to achieve greater success in their careers due to a better quality of life."
    Explanation: "Achieve greater success in their careers due to a better quality of life" is more formal and clear than the original phrase, which is awkward and unclear.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether professionals should work in the country where they trained or have the freedom to choose their workplace. The first paragraph presents the viewpoint supporting the requirement to work in the training country, while the second paragraph articulates the opposing view. However, the discussion could be more balanced; the argument for working in the training country is less developed compared to the argument for working elsewhere.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for the viewpoint that professionals should work in their training country. This could include discussing the potential benefits to the country, such as retaining talent and expertise, or the impact on local communities.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of professionals having the freedom to choose where they work. This stance is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the phrasing in the introduction ("this essay below could look at the discuss and my opinions about this problem") is somewhat vague and could be more assertive.
  • How to improve: The writer should refine the introduction to clearly state their opinion without ambiguity. For example, a more direct statement like, "This essay will discuss both views and argue that professionals should have the freedom to choose their workplace" would strengthen the clarity of the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the respect professionals gain by working in their training country and the financial benefits of working abroad. However, some points lack depth and supporting evidence. For instance, the mention of financial disparities between countries is relevant but could be better supported with more specific data or examples.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on key points with more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing financial benefits, they could include statistics on salary differences or anecdotal evidence from professionals who have made such choices. This would provide a more robust argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirements. However, there are moments where the language becomes unclear or slightly off-topic, such as the phrase "the things that you did are supported to their country," which could confuse readers about the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all sentences directly relate to the main argument and are clearly articulated. Simplifying complex phrases and ensuring clarity will help keep the reader engaged and focused on the topic. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and coherence will enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for both viewpoints and a personal opinion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, although it could benefit from a more precise thesis statement. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss the reasons for both sides, but the flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the responsibilities to the benefits of working in the home country lacks a clear connective phrase, which can confuse the reader about the relationship between the ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," or "Consequently" can help clarify the relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, with a clear distinction between the two viewpoints and a concluding paragraph. However, some paragraphs could be more developed. For example, the paragraph discussing the reasons for working in the home country could include more examples or elaboration on how these reasons impact society. The second body paragraph is slightly more developed but still lacks depth in discussing the cultural aspects mentioned.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by specific examples. Aim for a minimum of three sentences per paragraph, and consider adding a concluding sentence that summarizes the main point of each paragraph. This will help reinforce the argument and provide a clearer structure.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," and "On the other hand," which help signal the shift between contrasting views. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clear connections. For instance, phrases like "this is because" and "to be specific" are used, but there are opportunities to incorporate other devices to enhance clarity and coherence.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Moreover," "In addition," or "Conversely" to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and demonstrative adjectives (e.g., "this," "these") are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which will help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks the variety and sophistication expected at higher band scores. For example, terms like "professionals," "doctors," and "countries" are repeated without variation. Phrases like "working in the country where they did their training" could be expressed in more diverse ways, such as "practicing in their home country" or "serving in the nation of their education."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more specific terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "country," they could use "nation," "state," or "territory." Additionally, exploring more academic or formal vocabulary related to the topic, such as "employment opportunities," "migration," or "professional obligations," would strengthen the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the things that you did are supported to their country" is unclear and awkwardly phrased. The use of "dedications" instead of "dedication" also reflects a lack of grammatical precision. Furthermore, "metal lives" is likely a typographical error for "mental lives," which illustrates a misunderstanding of the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. They should ensure that terms are used in their correct forms and contexts. For example, revising "metal lives" to "mental well-being" would clarify the intended meaning. Additionally, using phrases like "contribute positively to their home country" instead of "the things that you did are supported to their country" would enhance clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "anothers" instead of "others," "dedications" instead of "dedication," and "significant higher" instead of "significantly higher." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked when reading silently. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can aid in reducing these mistakes in future writing. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises can also reinforce correct spelling.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, the sentence “However, anothers think that they can choose their country freely to contribute” is a simple structure that lacks complexity. Additionally, phrases like “the education of the country helps them a lot” are straightforward and do not showcase a range of grammatical forms. There are instances of more complex structures, such as “when you locate in a place that you are passionate about,” but these are not consistently used throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as using subordinate clauses or varied sentence openings. For instance, instead of starting sentences with “the primary reason is that,” the writer could use introductory phrases like “One significant advantage of working abroad is…” or “Although some may argue that…”. Practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences could also add depth to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase “it is believed that professionals would work in the country that they learn” should be corrected to “where they learned.” Additionally, the use of “anothers” is incorrect; the correct term is “others.” There are also punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary capitalization of “It” at the beginning of the essay and the inconsistent use of commas, as seen in “This is because, the wealth gap is very different from many countries.”
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and correct word forms. Reviewing common grammatical rules, such as the correct use of articles and plural forms, would be beneficial. For punctuation, practicing the rules for comma usage and sentence boundaries can help. It may also be useful to proofread the essay for capitalization errors and to ensure that each sentence is clear and correctly punctuated.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant discussion, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the writing quality and potentially increase the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, it is widely believed that professionals should work in the country where they received their training and spent most of their time. However, others believe that they should be free to choose their country of employment. This essay will examine both views and provide my opinion on this issue.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why working in the country where they received their training is reasonable. First, they would be respected for their dedication. For instance, doctors and teachers play essential roles in the development of their country, and as a result, people tend to appreciate them. Consequently, the social and financial conditions improve. Second, it is the responsibility of individuals to repay the country’s education. The education system significantly enhances their knowledge and job skills, which are crucial for their careers. Therefore, they would be satisfied knowing that their efforts are contributing to their country.

On the other hand, I believe that individuals should be free to work in the country of their choice. The primary reason is that it would alleviate their financial difficulties. This is because the wealth gap varies significantly between countries. For example, the salaries of doctors in Singapore are significantly higher than those in Vietnam, leading many to seek opportunities in Singapore to improve their lives. Another reason is that living in a country that suits their culture enhances their mental well-being. Specifically, when individuals reside in a place where they are passionate about the local cuisine and lifestyle, they are more likely to achieve greater success in their careers due to a better quality of life.

In conclusion, I think that people should have the freedom to work in the country where they wish to contribute, as there are numerous benefits to this choice.