Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish.

The topic of professionals’ workplaces is controversial. One school of thought holds that professionals in some specific fields have to work in the country where they enrolled in their training courses, while the other believes that they should have the right to work wherever they want. This essay will thoroughly explain why professional workplaces should not be a compulsory requirement.
On the one hand, it is understandable why some companies want their staffs, who just did their training, to work in the same country. The rationale behind this is that it will provide a working environment that fits the professionals’ standards. For instance, some commuters who are professional in some particular fields might find it difficult to work in a different country, since they can not be provided with facilities which are needed. Moreover, working in the country where they did their training will make it easier for commuters to learn about the companies’ traditions, since they will have time to learn about that companies’s culture and correctly adjust their manners to be appropriate in some specific circumstances.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that professionals should be allowed to choose which countries they want to work in. There are many reasons behind this statement, one of them is that by providing professional workers the permissions to work independently in a different country will give them the feeling of being respect by their companies. This might be critical for workers who want to work in their native country, or people who are not convenient with working too far from their home. Moreover, for some individuals, sense of indepence is crucial, so giving workers the control over their workplaces will make them working more willingly, further contributing to that company’s success.
In conclusion, while requesting professionals to work in the country where their training courses were taken place might have some significant advantages, I would like to mention that allowing them to freely choose their working environment will be more advantageous, both on the individual and societal level.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The topic of professionals’ workplaces is controversial." -> "The topic of professional workplace locations is contentious."
Explanation: Replacing "controversial" with "contentious" provides a more precise term that is commonly used in academic contexts to describe issues that are debated or disputed.
"One school of thought holds that professionals in some specific fields have to work in the country where they enrolled in their training courses" -> "One perspective suggests that professionals in certain fields must work in the country where they completed their training"
Explanation: "Perspective" is more formal than "school of thought," and "must" is more direct and formal than "have to." Additionally, "completed their training" is more precise than "enrolled in their training courses."
"the other believes" -> "others argue"
Explanation: "Others argue" is more formal and academically appropriate than "the other believes," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"staffs" -> "staff members"
Explanation: "Staff members" is the correct plural form of "staff," which is more formal and appropriate in academic writing.
"who just did their training" -> "who have recently completed their training"
Explanation: "Have recently completed their training" is more formal and precise than "just did their training," which is too informal for academic writing.
"can not be provided with facilities which are needed" -> "cannot be provided with the necessary facilities"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form of "can not," and "the necessary facilities" is more formal and precise than "which are needed."
"commuters" -> "professionals"
Explanation: "Commuters" incorrectly implies people traveling to work, whereas "professionals" correctly refers to individuals in a specific occupation.
"will have time to learn about that companies’s culture" -> "will have the opportunity to learn about the company’s culture"
Explanation: "The opportunity" is more formal than "time," and "the company’s" is the correct possessive form.
"correctly adjust their manners to be appropriate in some specific circumstances" -> "appropriately adapt their behavior to specific situations"
Explanation: "Appropriately adapt their behavior" is more precise and formal than "correctly adjust their manners," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"I firmly believe" -> "I strongly contend"
Explanation: "I strongly contend" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing than "I firmly believe."
"permissions to work independently" -> "authorization to work independently"
Explanation: "Authorization" is a more formal term than "permissions," which is less commonly used in this context.
"feeling of being respect by their companies" -> "feeling of being respected by their employers"
Explanation: "Feeling of being respected" is grammatically correct, and "employers" is more formal than "companies" in this context.
"not convenient with working too far from their home" -> "not comfortable with working at a distance from their home"
Explanation: "Not comfortable with working at a distance from their home" is more precise and formal than "not convenient with working too far from their home."
"sense of indepence" -> "sense of independence"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error for "independence."
"will make them working more willingly" -> "will encourage them to work more willingly"
Explanation: "Will encourage them to work more willingly" is grammatically correct and more formal than "will make them working more willingly."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether professionals should be required to work in the country where they trained. The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs provide arguments for both the necessity of local employment and the benefits of freedom to choose one’s workplace. However, while the essay mentions the rationale for both views, the depth of analysis for the opposing viewpoint could be improved. For instance, the discussion on the advantages of professionals working in their training country could include more concrete examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides. Including specific examples, such as the impact on local economies or healthcare systems when professionals remain in their training countries, would enhance the argument. Additionally, a more explicit acknowledgment of the potential downsides of allowing professionals to work abroad would provide a more nuanced view.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that professionals should have the freedom to choose where they work. This stance is consistently presented throughout the essay, particularly in the second body paragraph. However, the transition between discussing the opposing viewpoint and the author’s own position could be smoother. The phrase "On the other hand" signals a shift, but the connection between the two perspectives could be more explicitly stated to reinforce the contrast.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer could use transitional phrases that not only indicate a shift but also clarify the relationship between the two viewpoints. For example, stating why the benefits of freedom outweigh the advantages of local employment would strengthen the argument. Additionally, reiterating the main position in the conclusion while summarizing the key points would reinforce the clarity of the stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the freedom of professionals to choose their workplace, such as the importance of respect and independence. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, the mention of "sense of independence" is relevant but could be expanded with examples of how this impacts job satisfaction and productivity. The essay also introduces the idea of cultural adjustment but does not fully explore its implications for professionals working abroad.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could involve discussing specific scenarios where professionals have thrived in different countries or how companies benefit from a diverse workforce. Additionally, integrating data or research findings could lend more credibility to the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic and addresses the prompt directly. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing "commuters" and their challenges, which may not be directly relevant to the core argument about professional freedom. This could confuse readers about the main point being made.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all examples and discussions directly relate to the central argument of professional freedom. It might be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall thesis. Additionally, avoiding tangential discussions about unrelated aspects of the workplace would help keep the essay on track.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With improvements in depth of analysis, clarity of transitions, elaboration of ideas, and focus on the topic, the essay could achieve an even higher score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the two opposing views on the topic, setting the stage for the discussion. Each body paragraph addresses a distinct perspective: the first supports the idea of professionals working in their training country, while the second advocates for freedom of choice. However, the logical progression between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of working in the training country to the argument for freedom lacks a more explicit connection, which could confuse readers about how these points relate to each other.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer transition phrases that explicitly link ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the advantages of working in the training country, a transitional sentence could summarize these points before introducing the counterargument, such as, "Despite these advantages, there are compelling reasons to allow professionals the freedom to choose their workplace."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth. The first paragraph is slightly longer and more detailed, while the second paragraph, although it presents a strong argument, could benefit from more examples or elaboration to match the depth of the first.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach in paragraph length and detail. For the second paragraph, consider adding specific examples or statistics that support the argument for professionals working freely in different countries. This could enhance the persuasive power of the argument and provide a more comprehensive view.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the essay relies heavily on basic cohesive devices and could benefit from a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, phrases like "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" could enhance the flow between sentences and ideas, making the argument more cohesive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking phrases throughout the essay. For example, when introducing additional points or examples, use "Moreover" or "Additionally." When contrasting ideas, consider using "Conversely" or "In contrast." This will not only improve the flow but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments clearly, enhancing logical connections, balancing paragraph content, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "controversial," "rationale," and "independently" indicating an attempt to use varied language. However, the vocabulary is sometimes repetitive and lacks sophistication. For example, the phrase "working in the country where they did their training" is used multiple times, which could be varied to enhance the essay’s lexical richness.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "country where they did their training," alternatives such as "training location" or "home country" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "professional mobility" or "cross-border employment," would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its intended meaning, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the feeling of being respect by their companies" is incorrect; it should be "the feeling of being respected." Additionally, "commuters who are professional in some particular fields" is awkward and could be more clearly stated as "professionals in specific fields."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. Reviewing sentences for grammatical correctness and ensuring that terms are used in their proper context will help. For example, replacing "commuters" with "professionals" and ensuring correct forms of words

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "One school of thought holds that professionals in some specific fields have to work in the country where they enrolled in their training courses." This sentence effectively combines multiple clauses to convey a nuanced idea. Additionally, the use of conditional phrases like "if they wish" shows an understanding of conditional structures. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and similar structures, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which could be diversified further to enhance the flow and engagement of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of consistently starting with "On the one hand" or "On the other hand," you could use phrases like "Conversely," or "In contrast," to introduce opposing viewpoints. Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences can add depth to your arguments and make the writing more engaging.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are noticeable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "some commuters who are professional in some particular fields" is awkwardly constructed; it would be clearer to say "some professionals in specific fields." Furthermore, there are punctuation issues, such as the missing comma in "by providing professional workers the permissions to work independently in a different country will give them the feeling of being respect by their companies," which should be revised for clarity and grammatical correctness. The phrase "that companies’s culture" contains a possessive error, as it should be "that company’s culture."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of possessives. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing writing can help solidify these concepts. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, especially in complex sentences, can prevent misunderstandings. Consider reading your essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes, as this can often highlight issues that may not be immediately apparent when reading silently.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, there are specific areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the essay can achieve a higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

On the one hand, it is understandable why some companies want their staff members, who have recently completed their training, to work in the same country. The rationale behind this is that it will provide a working environment that fits the professionals’ standards. For instance, some professionals in particular fields might find it difficult to work in a different country, since they cannot be provided with the necessary facilities. Moreover, working in the country where they did their training will make it easier for professionals to learn about the companies’ traditions, since they will have time to learn about that company’s culture and appropriately adjust their behavior to specific situations.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that professionals should be allowed to choose which countries they want to work in. There are many reasons behind this statement; one of them is that providing professional workers with the authorization to work independently in a different country will give them the feeling of being respected by their employers. This might be critical for workers who want to work in their native country or for people who are not comfortable with working too far from their home. Moreover, for some individuals, a sense of independence is crucial, so giving workers control over their workplaces will encourage them to work more willingly, further contributing to that company’s success.

In conclusion, while requiring professionals to work in the country where their training courses were taken might have some significant advantages, I would like to mention that allowing them to freely choose their working environment will be more advantageous, both on an individual and societal level.