Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is argued that professionals, such as doctors and engineers should contribute skillful experts to work in the nation where they complete their education. While others believe that professionals should freely choose where in the country they want to work. This essay discusses both viewpoints, although I strongly agree with the latter opinion because everybody should be allowed to choose their work environment.
According to many people, a person must work in the country where they were trained. The reason that they have been supported by a lot of opportunities to and provide them training when they learn.During the program, the government invests its money and resources into a person , assuming that they would give back to the country once they become professionals, by providing their services in the same country, work to pay back the value what they were given.
On the other hand, some people believe that individuals should be free to choose wherever they want to work after finishing their training. Because the cost of training was covered in school fees that work fairly . If they were to receive knowledge, they would have to pay for this.The decision of where a person chooses to work depends on numerous factors, including the work-life balance offered by the place and certain laws of that area. Moreover it also contribute to the indirectly our homeland, support their family , increased reputation. For example, a lot of foreigners from other countries are being paid very highly for working in Vietnam.Moreover, if someone works at a place where they do not feel satisfied, they will not be able to work to their maximum potential.
In conclusion, although both viewpoints provide substantial arguments, I believe that professionals should have the freedom to choose where they want to contribute their services.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"professionals, such as doctors and engineers should contribute skillful experts" -> "professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should contribute their expertise"
Explanation: The phrase "contribute skillful experts" is awkward and unclear. "Contribute their expertise" is more precise and natural, emphasizing the professional skills and knowledge that these individuals bring to their work. -
"nation where they complete their education" -> "country where they completed their education"
Explanation: "Nation" is less specific than "country," and "complete" should be in the past participle form "completed" to match the past tense of the sentence. -
"professionals should freely choose where in the country they want to work" -> "professionals should be free to choose where in the country they wish to work"
Explanation: "Should freely choose" is redundant; "should be free to choose" is more direct and formal. Also, "wish" is more formal than "want" in academic writing. -
"everybody should be allowed to choose their work environment" -> "everyone should be permitted to select their work environment"
Explanation: "Everybody" is somewhat informal and vague; "everyone" is more formal. "Permitted" is more precise than "allowed," and "select" is more formal than "choose." -
"a person must work in the country where they were trained" -> "an individual should work in the country where they were trained"
Explanation: "Must" implies obligation, which may be too strong; "should" suggests a recommendation, which is more appropriate in academic discussions. "Individual" is a more formal term than "person." -
"the government invests its money and resources into a person" -> "the government invests its resources in the individual"
Explanation: "Into a person" is incorrect; "in the individual" is the correct prepositional phrase. Also, "money" is redundant when "resources" already includes financial aspects. -
"assuming that they would give back to the country once they become professionals" -> "assuming they will contribute to the country once they become professionals"
Explanation: "Give back" is informal and vague; "contribute" is more precise and formal. "Will" is more appropriate than "would" for a future assumption. -
"work to pay back the value what they were given" -> "work to repay the value they received"
Explanation: "Pay back" is informal and slightly awkward; "repay" is more formal and fits better in academic writing. "What" should be "that" after "the value." -
"Because the cost of training was covered in school fees that work fairly" -> "Because the cost of training was covered by school fees, which are reasonable"
Explanation: "That work fairly" is unclear and informal; "which are reasonable" clarifies the meaning and is more formal. -
"the decision of where a person chooses to work depends on numerous factors" -> "the decision of where an individual chooses to work depends on various factors"
Explanation: "Numerous" is somewhat informal; "various" is more precise and formal. "An individual" is preferred over "a person" for formality. -
"certain laws of that area" -> "specific laws of that region"
Explanation: "Laws of that area" is vague; "specific laws of that region" is more precise and formal. -
"Moreover it also contribute to the indirectly our homeland" -> "Moreover, it also contributes indirectly to our homeland"
Explanation: "Moreover it also contribute" is grammatically incorrect; "Moreover, it also contributes" corrects the punctuation and verb agreement. "Indirectly" should be separated from "contribute" for clarity. -
"support their family, increased reputation" -> "support their families and enhance their reputation"
Explanation: "Support their family" is grammatically incorrect; "support their families" corrects this. "Increased" is vague; "enhance" is more precise and formal. -
"a lot of foreigners from other countries are being paid very highly" -> "many foreign professionals are being paid highly"
Explanation: "A lot of" is informal; "many" is more formal. "Foreigners" is vague; "foreign professionals" specifies the type of individuals. "Very highly" is informal; "highly" is sufficient. -
"if someone works at a place where they do not feel satisfied" -> "if someone works in a place where they are not satisfied"
Explanation: "At a place" is less formal; "in a place" is more appropriate. "Do not feel satisfied" is awkward; "are not satisfied" is more direct and formal.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether professionals should work in the country where they trained or be free to choose their workplace. The first paragraph introduces the two viewpoints, while subsequent paragraphs provide arguments for each perspective. However, the discussion of the first viewpoint lacks depth and clarity, particularly in explaining the rationale behind the belief that professionals should remain in their training country. The second viewpoint is more developed, but the essay could benefit from a more balanced examination of both sides.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for both viewpoints. For instance, elaborating on the potential benefits to the country of training professionals could strengthen the first argument. Additionally, including counterarguments or acknowledging the complexity of the issue would provide a more nuanced discussion.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of professionals having the freedom to choose where to work. This opinion is consistent throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the transition from discussing the first viewpoint to the second could be smoother, as the shift feels abrupt. The rationale for the writer’s position is presented, but it could be articulated more convincingly.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, reinforcing the main opinion with stronger, more persuasive language and examples would help solidify the position throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both viewpoints, but the support for these ideas is inconsistent. The first viewpoint is introduced but lacks sufficient elaboration, while the second viewpoint is more developed with some supporting examples. The example of foreigners working in Vietnam is relevant but could be expanded to illustrate the broader implications of professionals working abroad.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more specific examples and detailed explanations for each point made. This could include statistics, case studies, or personal anecdotes that illustrate the benefits of professionals working in their home country versus abroad. Additionally, ensuring that each idea is fully developed before moving on to the next will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second viewpoint’s discussion. The phrase "support their family, increased reputation" feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument and could be better integrated into the overall discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central argument of the essay. This can be achieved by revisiting the prompt throughout the writing process and ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the main question. Additionally, avoiding vague statements and ensuring clarity in the expression of ideas will help keep the essay on topic.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear argument, but it would benefit from deeper analysis, stronger examples, and improved coherence to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and states the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss both viewpoints, which is essential for addressing the prompt. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the first viewpoint to the second is somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that would guide the reader more smoothly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to indicate a shift in perspective. For example, phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast" could help signal the change from one viewpoint to another. Additionally, ensure that each point made is clearly connected to the main argument, reinforcing the overall thesis throughout the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could be more distinct in their focus. For example, the first body paragraph mixes ideas about government investment and personal responsibility without clearly delineating these points.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that summarizes the main point, followed by supporting details. For instance, in the first body paragraph, separate the discussion of government investment and the expectation of professionals into two distinct paragraphs to clarify the arguments.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand" and "moreover," which help connect ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and could be more varied. For example, phrases like "for instance" or "in addition" could be used to introduce examples or additional points more effectively.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. This could include using synonyms for commonly used devices or varying sentence structures. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriatelyto enhance clarity. For example, when introducing an example, use "for example" or "such as" to clearly indicate that you are providing specific evidence to support your point.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a stronger performance in the Coherence and Cohesion criteria.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms like "professionals," "training," "opportunities," and "work-life balance." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "work" and "country." Phrases such as "skillful experts" and "provide their services" are somewhat generic and could be enhanced with more varied expressions.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more specific terms. For instance, instead of repeating "work," alternatives like "employment," "career," or "professional engagement" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "contribute to society" or "utilize their expertise" would enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "contribute skillful experts" is awkward and unclear. The expression "the government invests its money and resources into a person" is also vague; it would be clearer to say "the government invests in the education of individuals." Additionally, "work to pay back the value what they were given" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. For instance, instead of "contribute skillful experts," a more precise phrase could be "ensure that skilled professionals contribute." Furthermore, restructuring sentences for clarity, such as changing "work to pay back the value what they were given" to "provide services in return for the investment made in their education," would improve precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "skillful" (should be "skilled"), "wherever" (used incorrectly as "where in the country"), and "contribute to the indirectly our homeland" (which is grammatically incorrect and confusing). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, practicing writing and focusing on commonly misspelled words can help improve overall spelling skills. Keeping a list of frequently used terms and their correct spellings may also be beneficial.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("According to many people, a person must work in the country where they were trained") and compound sentences ("On the other hand, some people believe that individuals should be free to choose wherever they want to work after finishing their training"). However, the range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For instance, the sentence "The reason that they have been supported by a lot of opportunities to and provide them training when they learn" is unclear and lacks proper structure.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex and compound-complex sentences. For example, instead of using a simple structure, try starting with a dependent clause: "Although many believe that professionals should work in their training country, I argue that they should have the freedom to choose." Additionally, practice using different sentence openings and varying the length of sentences to create a more engaging flow.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: There are several grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay. For example, the phrase "professionals, such as doctors and engineers should contribute skillful experts" is missing a comma before "should," which affects clarity. Additionally, the phrase "the government invests its money and resources into a person , assuming that they would give back to the country" contains an unnecessary space before the comma. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and word choice, such as "work to pay back the value what they were given," which should be rephrased for clarity and correctness.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully for punctuation errors and awkward phrasing. Consider revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that subject-verb agreement is maintained throughout. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and rectify errors. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on common grammatical structures can build confidence and accuracy in future essays.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the band score in this criterion.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is argued that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should contribute their expertise by working in the country where they completed their education. While others believe that professionals should be free to choose where in the country they wish to work. This essay discusses both viewpoints, although I strongly agree with the latter opinion because everyone should be permitted to select their work environment.
According to many people, an individual should work in the country where they were trained. The reason for this belief is that they have been supported by numerous opportunities and resources during their education. The government invests its resources in the individual, assuming they will contribute to the country once they become professionals by providing their services in the same country, thereby repaying the value they received.
On the other hand, some people believe that individuals should be free to choose wherever they want to work after finishing their training. Because the cost of training was covered by school fees, which are reasonable, they should not be obligated to remain in the country. The decision of where an individual chooses to work depends on various factors, including the work-life balance offered by the location and the specific laws of that region. Moreover, it also contributes indirectly to our homeland, as these professionals can support their families and enhance their reputation. For example, many foreign professionals are being paid highly for working in Vietnam. Furthermore, if someone works in a place where they are not satisfied, they will not be able to perform to their maximum potential.
In conclusion, although both viewpoints provide substantial arguments, I believe that professionals should have the freedom to choose where they want to contribute their services.
