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Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

One school of thought holds that the professional should apply for the domestic institutions, while others argue those workers could work in foreign company based on their preferences. This essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favor of the latter notion.

On the one hand, those who work in professional fields have to work in a country that educates them to some certain extent. First and foremost, most of the educational institution is funded by the government. Thus, students should be obliged to repay the efforts of the country that has educated them by having them work in that country to build their careers. Furthermore, they have to weather the responsibility of developing country after graduating. This is because professionals indirectly receive government support during their education, so they are expected to use their expertise to help contribute to the country. This is a way to give back to the nation.

On the other hand, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that workers should freely choose the nation in which they want to operate. One rationale is that forcing people to stay in a particular country goes against the values of a free and fair society. This perception could be clarified by the fact that people should have the freedom to select what is most suitable for themselves, including where they want to live and work. Another rationale is that this could bring about the feeling of negative, thereby decreasing their work performance. As a result, the profit of the company in which individuals are working could seriously drop.

In conclusion, while it is irrefutable that highly skilled workers should shoulder the responsibility of developing country that supports their study, but I would contend that individuals even have their opinions, and we should respect this.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "One school of thought holds that the professional should apply for the domestic institutions, while others argue those workers could work in foreign company based on their preferences." -> "One perspective asserts that professionals should seek employment within their home country’s institutions, while others argue that these individuals could choose to work for foreign companies based on their preferences."
    Explanation: The original sentence is somewhat unclear and informal. The suggested alternative rephrases the idea using more precise language and aligns better with academic tone.

  2. "This essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favor of the latter notion." -> "This essay aims to examine both viewpoints before ultimately expressing a preference for the latter stance."
    Explanation: The original sentence is overly personal and informal. The suggested alternative maintains clarity while adopting a more formal tone.

  3. "those who work in professional fields have to work in a country that educates them to some certain extent." -> "Professionals are often obligated to work in the country that provided them with their education to a certain extent."
    Explanation: The revised version enhances formality and clarity by rephrasing the sentence in a more structured manner.

  4. "students should be obliged to repay the efforts of the country that has educated them by having them work in that country to build their careers." -> "Graduates should feel a sense of obligation to contribute to the country that facilitated their education by pursuing their careers within its borders."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative employs more formal language and clarifies the idea by specifying that graduates are expected to contribute to the country by building their careers within its borders.

  5. "Furthermore, they have to weather the responsibility of developing country after graduating." -> "Additionally, they bear the responsibility of contributing to the development of the country upon completing their education."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more appropriate vocabulary and structure to convey the idea of contributing to the country’s development.

  6. "forcing people to stay in a particular country goes against the values of a free and fair society." -> "Compelling individuals to remain in a specific country contradicts the principles of a free and equitable society."
    Explanation: The alternative maintains the meaning while employing more formal language and improving sentence structure.

  7. "people should have the freedom to select what is most suitable for themselves, including where they want to live and work." -> "Individuals should have the autonomy to choose what is most suitable for them, including the location of their residence and employment."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative enhances formality and precision in expressing the idea of personal freedom.

  8. "Another rationale is that this could bring about the feeling of negative, thereby decreasing their work performance." -> "Another rationale is that this could engender negative emotions, consequently diminishing their work performance."
    Explanation: The alternative uses more formal language and provides a clearer expression of the potential impact on work performance.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument by discussing the idea that professionals should work in the country of their training and presenting the opposing view that they should be free to work in another country. However, the explanation of each perspective is somewhat brief, lacking in depth and examples. The essay tends to lean more towards supporting the view that professionals should be free to work in any country.
    • How to improve: To improve, provide a more balanced and detailed discussion of both perspectives. Include specific examples or scenarios to illustrate each viewpoint. This will enhance the depth of analysis and demonstrate a more thorough understanding of the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay takes a clear stance favoring the idea that professionals should be free to work in any country. This position is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. The stance is maintained consistently throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider providing more nuanced reasons and counterarguments for the chosen stance. This will add depth to the essay and showcase a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both perspectives but lacks sufficient development. There is limited elaboration on the reasons supporting each view. Additionally, the essay would benefit from more specific examples to illustrate the points made.
    • How to improve: Extend the discussion of each perspective by providing more detailed explanations and examples. This will enhance the overall development of ideas and make the essay more persuasive and convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the two views presented in the prompt. However, there are instances where the language is unclear or ambiguous, which might slightly detract from the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph is directly related to the topic and that the language used is clear and precise. Clarify any ambiguous statements to improve the overall coherence and focus of the essay.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, development of ideas, and clarity of language. Enhancing these aspects will contribute to a more comprehensive and well-structured essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines the two views before presenting the author’s opinion in the conclusion. However, within paragraphs, there is a need for better cohesion. For instance, the transition between the reasons supporting the first perspective is abrupt. A more structured and interconnected flow of ideas would enhance coherence.
    • How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider grouping related ideas together within paragraphs. Use clear transitions to guide the reader from one point to the next. For instance, when discussing the reasons supporting the first perspective, ensure a smooth transition between each point to enhance overall coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but their effectiveness varies. While the introduction and conclusion are distinct, some body paragraphs lack clear structural organization. The paragraph discussing reasons for the first perspective, for example, would benefit from breaking down each point into separate paragraphs for clarity.
    • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows a logical order of presentation. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller, focused ones. This not only aids in comprehension but also contributes to a more organized and cohesive essay structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words ("on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety and effectiveness of these devices. A more diverse range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, linking words, and synonyms, would enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider array of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, use pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas and employ synonyms or parallel structures to maintain coherence. This will contribute to a more seamless and connected flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There are instances where the writer employs varied words, such as "compelling reasons," "rationale," "irrefutable," and "shoulder the responsibility." However, some sentences could benefit from more specific and varied vocabulary to enhance overall lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To elevate the vocabulary, consider incorporating more precise and nuanced terms. For instance, instead of using common phrases like "some certain extent," explore specific terms that convey a clearer meaning. Additionally, strive for more sophistication in expressing ideas to showcase a broader lexical repertoire.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, but there are instances where word choices could be more exact. For example, the phrase "rationale is that" might be refined to "the argument is that" for increased clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. During revision, analyze sentences where more exact terms could replace general phrases. This can enhance the overall precision of expression and improve the reader’s understanding.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors like "negative" instead of "negativity" and "profit" instead of "profits." Overall, spelling does not significantly impede comprehension.
    • How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to minor errors. Additionally, consider using spell-check tools to catch any overlooked mistakes. Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically can contribute to improved spelling proficiency.

General Feedback:
The essay presents a balanced discussion of the prompt, providing arguments for both perspectives before stating a personal opinion. The structure is coherent, with clear topic sentences for each paragraph. However, enhancing lexical variety and precision can elevate the overall quality of expression. Additionally, minor spelling errors can be addressed through thorough proofreading. Overall, this essay demonstrates competence in addressing the prompt, and with refinements in vocabulary and spelling, it has the potential to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fair range of sentence structures. It uses simple and complex structures, including conditional sentences ("if they wish"), passive voice ("are funded by the government"), and some subordinate clauses. However, there is room for improvement in enhancing sentence variety for a more sophisticated presentation.
    • How to improve: To elevate the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences. Additionally, try using varied sentence beginnings and lengths to create a more engaging and dynamic prose.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally sound command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where errors and awkward constructions impact clarity. For example, the phrase "shoulder the responsibility of developing country" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "shoulder the responsibility of developing the country." There are also issues with word choices (e.g., "the feeling of negative" could be "negative feelings").
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to grammatical accuracy and word choice. Proofread carefully to catch errors and awkward phrasing. Consider seeking feedback from others or using grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify issues. Also, aim for precision in your language to enhance overall clarity and coherence.

Overall, this essay displays a commendable proficiency in grammatical range and accuracy, but there is room for refinement in sentence structure variety and meticulous proofreading to elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

One perspective asserts that professionals should seek employment within their home country’s institutions, while others argue that these individuals could choose to work for foreign companies based on their preferences. This essay aims to examine both viewpoints before ultimately expressing a preference for the latter stance.

Professionals are often obligated to work in the country that provided them with their education to a certain extent. Graduates should feel a sense of obligation to contribute to the country that facilitated their education by pursuing their careers within its borders. Additionally, they bear the responsibility of contributing to the development of the country upon completing their education. Compelling individuals to remain in a specific country contradicts the principles of a free and equitable society. Individuals should have the autonomy to choose what is most suitable for them, including the location of their residence and employment.

Another rationale is that this could engender negative emotions, consequently diminishing their work performance. One school of thought holds that professionals should apply to domestic institutions, while others argue that these workers could work in a foreign company based on their preferences. This essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favor of the latter notion.

On the one hand, those who work in professional fields have to work in a country that educates them to some extent. First and foremost, most educational institutions are funded by the government. Thus, students should be obliged to repay the efforts of the country that has educated them by working in that country to build their careers. Furthermore, they have the responsibility of developing the country after graduating. This is because professionals indirectly receive government support during their education, so they are expected to use their expertise to help contribute to the country. This is a way to give back to the nation.

On the other hand, there are compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that workers should freely choose the nation in which they want to operate. One rationale is that forcing people to stay in a particular country goes against the values of a free and fair society. This perception could be clarified by the fact that people should have the freedom to select what is most suitable for themselves, including where they want to live and work. Another rationale is that this could bring about the feeling of negativity, thereby decreasing their work performance. As a result, the profit of the company in which individuals are working could seriously drop.

In conclusion, while it is irrefutable that highly skilled workers should shoulder the responsibility of developing the country that supports their study, I would contend that individuals even have their opinions, and we should respect this.

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