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Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

One school of thought holds that the professionals should cater to the institution in their motherland, while others argue they could apply for the foreign constitution based on their preferences. This essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favor of the latter notion.

On the one hand, the people who worked in the professional jobs should workoperate in their hometown to a certain extent. First and foremost, those could boost their ladder career in their country. For example, the students who are studying for a Doctor in Pham Ngoc Thach Medical University, incorporating a renowned hospital, the new graduates who work here could reap numerous benefits from social relationships and have opportunities to enhance their skills. Furthermore, they do not need to learn foreign languages to communicate with their client. This is because most of their patients have the same language as them, so they could focus on their performance, thereby cultivating their work productivity.

On the other hand, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that the candidate with professional occupations could freely choose their choice based on their interests. Firstly, working in a different country could expaend their social circle. This perception could be reinforced by the fact that they have to familiarize themselves with a new environment ,such as culture and history, thereby having more chance to meet new people. Secondly, they could become a better version of themselves. To be more specific, those have to learn the language, culture, and history of a particular country, this requires a large amount of effort, thereby leading to broadening their horizons.

In conclusion, while it is irrefutable that those are professional should yield numerous benefits for working inat their homeland ,I would contend that candidates could bestow numerous upsides upon working in a foreign company.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "One school of thought holds that the professionals should cater to the institution in their motherland, while others argue they could apply for the foreign constitution based on their preferences." -> "One perspective argues that professionals should contribute to institutions in their home country, while another contends that they could opt for foreign assignments based on their preferences."
    Explanation: Replacing "cater to the institution" with "contribute to institutions" and "foreign constitution" with "foreign assignments" enhances formality and clarity, avoiding potential confusion.

  2. "This essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favor of the latter notion." -> "This essay aims to explore both viewpoints before asserting a preference for the latter stance."
    Explanation: The suggested change maintains a formal tone and replaces the informal "shed light on" with "explore."

  3. "On the one hand, the people who worked in the professional jobs should workoperate in their hometown to a certain extent." -> "On one hand, professionals should operate in their hometown to a certain extent."
    Explanation: Removing redundancy by eliminating "the people who worked in the professional jobs" and simplifying the sentence to enhance clarity and formality.

  4. "those could boost their ladder career in their country." -> "individuals could advance their careers in their home country."
    Explanation: Substituting "boost their ladder career" with "advance their careers" improves clarity and formality.

  5. "For example, the students who are studying for a Doctor in Pham Ngoc Thach Medical University, incorporating a renowned hospital, the new graduates who work here could reap numerous benefits from social relationships and have opportunities to enhance their skills." -> "For instance, students pursuing a Doctorate at Pham Ngoc Thach Medical University, which is affiliated with a renowned hospital, could derive various benefits in terms of social connections and skill enhancement upon graduation."
    Explanation: The suggested revision provides a more structured and formal expression while maintaining clarity.

  6. "Furthermore, they do not need to learn foreign languages to communicate with their client." -> "Moreover, they do not need to acquire proficiency in foreign languages to communicate with their clients."
    Explanation: Replacing "foreign languages" with "proficiency in foreign languages" adds precision and formality to the statement.

  7. "On the other hand, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that the candidate with professional occupations could freely choose their choice based on their interests." -> "On the other hand, there are compelling reasons why I am convinced that professionals should have the freedom to choose their work based on their interests."
    Explanation: Simplifying and clarifying the sentence by avoiding unnecessary repetition and improving sentence structure.

  8. "Firstly, working in a different country could expaend their social circle." -> "Firstly, working in a different country could expand their social circle."
    Explanation: Correcting the typo in "expaend" to "expand" for accuracy.

  9. "This perception could be reinforced by the fact that they have to familiarize themselves with a new environment, such as culture and history, thereby having more chance to meet new people." -> "This perception is reinforced by the necessity to familiarize themselves with a new environment, encompassing culture and history, thereby increasing their opportunities to meet new people."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and precision, and avoiding the use of "more chance" with "increasing their opportunities."

  10. "To be more specific, those have to learn the language, culture, and history of a particular country, this requires a large amount of effort, thereby leading to broadening their horizons." -> "To be more specific, professionals need to learn the language, culture, and history of a particular country, which demands a significant amount of effort, ultimately broadening their horizons."
    Explanation: Enhancing clarity and formality by specifying "professionals" and rephrasing the sentence for improved structure.

  11. "while it is irrefutable that those are professional should yield numerous benefits for working inat their homeland" -> "while it is indisputable that professionals can derive numerous benefits from working in their homeland"
    Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error and replacing "those are professional should yield" with "professionals can derive" for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives, discussing the idea that professionals should work in their home country and countering with the view that they should be free to work abroad. However, the discussion is somewhat limited, lacking depth and exploration of nuances in each perspective.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, the writer should delve deeper into the implications of each perspective, providing more specific examples and considering potential counterarguments. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their preference for the view that professionals should be free to work in another country, and this stance is maintained consistently throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: The essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the opposing view to strengthen the overall argument. This involves anticipating and addressing potential counterarguments or acknowledging the merits of the opposing perspective while still defending the chosen stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, but they are often underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For instance, the examples provided in support of working in one’s home country lack specificity and detailed elaboration.
    • How to improve: To improve, the writer should provide more detailed and relevant examples for each perspective. This involves offering specific instances or scenarios that illustrate the points made, adding depth to the argument and making it more convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally veers into vague or repetitive statements, affecting the overall coherence. There is a tendency to make broad generalizations without providing concrete details.
    • How to improve: To stay more focused, the writer should avoid unnecessary repetition and strive for greater clarity and specificity in their examples. This ensures that each point made contributes directly to the overall argument without introducing extraneous information.

In summary, while the essay successfully addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, development of ideas, and clarity of expression. By providing more detailed examples and exploring opposing views in more detail, the essay can elevate its overall quality and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. The introduction presents the two views and the writer’s opinion clearly. However, within paragraphs, there is inconsistency in the development of ideas. For instance, the second paragraph lacks clear progression, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the writer’s opinion but lacks a concise summary of the main points discussed.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea and follows a logical sequence of supporting points. Also, in the conclusion, provide a concise summary of the key arguments made in the body of the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but their structure is uneven. While the introduction and conclusion are distinct, some body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and coherent development. The transition between paragraphs is generally weak, affecting the overall flow of the essay.
    • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Develop the supporting points coherently within each paragraph, and use transition sentences to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs. This will enhance the essay’s overall structure and readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs basic cohesive devices, such as pronouns and conjunctions, but there is room for improvement in variety and sophistication. The transition between ideas and paragraphs is often abrupt, affecting the overall cohesion. Additionally, there are instances where cohesive devices are misused, leading to confusion.
    • How to improve: Work on incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, including transitional words and phrases. Ensure that these devices are used appropriately to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Pay attention to maintaining coherence both within and between paragraphs for a smoother reading experience.

In summary, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion, there is room for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to a more cohesive and well-structured essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied terms and expressions, such as "school of thought," "boost their career ladder," and "reap numerous benefits." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. The language is somewhat repetitive, with certain phrases, like "in their hometown," being used frequently without much variation.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and alternative expressions. Instead of repeatedly using phrases like "in their hometown," explore different ways to convey the same idea. Additionally, strive to introduce more sophisticated vocabulary to elevate the overall lexical richness of the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally demonstrates precise vocabulary usage, as seen in phrases like "expanding their social circle" and "broadening their horizons." However, there are instances of imprecise language, such as "workoperate," which is a fusion of "work" and "operate." Such instances can hinder clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on using words accurately to convey intended meanings. Avoid creating new words unless necessary, as it may confuse the reader. In this case, consider using either "work" or "operate" independently for clarity. Additionally, proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct any instances of imprecise vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of correctly spelled words and some spelling errors. For instance, "Pham Ngoc Thach Medical University" is correctly spelled, but there are errors like "expaend" instead of "expand." While the errors do not significantly impede understanding, they can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling during the proofreading process. Utilize spelling and grammar checking tools, and consider seeking feedback from others to identify and rectify any spelling errors. Develop a habit of reviewing written work meticulously to ensure accurate spelling throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, improvements can be made in expanding vocabulary, using terms more precisely, and maintaining consistent spelling accuracy. Focusing on these aspects will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and complex structures are used, such as compound sentences ("One school of thought holds that…") and complex sentences with subordination ("Furthermore, they do not need to learn foreign languages…"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety of structures to enhance overall fluency and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with varied subordination and coordination. For instance, try using relative clauses, participial phrases, and conditional structures to add depth and complexity to your writing. This will contribute to a more polished and nuanced expression of ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are notable instances of grammatical errors, such as agreement issues ("those could boost their ladder career") and awkward phrasing ("working in the professional jobs should workoperate"). Punctuation, while generally correct, could be refined for smoother readability.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread your work, paying attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to catch errors. Additionally, focus on refining punctuation usage, particularly in complex sentences. Ensure that commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are appropriately placed to improve overall clarity and coherence.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a solid foundation in grammatical range and accuracy, earning a Band Score of 6. To elevate your score, concentrate on expanding the variety of sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. Regular practice and a keen eye for detail in revision will contribute to further improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

One perspective suggests that professionals should contribute to institutions in their home country, while another contends that they could opt for foreign assignments based on their preferences. This essay aims to explore both viewpoints before asserting a preference for the latter stance.

On one hand, professionals should operate in their hometown to a certain extent. Individuals could advance their careers in their home country. For instance, students pursuing a Doctorate at Pham Ngoc Thach Medical University, affiliated with a renowned hospital, could derive various benefits in terms of social connections and skill enhancement upon graduation. Moreover, they do not need to acquire proficiency in foreign languages to communicate with their clients. This is because most of their patients speak the same language, allowing them to focus on their performance and enhance their work productivity.

On the other hand, there are compelling reasons why professionals should have the freedom to choose their work based on their interests. Firstly, working in a different country could expand their social circle. This perception is reinforced by the necessity to familiarize themselves with a new environment, encompassing culture and history, thereby increasing their opportunities to meet new people. To be more specific, professionals need to learn the language, culture, and history of a particular country, which demands a significant amount of effort, ultimately broadening their horizons.

In conclusion, while it is indisputable that professionals can derive numerous benefits from working in their homeland, I would contend that candidates could bestow numerous upsides upon working in a foreign company.

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