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Some people believe that purchasing imported agricultural products has a positive effect. Others think that consuming domestic products is better. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that purchasing imported agricultural products has a positive effect. Others think that consuming domestic products is better.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is a common belief that importing overseas agricultural products is an outstanding proposal. However, there is a more persuasive argument that social welfare will be more beneficial if consumers purchase and utilize domestic agricultural commodities, which would protect the livelihood of local farmers by not letting prices drop too low.

 On the one hand, purchasing food items brought in from abroad allows people to consume a greater variety of agricultural products. Importing products that cannot be grown domestically will provide abundant choices in the market. For instance, grapes are very difficult to grow in Vietnam, so few farmers are willing to plant them. This resulted in a very limited supply of domestically grown grapes. Fortunately, importing fruits such as these is very common nowadays, and they are available in most markets. This leads to easier enjoyment of this special kind of food by local residents. 

 Nevertheless, it is more necessary to protect domestic agriculture, which is in decline because many imported goods are cheap. This has negative consequences for the local farming industry, which is not always able to compete. For one, importing fruits that come from the motherland often has a more econimical price. When these low prices hit the market, they drive the price down to a level that cannot be matched by local farmers. This led to consumers preferring to purchase less expensive imported products instead of local ones. A good example of this occurred in France, where the country’s high labor and equipment costs make domestically produced farm products rather expensive. When cheaper meat and dairy imports from Spain were introduced, local farmers simply could not deliver products to the market at prices that were competitive with the imports. This led to the farmer going out of business.

 In summary, while importing commodities abroad was a higher consideration for consumers, buying domestic farm products should be our top priority. 


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "outstanding proposal" -> "commendable proposition"
    Explanation: Replacing "outstanding proposal" with "commendable proposition" adds formality and sophistication to the sentence, aligning with academic style.

  2. "social welfare will be more beneficial" -> "social welfare would be better served"
    Explanation: Changing "will be more beneficial" to "would be better served" introduces a conditional tone, making the statement more appropriate for academic discourse.

  3. "consume a greater variety" -> "access a wider array"
    Explanation: Substituting "consume a greater variety" with "access a wider array" maintains the meaning while using a more formal expression, suitable for academic writing.

  4. "willing to plant them" -> "inclined to cultivate them"
    Explanation: Replacing "willing to plant them" with "inclined to cultivate them" introduces a more formal term, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

  5. "limited supply of domestically grown grapes" -> "restricted availability of grapes cultivated locally"
    Explanation: Changing "limited supply of domestically grown grapes" to "restricted availability of grapes cultivated locally" provides a more detailed and formal description.

  6. "This leads to easier enjoyment" -> "This facilitates a more convenient enjoyment"
    Explanation: Substituting "leads to easier enjoyment" with "facilitates a more convenient enjoyment" adds a level of formality and precision to the statement.

  7. "more necessary to protect" -> "essential to safeguard"
    Explanation: Replacing "more necessary to protect" with "essential to safeguard" imparts a stronger and more formal expression to convey the importance of protecting domestic agriculture.

  8. "negative consequences" -> "detrimental effects"
    Explanation: Changing "negative consequences" to "detrimental effects" introduces a more precise and academic term, enhancing the overall formality of the sentence.

  9. "imported goods are cheap" -> "imported goods are inexpensive"
    Explanation: Substituting "imported goods are cheap" with "imported goods are inexpensive" maintains the meaning while using a more formal and nuanced term.

  10. "more econimical price" -> "more economical price"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error in "more econimical price" to "more economical price" ensures proper usage and maintains the formal tone.

  11. "When these low prices hit the market" -> "When these competitively priced items enter the market"
    Explanation: Replacing "When these low prices hit the market" with "When these competitively priced items enter the market" offers a more formal and descriptive expression.

  12. "This led to consumers preferring" -> "This resulted in consumers preferring"
    Explanation: Changing "This led to consumers preferring" to "This resulted in consumers preferring" provides a more nuanced and formal transition between events.

  13. "a more econimical price" -> "a more economical price"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error in "a more econimical price" to "a more economical price" ensures proper usage and maintains the formal tone.

  14. "higher consideration for consumers" -> "greater consideration for consumers"
    Explanation: Substituting "higher consideration for consumers" with "greater consideration for consumers" maintains the meaning while using a more formal expression.

  15. "buying domestic farm products should be our top priority" -> "prioritizing the purchase of domestic agricultural products is imperative"
    Explanation: Transforming "buying domestic farm products should be our top priority" to "prioritizing the purchase of domestic agricultural products is imperative" enhances the formality and precision of the concluding statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is a common belief that importing overseas agricultural products is an outstanding proposal. However, there is a more persuasive argument that social welfare will be more beneficial if consumers purchase and utilize domestic agricultural commodities, which would protect the livelihood of local farmers by not letting prices drop too low."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction presents both sides of the argument but lacks clarity in terms of the writer’s stance. While it introduces the idea of the benefits of both imported and domestic agricultural products, it doesn’t explicitly state the writer’s opinion or provide a roadmap for the essay’s structure. It would be more effective to clearly state the writer’s position and briefly outline the key points to be discussed.
    • Improved example: "While imported agricultural products hold appeal due to their diversity, advocating for domestic consumption becomes paramount to safeguarding local farmers’ livelihoods. This essay will explore the advantages of imported goods, yet it will emphasize the importance of prioritizing domestic produce to support local agriculture."
  2. Quoted text: "For instance, grapes are very difficult to grow in Vietnam, so few farmers are willing to plant them. This resulted in a very limited supply of domestically grown grapes. Fortunately, importing fruits such as these is very common nowadays, and they are available in most markets. This leads to easier enjoyment of this special kind of food by local residents."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While the paragraph provides an example illustrating the scarcity of certain products domestically and the consequent benefit of importing them, it lacks in-depth analysis. The discussion merely scratches the surface without delving into the broader implications or considering counterarguments that support domestic production. To enhance the depth of argumentation, it would be advantageous to explore how this situation affects the local economy or consumer choices more thoroughly.
    • Improved example: "The scarcity of certain fruits like grapes in Vietnam due to agricultural constraints limits local production. While importing such goods addresses this scarcity and offers consumers more choices, it’s crucial to recognize that heavy reliance on imports can negatively impact local farming economies. This situation not only influences consumer preferences but also affects the economic resilience of local farmers, leading to a dependency on foreign produce."
  3. Quoted text: "When these low prices hit the market, they drive the price down to a level that cannot be matched by local farmers. This led to consumers preferring to purchase less expensive imported products instead of local ones."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The paragraph explains the adverse effects of imported products on local farmers’ competitiveness in terms of pricing. However, it lacks further development in addressing potential solutions or mitigation strategies for this issue. Providing suggestions or discussing measures that could support local producers in remaining competitive could strengthen the argument.
    • Improved example: "The influx of competitively priced imported goods often undermines the viability of local produce, driving down prices beyond the reach of local farmers. To counter this, governments might consider implementing policies that support local farmers, such as subsidies or marketing campaigns highlighting the benefits of buying local. Such measures not only aid in maintaining local farmers’ livelihoods but also foster a sense of community resilience and sustainability."

Overall, while the essay adequately covers both viewpoints, it could benefit from deeper analysis and a more structured approach in presenting arguments and counterarguments. Expanding on the implications and proposing solutions could enhance the depth and persuasiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information and ideas coherently with a clear overall progression. It logically organizes information and ideas, providing arguments for both views on purchasing agricultural products. There is effective use of cohesive devices, although there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within and between sentences. The essay does use referencing, but it is not always clear or appropriately done. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically, as some paragraphs could be more clearly defined.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance Cohesion: Ensure that cohesive devices are used more consistently and naturally throughout the essay. Avoid any mechanical or forced use.
  2. Refine Referencing: Work on making referencing clearer and more precise. Ensure that pronouns and connecting phrases maintain a logical relationship between ideas.
  3. Paragraphing Logic: Review and refine the structure of paragraphs to ensure a more logical flow. Each paragraph should focus on a clear central topic to improve overall coherence.

Overall, the essay is on the right track but needs attention to detail in terms of cohesion and paragraph structure to elevate its coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying ideas. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and the writer shows some awareness of style and collocation. While there are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, they do not significantly impede communication.

The essay effectively discusses both views on purchasing imported agricultural products and emphasizes the importance of supporting domestic agriculture. It uses a variety of vocabulary to express ideas and presents examples to support arguments. However, there are instances of minor inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer can focus on refining word choice and ensuring precise collocation. Attention to detail in terms of vocabulary accuracy will further elevate the lexical sophistication of the essay. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors in spelling and word formation can contribute to a more polished and cohesive presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to a varied grammatical range. There are instances of errors in grammar and punctuation, but they rarely impede communication. The writer attempts to use a variety of structures, such as complex sentences, but some inaccuracies and faulty punctuation are present. The overall control of grammar is satisfactory, but improvements are needed for a higher score.

How to improve:

  1. Refine Sentence Structures: Continue to incorporate a range of sentence structures, including complex ones, but ensure accuracy to elevate the essay’s sophistication.
  2. Address Grammatical Errors: Pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy. Review and revise sentences to eliminate errors and enhance overall language precision.
  3. Enhance Punctuation: Work on improving punctuation usage, especially in complex sentences. Ensure that punctuation enhances clarity and coherence.

Overall, a concerted effort to enhance grammatical accuracy and refine sentence structures will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is commonly believed that buying agricultural products from other countries is a good idea. However, a more convincing argument suggests that supporting domestic agriculture is better for social welfare. This approach can safeguard the livelihood of local farmers by preventing a significant drop in prices.

On one hand, purchasing food items from abroad allows people to enjoy a wider variety of agricultural products. Importing items that cannot be grown locally provides abundant choices in the market. For example, grapes are challenging to cultivate in Vietnam, resulting in limited locally grown grapes. Fortunately, the widespread practice of importing such fruits ensures their availability in most markets, allowing local residents to easily enjoy these special foods.

However, it is crucial to prioritize the protection of domestic agriculture, which faces challenges due to the affordability of many imported goods. This has adverse effects on the local farming industry, which struggles to compete. For instance, imported fruits from the home country often have a more economical price. When these low prices enter the market, they push down the prices to a level that local farmers cannot match. This situation occurred in France, where high labor and equipment costs make domestically produced farm products relatively expensive. The introduction of cheaper meat and dairy imports from Spain led to local farmers being unable to offer competitive prices, resulting in some farmers going out of business.

In conclusion, while importing goods from abroad may be a consideration for consumers, prioritizing the purchase of domestic farm products should be our top concern.

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