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Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. I totally agree with this opinion.

The most obvious benefits of reading books is that reading encourages kids’ imagination and significant skills more than watching TV or playing computer games. Books contain only illustrated pictures, children will use their thoughts to create that interesting world by themselves, this results in their concentration and they need to keep the attention due to understanding the content of the books. Besides, reading provides kids an opportunity to develop vocabulary and new knowledge, while watching TV often leads to less contact. Moreover, good books can encourage kids to take up the habit of reading, which is a significant skill helping them self-study and explore new knowledge.

Another benefit proves that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games is that reading books causes less eye problems than focusing on the screen. To most people, healthy eyes are important, even children. Thus, if kids read books in a space with enough light, their eyes will not be affected too much. Parents can give their kids advice when they read books at too close of sight. Sometimes, we can let our children entertain themselves with smartphones and online games because Internet is an interesting world for children too.

In conclusion, reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "I totally agree with this opinion." -> "I wholeheartedly endorse this viewpoint."
    Explanation: Replacing "I totally agree with this opinion" with "I wholeheartedly endorse this viewpoint" elevates the language, making it more formal and aligned with academic writing standards.

  2. "The most obvious benefits of reading books is that reading encourages kids’ imagination and significant skills more than watching TV or playing computer games." -> "The primary advantages of reading books lie in its capacity to stimulate children’s imagination and essential skills, surpassing the impact of watching TV or playing computer games."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains clarity while using a more sophisticated structure and vocabulary to enhance the academic tone.

  3. "Books contain only illustrated pictures…" -> "Books feature illustrations that, coupled with the text, prompt children to visualize and construct an imaginative world."
    Explanation: The suggested change introduces a more formal and precise description, avoiding the use of "only" and offering a nuanced expression.

  4. "…they need to keep the attention due to understanding the content of the books." -> "…they must maintain focus to comprehend the content of the books."
    Explanation: The replacement enhances formality by substituting "need to" with "must" and rephrasing the sentence for greater clarity and precision.

  5. "Moreover, good books can encourage kids to take up the habit of reading, which is a significant skill helping them self-study and explore new knowledge." -> "Furthermore, quality literature can cultivate a reading habit in children, a skill pivotal for self-directed study and the exploration of new knowledge."
    Explanation: The revised sentence employs more advanced vocabulary and phrasing, aligning with formal language conventions.

  6. "Another benefit proves that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games is that reading books causes less eye problems than focusing on the screen." -> "Another compelling aspect demonstrating the superiority of reading stories from a book over watching TV or playing computer games is its association with fewer eye problems compared to prolonged screen focus."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance precision and formality, providing a more academically appropriate expression.

  7. "To most people, healthy eyes are important, even children." -> "For the majority of individuals, maintaining healthy eyes is crucial, particularly for children."
    Explanation: The replacement offers a more formal and precise expression, emphasizing the significance of eye health.

  8. "Sometimes, we can let our children entertain themselves with smartphones and online games because Internet is an interesting world for children too." -> "Occasionally, allowing children to engage with smartphones and online games is acceptable, as the Internet presents an intriguing realm for them as well."
    Explanation: The revised sentence employs a more formal tone and enhances clarity in conveying the idea of children exploring the Internet.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a clear stance agreeing with the belief that reading books is better for children than watching TV or playing computer games. However, the discussion is brief and lacks depth. It briefly touches on the benefits of imagination, vocabulary development, and less eye strain, but it could delve into each aspect more comprehensively.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, elaborate on each point, providing specific examples or evidence. Additionally, consider addressing potential counterarguments to demonstrate a more nuanced understanding.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position by expressing complete agreement with the given perspective. However, the depth of argumentation and the extent to which it engages with opposing viewpoints could be improved.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the position by providing more detailed arguments and addressing potential counterarguments. This will demonstrate a more nuanced understanding and contribute to a more convincing essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the benefits of reading books briefly but lacks detailed elaboration. For example, it mentions imagination, vocabulary development, and eye health but doesn’t delve into these points extensively. There is a need for more depth and specific examples to support each idea.
    • How to improve: Extend the discussion on each point, providing specific examples, anecdotes, or studies that support the stated benefits of reading books. This will add credibility and depth to the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages of reading books over watching TV or playing computer games. However, it briefly mentions smartphones and online games, which slightly deviates from the main focus.
    • How to improve: Ensure a more focused response by avoiding tangential points. If the mention of smartphones and online games is relevant, integrate it more seamlessly into the discussion or omit it to maintain a tighter focus on the main topic.

In conclusion, while the essay expresses a clear position and touches on relevant points, it could significantly benefit from a more detailed and nuanced exploration of each idea. Strengthening the depth of analysis, addressing potential counterarguments, and maintaining a laser focus on the main topic will contribute to a more thorough and convincing response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a logical organization. It starts with an introduction presenting the opinion, followed by two well-developed body paragraphs that present distinct benefits of reading books. The first paragraph focuses on imagination and vocabulary development, while the second addresses potential eye problems. The conclusion summarizes the argument. However, there is a slight abruptness in the transition between the two body paragraphs, affecting overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, phrases like "Furthermore," or "Additionally," can aid in maintaining a seamless transition.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs, each addressing a specific point. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately one paragraph each, while the body is divided into two paragraphs. However, the structure within the body paragraphs could be refined for better coherence. In the second body paragraph, the discussion on eye problems might benefit from a more gradual development of ideas.
    • How to improve: Aim for a clear and organized structure within paragraphs. Develop each idea progressively, ensuring a smooth transition from one point to another. This can be achieved through the use of topic sentences, supporting details, and concluding sentences within each paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as transitions like "besides" and "moreover," aiding in the overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of cohesive devices used. A more extensive range, including pronouns, parallel structures, and linking words, could strengthen the essay’s cohesion.
    • How to improve: Integrate a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences. For instance, using pronouns like "this" or "these" can refer back to previously mentioned ideas. Employ parallel structures for similar ideas, creating a smoother and more coherent flow. Consider expanding the range of transitional words to include a broader spectrum of connectors such as "in addition," "consequently," or "however" for added diversity.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a commendable coherence and cohesion level, refining the transitions between paragraphs, enhancing the structure within paragraphs, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and cohesive piece.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While it includes some varied words and expressions, there is room for improvement in introducing more sophisticated and nuanced language. For instance, the repeated use of phrases like "playing computer games" and "watching TV" could be diversified with alternative terms or synonyms to enhance lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To expand the vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring more diverse expressions related to the topic. For instance, instead of consistently using "playing computer games," introduce terms like "engaging in digital entertainment" or "participating in interactive media."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is generally adequate, but there are instances where more precise language could enhance the clarity of the message. For example, the term "significant skills" in the first paragraph could be specified further to identify the exact skills being referred to. Similarly, the phrase "less contact" in the same paragraph could be replaced with a more precise term to convey a clearer meaning.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, strive to provide specific details when discussing skills or concepts. Instead of using general terms like "significant skills," specify the particular skills being developed through reading. Additionally, replace vague expressions like "less contact" with more concrete terms, such as "limited interaction."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors are present, such as "entertain themselves with smartphones" where "entertain" should be spelled as "entertaining." These minor errors do not significantly detract from the overall spelling accuracy but should be addressed for a polished presentation.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to minor spelling details. Proofread the essay thoroughly, focusing on words that may be prone to common spelling errors. Consider utilizing spell-check tools to identify and correct such minor mistakes. Developing a habit of reviewing written work meticulously will contribute to improved spelling accuracy.

In summary, the essay exhibits a reasonable level of lexical resource, with room for enhancement in vocabulary range, precision, and minor spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied expressions, specifying concepts, and refining spelling details, the essay can elevate its lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are predominant, with limited use of complex structures. For example, in the second paragraph, there is an attempt to include a complex sentence: "Books contain only illustrated pictures; children will use their thoughts to create that interesting world by themselves, this results in their concentration, and they need to keep the attention due to understanding the content of the books." However, this sentence is somewhat convoluted and could be more effectively articulated.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Ensure that complex structures are clear and well-organized. For instance, break down complex ideas into separate sentences for better clarity.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays generally accurate grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect the overall clarity of expression. In the first paragraph, the phrase "this results in their concentration" lacks clarity, and the second paragraph contains a fragment: "To most people, healthy eyes are important, even children."
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to sentence construction for clarity. In the case of the mentioned fragment, consider revising to create a complete sentence: "To most people, including children, healthy eyes are important." Additionally, review the use of pronouns and antecedents for clear referential connections. Proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors, ensuring precise and effective communication.

Overall, the essay demonstrates competent language use but could benefit from a more varied sentence structure and careful attention to grammatical clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that reading stories from a book is more beneficial for children compared to watching TV or playing computer games. I wholeheartedly endorse this viewpoint.

The primary advantages of reading books lie in its capacity to stimulate children’s imagination and essential skills, surpassing the impact of watching TV or playing computer games. Books feature illustrations that, coupled with the text, prompt children to visualize and construct an imaginative world. In doing so, they must maintain focus to comprehend the content of the books.

Furthermore, quality literature can cultivate a reading habit in children, a skill pivotal for self-directed study and the exploration of new knowledge. This aspect highlights the superiority of reading stories from a book over watching TV or playing computer games. Additionally, it is associated with fewer eye problems compared to prolonged screen focus, which is crucial for the majority of individuals, especially children.

Occasionally, allowing children to engage with smartphones and online games is acceptable, as the Internet presents an intriguing realm for them as well.

In conclusion, the benefits of reading stories from a book extend beyond mere entertainment, fostering imagination, concentration, and promoting eye health. Therefore, I firmly agree that reading books is a more enriching activity for children compared to watching TV or playing computer games.

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