fbpx

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. I totally agree with this opinion.

The most obvious benefits of reading books is that reading encourages kids’ imagination and significant skills more than watching TV or playing computer games. Books contain only illustrated pictures, children will use their thoughts to create that interesting world by themselves, this results in their concentration and they need to keep the attention due to understanding the content of the books. Besides, reading provides kids an opportunity to develop vocabulary and new knowledge, while watching TV often leads to less contact. Moreover, good books can encourage kids to take up the habit of reading, which is a significant skill helping them self-study and explore new knowledge.

Another benefit proves that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games is that reading books causes less eye problems than focusing on the screen. To most people, healthy eyes are important, even children. Thus, if kids read books in a space with enough light, their eyes will not be affected too much. Parents can give their kids advice when they read books at too close of sight. Sometimes, we can let our children entertain themselves with smartphones and online games because Internet is an interesting world for children too.

In conclusion, reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. I totally agree with this opinion."
    -> "Certain individuals posit that engaging with narratives through books is more beneficial for children than watching TV or playing computer games. I wholeheartedly concur with this perspective."
    Explanation: By replacing "Some people believe" with "Certain individuals posit" and using "engaging with narratives through books" instead of "reading stories from a book," the sentence adopts a more formal tone and avoids colloquial language. Additionally, substituting "I totally agree" with "I wholeheartedly concur" enhances the formality of the expression.

  2. "The most obvious benefits of reading books is that reading encourages kids’ imagination and significant skills more than watching TV or playing computer games. Books contain only illustrated pictures, children will use their thoughts to create that interesting world by themselves, this results in their concentration and they need to keep the attention due to understanding the content of the books."
    -> "One of the most apparent advantages of reading books is that it fosters children’s imagination and cognitive abilities to a greater extent than watching TV or playing computer games. Since books typically feature only illustrated pictures, children engage their minds in constructing the captivating worlds, leading to enhanced concentration and the necessity to sustain attention for a comprehensive understanding of the content."
    Explanation: The revised version replaces "The most obvious benefits of reading books is" with "One of the most apparent advantages of reading books is," making the sentence more grammatically accurate. It also employs more sophisticated vocabulary, such as "fosters" and "cognitive abilities," and rephrases the subsequent sentences for clarity and formality.

  3. "Besides, reading provides kids an opportunity to develop vocabulary and new knowledge, while watching TV often leads to less contact."
    -> "Moreover, reading offers children an opportunity to cultivate their vocabulary and acquire new knowledge, whereas watching TV frequently results in reduced interaction."
    Explanation: The term "Besides" is replaced with "Moreover" for a smoother transition between ideas. Additionally, "develop vocabulary" is modified to "cultivate their vocabulary" for a more refined expression. The change from "less contact" to "reduced interaction" maintains formality and clarity.

  4. "Another benefit proves that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games is that reading books causes less eye problems than focusing on the screen."
    -> "Another substantiating factor supporting the superiority of reading stories from a book over watching TV or playing computer games is that engaging with books poses a lower risk of eye problems compared to prolonged screen focus."
    Explanation: The revised version uses "substantiating factor" to enhance formality and replaces "proves" with "supporting" for accuracy. Additionally, the phrase "causes less eye problems than" is modified to "poses a lower risk of eye problems compared to," providing a more nuanced and precise expression.

  5. "To most people, healthy eyes are important, even children."
    -> "For the majority of individuals, maintaining healthy eyes is crucial, particularly for children."
    Explanation: The revised version replaces "To most people" with "For the majority of individuals" for a more formal and inclusive expression. It also substitutes "important" with "crucial" to convey a stronger sense of significance.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a clear stance on the topic, agreeing with the statement. However, it lacks depth in addressing all parts of the question. While it mentions the benefits of reading books, it doesn’t explore potential advantages of watching TV or playing computer games for children. For a more comprehensive response, consider discussing both sides of the argument to demonstrate a balanced view.
    • How to improve: To enhance the completeness of your response, dedicate a paragraph to acknowledging the potential benefits of TV and computer games for children. This can strengthen your argument by demonstrating a nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position throughout, clearly stating agreement with the idea that reading books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. However, the reasoning and examples provided could be more robust and specific.
    • How to improve: To strengthen your position, offer more detailed examples and elaborate on the reasons why reading is superior. Providing specific instances or studies that highlight the cognitive and developmental benefits of reading over screen time would bolster your argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks in-depth development and support. For instance, it mentions that books encourage imagination and vocabulary development, but specific examples or evidence to support these claims are missing.
    • How to improve: To enhance the quality of your essay, provide specific examples, anecdotes, or studies that illustrate how reading fosters imagination and vocabulary development. This will make your arguments more persuasive and credible.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the benefits of reading books for children. However, the mention of smartphones and online games in the concluding paragraph seems somewhat unrelated to the prompt.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points directly relate to the prompt. If you want to include a broader perspective, connect it explicitly to the main argument. In this case, you might explore how excessive screen time, including smartphones and online games, could potentially detract from the benefits of reading books.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a clear stance and provides some reasoning, enhancing the depth of analysis, supporting ideas with evidence, and maintaining a laser focus on the prompt would contribute to a more robust and comprehensive response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction presenting the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs discuss two main benefits of reading books over watching TV or playing computer games. The first paragraph focuses on the development of imagination and vocabulary, while the second paragraph discusses the impact on eye health. Finally, the conclusion succinctly reiterates the main point. However, within paragraphs, there is room for improvement in the flow of ideas. For instance, the transition between the benefits of reading and eye health could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure a smooth flow of ideas by connecting them logically. For example, when transitioning from the benefits of reading to eye health, use a sentence that links the two ideas more seamlessly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but the structure could be refined for greater effectiveness. The first paragraph introduces the benefits of reading, while the second addresses eye health. Each paragraph, however, could be more developed and coherent. For instance, the first paragraph could delve deeper into how reading develops imagination and vocabulary, providing specific examples. The second paragraph could elaborate on the impact of screen time on eye health and include relevant details.
    • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by expanding on each point. Elaborate on the benefits of reading and eye health with specific examples and details. This will not only make the essay more coherent but also provide a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "besides" and "moreover," but there is room for improvement in the variety and strategic use of these devices. The transition between ideas could be more seamless, enhancing overall coherence. Additionally, there is an opportunity to use pronouns and reference words more consistently to avoid repetition.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of transition words and phrases. Ensure consistency in the use of pronouns to avoid repetition. This will contribute to a smoother flow between ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the overall cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While it covers the topic adequately, there’s room for improvement in diversifying the choice of words. For example, the repetition of phrases like "playing computer games" could be replaced with synonyms or alternative expressions.
    • How to improve: To enhance the score in this aspect, consider incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. Instead of repetitive phrases, experiment with synonyms, idiomatic expressions, or different word forms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "playing computer games," try alternatives like "engaging in digital entertainment" or "exploring interactive media."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. While some terms are aptly chosen (e.g., "illustrated pictures," "self-study"), there are instances of vague language (e.g., "that interesting world"). Precision could be enhanced by providing more specific details and avoiding generalizations.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, focus on using specific and concrete language. Instead of broad phrases, offer vivid details to paint a clearer picture. For instance, instead of "that interesting world," specify what aspects of the world captivate the child’s imagination. Precision will elevate the overall quality of your arguments.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are some instances where minor errors, such as missing articles or typos (e.g., "significant skills" could be "significant skill"), impact the overall coherence. Proofreading for such minor issues is advisable.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, adopt a meticulous proofreading approach. Pay attention to articles, verb forms, and common typos. Consider reading the essay aloud, as this can help identify errors that might be overlooked when reading silently. Additionally, using spell-check tools can be beneficial in catching minor spelling mistakes.

In conclusion, while the essay provides a reasonable level of vocabulary use and spelling accuracy, incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and enhancing precision would contribute to an overall improvement in lexical resource. Additionally, meticulous proofreading is recommended to eliminate minor spelling errors and enhance overall clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to vary sentence lengths and structures, such as using compound and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in achieving more sophistication and diversity in sentence structures. For instance, the essay often relies on simple sentence structures, impacting the overall variety and fluency.
    • How to improve: To enhance the band score in this criterion, consider incorporating a more extensive range of sentence structures. Experiment with complex and compound-complex sentences to add depth and sophistication to the writing. Additionally, try using rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion to create more stylistic variety.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall coherence and precision. For example, in the sentence, "Books contain only illustrated pictures, children will use their thoughts to create that interesting world by themselves," the structure is unclear, and there is a lack of parallelism.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread the essay for sentence structure and coherence. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure parallelism in sentence constructions. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify and rectify specific grammatical issues. Further practice with sentence construction and grammar rules would contribute to refining these skills.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable effort, but refinement in sentence structures and closer attention to grammatical details could elevate the writing to a higher band score. Keep practicing and experimenting with different sentence constructions to achieve a more diverse and polished writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that exposing children to narratives through books is more advantageous than allowing them to watch TV or play computer games. I wholeheartedly agree with this viewpoint.

One of the most apparent benefits of reading books is that it enhances children’s imagination and cognitive abilities more effectively than watching TV or playing computer games. Since books usually contain only illustrated pictures, children actively engage their minds in constructing captivating worlds, leading to improved concentration and the necessity to sustain attention for a comprehensive understanding of the content.

Moreover, reading provides children with an opportunity to develop their vocabulary and acquire new knowledge, whereas watching TV often results in reduced interaction. Another supporting factor favoring the preference for reading stories from a book over watching TV or playing computer games is that engaging with books poses a lower risk of eye problems compared to prolonged screen focus.

For the majority of individuals, maintaining healthy eyes is crucial, particularly for children. Therefore, if children read books in a well-lit space, their eyes will not be adversely affected. Parents can also offer guidance to their children about maintaining an appropriate distance when reading books. While smartphones and online games may provide entertainment, it’s important to recognize that the world presented in books offers unique benefits for children’s development.

In conclusion, reading stories from a book is indeed a preferable option for children compared to watching TV or playing computer games. The benefits of enhanced imagination, cognitive skills, vocabulary development, and reduced risk of eye problems make books a valuable and enriching source of engagement for children.

Bài viết liên quan

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

119K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

149K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

299K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

159K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

199K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

399K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

VIP

499K/th

  • Everthing in Premium

  • Hand Writing Image Recognition

  • Better Accuracy with GPT-4

  • Early Access to New features

    - Speaking Feedback

  • Customization

    We help with minor customizations to get it working just right.

  • Support Development of New Features

    • Speaking Practice
    • Classroom Management (e.g., Google Class Room)
    • Reading Practice
    • Listening Practice